The Newly Revealed Story Of
Joseph Smith
As told by his fourth generation nephew!
(Uncle Joey 1823)
My name is Tony Smitholini, Yes you guessed it, I am Italian. So was uncle Joey (he shortened his name to smith to allude the feds), may he rest in peace. I was going through some papers that were apparently misplace (if you know what I mean) back in 1823. I had them in my attic, but I had to burn them today, so you will just have to believe me. Uncle Joey's real writings told the story like this......
I was in my bedroom trying to figure out how to scam fifty grand from some moron. When suddenly the room began to get bright, sure enough, there was a horse and buggy in my driveway with it's headlights shining right in my window. I reached for my piece, but before I knew it, there was a man standing before me it looked almost like his feet weren't touching the ground (I realized that it was the reflection of the mirror that made him look like that). He said, "Yo, is that you Joey?" I said "Who wants to know?" He said "It's me, the Don Moroni." I went right over and kissed his ring (an Italian custom when a Don of La Cosa Nostra is in the room). Then he gave me these two counterfeiting plates for thousand dollar bills" He said that the feds were onto him and he needed to get rid of them. I took the plates and promised the Don that they would never be found. He also gave me the deed to some land, a little parcel called Salt Lake City. He told me that it was payment for services rendered. Then he told me that I needed to take cover there, because the feds are closing in on me too. After that, the Don Moroni left, and I never did see him again (if you know what I mean). I took the plates and printed myself up a thousand for traveling expenses. With the thousand in loot and the deed in my pocket. I put the plates in the trunk of my carriage, and dumped it off in the east river, never to be seen again (may my horses rest in peace). Then I went to Salt Lake City, and started my own branch of La Cosa Nostra. I told Reno, my brother, to write a book. He asked who to write it to. I told him to write it to any moron who would read it. He said it would be called the book of Moron, but I think he added one too many m's, Reno never could spell (but he did make a lot of doe when he moved to Navada). Anyway, that's my story, and I dont know anything about it (do you know what I mean?)
...And that was Uncle Joey's story. Uncle Joey did finally die after 52 marriages in 20 years. I never said he was smart. He left behind a legacy of a Mafia family, all brothers and sisters, in Salt Lake City. They are a strong family called the Morons, or something like that. I think they are an off shoot of the Roman Catholic religion or something. There ain't no proof to back none of this up, but I think you should believe it, after all, I said Uncle Joey wrote it down. Below are some family photos to prove my case.
Don Moroni 1823
Uncle Reno - 1830
Me, Tony coming down into my hideout. (face covered to avoid prosecution)
My Uncle Johnny, first generation on my mothers side.
The Fed's trying to find the evidence in my livingroom.
I have to go now, The feds are coming, look for me on CNN!
