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The Hard Times ... .Because times are hard. ... |
If I Close My Eyes newest!
The Awakening just born!
Low and Bothered on a Balmy Night new!
Miss You new!
The Longing new!
If I Close My Eyes
I miss you
lots…
I can almost feel you near me though,
if I close my eyes..
If I close my eyes
I feel your hands on my body
yum..and your soft lips and tongue
on my soft skin
caressing me
with the heat
of your breath
as I reel back
falling dizzy
into the warm abyss
of your sweet love..
The Awakening
That sacred place is calling me
again, after so many years
of waiting, and waiting
and thinking, if I followed the others
my life would fall into the same puzzle
as the ones I called my family-
The space for me, for my peace
Isn’t big enough
Not the one here,
I am straining at the bit-
I can see myself
driving out, out and away
into the wide open spaces
of that nothingness and rocks-
I want behold the Grand Canyon
curl up alongside her lip
as the wind kisses me to sleep, finally-
To see
the Cadillac grave yard
and hop along Route 66-
I want to find myself at the base of a mountain
and within a stones throw of the ocean-
Let me breathe again
so my ghosts can rest
finally, in the soft lushness
of the Redwood forest-
I want to be broke in your arms-
Push me forward, gently..
Low and Bothered on a Balmy Night
I see the bright nothingness
that presents itself
In the tiny bursts around
your pupils-
As I sit across from you
in my favorite noodle house
at the round lacquered table
covered with blue beads
under the glass-
Your noble lies
put me in a trance
because I wanted to believe
so badly that you really understood
what I meant about signs being everywhere-
And there were signs,
swirly signs of infinity
in the restaurant
the twisted wire of the flower hangers
the paint on the floor
on the table of the coffee house
after dinner, where the music
made you anxious-
Wasn’t it strange
that we had just discussed
on my beat up leather couch
how the swirl to me
was a symbol
of my own personal anarchy?
And you nodded
as if you understood,
and you suggested I make one
out of wire to hang
by my front door
so I wouldn’t forget-
Who I was
when I went out to face
the faceless world,
and I did-
I remember the moment exactly
as you insisted on feeding me a spring roll
that we playfully argued about
you knew I loved them-
your eyes glowed
as you went to feed me kindly
only to pull it back,
with a twisted laugh-
Miss You
I miss your soft kisses
on my skin
like tiny butterflies
touching me-
I miss the heaviness
of your body
as you hold me
and rock me
into oblivion-
I miss the heat
we make together,
as we set the room
on fire-
I miss the way
you never love me
the way I want--
The Longing
When you look at me
with your firey eyes
My frozen heart opens up
and the warmth envelopes me
like the curl of a wave
upon breaking
I long to walk with you
on this shelly beach
that feels like the place
where my soul was born
I long for you to hold me
in your strong arms
as I sit leaning
against the bulk of your warm body
If you come to this sacred place
To see me in the flesh
I will know
That deep in the caverns
Of your heart, you love me too-
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Sometimes
It’s like there’s a big storm
inside on the ocean that is me -
the waves of my emotion swell up
huge and foreboding and come crashing
down on my little boat of hope-
and I feel like my heart will burst from the blue
blue pain, and everything gets really small and gray
like a deep fog over my whole world -
and I can’t see any way to survive
except to jump, or cut or run –
if I wait, just a little longer
a little more then I think I can stand,
the storm blows over
and the sky clears,
for a little while
the waters of my inner selves,
calm down again
and I sail a little further..further..
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The Birth
I feel my heart cracking open
like an egg
birthing some unknown
beautiful creature
that lies curled up
inside with wings
like fragile lace
but powerful enough
to fly high above the clouds.
The pulsing ache,
feels like my heart bursting
into a million pieces
like some massive star
bursting into light
I’m only getting stronger
and the ache I feel
is merely the unveiling
of my sheltered love.
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Remembering Bolinas
She stands at the top
of the mesa
balancing on the fault line
at the edge.
The Pacific ocean crashing
on the rocks below
beckons her to jump.
It would be easy (she thinks),
or somehow romantic
in that 18 yr old
James Dean angst
kind of way.
Her fading dress
dug out of the free box
blows around her
soleless shoes.
The harsh edges
of Mt. Tam
across the San Francisco bay
jut out against a gray sky.
Green foamy sea swirling,
angry, for a moment
(Poseidon appears)
she catches her breath,
deeply.
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Not In Love With You Blues
What is that tight guitar string
about to break feeling
in my gut
when I'm around you, reeling?
(not my cross to bear)
Love, lust maybe,
a need to conquer
an attempt to forget, my baby?
Your strong arms
wrapped around me.
(not my cross to bear)
I can't shake the memory
of that three alarm fire
mouth watering night
when it rained
and the candles flared
as we laughed on the floor
knowing the possibility
and knowing, down the road
we'd walk away, silently.
(not my cross to bear)
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Up at
Big Sur
We were almost broke in Santa Cruz
so we booked on up the coast
to Monterey.
We stumble along a steep trail
14 miles to the sulphur springs,
the smell of rotten eggs
hangs thick in the air.
I drink too much
from the tainted canteen
and slowly change into a lizard,
slither down the rocky bank
into the cool, rushing river
and climb up on a rock
in the middle.
Billy Rainbow beckons for me
to come get warm
at the campfire.
I refuse to budge,
the river might stop!
I sit swinging my feet
in the cool water
neon colors streaking by
as Indian figures peer
from behind Redwood trees
on the other side, knowing.
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Walking the Tight Rope
I am hanging on a wire
out there in space
with just my toes
to balance myself
I try to keep myself steady
gripping firmly
holding my arms out
sensing where my balance is
sometimes I forget
about the net below
but it’s there
when we kiss
the thunder crashes
I fall, my body
rolling back,
and I’m not scared
as I watch the stars recede.
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Tumble and Fall
As I body surf
in the ocean of you and me
my heart opens up
like the round, curve
of a wave upon breaking
and crashing, and swallowing me up
in warm saltiness
and it pushes me down
as I tumble and fall
beneath the pressure
and I don't fight it
I just tumble and fall
and trust that I will find my feet
and the world of hurt
I have known, disappears
for a moment
in the light afterglow
of your love
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Copyright Molly McHaney