Dating and Marshmallows

(extract from I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris)

 

An article in Time magazine left this indelible image in my mind: a little child sitting alone in a room, staring at a marshmallow. This strange picture captures the feelings I sometimes have in my struggle to trust God to take care of my future marital status.

 

The article�s subject was unrelated to dating - and marshmallows, too, for that matter. It was about actual research done with children. The first few paragraphs went this way:

 

It turns out that a scientist can see the future by watching four-year-olds interact with a marshmallow. The researcher invites the children, one by one, into a plain room and begins the gentle torment. �You can have this marshmallow right now,� he says. �But if you wait while I run an errand, you can have two marshmallows when I get back.� And then he leaves.

 

Some children grab the treat the minute he�s out the door. Some last a few minutes before they give in. But others are determined to wait. They cover their eyes; they put their heads down; they sing to themselves; they try to play games or even fall asleep. When the researcher returns, he gives these children their hard-earned marshmallows. And then, science waits for them to grow up.

 

By the time the children reach high school, something remarkable has happened. A survey of the children�s parents and teachers found that those who as four-year-olds had the fortitude to hold out for the second marshmallow generally grew up to be better adjusted, more popular, adventurous, confident and dependable teenagers. The children who gave in to temptation early on were more likely to be lonely, easily frustrated and stubborn. They buckled under stress and shield away from challenges.

 

Of course, the moral of the story is that developing the character necessary to delay gratification in small areas can translate into great success in other areas. But the four-year-olds in the study didn�t know that. They didn�t resist the marshmallow in hopes of getting better grades in high school. They overcame their urge to eat the marshmallow because they had faith - they could envision the moment when the nice man in the white coat would come back with two marshmallows. They persevered because they trusted.

 

This story really encourages me. Sometimes as I wait on God�s timing for romance, I go through the same internal struggle those kids must have endured. Like a marshmallow beckoning the child to eat its sweet fluffiness, dating is calling my name. And let me tell you, it looks good.

 

Why don�t I snatch it up? Why shouldn�t you? Because God has promised something better. He provides something better now as we take advantage of the unique opportunities of singleness, and He�ll provide something better later when we enter into marriage. But we must have faith to believe it. Like those little children, we�re left alone with something that could possibly satisfy us immediately. And we can�t see the reward of delaying our gratification.

 

It gets down to this question: Do you trust God? Don�t just give a knee-jerk, Sunday school answer. Do you really trust Him? Do you live your life as if you trust Him? Do you believe that by passing up something good now because it�s the wrong time God will bring you something better when it is the right time?

 

Jim and Elisabeth Elliot faced this difficult question in their passionate relationship. They loved each other deeply, yet they placed God�s will before their own desires. In Passion and Purity, Mrs. Elliot writes:

 

We were being asked to trust to leave the planning to God. God�s ultimate plan was as far beyond our imaginations as the oak tree is from the acorn�s imaginings. The acorn does what it was made to do, without pestering its Maker with questions about when and how and why. We who have been given an intelligence and a will and a whole range of wants that can be set against the divine Pattern for Good are asked to believe Him. We are given the chance to trust Him when He says to us, ��If any man will let himself be lost for my sake, he will find his true self.�

 

When will we find it? we ask. The answer is, Trust Me.

How will we find it? The answer again is, Trust Me.

Why must I let myself be lost? we persist. The answer is, Look at the acorn and trust Me.