A series of quotes from those who amuse me most ^_^
Steve: Hey look - even the wet floor sign's in Spanish . . . that's
amazing. It's so authentic!
Fortune cookie- "Your winsom smile will be your sure protection."
Dula: Does that mean I don't have to use condoms?
[ Francesca's boyfriend and his brother, on the topic of pursuing a career in nude modelling for art students ]
Jeff: You have to ask yourself, do they want you to have an
erection?
Jordan: Well, it takes about two hours to pose . . . I figure, by the
Law of Averages, I'm gonna have an erection.
[ While both of us were quite inebriated on the eve of receiving back our third histo exams, and emptying out our alcohol stores before heading home for Thanksgiving ]
Bharath: Okay, so we've confirmed it. You date a muslim, I'll date a Pakistani. DEAL!!
[ Note -- I will be holding him to this, seeing as we will be seeing plenty of each other over the next four years ^_^ ]
[ East 25, Halloween 2004, after mastering Sublime's "Caress Me Down" ]
K: Why do I speak Spanish when I'm drunk?
Nick (as well as most of the flying pineapples at one point or another during the Syracuse weekend): You're soooo wasted!!!
[ After commenting on how flushed Travis was due to his drunkenness ]
Kristin Broek: It's okay! Red is so the new white!
"Scientists are a friendly, atheistic, hard-working, beer-drinking lot whose minds are preoccupied with sex, chess and baseball when they are not preoccupied with science."
-Life of Pi
[ One of the Montclair University Ultimate Frisbee team's sideline cheers ]
O - R - G - Y
What does that spell?
Orgy!
What does it mean?
Teamwork!
Peter Griffin: Why did all the dinosaurs die?
Museum Curator: Because you touch yourself at night.
[ Thus inspiring the TCNJ Ultimate Frisbee Flying Pineapples' t-shirts ]
[ Commenting on his shock that Sue had never seen Star Wars until this summer. I don't know whether I should pity Joe, or agree with him . . . ]
Magellan626: the proton torp going into that duct in the death star was
the second most important penetration in the development of my
life.
Akbar: You know, the Jersey DMV . . . they're changing the name of
when you rear-end someone. They're calling it a McGreevey.
Tripp: I gotta have some paraphernalia in my car, you know, if I'm
gonna be driving illegally. [ in reference to Tripp asking Akbar
not to forget to return his bowl to him before he heads back to
school . . . and the fact that Tripp's lisence is suspended in
the state of Pennsylvania ]
[ after I claimed that some random dish on the menu at the diner was "spanish slash mexican" ]
Tripp: You can't say "spanish slash mexican" . . . that's like saying
"German slash Idaho."
Norden: Haha. Like "Furor slash potato."
Akbar: Hey, now - I'm Jewish. Don't be sayin the furor's name in
vain!
[ during guy's night + me at Norden's ]
Akbar: So Pete, your grandma had sex for the first time in 25 years?!
Sisti: So Pete, you're no longer a virgin?!
-------
Norden: Are you telling me that porn stars fake orgasms?! That's
like telling a catholic school boy that there is no Santa!
[ usual evening of pool ]
John Dale: Do my thigh's look fat in these jeans?
Tripp: Can you ask a more homosexual question than that?
Sisti: I can think of one. . . Wanna fuck me in the ass?
[ Party at Pete's . . . I don't know why I find this so fucking hysterical ]
Norden: Pete, isn't your dog a girl?
Pete: Yeah, that's just a tumor or something.
Tripp: That's sphincterific!
[on the same evening that we heard about a BC girl having her anal sphincter torn out while beeing ass fucked by a member of the football team, AND that we made the 1 hour haul to the grease trucks (and met up with the TCNJ/South Amboy crowd) . . . your guess is as good as mine what he was referring to]
[ other various quotes from evenings of studying in New Res ]
K: I had a fucking reaction with your mom last night . . . it was pure
SN2 all the way.
--------
Mike: so my new motto. work hard. play hard. and fuck your mom harder.
[ late night studying at the science complex ]
K: I'll trade you my notes for your clothes, Mike.
--------
Me: In the 4th dimension, not only are you here right now, but you're
also fucking Mike's mom.
Big Pat: And in the 5th dimension, I'm fucking your mom, Mike's mom,
K's mom, and Dula's mom all at the same time.
K: That's some interesting anatomy you have in the 5th dimension, man.
--------
Me: I'm sorry!! <<on numerous occasions, including when K knocked over
all 200 or so of my unnumbered orgo note cards, and every time
B.P. kicked me under the table cause his legs are so damn long>>
--------
Big Pat (to Mike): I'm gonna rumble, man!
Mike (to K): What does rumble mean?
K: I dunno . . .
<<after which K got Mike up to an insane speed on a rolling chair
in the hallway, Big Pat hurtled over Mike, and Mike went full
speed into the wall . . . aaaaamazing>>
<<flashback via spring break recap>>
Akbar: So, this one time, at terrorist's camp . . .
Stolen from Francesca's away message:
JJMeyertuba: it's just an MCAT, it's not like it's an MRHINO or even an MDRAGON, you know?
[ This is what happens when science nerds play DWI Mariokart ]
Fran (while losing severely and repeatedly at battle mode): I'm like
Ralph Nader - I'm just preventing everyone else from winning!
--------
Mike (after I comment that his high tolerance is probably on account of
the fact that he is "solid"): Are you calling me fat?!
--------
K: Bitch!
Fran: No, you're a bitch!
Mike: Wait . . . is there a female horse in the room?
". . . like, you remind me of when my geometry teacher says 'find the area of the trapezoid' and I'm like, 'no way bitch. I'm young . . . and . . . and I'm punk, and I don't have to listen to you and your . . . and your trapezoid measuring ways." -Sum 41 (The Emo Game 2)
">Ye find yeself in yon dungeon. Ye see a FLASK
Obvious extis are NORTH, SOUTH, and DENNIS" -Strong Bad
"She gave you a cock - why are you complaining?" -Dula [crazy roommate]
[found in an old conversation from December 2002 - I thought some of you might find some inspiration in this, if not some much needed nostalgia and Bob-ness]
Jordy9999: I can't believe in that kind of fate, though . . . I really think I still have total reign over what happens
bigbob12583: logically if you put all your effort and care about it, the outcome is how it should be
bigbob12583: how can you define the true influence that your actions have had, the world is too complex to understand what "total reign" is.
bigbob12583: you may have control over your actions, but have desires that do not coincide
bigbob12583: so its way major fucked up
"Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of starts and stops. There are ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable, we have to face them. It's what being human is all about."
-Jet (Cowboy Bebop)
[The mixing of two worlds . . . TCNJ Mike playing Soul Calibur II with F.Laker Joe T.]
Joe: You almost kicked my ass in that battle.
Mike: I'm not interested in your ass; I'm interested in your soul.
Joe: That's very deep - deeper than most boys I know.
[At Nelly's, immitating his brother, Pete]
Mikey Nug: Before I ask you out on a date, I'm gonna need a sample of your SAT scores.
Kathy: Togas . . . togas last forever.
"This is just one bad dream I can never wake up from."
-Spike (Cowboy Bebop)
"We just are, and what happens just happens."
-Narrator (Fight Club . . . the book, not the movie)
Roland: T., your bag is showing.
and
I'm gonna penetrate from the back door, ladies.
[English translation: 8 ball corner pocket, homos]
[While Joey T-bag, Tim, Heather, JoAnna and I were in the pool at JoAnna's house, discussing the flotational advantages of being female]
Heather: In the case of an emergency, grab my boobs!
Acsec84: yeah im gradually being converted to geekdom, and loving every second of it
Roland: My uterus contracts once a week.
Brit: Next we're going to make the porn movie "Brittney and Bob do Jordy"
It is a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up.
-J. K. Rowling
[A *cheer* by Liz Johnson]
my name is jord
i like brad pitt
i say 'hells yeah'
so eat my shit!
Coming soon . . . "Jodi and Bob do Calculus" (a pornographical algorithm, derived by Jordy and inspired by Impure Mathematics)
Even a Pirate that is pure of heart and says his prayers at night, may become a cadaver when the moon is full and bright.
-AICN headline, concerning the Pirates of the Caribbean movie
[in response to severe stress . . . the best advice ever]
bigbob12583: dont turn to drugs or alcohol
bigbob12583: turn to sweet sweet lovin
[My mother's warped sense of humor]:
Jordy9999: Wow! Frizzy's online! That's a first.
Jordy9999: So, are you going to figure out how to use the instant messenger, and actually respond?
ELAYNEVALERIE: I'm downloading porn
Coming soon . . . "The Adventures of S&M: Sex in the Shire" (featuring Dildo Shaggins).
We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
-Tyler Durden
Gimli: I can't see! What's going on?
Legolas: Would you like me to describe it to you? Or shall I find you a box?
Guy with 8 arms. Sounds hot.
-Punk rock girl [referring to Spidey]
If you see this film and you're not stirred in some way by it, either good or bad, then chances are you're dead already, and there's no work of art, no matter how great, that can help you now.
-Moriarty's Review of Fight Club (from AICN)
Mike S.: Um, Dr. Konkle? Do we still need The Aeneid?
Dr. Konkle: You weren't thinking of selling it back to the bookstore, were you?
Mike S.: No, actually, I'm going to burn it.
[While playing Scattergories, letter "R", category "fruits"]
Brandon: Um, I put Richard Simmons
Johnny Knoxville: I have a full grown, semi-nude man bound with duct tape in my trunk and I was trying to get out to the desert to bury him. How do I get to 5 South?
[After Bart turned himself green in a science accident]
Homer: Don't be discouraged, Son, I'm sure Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
Ninja's are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.
-Real Ultimate Power