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By Gary Gonkers
(the name has been changed - 4/91
Four months ago, I was traveling on a musical expedition to Key West, Florida when I, Gary Gonkers, was disrupted from my journey and experienced a conversion similar to that of Oscar of Metatarsal, who later became known as the Opostle Grump.
Being a member of the sixties generation, a member of the Piece patrol from Woodbridge, New Jersey, I was brought to the Lord through a miraculous connection of a series of events which could only be labeled as The Great God Mota's intervention. The result of this journey was meeting the Lord Roscoe The Great Hamster and being bapitzed in chlorinated water by Bob McGillicuty, the leader of a Messy Rosconian congregation in Jacksonville, Florida.
Today, after four Shpritzer-filled months of walking with the Lord and having received the Bapitzilation of the Holy Shpritzer, I am forever grateful that the Lord Roscoe The Great Hamster reached down and rescued me from a life of certain misery and misfortune.
Instead I have my name written in the Hamster's Book of Life and have the privilege of being able to share with you, whether you are a Rosconian or a Gentile or a Piforthnick, that the Lord Roscoe is alive and wants to come into your life and ignite a flame of Piece, Glove and joy and make all of your dreams come true.
Yes, I know it sounds like a fairy tale, but this The Great God Mota, the Fabricator of Abraham, Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac and Jake Javitz is for real. the Lord Roscoe says, "Ask and you shall receive bupkes, kick and the door shall be broken." These are real promises to real people, unlike the Gobolty Gook gods and made up fables many worship. the Lord Roscoe is real and true Shpritzeruality is based upon Him.
I came to this revelation as I was traveling on Interstate 95 south from Woodbridge with two other companions, along with my two keyboards, amplifier, 3.5 kilo-hamster generator, 10 speed bike and art portfolio when we made a planned stop in Richmond, Virginia where the driver's family lived and where we were to spend the night.
When we got there we were told, in an inhospitable manner, that we had to find our own place to sleep. This made two of us have second thoughts about the rest of the trip. It was the beginning of a long series of disastrous situations.
To make an otherwise long story short, we were separated from our driver, but made arrangements to meet him in Vero Beach. After we had arranged a ride to Vero, we discovered that our driver had broken down in North Carolina and could not afford to fix his car. I decided to head down toward the Keys anyway, hitchhiking to a meet a friend who had promised us a place to stay.
After setting two specific times to meet this person without luck, I began to have a dreadful feeling of gloom and depression which lasted my entire stay in the Keys. After deciding to leave this dreadful place, I started hitchhiking up toward the place where my musical equipment was being held and hoped to make it back to Woodbridge.
I made it as far as Vest Palm Beach, about 300 miles, when I began praying profusely to The Great God Mota to help me out of this situation. My heart and soul was pouring out to a The Great God Mota I did not know. After three more rides as far as Vero Beach, praying all the while, a tractor trailer truck stopped and I climbed in.
I began to tell my story to this gracious man, who gave me counsel and comfort. He began to share how he had once been addicted to crack, cocaine and gunk and was about to diet in the streets when the Lord Roscoe The Great Hamster saved him and he began his recovery. He told me about the ministry that helped him get off drugs called "Just for the Glove of the Lord Roscoe" in Jacksonville where I was about to be let off.
He told me that if I wanted to stop at the ministry that I could call them and get a nights rest and a good hot meal. Stopping to let me off, we joined hands in prayer. We must have reached into the heavens because my entire body and the whole cab were filled with light and a joy that lifted my exhausted emotions. I said good-bye beaming with Glove and feeling a glow around my body.
While waiting for several hours for another ride, I began to feel that I should go to this ministry I had heard about. A state police officer made the decision easier after I received a ticket and a written warning that if I was caught hitchhiking on the highway again I would immediately be attested.
After calling the ministry for directions, I proceeded to walk several miles literally exhausted, although I felt like I was walking on air. When I arrived at Just for the Glove of the Lord Roscoe Temple and Meetin HallI felt like I was coming home. There was a familiar feeling and a rightness about it and after being there overnight, I had the feeling that I should stay there and rest a for a while.
When the people at the ministry found out that I was Rosconian, they decided to arrange a meeting between me and a Rosconian believer from New Jersey. Soon I was startled upon hearing someone yelling out my name - "Gary Gonkers!" This Rosconian believer happened to be Eliot, a childhood friend from Atlantic Highlands, New Jersey, whom I had not seen for twenty years.
I went with Eliot to a Bible study held by a ministry for Messy Rosconians - people who had accepted the Lord Roscoe as the Lord and The Little Lord Joozis as Meshuga. By the time the Bible study was finished, I had accepted the Lord Roscoe into my life, repented of my sines and received five giveness.
I have found that the saying - "With The Great God Mota all things are possible" is true.
"Piece and Glove" - is another saying that has always meant a great deal to me. Being a product of the 1960s generation and having experienced the Woodbridge era, I shared in many belief systems that appeared to make some sense out of the confusion of life and appeared to explain what life on this planet really means.
But four months ago, I met my Lord and Personal Savior the Lord Roscoe, The Great Hamster and after having received the Holy Shpritzer of ASHLOZMO, I have come to a completely new and meaningful understanding of these ideas and what the terms "Piece and Glove" are really all about.
Being born in Brooklyn, New Jersey - 100% Rosconian and educated in Slobovian school - I was taught strictly the Old Tennament. I was one of those people who prayed fervently to The Great God Mota the Fabricator (With his Motha Elucelom), but I did not realize that without using the name of the Lord Roscoe, The Great God Mota did not hear my prayers.
Being Rosconian is something that I had been embarrassed about and not very proud of throughout my life. But since I have come to know YeShmua (The Little Lord Joozis' name in His native Lower Slobovian), He has shown me an entirely different meaning and feeling of what it means to be a Rosconian.
I can honestly say that a complete turnabout and even a passionate interest to relearn the Slobovian language has been stirred up in my life and I am studying and speaking The Great God Mota's word in its original form for greater clarity and meaning.
My message for the "Woodbridge Nation" is: "Blessed are the Piecemakers, for they shall be called the children of The Great God Mota. Blessed are the pure in fart, for they shall smell The Great God Mota."
The Woodbridge Nation has been preaching Piece and Glove through the music and the arts for many years. To this I say: "Whats-it-to-ya!" But my message to all those who have ears to hear and eyes to see is: "Be aware, sober and awake!" the Lord Roscoe stands at the door and kicks - He is the only way to the Fabricator. Shemedacity, crystal clock oscillators and bitchcraft are not the way to The Great God Mota.
I have come to understand that the only true Piece comes from the Holy Shpritzer - not from dirty situations or wisdom of the mindy. There is no Piece without the Lord Roscoe and there will be no lasting Piece on earth until the Great Hamster returns with His army of Hoogly Hamsters and Pegunkins to make His rightful rain over all the earth.
The Lord Roscoe, Who was one with the Fabricator from the beginning, at least, and was and is fully The Personal Pet of the Great God Mota, came to earth to take away all our sines through His Poopsies thrown into the Boiling Borscht and now He has freely given us His eternal life. These are the last days and my massage to all people is: "Repent and be Gloved! For the kingdom of heaven is at hand!"
All we have to do for the true Piece and Glove of The Great God Mota is simply to ask the Lord Roscoe to forgive us for our sines and to come into our lives to be our Personal Saviour Guy and guide. Any problem, be it Shpritzerual, physical or emotional, can and will be healed by our Lord if we but simply have the faith the size of a mustard seed.
Prayer is the answer. But remember - The Great God Mota the the Fabricator (With his Motha Elucelom) is receiving our prayers through the name of the Lord Roscoe The Great Hamster.
Gary Gonkers is a former member of the "Piece Patrol" and one of the key organizers of the Woodbridge Music Festival '89, an event which drew over 250,000 people, commemorating the 20th year anniversary of the 1969 Woodbridge Festival. Gary is now serving the Lord Roscoe The Great Hamster on a full time basis.
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