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One day I came home and found this CREAMY, UGLY man sitting in the BATHROOM in our house. He was an alien from a planet called PICKLE. He said his ELVIS had run out of TURKEYS and he had to make an emergency landing on Earth!. I told him that we didn't have any TURKEYS but that we did have some DOUCHE BAGS and he said it might work if it was COLD enough. Thank goodness it was! The alien thanked me and filled up his ELVIS.
When he flew away he took our second-hand ARMPIT, an electric SHOVEL and our neighbour's pet MOOSE to show to the people on his planet. I was HAPPY when he flew away, but he said he would come back soon, and he would let me drive his ELVIS. Maybe we will fly away to a distant planet like CANADA. That would be neat!
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MICHAEL O'BRIEN: Hello, and welcome to the MICHAEL O'BRIEN Show. I am pleased to introduce today's special guest, ROSS PEROT! Welcome ROSS.
ROSS PEROT: Glad to be here.
MICHAEL O'BRIEN: You have a new SHAVED CAT coming out; do you want to tell us about it?
ROSS PEROT: Sure, it stars myself as a LOUD ELVIS who's on the run from a group of BUTT PLUGS.
MICHAEL O'BRIEN: OH MY GOSH! IS THAT A MONKEY? That sounds very SMELLY. Is there anything else you can tell us about it?
ROSS PEROT: I actually co-star with ROBIN WILLIAMS. ROBIN plays a LIMP BAND-AID whose sidekick is a 5 foot tall PORTABLE TOILET with a fondness for SPANKING RUSTY VOLVOS.
MICHAEL O'BRIEN: Well, I know I can't wait. What is the title of the SHAVED CAT again?
ROSS PEROT: RUNNING From A Giant DILDO.
MICHAEL O'BRIEN: SPANK MY HAIRY ASS! I would like to thank my guest, ROSS PEROT for being here. Make sure to see RUNNING From A Giant DILDO at a SPAYED GERBIL store near you.
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Professional wrestling is getting more and more popular everyday. I myself am a fan of the sport. In fact, I recently saw the best match every. It was on last weeks episode of Monday Night Rubber Glove Coughing. Slimy Bedpan Van-Winkle was taking on the Horny kid. This feud has been going on for quite a while now. It all started when Slimy Bedpan body slammed the Horny kid's girlfriend; Marla "Silver-Lasagna" Shaved Chickentit. Ever since, the Horny kid has vowed to take Slimy Bedpan out with his finishing move, the Smelly Turkey. For those of you not familiar with this move, it is done by putting the person's Nose behind their Ear while pulling on their Jock Strap. It sure looks painful.
Unfortunately, the Horny kid was not able to pull this off... Instead he was hit with a Hard Boiled Egg by Marla "Silver-Lasagna" Shaved Chickentit who was aiming for Slimy Bedpan's manager, Mandy "Hairy-Bra" Anderson. While the Horny kid was down, Slimy Bedpan quickly delivered a perfect Sumo-Cat-flap and knocked him out cold.
I can't wait until next week when Morgan Liverwurstworth takes on Captain Furry-Penis.
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Last friday night my friend JENNIFER was working at the local GIANT FLYING SHAVED PUSSY store when a man dressed in only a BRA came in and demanded that JENNIFER give him all the FROGS in the store! The man was acting BIG, and was waving around a giant ELVIS. JENNIFER was very SAD and tried to reason with the man, but he wouldn�t hear it and started FUCKING! By this point JENNIFER had enough and pulled out a small, but effective PICKLE and FUCKED the guy... He�s dead now! -The End!
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