April 10, 2001

new news.

i don't think i'm going to do the teach in LA thing anymore.

i know i know. you must be thinking i'm the most wishy washy person you know...one minute i'm doing one thing, the next minute i'm doing something else, the minute after that i'm doing another thing...

here's my NEWEST thing -

so INSTEAD of doing Teach in LA, i'll just apply to grad school in december and apply to a credential/Master program in december. (so two years from now i'll be a credentialed teacher with my masters in education)

i would start school most likely in the fall of 2002. which leaves me the whole year to do stuff!

so i was thinking.. from june till december i can work and save up some money (i would take my GRE's in august or something...) and then i would apply to grad school in december.

THEN.

from january 2002 till about july 2002.....i might go to korea and work! i'm really excited. i just emailed my ii moh (aunt) and she said i'm welcome to stay with her for those 6 months...so i would basically be teaching english or something like that...i'll be able to spend time with my relatives, learn some more korean, have new experiences...etc...and then when i return in the fall, i would start grad school.

YAY. i need to do some more praying about this. now that i have this revelation (hopefully God inspired) i don't have to worry too much about my msat (since if i don't pass i can take it again later in the year)...

i've been having some weird health issues the past few weeks...i talked to a friend and she said it might be because of stress cause i'm studying so much (dude..i'm averaging a 6 hour INCREASE per day of studying...before it was ZERO hours a day...) my insides are going crazy and i'm not too happy about it. um. my body is NOT right. i think my intestines exploded. =P (they really really hurt) so yeah...i kinda always feel like barfing but i just don't wanna say anything cause for some reason i'm afraid people will think i'm stupid or something (weird logic, huh?)

i wish i could relax with this new plan since really, there isn't a lot of pressure to do really well on this test. but for some reason, my stomach is still churning as i type and i keep salivating a lot (you know, kinda like right before you barf). i have other issues but i think i'll keep them to myself cause it gets kinda gross.

i'm picturing this ideal situation in my head right now. imagine a little girl, about 2-3 years old, completely dependent on her big, strong, loving daddy who holds her hand everywhere she goes. he always leads her in the right direction and shows her all the wonderful things around...any time she gets scared, her dad gives her tiny little hand a reassuring squeeze... when something causes her to cry, he bends down and embraces her...when she tries to run by herself to play with the hungry lions (she thinks they're big puppies), her dad grips her hand strongly and won't let go...

you know what i'm doing right now? i'm about 6 years old and i THINK i'm old enough to let go.  i let go of my daddy's hand, said "bye!" and i ran into a dark, scary, raining forest full of wild animals who want to hunt me down and eat me alive. i think that's why i'm stressed.

i can't stand how i use analogies so much.

k.