so much to write about. there are a million things going on in my life right now and i'm just about on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. i got mad today. MAD. had a HEATED HEATED HEATED discussion (ARGUMENT) with an "administrator" at my school today (but it did get resolved. i swallowed my pride. actually, i realized that our discussion wasn't going anywhere so i backed down from ATTACK mode). i'm a fighter. if you didn't know it, don't get me mad. i can have an ATTITUDE. i'm assertive, aggressive, and demanding when it comes to what i expect regarding my classroom. things that shouldn't come out of my mouth somehow find their way EXPLODING into the ears of my superiors.  no matter WHAT i do, i can't fake respect. When someone's a TOTAL COMPLETE IDIOT, i mean really, what can i do but point out their illogical thought processes? i just need to find someone i respect, and i have to go work for them. Do you have common sense? well then don't become a school administrator because by the looks of it, if you have common sense, then you're all wrong for the job. (i'm venting about a few issues i had today. i love some of my administrators....SOME...)

i don't understand how the education system has gone on so long in LA. it's an absolute mess. everyone blames everyone else for the mistakes. if we could get a group of the best teachers and a group of the best businessmen (organizational management) together, maybe we'd have a chance.

if i quit, it's not because of the kids. its because i cannot stand working for people who just.....UGH. AAAAAAHHHHHH!. i'm so frustrated.

basically, i'm OOOOOONNNNNNNNNNLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY here for the kids. if it weren't for them...............I WOULD BE OUT OF HERE IN A SECOND. i cannot stand working in this kind of environment. do this, do that, turn this in, go here, go there...that's all i hear from the administrators yet NOT A SINGLE ONE HAS COME IN AND OBSERVED A LESSON! how can you put a brand-stanking new teacher in a room for over a year and never check on her?

AREN'T WE THERE FOR THE KIDS??????? it should be all about the kids!!!

NO BODY MAKES SENSE!!! everything is a contradiction. we're expected to do something yet we won't be provided with the materials. they tell me to turn something in even thought it was NEVER GIVEN TO ME!

IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO BE ORGANIZED AND RUN A SCHOOL??????????????????????????????

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST LET ME TEACH DANG IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if i last 5 years....dang. i'll be surprised. it'd break my heart to stop teaching these kids though....dang it. i have to weigh the pros and cons.

someone give me money and i'll make my own well-run school. i'll only hire teachers who display LOGIC and COMMON SENSE and intelligence. i'll hire custodians who ACTUALLY CLEAN, what a crazy thought, and i'll make a library that the kids can acutally USE.

i had my students put their heads down as i talked to them about sept 11. some of them started crying. they drew an image, any image they had regarding the tragedy. one boy drew a woman crying over a grave site. another boy colored his entire paper black and erased the numbers "9-11" into it. they're gonna write reflective essays or poems describing their picture tomorrow so i'll tell you what the black/white "9-11" one meant to the boy.

i'm an emotional mess.