i honestly planned to write a lot. i did. so much has happened since i last wrote. but it's almost 9 pm. hmmm.

maybe i'll do a quick recap.

may - kids took stanford 9

june - last month of school. kids were going crazy. absolutely insane. had major behavior problems (not IN class, but outside during recess and after school when i'm not there. fight after fight after fight after fight). kids were psychotic. last day of school was june 28. 

july - went to my first baby shower today. it was for a co-worker and she's due in august. it was lots of fun. 

something i discovered about myself - that i am a chameleon. 

my personality changes depending upon who i'm around.

in class - dictator kim. i have full, utter control over every breathing human being in my class. i OWN those kids. they are under my totalitarian regime. no one dares to offend, disrespect, or ignore me. I AM MISS KIM. HEAR ME ROAR AND BE FRIGHTENED.

with co-workers - to be added...

with berkeley friends - well, i have to admit. i'm a little different around berkeley friends as a whole and my capri friends (capri friends actually includes people who don't live in capri but they did hang around in capri a lot...you know who you are). around capri friends i'm pretty wild, silly, crazy, odd, peculiar, open, honest, free, loud, caring, and very, very happy and safe. they know me like a brother or sister would and i know for a fact that they care about me and over look my faults and weaknesses. around the rest of the berkeley people, i think i'm more reserved, a bit insecure, a little uncomfortable, and somewhat awkward. for some reason there's a bit of fear and a feeling of not belonging whenever we get together as a whole, big group. i think it stems from college years when i felt like no one liked me and everyone talked about what a bad person i was. talk about being traumatized from gossip. haha...i was such a wuss. looking back, i'm sure people were more preoccupied about themselves then bothering to examine every fault i had. i've gotten better i think. i can relax when we're in a big group but i think i'm reserved, but only as much as everyone else in the group is. i think i might come across as being disinterested, which is TOTALLY opposite of how i really feel. i gotta work on that. be aggressive. b - e aggressive.

with my old-school childhood friends - i'm jooyeun. the girl they've seen grow up. they've seen me through alllllllllllllll my happy, sad, exciting, horrific moments from the time i was about 3 up to this very day. i have nothing to hide. we talk when we have something to tell each other. we never have to say, "don't tell anyone". it's all understood. i'm more than willing to share my weaknesses, i'm more than willing to listen to their struggles. there's no judgment of character or negativity. we're sisters and we're living our individual lives and making sure we share it with each other. it's all good with my sistas.

with my new church people - i am awkward as heck. i have no idea what to say. keep in mind i'm pretty much a new comer. i have no personality because i have no idea what to say or how to act. i'm just the silent one that stands next to john. i'm trying soooooooooooo hard to get more involved. but it's just hard. everyone else is talking and interacting. its weird but i HONESTLY have nothing to say. not a single thing. at this point i think God is literally the only common ground i may have with these people. i'm sure as time goes on i'll have more opportunities to talk to each of them and i'll be able to develop relationships as time goes on....but it's only been about 3 months. so i still have to give it some time.

with my family - no nonsense. don't bother me. here's my money. just give it to me and i'll do it. hi um mah. bye um mah. hi ah pah. bye ah pah. yes. yes. no. no. i don't know. ok. no. later. what? fine. where? yeah. i know (ahrahsuh). i know (ahrahsuh). I KNOW (AHRASUH!). gosh. ok. bye.

with john - a helpless baby depending on john for everything. a teacher telling him what to do and what not to do, a control freak with an attitude, an extremely sensitive child, a debating partner...with john i'm just me times ten. i'm as transparent as glass and he sees who i am but it's magnified. he sees it close up. but the best part is that he doesn't only SEE the real me, he understands the real me. no one on this earth will ever know how we interact (first of all, because ANY TIME we're around people, he's a little different. second of all, because the time when we're alone is the time when both john and i are free of any insecurities. we're just ourselves. it's the most wonderfully smiley content feeling).

my conclusion - my personality changes upon the environment. i think i act how people act towards me. but i'm sure that's obvious to everyone in the world. hahaha.... if you're in a room with the most silliest, friendliest, easy going people, it'd be a lot easier to talk and be silly yourself compared to a room with quiet shy people.

i'm a very shy person when i'm around shy people.

i'm a very talkative person when i'm around talkative people.

i think you're like this too. yup. i'm talking  to YOU. the reader. i bet you're different with different people too. i'm wondering if the more confident you are, the more your personality stabilizes across different situations. i mean, you're obviously gonna interact differently with your boss compared to your friends, but still...maybe if you're really confident and you have a strong grasp on who you are, you'll be the SAME with lots of different types of people. but i'm wondering if that's necessarily better. i mean, we're created as adaptable beings. when it gets cold, we put on clothes, when it gets hot, we take em off.

freak. it's almost been 30 minutes. i gotta STOP TYPING.

if you're wondering why i spent so much time typing about this...it's because i wish i was more stable in my personality. i wish i could be as outgoing and talkative with the church people as i am with my co-workers. i wish i could be as open and silly with everyone as i am with my capri-berkeley friends.

dude. i really gotta stop.

bye!