February 25, 2001

Sunday

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."

                    - Ralph Waldo Emerson

most likely i'll be in LA after i graduate. 

i'm torn because i want to stay here but i have only one reason to stay - my friends. i've grown to love them so much that it's weird cause i didn't know it would have such a hold on me. i absolutely love them! isn't that funny? i've been acting a bit strange around them recently because i just want to enjoy the moment i have with them. i just like to sit there and watch them so i can try and capture the moment as best as i can. i imagine myself being 70 years old and sitting in a rocking chair looking back on the fond memories that i made with these special people. 

i have so many memories already...so many happy happy memories that make me laugh out loud when i think about them...

the thing is, i could totally stay up here and just study for my GRE's and forget teaching till after grad school. i could just get a part time job as a waitress or something and just make money till grad school. that way i can stay up here and enjoy all my wonderful friends who make me smile and laugh :)

BUT. there's the other thought -  i should just move down to LA, be with my parents, work and get experience, and open up myself to new experiences which will help color my palette of life. (haha!) who knows, i can meet that special someone or i might be pushed to grow in a way that i can't up here. sometimes i feel like i've reached a plateau up here...i've seen the things i was supposed to see, i've met the people i was supposed to meet, i've learned the things i was supposed to learn...everything is so familiar and comfortable and wonderful.

so that makes me want to stay.

i mean i totally could stay and just work and go to grad school like i was planning. but then i have this opportunity to start teaching and get paid a full teachers salary and get health benefits and everything and i can even start helping out my parents...

ugh.

i really don't know what to do. basically all i can do is just continue to study for my msats and just take my cbest and see what happens from there. i basically have till may.

subject change!!

gossip sucks. i know practically everyone does it but it just sucks. doesn't everyone know that each of us has just as much fault as everyone else? i think for those of you out there who haven't been the target of gossip, it's harder for you to understand just how much it sucks. i'm not even talking about how it's not biblical - i'm just talking about how it sucks. i mean, for example, i, julia, have a lot of faults. i know this to be true. and i can totally understand that there are many other people who also see my faults, after all, i DO have them, right? but i guess the sucky part comes in when people talk about it in a "i'm so glad that i'm not like her" type of way. i'm lucky because i have friends who try and help me be a better person. at the same time, there are those people who'll talk about me behind my back. i can totally understand since i DO suck in lots of ways, but then again, don't we all? i encourage everyone to talk about people in front of their faces! ultimately, it'll help all of us become better hopefully...

but then again there are times when you just have to vent about a person even though you really love that person, but you just gotta vent cause you're frustrated...in those cases we can just be an understanding ear. i think thats the case with a lot of us, well at least the people i know...malice isn't the driving factor...

i wonder if that makes it okay though. 

i'm not sure what i'm talking about. all i know is i hope all of us can just get along. i mean, we all do. right?

ok. bye.

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