like a bucket of oj

Unreal 2004 mods

Who new there were so many?

Shattered Oasis Or perhaps I Shatinmy Pants would be a better title for this one, the weapon selection is weaker than Welsh football team, and too many maps to be bothered with once you try firing a gun. The recoil being the main feature of the weaponry "yawn" a little is great to have, but the amount in this game turns this boring little sod of a into a skaggy hoe that picks up soggy fag butts from the men’s toilets. but if you are going to get pissed enough to download it, make sure none of your friends are around to find out and use protection. 2/10

Shit I can’t remember the name of this mod but
Its Totally cool! This game and clone bandit would have a great conversation together although I not sure who would be the bitch? Like a gay man steeping from the closet for the first time, and not too sure which road to lead, I think I’d have to say (“ahhhh it’s t0o dry use some hair gel!”) I’d hire the staff from Troopers version 3 to be the bitches. Well there is no harm in slapping any of Lucas’s bitches. It’s a bit like a a discontented Newport pub rapper saying “I rap rings round any of those cunts from Goldey looking chain” (Thinking about your x girlfriend new boy friend fucking her when they get home on a Friday, after a nights piss up, and you go home on your own, to write mod reviews. “Makes you glad of thing like STD’s) On to a slightly less twisted note, and world than our own. The mod review, No multiplayer and not a great deal of online action “I kind of wasted too much time in the introduction to go there.” made it hard to fully review this game, but of what I did see “I liked a lot” “I’m not going to go into love with the stench of that bitch around” most notable were the smiley bombs that ran around and chatted to themselves. The laser mine reminded me of (“all hail Halflife”) Halflife, and as an extention of UT2K4 this game is brilliant, lots of new weapons and maps makes this mod different enough to get a following, but I guess by then UT2K5 will be out, and I will have another pile of mods to download. 7.5/10 If Red Orchestra was FIFA this would be a good football game that didn’t need to spell Beckham with, a B or a K, no screenshots so sum boobies instead.

Spiderman The animated series 2003
Like a lot of people I like Spiderman as a superhero he has to be one of the most popular of Superheroes and I think for good reason but on to the latest depiction of the web swinging wonder.

At first glance it looks fantastically beautiful and solidly constructed with love. The story lines are slightly shaky with high points of intelligent and amusing dialog, some might even say edgy. It does suffer greatly from weak weekly bad guy’s syndrome. It looks like Old man Stan Lee had help creating them because they were to a quite Frank as lame as having a Mr Floppy moment when it’s not your girl friend, and I mean from your girlfriends point of view lame. The “bad guys” really did bring me back to Old school spiderman. For those who may have missed the first spiderman cartoon, it was more like waggling the camera around a piece of paper than any sort of real animation. I don’t want to spiderman fight bad guys like Fishtail and Papernose, who just look like Thugs in costumes, even when they switch the Thugs for the sexy well trained Ladies, it’s not enough fun. The action sequences looks “supergreat” and people actually die!!! The series is held together with the Peter Parker’s student life with of course Mary Jane and Harry Osborn. Jack Osborn could have made a more amusing member of the cast, after all Doogie Hauser is the voice of Spiderman. The whole “cartoon” is very comfortable to watch, but did wish for more on the villains front, but did like the social aspect that this adaptation “soap opera!” I read a nasty rumour that it has already been axed and think that is so shitty, for such a cool first series. Take a look at some other recent comic book/cartoon: Batman beyond: It does have its moments, but essentially very miss-able after you’ve seen the one of them. X men evolution: is just about purist piece of shit you’re likely to find out side BBC1 comedy. It makes be want to sandpaper my eyes out, and use the rush of pain to find a comfortable spot to hide inside my head. So lucky for me I found the new Spiderman cartoon. A real good, Spiderman cartoon with a bit of edge, and you never know your girlfriend might even like it.

coming soon

Art reviews

Strikeforce is essentially the same as the SAS mod with less maps character skins, and no knifes The Ironsights, which I felt worked so well in SAS has been left out of this weaker variation. I guess in the hope to make this mod slightly different. I hated the Ironsights in Red Orchestra, but felt they brought SAS alive. As with SAS mod strikeforce is graphically wonderful, but with addition of bugs. Quite frankly bollocks to the rest of this review because all I’m getting in my head is SAS, SAS, SAS, and yes I do know that both of they are Counterstike with ubergraphics, and less people playing, but sorry I wasn’t around for that revolution. Even though I’m not going to give this mod any score at all, but I will be playing this mod online, only because it’s new and is easier than SAS to get a game online. Ps to the Strikeforce team what the fuck are you doing with all that talent, it’s like having a beautiful girlfriend with a killer body, who doesn’t like to fuck.

A little break from all the mods

the review page

Deep thought and shallow observations

Red Orchestra; I just downloaded my first mod for unreal tournament 2004 the mod is set in the 2nd world war and looks very beautiful indeed, but with the UT2004 engine it would probably be difficult not to look as sweet as pale skinned red head with pink nipples with stop playing computer games and get over here a satisfy me eyes “nice!” But when I started to play it I soon discovered it was well basically shit. I don’t know why the developers of this mod decided that cross hairs were a bad idea (dicks!!!) but I think making this mod was a bad idea it’s blatantly trying to get in on, the tremendous success of the battlefield series. When you consider the ww2 mod for battlefield Vietnam that has just been released Red Orchestra is a horrible, horrible game. So much in fact I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. I found my self closing one eye when to trying to aim, but perhaps I was caught in the trap of trying to emulate the idea of the “Ironsights” Sorry but this mod gets 0 out of 10 because I don’t believe it achieved anything except for wasting my download limit. There isn’t even a mini map for fuck sake. You can download the battlefield Vietham WW2 mod from here it only has 3 maps at the moment but I'm sure more will follow, and they are Lovely and they have flamethrowers! alright

Deathball; was a quick fit answer I had for a friend who said "wouldn’t it be cool to play football online as a player" I had seen it on fileplanet and it was in my list of mods to download for unreal 2004, but I must say I trying to downloading it from there and failed twice. So I snatched it from deathball.net At first I found it as colourful and confusing as my first amusement arcade experience, ah back in the days when my green blazer was shoved my school bag and a nugget would buy you a packet of fags and a box of matches. As I was saying it took me a while to work out that I had to chase the yellow thing (the ball, “it turns into a cage when someone has possession of it”) and then whack it with a Jehovah Witness by pressing the left mouse key and when a team member has the ball to call for it with the right mouse button, as you would with an up to date passing, shooting type sports game, but with the great twist of it being from a first person perspective. I could image with 5 human players on eachside this game would change dramaticly, in tactics and with me feeling like I’m really rubbish at this game, but I cant wait to play it 1 on 1 with my house mate Joe when he comes back. This game is for me a start of something great. How long it will be until some beautiful programmer “please” will be giving the different positions there own abilities? heaver attacks, faster runner’s the list of ideas is endless! But if you didn’t have any you could look at bloodbowl, ice hockey, American football, and even soccer. I'm used to playing this type of game on a console in the company of mates and a large amount of smoking material, and all being as gooned and bad as each other. Being a noob I dont like the idea of playing this online and having it reminding me of those good old school days, I have many other games I loving at the moment and need to practice so until Joe kicks my arse 3 in a row. Altogether a great mod thanx 6 and a bit out of ten

Unweel As buggy as Herby that boring, crappy set of films, and shame on you for making yet another one!! Herby 2000 or what ever it was you dont need that much rent money! (I wonder how long Dan Ackrod held out?) rubbish quite a big download to. ”

Arrrgh is of cause another shit mod, but nice link, with it’s name being the best thing about it. Which is a pity because I love pirates and had just been playing Air Buccaneers “Creamy!” and thought this might be like that game, but its not. So if your into pirates or race cars go down to your local super market and get yourself a nice sized cardboard box, because you will have more fun sitting in it and going Arrrg ArRRRGH me hearties!!! Although an understanding girlfriend makes this a great deal more fun than any fucking computer game, and miles better than fucking your computer "hot and bloody!" both of these together get 3 out of ten "pants!"

Clone bandits 1 More, more, and more! More Colourful and Creamy then a The Muller rice museum in Köln What about doing a necromunder style game? Please!!! “Sorry” This game is cool with a lot more o’s that could be legally safe. First off the style is great cyberpunk meets queer eye for the straight guy with one of there mates being into Space ork conversions “wobbly!”

The game play is fast and in the beginning If you’re anything like me there is a lot of WHAT?, but even though I didn’t have much a clue what was going on at first “Tribes Vengeance!” it only takes a couple of games to work out who’s side your on and it’s fantastic fun driving around. I really liked the roketbomb bike “90 degree angles, ahhhh this is cool and so much fun!” It was all good, and that seemed to be extended into all the Vechicles (which is such a hard bloody word to even try and spell. “I had to type car into a “search engine””) Which there aren’t enough "not search engines lol" and lets not go into the map selection, you dont even need to be able to count.

but In the end they don’t matter at all to me as long there is more of Clone banditsto come on this one. Worth the download just to drive around and have a look, and fun hectic driving, shooting, and stealing oil kind of way. It’s not a full game, so I’d give it 9/10 for what it is, but in this mod category only 6/10 there’s not enough but that’s a good thing. I grabed it from fileplanet.

Trooper’s version 3 Pants boring nothing much at all, the graphic are nice and all but the game feels peaty hollow, and kind of like a mod really it’s sometimes hard to remember that these aren’t full games. This mod is so grey it makes me sad. I remember this girl but not her name so let’s say Genevieve anyways she was a cute rock chick the kind everyone in the group was interested in, even before they had spoken to her. Her and her friend started hanging around the Games workshop and eventually going to the parties so we started seeing more of them, and dating inevitably dating started to happen. This didnt satisfy any involved “poor Templeton Hulland” Eventually Genevieve stopped coming to the parties. I heard she that she started dating a townie and there was even the sickening rumour that she even dressed like one too. That was a sad day. I don’t know if the plastic feeling of this mod gave me that feeling or the combination of stinky and Starwar which has never left the saga since it left George Lucas “strange that?” 1.2/10 It’s more like a little fat hedgehog with constipation, than a good worthwhile mod. I cant wait until Starwars battlefront come out but it looks like i'll need a new graphics card for sure to play the next line of games

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