Trespassing -- Current best title suggest is Persecution of the Pizza Man, suggestions are appreciated.
Today (12/16/2004) I was going to Douglas to visit a few teachers and hang around with people I know 'til 2:40 since I have nothing better to do at home. So Diana (Mark's girlfriend) and I show up at 10:50, shortly before 1st lunch. A guy standing in front of the school by the parking lot begins to inquire if we're signing in (as he always does) and I told him we're college students visiting teachers and he told us to go sign into the main office as he always does.
Rather than waste time, we walked through the main office and out of student affairs, then proceeded to the cafeteria as first lunch began. We saw Jeanna and Matt and were reminded that calc had 2nd lunch and was still in their class, so we went there. As we approach Mr. Bantz's room, his door opens and out walks a 6 foot tall 10 foot long chinese dragon. Nate and Evan emerge from the dragon and say hi and proceed to figure out how to use their dragon. Andrew also comes outside to figure out the dragon, then Jeff sprints outside for me to do a math problem, and as I'm starting it a security woman who I haven't seen before strolls up to us.
(Consider the quotes paraphrased at best)
Security: "Are you guys in this class?" (referring to Mr. Bantz's)
Me: "Yea."
Security: "What is this, are you working on a project?" (the dragon)
Me: "Yea, they're doing a project for a class."
Security: "Didn't you graduate already?"
Me: "Yea."
Security: "You Jon Senn, YOU DA PIZZA BOI?"
(Laughter from all around)
Me: "Yea, that's me."
Security: "What are you doing here?"
Me: "We're visiting teachers."
Security: "Did you get a pass from the office?"
Me: "Y--... No."
Security: "You need to go there and get one. Is he graduated too?" (Jeff)
Me: "No."
Diana: "I am."
So then Diana and I walked to the main office - again. This time we signed in and asked the guy at the desk for the little name tags. He started to fill them out while on the phone, meanwhlie I try answering his questions a couple times before realizing he's talking into a phone head-set to some parent. When he finally finishes his phone call, he asks us who we're visiting and I say Mr. Bantz, assuming Mr. Bantz is always the most likely to say I can go to his class if they ask. He actually looks up Mr. Bantz's planning and informs me it was passed during 3rd hour and I can come back tomorrow then or after school. Then asks if Mr. Bantz was expecting us and I say "Yes, but he may have forgotten today was the day we were coming." The woman at the desk buzzes Mr. Bantz's room and I didn't hear his response but Diana thinks it was something like "I'm busy". So the office wouldn't give us visitors passes. I asked if we could visit him during his lunch in 15 minutes and they said no and to come back tomorrow or after school. So we walked out of the office and went straight for a few paces so they might not see us turn left towards the rest of the school, then walked to the cafeteria rather than directly to Bantz in case someone cares.
Someone did care.
The main office must have radioed security immediately and before we reached the cafeteria we were stopped by presumably the new head security guy.
Security: "Are you two students here?"
Me: "No."
Security: "Where did you go to school last year?"
Me: "Caltech."
(He stares blankly at me for a couple seconds)
Security: "Where did you go to high school?"
Me: "Here."
Security: "Alright, come with me." (Escorts us to the main office)
Security: "And where do you go?" (to Diana)
Diana: "University of Chicago."
Security: "Ohhhh, University of Chicago, mmm-hmph." (mockingly)
Security: (to the office front desk) "These my two?"
Front Desk: "Yes."
Security: "You two were breaking the law."
Me: "We were just trying to say hi to someone in the cafeteria before we left."
Security: "Did we tell you you couldn't visit?"
Me: "Yes."
Security: "Then you were breaking the law."
Security: (to front desk guy) "Lemme get some of those [chips]."
At this point the security guy seems overwhelmingly nonchalant about this, I'm pretty sure he's bluffing. My plan is just to not piss him off and he should let us go. And if I'm wrong he may have violated our Miranda Rights by now.
Security (munching on chips): "What would Caltech do if I did that there?"
Me: "Ummm, I don't think that they'd do anything."
Security: "You don't think!"
-- Pause --
Security: (to Diana) "And what would University of Chicago do if I were just walking around there?"
Diana: "Chicago allows people to visit and just walk around."
Security: "And they don't sign in?!?!"
-- Pause --
Security: "What if I broke into your house? Wouldn't you want me arrested if I broke into your house and stole a computer?"
Me: "Ummmm... We didn't steal anything."
Security: "I know, but it's just an analogy for breaking the law."
Me: "Okay."
Security: "So wouldn't you want me arrested if I broke into your house and stole a computer?"
Me: "... yea."
Security: "So see? I have to arrest you."
Me: "... Okay."
Security: "You're a threat to my students, so what do you want me to do about it?"
Diana: "You can make us leave now."
Security: "You gave up your chance to leave. We already told you that you could leave BEFORE and you didn't want to."
Security: "So are you ready to be arrested now?"
Me: "... okay."
Security: "Ready for me to take you to the deputy's office?"
we're nodding, maybe saying okay
Security: "Alright, I'm gonna arrest you now."
Security: "Le'sgo"
He walks us down the corridor to the student affairs office and seats us in the security office there.
Security: "Have a seat." (walks out of the room)
We then talk softly amongst ourselves for about 2 minutes and then the same guy comes back and sits in front of the desk with his hands folded.
Security: "You two are adults now right? So you're gonna get treated like adults and I'm arresting you."
(I guess we nod yes)
Security: "First lemme take down your names?"
In walks Mr. Traeger (Douglas Principal for the past few years) to see the security officer on other business. I'm quite relieved now since even if the security guy somehow was going to go through with the arrest Mr. Traeger should spring us. Traeger has been facing away from us and hasn't recognized me yet.
Me: "Hey Mr. Traeger."
Traeger: "Hey Jon, how are you doing?"
Me: "Not so well actually."
Security: "I'm arresting them right now." (seems to be swelling with pride)
Traeger: "What?!? What'd they do??"
Security: "They're adults, they tried to walk around campus, so I'm arresting them."
Traeger: "These two?!?! No!! They're some of my top students, they're model alumni!!"
Keep in mind that Diana didn't attend Douglas. Mr. Traeger has never seen her before in his life, he just recognizes me. He may have thought that Diana was Jen Tseeng.
Security: "Yea, they go to Caltech and University of Chicago."
Traeger: "Just give them visitor's passes and let them go."
Traeger: "So Jon, how are things going at Caltech?"
Me: "Pretty good."
Traeger: "And you go to Northwestern or Chicago?"
Diana: "Chicago."
Traeger: "And you're doing well there?"
Diana: "Yea."
Traeger: "Great! Well I'll see you later."
Us: "Bye."
Traeger exits the office, the security guy is still smug when he resumes the conversation with us.
Security: "So, you see, sometimes it's not what ya know, it's who ya know."
-- Pause --
Security: "Ya know, I was never gonna arrest you, I just had to make an example out of you. You're adults now and you're in the adult world and you have to be treated like adults. It's not like 'in there' (he points out the window and waves around at the school), now you're in the 'real world'. You're adults now and you're gonna be treated different than 'in there', you're not part of 'them' now, you're part of 'us'. And when you're part of 'us' you have to be treated like 'us' and like regular adults and that's different than when you're 'them'. You're not 'them' anymore, you're 'us' now, and you gotta realize that. In college they treat you like adults, right?"
Me: "Ummmm, yea."
Security: "Alright, just so long as you know you're 'us' now."
Security: "You guys can go now."
At this point we've had more than our fill of trouble for the morning, so we just walk back out through the corridor to the main office and walk by the front desk and out to Diana's car and leave the school.
I later found out that the woman at the front desk is Michele Ditto's mom, who was upset with me for having lied about Mr. Bantz expecting us. To her I would like to say that Mr. Bantz and many other teachers were expecing me as I visit the school every break when I'm at home (about 3 times a year).
I've visited the school for at least 30 hours while it was in session since I graduated and this was the first time anyone cared whatsoever.
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