1-11-04
Hello,
I wanted to bring you up to date on Tim.
Ever since his bout with pneumonia last month, Tim has been very quiet. He
doesn’t move very much and isn’t responsive. He seemed to have a couple of
better days and we were hopeful he would at least get back to where he was
before his illness, but then he seemed to regress. I even thought he was getting
pneumonia again. His breathing was labored and he began to sound really
congested. During this time, he had to have his feeding tube replaced. The last
one put in was too narrow and was easily clogged. The nurses tried everything
(including pouring coca-cola in his tube) but it was constantly blocked.
Finally, Tim was sent out to the hospital to have it replaced. While he was at
the hospital , a CT scan and x-rays of his neck and spinal column were taken to
determine if his neck brace could finally be removed. We are still waiting for
the results. The new tube works fine.
Immobility causes a lot of problems for Tim. He has pressure sores and has to
constantly be turned to keep his weight off them. He has edema in both of his
legs. I asked the nurses what was causing it and they were not sure. Other
issues include: the hole where his tracheotomy used to be has never completely
healed. It heals almost completely and then reopens. Tim has thrush pretty
badly. He still struggles with UTI’s. The doctor is going to come in and take a
look at Tim and address some of these issues. Seems like there is always
something that Tim is dealing with.
Whatever was bothering Tim a few days ago, though, (impending pneumonia or
something else) seems to have cleared up. Tim’s breathing is better and his
cough is gone. Still, he is really quiet, sleeps a lot, doesn’t move much. He
has a really nice recliner in his room. This afternoon, the kids and I stopped
by to visit and he looked so comfortable lounging in his lazy boy. It was a warm
day and the nurses had opened the windows in his room, so there was sunlight,
fresh air, bird sounds. Maybe it was the different light in the room, but Tim
looked really pale and had dark circles under his eyes. One of the nurses was
talking with my mom the other day and she said she wondered if Tim was getting
depressed over his condition. Maybe that is why he wasn’t responsive. I have no
idea how we would know that for sure. However, I think most likely that the
reason is physical. Since December 1, I can pretty much count his “good” days
(days where he seems to be feeling well) on one hand.
We were very blessed to have a good friend fly in from Oregon to visit with Tim.
Ron Holland was Tim’s best man 20 years ago. We were all very encouraged by
Ron’s visit and enjoyed catching up and seeing photos of his beautiful family.
Ron spent a good deal of time sitting with Tim and reminiscing.
Everyone keeps asking how the kids and I are doing. By God’s grace, fine. I
notice that I feel good on the days that Tim seems to be feeling good and when
he is struggling or sick, I start to feel pretty low. The kids keep busy. It is
amazing to me how we humans adjust to whatever circumstances we are in. You
really aren’t given a choice, I guess. You just keep getting up everyday and do
whatever it is that you have to do and time goes by. Do you realize it has
almost been six months since Tim’s accident? I try not to think about that too
much and fortunately I am so busy that I don’t have to. As different ones have
struggled to make sense of this, they have shared their thoughts with me. I have
been encouraged to hear how my family’s situation has impacted many of you.
Looking back over the past few months, I have seen the body of Christ provoked
into action and made more ready for the Lord’s coming. I have seen the love and
grace of God, once again, never fail. I have learned that surrendering, while
sounding like a weak thing to do , is actually a very, very strenuous, difficult
thing to do. I’ve become aware that I love Tim, and even myself, probably more
than I love the Lord and my prayer lately is to love Christ above all else. Then
I know I will be alright with whatever He decides. I am really trying to
comprehend and live the verses in the Bible that talk about dying to ourselves.
Someone once said, “It is the life of self which causes us pain; that which is
dead does not suffer.” I realize that on the days that I am arguing with God
about my circumstances, telling Him this is too hard, it hurts too much, that
it’s my selfish self getting in the way again. Galations 2:20 says, “I have been
crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;
and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” It ‘s a daily (all day) thing, trying
to be obedient and surrendered to the will of God when you don’t exactly like
your circumstances. Between that and badgering the Lord in prayer constantly, I
am kept pretty busy -and out of trouble! Remember the night Christ was arrested,
He said, “My Father, if it is possible , let this cup pass from Me, yet not as I
will, but as You will. ….He went away again a second time and prayed, saying,
“My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Your will be done.” …And
He left them again, and went away and prayed a third time, saying the same thing
once more. I figure if the Lord himself (who knew exactly what lie ahead, how
long the ordeal would last, and the outcome) prayed that way, then it is okay
for me (the puny human who doesn’t have a clue about what’s happening) to pray
that way. Father, change Your mind! Think of another way! But, Your will be
done, not mine.
By the way, Happy New Year. Wonder what this year has in store for all of us??
Peace,
Carole