1-25-04

“Pain is the plow that tears up our hearts to make us open to truth.”
E. Arnold


Dear Family and Friends,


I realize that my updates are few and far between these days - the reason being that there hasn’t been any change in Tim’s condition recently.

It has now been six months since Tim was injured. At this point, the prayers of my family have changed somewhat as we watch Tim struggle day after day. We ask the Lord to either wake Tim or take Tim. Have we stopped believing that God can miraculously heal Tim? Absolutely not. The Bible says that nothing is too hard for God. Look at His track record…creates the universe in six days, parts the sea, raises the dead, heals the blind and lame, just to name a few…how hard could it be to wake a guy from a coma?? Do I believe that God WILL heal Tim miraculously? I really do not know and this is my struggle. Some days I think we just need to wait a bit longer for an answer to our prayers, and other days, I think God has answered us with a big, fat “NO.” Since I don’t know the answer, I simply act each day on the knowledge that I do have. I know that the only thing that Tim loves above his family is the Lord, and that if he cannot be with his family, he would rather be with the Lord. I know, now, that for a Christian there CAN be such a thing as a “fate WORSE than death“. I know that if Tim doesn’t wake up that he will continue to suffer on a daily basis. No one wants that - so that is why I pray the way that I do. There is a third possibility - and that is that Tim remains in the state that he is in. As I dwell on that scenario, my heart starts to sink at the ramifications for Tim, the kids, and myself. But always, always when I think about this third possibility, I am filled with confidence in the Lord’s character, and I know without a doubt that He will do the right thing. Will not the Judge of all the earth do what is right??

Tim’s behavior has been about the same. People have asked me recently if he knows us. I am not sure (doesn’t matter, though, because we know him!), but I think I see a difference in how he responds when we touch him. The nurses come in and move him around and work on him, and Tim’s breathing accelerates. It is uncomfortable for him and he shows it. But, he doesn’t act that way with us. I have been moving and massaging his arms and legs lately, and I know that it doesn’t always feel good, but he never acts irritated with me. Once, I had been sitting there holding his hand and reading to him and a nurse came in to get his vitals. She took the hand that I had been holding and started to put a blood pressure cuff device on his wrist. Tim made a noise (sounded pretty grumpy) and jerked his hand. We both thought that was pretty funny.

Praise the Lord, Tim’s neck brace is off! Two days ago, they took another follow up x-ray of Tim’s chest and, lo and behold, he has pneumonia again. He really doesn’t show it (thank God) - no breathing problems and his oxygen saturation is good. The only thing that we noticed was that the day before , he looked pretty tired and out of it. So, he is back on antibiotics. He also has a mild UTI again. His feeding tube still looks like it is on the verge of infection, but they are doctoring that as well as his many pressure sores. The doctor relieved my anxiety about his edema. I thought it could be related to his kidney or his heart function, but the doctor assured me that it was due to Tim’s immobility. Monday, Tim’s trach site will be looked at by an ENT doctor. Edema, infection, pneumonia, pressure sores…do I sound like a broken record?

I got an email today from my good friend, Michiko, in Japan. I wanted to paste a little of her letter on this update for you to read. She refers to “Sachiko” in her email - that is the Japanese lady who was driving the van that hit Tim:

I sent letter and bible and the book to Sachiko yesterday, and she called me tonight. She thank me for translating your letter for her and she said that she will read the Bible!! She felt bad about Tim's condition and that she was thankful for your kind words towards her. I told my boys about the call (they were reading books on my bed) and we prayed right away that Sachiko will open her heart and believe in Jesus.
And let me tell you what happened yesterday when I went to the post office in my town to mail the letter and the Bible. A few months ago when we had Youth Rally in our church, I sent off about 100 applications to the students who has been to our past 3 Youth Rallys. I asked the lady at the window at the post office that I need a receipt. She gave me the receipt and then she asked me why I was sending all these letters for. I told her about the church and Youth Rally. She asked me where the church is located at in Misawa. I told her where I invite her to church.
Well, she never came to church. Anyway, when I went yesterday, she was at the window, and as usual nice smile and we said Hi to each other. I asked her if I could send the bible registered because I wanted to make sure that it got to her. She said that there is a cheaper way to send small packages and just as secure as registerd and it only takes a day or 2 for delivery. She was just very helpful and nice. She helped me to write the address in the right place since this used a special envelop and when we were about to be done, she asked me if I was sending a bible. I was kind a surprised just because she was right, and I told her "Yes, I was". Then she tells me that she is married to an American air force guy and he is in Korea for a year (he will be back this fall, she said) but he told her that when he comes back, he wants to go to church and asked her to find a church they can go to when he comes back this fall. I thought to myself "Oh my....... I know Gods plan is perfect but it is full of surprises sometimes"
Carol, I do not think if I was ever asked about our church by Japanese. I have told my friend and my family about it or invite them but they really do not come. Some Japanese lady that I do not even really know asked me about our church and she wants to come. I talked her little bit about the church but I do not think she has ever gone to church before. (She asked me if it is OK to go to church even if they are strangers to church) I told her that she does not have to wait until her husband comes home, she is welcome to come now. She did not sound like she wanted to come alone. But I gave her my phone number. Her name is WAKAKO TOYOKAWA. Please pray for her and her husband. She is new at the post office in my town so I think she will be working here for a while.
It just made my day yesterday at the post office and the call from Sachiko was nice too.

This made my day as well. I can say with all honesty that I will never, on this earth at least, be able to thank God for what has happened to Tim. It is just too sad, too terrible. But, I am to the point that I can thank God for how He is using this situation. So many people, I have been told, have been impacted by what has happened to my family. I am amazed and encouraged. Amazed because as I watch God bring some beautiful things out of the ashes of our lives, as always, He proves that He knows what He is doing. I am encouraged because it seems that what has happened to us fits into something beyond the scope of our little lives - it helps to know that what you are goinng through isn’t just a great big, terrible, purposeless, random mistake. I am reminded of what Paul said when he was in prison in Philippi, “Now, I want you to know, brethren, that my circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the gospel…and in this I rejoice.” (Phil 1:12, 18) Granted, Tim hasn’t been imprisoned for sharing his faith, but, as a part of God’s greater plan, he is imprisoned in a broken body on a mutinous planet. Yet, his circumstances are making lots of people re-evaluate their lives and priorities. His circumstances are making people realize that life is fragile and brief, and because of that, they are motivated to live with purpose. People are being drawn to the Lord. I can rejoice in this and Tim would, too.

I began this update with a quote that I heard on the radio yesterday morning. I wrote it down because I like to collect quotes, and I came home and looked up the man who wrote it. He had some other powerful things to say:
“Jesus knew suffering. He knew hunger and thirst. He had no place to lay His head. He had no house, no home. But He knew His Father, and in Him He had unbroken joy of spirit. Jesus proved to us that happiness in life depends on one thing only, on how well we know our Father in Heaven.”

Do you know the following??

We believe in the Father, who created all that is
And we believe the universe and all therin is His
As a loving heavenly Father, He yearned to save us all
To lift us from the fall…we believe

We believe in Jesus the Father’s only Son
Existing uncreated before time had begun
A sacrifice for sin, He died then rose again
To ransom sinful men… we believe

We believe in the Spirit who makes believers one
Our hearts are filled with His presence
The Comforter has come
The kingdom unfolds in His plan
Unhindered by quarrels of man
His church upheld by His hand…we believe

Though the earth be removed
And time be no more
These truths are secure
God’s word shall endure
Whatever may change, these things are sure!
We believe

So if the mountains are cast down into the plains
When Kingdoms all crumble, this one remains
Our faith is not subject to seasons of men
With our fathers we proclaim!
We believe our Lord will come as He said
The land and the sea will give up their dead
His children will reign with Him as their head
We believe
We believe

Let’s all live like we really know and believe this.


I will be facing some really major decisions and projects in the next few weeks and months. I would appreciate prayer for wisdom. You’ve heard the saying “paralyzed with fear?” Well, sometimes I feel paralyzed with ignorance. To all my girlfriends out there…if you are as dependent on your hubby as I was, watch out. I pray that nothing like this will ever happen to you, but if it does, you will probably feel as helpless as I did. Please take some time to sit down with your husband and find out where everything is. Educate yourself! When Tim’s grandma was here visiting, we sat in the car at the gas station one day laughing at ourselves. Both of us had always let our hubbies fill up the car. So, when we had to start going to the gas station, we had trouble figuring out how to run those new-fangled pumps! Talk about feeling dumb. Becky can pump gas, she’s learning to balance the checkbook, and she will know how to do taxes in a few weeks - all because of what I have gone through. Fortunately, I am surrounded by some sharp folks who don’t mind my stupid questions (I hope) ,and I am a fast learner. God has been so faithful in making things absolutely clear to me so far, so thanks for praying.

God bless you.
Carole