12-18-03
“Do not let your hearts be
troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.
John 14:1
Dear Family and Friends,
Tim has been moved back to Palm Valley. He seems to be doing well. He still has
a little cough, but is getting oxygen and breathing treatments frequently.
They have started therapy on him again. Yesterday, they got him up in a
specialized wheelchair. I guess he did pretty well (I had already gone home),
but they had to put him back to bed before long because his right eye dilated
quite a bit. We’re not sure what that means. It could be a number of things. It
was probably just too much exertion. After all, he has been very sick and hasn’t
been up in a while. I have noticed a difference in his pupils since his bout
with pneumonia. However, the CT scan that was done before Tim was discharged
from the hospital didn’t show any new changes. The doctor said everything on the
scan was chronic (severe brain injury, enlarged but stable ventricles,
encephalomalacia, etc.). He again stated Tim’s prognosis and added that he
thought Tim would be a quadrapalegic. I said, “Well, that’s news to me.” I told
him that I didn’t totally agree with that assessment. My understanding of
paralysis is no movement and no feeling, and Tim can feel pain everywhere. He
can raise his head and move his left arm. His right arm probably has some
paralysis. He never moves it, but he can feel pain in it. As for his legs….he
doesn’t move them, but he can feel pain in them and we see some very slight
movements once in a while. So, the doctor explained that he felt Tim would never
regain control over his muscle movements.
I often wonder what the doctors expect me to do with their prognosis. I wonder
if they expect us to quit talking to him, reading to him, singing to him…I
wonder if they expect us to stop loving him. They act like we should just give
up and walk away, and while I believe I have surrendered Tim’s future to God to
do whatever He deems best, I won’t stop acting like he is valuable to us even
though he is severely disabled.
Tim has been pretty unresponsive lately. I don’t know why. Perhaps he is just
worn out from the pneumonia. Christmas is coming and I keep reminding God that
EVERYONE wants Tim alert and home by Christmas. Lately, we have seen some huge
answers to prayer - the capture of Saddam. Our church found a home miraculously
- long story, but a huge answer to prayerr. I look all around and see God working
and answering prayer. I don’t know why He is silent about Tim. But I know He is
listening to us. There are days when I give Him a very passionate earful. It
feels good to vent and I know He can handle hearing it. He has the biggest
shoulders to cry on . And besides, He already knows what we are thinking, so we
might as well be honest. But afterwards, I always feel so lousy. So, I start
going down my list of truths and I start thanking Him. The first thing I thank
Him for is eternal life and the hope of heaven. A lot of the time, I don’t even
need to go past that one. It is so huge, and the thought of that actually makes
me feel euphoric. Anyway, I don’t stop ticking off truths until I quit feeling
lousy. Try it sometime.
We have received several Christmas notes and I was touched to see that some of
you asked the folks on your Christmas mailing lists to pray for Tim. Thanks.
Love,
Carole and the Kids