11-12-02
I am the Lord, I change not.
Malachi 3:6
Dear Family and Friends,
Last week, I was kind of concerned about Tim. When I arrived at his room, he seemed so sluggish and lethargic. At first, I thought that he was just having a bad day, or perhaps, something (infection) was brewing. The next day (Friday), he was again very lethargic. I thought, perhaps, that he had begun a new medication or something, so I put a call into Dr. Quazinika (acute neural rehab doc). She was gone and wouldn’t be able to return my call until Monday. In the meantime, he began to perk back up. By Monday, he was back to “normal” and the doctor called and confirmed that his condition had been caused by the new stimulant that he had been given. She said that it initially seemed to cause drowsiness. The doctor also said she had just been in to see Tim and thought he had responded as well as she had ever seen him and that she was encouraged. She commented that his response time was quite delayed (over 30 seconds) which is something we had noticed as well. I like this doctor – she has a very positive outlook and faith that Tim can improve, although she cannot say how much. Talk about refreshing. We are having a family meeting next week with Tim’s therapists and the doctor to discuss how he is doing and where to go from here.
Tim was doing well enough that his trach was removed a few days ago. I was so glad to see that go. It has to be a relief for him. They told me that the opening will actually heal quite quickly. A CT scan was done on Tim’s spinal column and the doctor reported that his cervical fractures are healing, but he recommended that the collar be left on for one more month. With neck fractures, I guess that they are overly cautious.
I was talking with one of the therapists today after Tim’s therapy and she commented that his responses were still so inconsistent that it was difficult to know for sure what was on purpose and what wasn’t. I told her that was my biggest frustration, too. Just the other day, I was asking Tim to do some things that were different from his usual responses. He usually squeezes his hand, moves his thumb, lifts his head off the pillow, opens his eyes, moves his foot and it seems to be in response to us asking him to do something. But, if you watch him, he will do those things at other times even when you don’t ask him. So, I was working with him to try to see if I could get him to do something “new”. I asked him to shut his eyes. At the time, his eyes were wide open and he was blinking only occasionally. As I watched him, he began to blink more often and then 45 seconds later, he scrunched his eyes closed for a second. I was so excited. I told the therapist this and then said, “And since then, I haven’t been able to get him to do that again. So, I start wondering if it really was a response or not.” She said, “Exactly.” So, Tim, you are a mystery to us right now, babe.
This week marks 16 weeks since Tim’s accident. In my mind and heart I was hoping that at 3 months Tim would come out of his coma. I was afraid that if more progress wasn’t made that everyone would start giving up on Tim. I initially thought this family meeting coming up was to tell us that they’ve tried and it is just not working. But, I don’t think that is the case. Dr. Quazinika is tenacious and confident and doesn’t strike me as someone who gives up too quickly – did I mention that I liked her?? - so, rather than dreading this meeting, I am looking forward to it. We’ll see…
I can’t believe how our lives have changed in the past 16 weeks. We live in a completely different country, a different house, drive a different car, have a different dog. Our family roles have changed with mom pinch- hitting for daddy as the bill payer, car washer, catcher for Danny’s pitching, and spiritual leader. We have new routines. Everything has changed.
It seems that each week, God instills into my heart ONE thing that makes the difference in my attitude and outlook. Last week, it was being reminded of how much Tim loved the life of Joseph in the Bible. I had been struggling with feeling not so badly for myself, but with feeling so badly for Tim and all that he is having to endure. But, God reminded me of the many, many times that Tim would quote Genesis 50, where Joseph’s brothers were afraid that after their father died that Joseph would bear a grudge against them and try to get even with them for the awful things they had done to him. Joseph’s response was, “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result…” Tim would constantly tell us, “God is in control.” That was a comforting thought for me last week, because I knew that Tim, if he could speak, would be reminding me of that.
This week, as I think about all the changes that we have gone through recently, I am reminded that in the midst of all this change, two things can definitely be counted on. We can count on the fact that things will change. Life is never really the same from one day to the next. The weather changes (it is raining today in Phoenix), our age changes, our health changes, even our hair changes. Why 6 months ago I was completely bald and now I have hair! Every day this week as I have driven to the hospital and prayed about my time with Tim, I have reminded myself that this day could be different. It is encouraging to know that all trials end. Some trials last a little longer than others, but they all eventually end – either in this life or the life to come. Some day, life will be different for us.
The other thing we can count on in the midst of change is the fact that GOD DOESN’T CHANGE. I love that fact that each and every word of the Bible is inspired by God. There isn’t a careless word to be found anywhere. So, when the Bible says, “God’s mercies are new EVERY morning” or “I will NEVER leave you or forsake you” or “My grace IS sufficient (complete) for you” that He really means just that! His words are just as true today as when they were written thousands of years ago. And I am so grateful to Him to still be standing 16 weeks after the worst day of my life. You prop us up with your prayers and God consoles us deep down where no one else can see or reach with His changeless, unwavering lovingkindness and faithfulness.
Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to make you stand in the presence of His glory
blameless with great joy,
To the only God our Savior,
through Jesus Christ our Lord,
Be glory, majesty, dominion and authority,
before all time, now and forevermore.
Amen!
Jude 24, 25
Love,
Carole and the Kids