| Discrimination is a disgusting thing. It includes acts of hate based on stereotypes of a specific group of people. Although I have not been out for more than a year and a half, I have often felt discrimination against me because I am gay. Being gay, to society, is one of the worst things possible. Most people find it disgusting and down right wrong. Walking down the hallway, I often hear people calling others �gay,� �faggot,� or �queer.� The phrase �That is so gay,� is also often heard. These words, used in a derogatory manner, make being gay sound like the equivalent to the bottom of hell. I grew up listening to these phrases, often being called them myself. In the process of trying to fit in with friends, and trying to discover myself, I felt as if the world hated me. To most people, these phrases did not mean anything, nothing more than a general put down. To me, it was the end of the world. I was trying to associate the word �gay� with myself, yet �being gay� was a horrible thing in the face of my peers. During drama class in tenth grade, I was constantly teased about being gay by one particular student. It hurt a lot, and I often went home, locked myself in my room, and cried myself to sleep. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past because I felt no one liked me the way I was. Everyone picked on me for being gay. None of them actually knew that I was gay, and it hurt. Later that student told me she did not mean what she was saying, that she was only teasing me, yet I still felt like crap. Other students would constantly ask me �Are you gay?� and I would automatically answer �NO!� because I had no idea what would happen to me if they actually knew that I was gay. Then, my junior year when I started to come out to a couple people, the Boy Scouts banned gays from being leaders or scouts. I am an Eagle Scout. I had been in scouts since first grade, and now I was being told that I was no longer wanted, just because I liked other boys. At the meetings, my leaders were glad that the legislation had passed. They believed it was wrong to have a gay person involved with the scouting program. �If only they knew?� I would say to myself as I spent my evenings on the phone being reassured by my manger that my life was worth living and that people did actually care for me. When I came out to my friends in June, they all seemed to support me and their attitudes toward me, for the most part, did not change. However, I felt paranoid that they hated me, and would end up spreading it to everyone else. Whenever they would pick on me in a playful manner, I felt that they hated me because I was gay. I did not realize that that was just the way they acted. I still have trouble knowing if they are my friends or enemies. Life is paranoia. I am always afraid people will hate me just because I am different. Just last week, I was working in student services on my semester project for world literature, a website answering the question, �What is it like to be gay?� I was later informed by Mr. Houselog that someone had walked past, had seen the word �Queer� at the top of my site, and reported that I was visiting inappropriate websites in school. I was also informed that I could no longer work on my website at school. I became angry that someone would report such a thing, as the purpose of my site is to broaden perspective. I guess it just goes to show the typical hate of gays felt by the majority of society. |
| Discrimination |
| Written May 8, 2002 |