Through Jonathan's Eyes

Chapter 1

Gibraltar, June 1801


Blue eyes haunted Jonathan Riley's sleep. Archie's eyes!

Twelve months ago they had stared at him, full of disbelief and hurt as Riley had muttered out his apology and stumbled from the Captain's cabin. Now they came to him in his sleep; a constant reminder of what he had lost that day.

For Jonathan Riley, the incident twelve months ago had been doubly damning. Not only had he lost Archie Kennedy's friendship by having it made to look like something dirty by Midshipman Beddow's cruel accusations. But, he had also been forced to accept things about himself that he had long tried to ignore and even now struggled to understand.

Perhaps that was the real reason he was here this morning, naked and exhausted in bed with a stranger. He rubbed his eyes and tried to forget the faint ache in his head, the legacy of too much to drink last night.

"Morning love. Are you awake?" asked the drowsy voice beside him.

"Yes," he answered very quietly. He sat up slowly and looked around for his clothes.

A small hand reached out and began to trail down his chest. He grabbed it before it could sink any lower.

"I should going," he said, wanting to leave as quickly as possible but reluctant to get out of the bed and display his nakedness to the girl. No doubt she'd seen it all last night, but he'd been more than a little drunk then and it hadn't bothered him. Now, in the clear light of morning, he felt ashamed.

"Can you stay a little longer love?" she asked, sitting up beside him, quite unconcerned by her own state of undress. "I'll let you do it again, seeing as how it was your first time and all," she purred. Her hand came up to play with Riley's strawberry blonde hair where it lay loose upon his lightly freckled shoulders. "No extra charge, just let me have a little souvenir, eh? Can I have one of them pretty curls? I never had a lad with hair this colour before."

Riley blushed even more and tried not to stare at her breasts. "I really don't have time. I have to report to my ship. I think I'm late already," he lied, sliding away from her hands.

She was pretty enough and young, probably not much older than he was. Lionel had chosen well. She'd been patient with him too and had never once made him feel like the fumbling novice that he was sure he must be. He'd enjoyed her, well, as much as you could enjoy a stranger whose name you didn't know. She'd probably told him that last night whilst she was giving him instructions, but he didn't remember.

He'd been so eager for this and yet now, on reflection, it had been strangely disappointing. Perhaps Archie had been right after all. Hurriedly he pulled on his clothes, refusing to think about Archie Kennedy or his advice. It was too late for that now.

Last night Riley had hoped that this one act might somehow be the answer to all his concerns. That by doing this he might banish the thoughts that plagued him daily and the dreams that ruled his sleep.

He had been wrong. The mere thought of Archie Kennedy set his heart beating faster. He blushed even more as he remembered that it had been Archie that he had thought about at the pinnacle of his pleasure.

The girl was still sitting in the bed watching him with a silly little grin on her face. He found it unsettling. On impulse he drew the small dirk that he wore as part of his dress uniform and cut off a piece of his hair.

"Here you are," Riley said, hoping to sound gallant and grateful. In reality he wanted to run.

The girl pouted as he placed the ringlet in her hand. "I was hoping for one of the others too, love." she teased.

He pulled his hair back and tied it securely with a black ribbon. "Maybe another time," he muttered as he fled the room.

Outside Lionel Thockmorton waited, seated on a low stone wall enjoying the sun.

"Ah there you are young Jonathan! A man at last! Now you must tell me all about it, every last detail!"

Riley groaned inwardly and rubbed his forehead. Thockmorton, on seeing the gesture continued quite unabashed. "Sore head? But which one? Too much drink or too much rogering?"

"Both," Riley muttered, hoping to end the conversation. He liked Lionel and knew him to be all bluster, but he really didn't want to talk about this now. "Have you seen Peter or Archie this morning?" Riley continued hoping to change the subject.

Thockmorton leapt to the bait. "Ah therein lies a mystery, Jonathan! Neither of them found their way to Miss Angelina's last night. They must have found themselves some other sport!"

There was no reason to feel the sinking in his stomach, Riley told himself. There was a simple explanation as to where the two were. But at the back of his mind Riley could not help but feel a slight shiver of disquiet.

As the two young men made their way back to the tavern where they had left Kennedy and Crittenden the evening before, Lionel Thockmorton gave a lively recount of his prowess at the brothel. Jonathan only half listened. His mind was elsewhere.

In the past twelve months, whilst anguishing over his own feelings, Riley had finally come to understand the nature of the friendship that Peter Crittenden had once enjoyed with his dead friend Harry Stratford. At first, Riley had been shocked that he had not realised what was between the pair at the time. But he had been younger then, and his knowledge of such things almost non-existent. He knew that certain acts were forbidden under The Articles of War, but was ignorant as to what they entailed.

Beddows had put an end to that. The older midshipman had taken great delight in giving Riley graphic details using course words and base gestures. The resulting picture had been made worse by the inclusion of Archie Kennedy, as a participant in and perpetrator of such acts.

Riley had still been reeling from the shock when Archie had returned to the Middies' berth. He had spoken without thought, not yet having had time to assimilate Beddows accusations. Archie's resulting fit had been the first in a long series of developments that had left Riley feeling even more confused and guilty.

It had been the disclosure late the next day by Lieutenant Hornblower, which had convinced Riley that he was to blame for Archie's present condition. Lieutenant Hornblower had sought Riley out on the foredeck and proceeded to explain how Archie Kennedy had been a victim of abuse by a man named Jack Simpson. This story, coupled with Beddows earlier descriptions had left Riley feeling sick. It also left him with a feeling of self-loathing as he remembered how much he had enjoyed the feel of Archie lying next to him in his hammock. He remembered Archie's reluctance. He remembered how he had begged his friend to keep him company. What must Archie have thought? What must he have felt? I'm no better than that man Simpson, Riley had finally decided.

But try as he may, Riley could not banish the feelings he had for Archie. Feelings that had become more concrete despite the associated sense of revulsion that Beddows had conjured.

For a long time Riley had avoided being near to Archie, worried that somehow the blonde midshipman would sense the feelings that he fought to keep hidden. Archie would be disgusted if he should ever found out. Everyone would be disgusted.

Six months ago tragedy had struck. Harry Stratford had been killed in battle and Riley had been witness to what the resultant grief had done to Peter Crittenden. It was Crittenden's pain and heartache that made Riley see there was a second side to that which Beddows had called 'unnatural'. As Crittenden lay slumped on the floor, sobbing in Archie arms, speaking of his love for Harry Stratford, Riley had finally come to understand that for some men such things were done for love.

It had been a powerful lesson and one that had changed Riley's whole perception of life. But at the same time came a further realisation; even if there was pleasure to be found in such a relationship would Archie ever willingly seek it out?

So Jonathan Riley had endeavoured to put all thoughts of Archie Kennedy from his mind. Lionel's plans to celebrate Riley's sixteenth birthday with a visit to a brothel had initially been refused. But after thinking about it, Riley decided that perhaps this of all things, might cure him of his feelings for not only Archie, but all men. Perhaps once he had been with a woman, once he had experienced what Lionel talked endlessly about, then he would feel different.

They the entered the small tavern where they had been yesterday and immediately saw Kennedy and Crittenden sitting closely together across the room. One look at Archie Kennedy, his fair hair still loose and laughter in his eyes, was enough for Jonathan Riley to know that nothing had changed.

 

Chapter 2

"At last! The missing Midshipmen are found!" Thockmorton called out at the top of his voice and waved. On hearing Lionel's greeting, Archie and Peter looked up. Archie blushed. Peter grinned.

"That's one Midshipman and one Acting Lieutenant, Lionel." Crittenden corrected with a smirk. "Don't you forget it." Upon the transfer of Horatio, a new Lieutenant, Mr Hays had been assigned to the Indefatigable but a short time later Mr Bracegirdle left after being promoted to Post Captain. Archie had once again been given the position of Acting Lieutenant, a position that might soon become permanent if he was successful in the examination yesterday.

"And what happened to you gentlemen last night?" Thockmorton inquired, seating himself at the table and waving his hand for service. "Did you drink so much that you simply fell under the table together?"

Archie flicked his eyes towards Peter before looking into his glass of ale.

"Not at all Lionel." Crittenden leaned back in his chair and balanced it on the two back legs. "We found a couple of willing lasses right here. They were quite taken with us. We got rooms upstairs. Isn't that right Archie?"

"Oh yes." Archie agreed smiling to himself.

"We had a wonderful night. Didn't cost us a penny either. They were more than eager." Crittenden looked at Archie and grinned. The blue eyes looked up and slowly met Crittenden's. Something passed between them in that look. Something Jonathan saw, but did not fully understand. He glanced at Thockmorton but the aristocratic midshipman's attention was elsewhere.

"What about you Jonathan?" Archie's voice called him back. Riley looked into those blue eyes and saw something different there. Archie was happy. Happier than Jonathan had seen him look in a months.

"What?" Jonathan asked, caught by those eyes and trying to look deeper into the soul that was just out of his reach.

"How did it go, Jonathan? How was your...er...night?" Archie's voice had changed to the soft way he used to speak when they had shared confidences long ago. His eyes now showed a gentle concern.

"Oh...it was...fine...yes, it was good, thank you Archie." Jonathan stuttered and looked away, feeling uncomfortable and slightly confused. What had happened here, last night, between these two?

"So shall we have a little wager gentlemen?" Thockmorton lifted his newly arrived glass of ale and took a sip.

"On what Lionel?" Peter asked. He helped himself to a chunk of bread from the plate that had been placed in front of Thockmorton.

"Each man on his honour of course. But what's say we have a wager as to who fired off their cannon the greatest number of times. Where are my eggs woman?" The last was shouted across the room. Riley jumped.

"You're on Lionel. Shall we say...next months allowance?" Crittenden was grinning across the table and even Archie was trying to hide his smile.

The eggs arrived, greasy and half-cooked. Thockmorton tucked in without further comment.

"Not eating Jonathan?" Archie asked softly. Those blue eyes were still full of growing concern.

"No, I feel a little..."

"Worn out, no doubt!" Thockmorton supplied happily. "You first then, young Jonathan. How many shots did you get off?"

Riley paused. He'd become accustomed to talk such as this, but had never been included in it before today. He hesitated, unsure of his answer.

"Do you mean actually...doing it...with the...er...girl...or does it count if I um...before I...actually...while she was...um..?"

Crittenden spluttered into his ale. "Think he might have missed the bloody target, Lionel!" Thockmorton burst out laughing. He hit Riley affectionately on the back. Riley blushed and hung his head wondering if he would ever be taken seriously.

"How many times did you come lad?" Thockmorton finally managed to get out between snorts of laughter.

"Three," Riley muttered. He didn't like this game at all.

"Good for you, young Jonathan, but that's not going to win you the prize!" Thockmorton pulled a lace handkerchief from his pocket and delicately wiped his lips. "Now I managed to perform most admirably five times, with two delightful young doxies who were more than impressed with my marksmanship." He folded his arms and sat back with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Very impressive as always, Mr Thockmorton." Peter Crittenden said seriously, then grinned wickedly. "But I am afraid I matched your record last night. And I had just ONE partner."

"Hmph," Lionel frowned clearly unimpressed. "Well it's a tie then."

"Perhaps not, we haven't heard from Mr Kennedy?" Peter tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at Archie. "What about you Arch?"

Archie looked up eyes alight, and beamed. "Six times, gentlemen. I had an outstanding partner who inspired me to levels of greatness above and beyond the call of duty!"

"I don't believe you!" Thockmorton blurted out.

"Oh believe him, Lionel. I'll bear witness!" Crittenden grinned. Riley's mouth flew open and even Thockmorton looked askance.

"Heard it all through the wall. We had adjoining rooms, you see." Crittenden continued calmly. "I can attest to the fact that Mr Kennedy came six times, very loudly indeed."

"I always thought a man was supposed to slow down with age." Thockmorton said with a slight smirk.

"I'm only twenty four Lionel. I am sure I have a few good years left in me yet." Archie replied, not taking offence at the jest.

"Well, I guess congratulations are in order." Thockmorton held out his hand and shook Archie's vigorously. "Don't suppose you could point out the lass in question do you Archie?"

Archie grinned and flicked a glance at Crittenden. "A gentleman never tells, Lionel," he replied shyly.

Throughout the exchange Jonathan Riley had watched and listened taking in every small nuance, every look that passed between Archie and Peter. It brought back memories of Peter and Harry Stratford laughing together in the Middies' berth, sharing a private joke. He watched the interplay as Crittenden casually brushed Archie's arm with his hand, or leaned in closer than was necessary when they spoke. But the most amazing thing was that rather than be repulsed by it, Archie seemed to enjoy the attention.

Had he been wrong?

Had all his assumptions about Archie Kennedy gleaned most painfully during the incident last year been incorrect? For surely it was there for anyone to see, anyone, that is, who cared to look closely at the two young men across the table.

Archie Kennedy and Peter Crittenden were lovers.

The realisation slowly sank in leaving Jonathan Riley feeling cold. He had been a fool. He had misunderstood everything and now he had lost the chance to ever have Archie for his own.

"Jonathan? Are you sure you are all right?" With great reluctance, Jonathan looked up into the smiling blue eyes again and felt his heart sink.

"Yes Archie," he answered trying hard to smile. "I'm fine."

 

Chapter 3

They were back on board the Indy by the commencement of the Afternoon watch. Little Pip Moseby was bursting with questions as they stepped into the Middies Berth. Thankfully Lionel Thockmorton was happy to oblige and set about regaling the youngster with tales of their night ashore, albeit a watered down version.

But Moseby still sought out Riley for a first hand description when they retired to their hammocks that evening. They were alone in the Middies Berth; Thockmorton was on first watch and Peter Crittenden was strangely absent. Riley didn't want to speculate about where he might be.

"So did you really do it Jonathan?" Pip asked, his eyes wide with curiosity. The squeaking sounds of their hammocks as they swayed filled the darkness.

"Yes, I did it, Pip."

With all the inquisitiveness of his fourteen years Moseby continued. "And was it good Jonathan? Was it?"

Riley weighed his answer for a moment and remembered what Archie had said long ago.

"It was good, Pip, but I think it would have been better with someone I cared for."

"I don't understand Jonathan, What do you mean?" Pip asked.

"Well, it felt good, in a purely physical way...but it didn't mean anything. Do you see?"

"No," Pip replied then asked eagerly, "Did you see her naked and did she touch your thing?"

Bloody hell...where was Lionel when you needed him. Riley tried again. "Do you ever read poetry Pip? Poetry about love?"

"No, but I did read Gulliver's Travels." Moseby replied enthusiastically.

Riley tried another tack. "Well...what's your favourite food?"

"Ohh...that's easy, bread and jam, I love bread and jam."

"Right, well, it's like being giving fruit cake when you would rather have bread and jam. You like fruit cake, it's sweet and it's tasty but it's not bread and jam."

"Hmm yes, I think I see. But if you ate enough fruit cake you wouldn't feel hungry any more so it wouldn't really matter would it?"

Riley rubbed his face and rolled over in his hammock. "Go to sleep Pip, you're too young to understand."

"Hmmph, that's what everyone says. I'm too young!" The young midshipman snuffled in the darkness bringing to mind Riley's own experiences at that age. He thought again about how Archie would comfort him at night in his hammock. Perhaps it hadn't been that uncomfortable for Archie after all. He thought of how they had lain side by side in the tiny hammock; Archie telling him bedtime stories as one would a child.

Was that it? Did Archie think of him as a child? Did Archie STILL think of him that way? Was that why he had turned to Peter Crittenden? That thought brought with it images of Archie and Crittenden alone even now in Archie's small cabin, locked together in a passionate embrace, their naked bodies glistening with sweat, their hands and mouths...

Riley rolled over in his hammock again with a slight groan. He thought about what he had done last night although he could not bring to mind the girl's face no matter how hard he tried. It was the feelings he concentrated on, the sensations that she had coaxed from his body with her hands and mouth. His own hands sought out his need and he gave in to his feelings, imagining Archie again, Archie's hands on him, Archie's mouth kissing him...

"Christ Jonathan, didn't you get enough of it last night?"

Peter Crittenden's voice brought Riley back to reality like a splash of cold water. He opened his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. Crittenden was undressing by his bunk, nothing more than a shadow laughing in the darkness.

"Obviously not Peter," Riley replied angrily not seeing the humour in his current predicament. He was tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes. The darkness gave him courage and he continued. "But then, perhaps I'm not the only one. Were you after a bit more too, just now Peter?" By the movement he knew that Crittenden had spun to face him, no doubt surprised by his unexpected retort.

"What is that supposed to imply, Jonathan?" Crittenden asked angrily.

Riley turned away onto his side trying to imagine Crittenden's face. Would he be worried or angry? He didn't answer, letting the tension build in the darkness.

 

It was Moseby who finally broke the awkward silence, his small high voice squeaking out indignantly.

"I don't know what you two are so bloody angry about. I didn't get ANY at ALL!"

 

Chapter 4

"YES!" The shout was loud enough to be heard all over the ship, Jonathan Riley concluded as he approached the Middies Berth hesitantly.

"Oh Archie, I knew you could do it!" That last remark was from Peter Crittenden, once again loud enough to be heard on deck.

"Well they sound extremely pleased about something," Lionel Thockmorton added helpfully as he pushed open the cabin door and entered without reservation. Jonathan followed along behind.

In the middle of the cabin stood Kennedy and Crittenden, arms around each other grinning wildly.

"So which one of you just inherited a title and a fortune?" Thockmorton asked. Riley suspected he was half serious.

"I passed the exam, Lionel." Archie said proudly as he let go his hold on Crittenden and straightened his blue jacket. "I'm finally a Lieutenant!"

Riley knew he should be pleased, but all he could think of was the fact that Archie would be leaving. However he joined Thockmorton in expressing his congratulations and shook Archie's hand. When Archie would have let go Riley held on a moment longer.

"I'll be sorry to see you go Archie," he said solemnly, squeezing Archie's hand slightly to try and make his point.

Archie smiled. "I've not yet been assigned to my new ship Jonathan, so I have a few more days." He squeezed Jonathan's hand in reply. "I'll miss you too." But then Archie raised his eyes and looked around the room, breaking the moment of intimacy. "I'll miss all of you. This ship has been my home and you are like my family."

A few more days, the words hung in the air like a dirge. A few more days and Archie would leave, maybe never to be seen again. A slow despair began creeping up his spine as Jonathan let the words sink in. There was still so much that he didn't understand, so much that he wanted to understand. I'll have to tell him before he goes, Riley thought in desperation. I'll have to tell him that I...ask him if he might... Vivid scenes flooded Riley's mind, scenes of himself and Archie saying their goodbyes. He was acutely aware of the hot blush that suddenly coloured his fair skin. It was not his only embarrassment.

"I've forgotten something on deck." Jonathan muttered hastily. "I have to go."

Once on deck, the gentle breeze brought a welcome relief and cooled Riley's fevered imagination, but did not lessen his desire to find time alone with Archie before his departure.

Was it wrong to want this so much, Riley wondered? Certainly the Articles of War were quite clear on the matter. But if it was wrong why did it bring such happiness to Archie and Peter? Perhaps there was more to it than what Beddows had described in lurid detail. Perhaps there were other things, other pleasures? But how was he to find out? How was he to approach Archie when he really had no idea of what he actually wanted? Well, that was only half true, for he knew he wanted to be alone with Archie, to share his company, to lay beside him again. Perhaps if he managed that then the rest would follow on quite naturally like it had with the girl. The greatest difficulty would be getting Archie alone where they would not be disturbed. As he stood gazing towards the town that lay basking in the summer sun, Riley began to make his plans. He was so deeply lost in thought that he didn't hear the quiet steps of the Captain until the older man cleared his throat. Riley snapped to attention.

"At ease, Mr Riley." Pellew began formally. He cleared his throat again before continuing. "I trust you had a pleasant...shore leave...this time Mr Riley?"

Riley blinked, surprised by the Captain's uncharacteristic interest. "Yes Sir." Riley replied with embarrassment, not meeting Pellew's eyes.

"I trust that it was...instructional?"

Surely the Captain didn't want to know about his brothel visit too. The blush Riley had tried so hard to banish resurfaced. "Yes, Sir, thank you sir."

Pellew fidgeted slightly and Riley belatedly realised that his Captain was not entirely at ease with the conversation either.

"As an old friend of your father's, Mr Riley, I want you to know that ... hmm .. should you ever need ... advice .. on ...anything, instructional or otherwise ... you may always come to me... hrmmph."

Riley stared at the dazzling water. What he MOST needed advice, how to seduce Archie Kennedy, was hardly something he could ask Captain Pellew. "Thank you Sir," he murmured.

But Pellew next words cut to Riley's heart. "Your father would be very proud of you Mr Riley!"

Riley closed his eyes in shame.

 

Chapter 5

An opportunity presented itself a few hours before dawn the following morning. Jonathan awoke as Peter Crittenden was quietly dressing to take his place on the morning watch. That meant that Archie Kennedy would be just finishing the long hours of the middle watch and would most likely make his way to bed for a few hours of precious sleep.

Riley waited until he heard one bell sound then quietly slipped from his hammock and into his shirt and breeches. Silently he made his way through the sleeping ship until he stood nervously outside the door to Archie's small cabin. It took some moments for Archie to answer the hesitant knocks.

"Yes, come in." Archie's voice was heavy with sleep and Jonathan entered to find him sitting up in his cot, rubbing his eyes.

"What's wrong Jonathan?" Archie asked in alarm when he saw who was standing in his cabin.

Jonathan hesitated for a moment, allowing his eyes to slowly travel over the bare flesh of Archie's chest. He steeled his resolve and shut the door firmly.

"Nothing is wrong Archie. I just need to speak with you."

"Can't it wait a few hours Jonathan? I'm very tired." Archie rubbed his eyes again and pushed back his tousled hair.

Jonathan smiled and stepped closer. His eyes travelled down to the puddle of sheet in Archie's lap and he wondered his friend was wearing anything at all.

"It can't wait Archie, I need you!" Jonathan blurted out, moving even closer to the bed.

"Need me? For what? What has happened, Jonathan? You are not making any sense!"

"I need you Archie." Jonathan insisted, "I ...need...you!"

But Archie Kennedy sat blinking, confusion on his face, clearing not understanding Jonathan's request.

"I want you...want you to...you and me Archie." Jonathan tried again. He wished that he knew the right words for it, the words that would make his meaning clear. "I want to do with you, what you do with Peter!"

Those words registered! Registered with all the force of a broadside.

"Jonathan, you don't know what you are saying!" Rather than being pleased, Archie looked horrified.

"Yes I do Archie!" Riley moved closer until he was standing beside the bed. He leaned towards Archie reaching out, wanting nothing more than to touch the tempting array of skin. But before he could complete the gesture, Archie's hands came up to grip his shoulders roughly, holding him at arms length.

"Don't do this Jonathan." The words were low and desperate.

"But I want to Archie." Riley exclaimed as he struggled in the firm grasp. "Don't you like me Archie?"

"Of course I like you Jonathan. We are friends but that is all. You are too young to know what you are asking."

Archie's perception of him felt like a slap. "You think I'm still a child, don't you Archie?" Jonathan retorted, anger in his voice. "Well I'm not!" Jonathan drew back and Archie released his shoulders.

"I'm old enough to risk my life every time I climb into the rigging. I was old enough to kill a man by stabbing him through the chest with my cutlass the last time we fought. I was old enough to visit a brothel in Gibraltar and risk catching the pox. I certainly think I'm old enough for this Archie!"

A look of indecision appeared in Archie's eyes as the words registered. Before Archie could react, Jonathan leaned in quickly again, placing his hands on Archie's chest and pushing with all his weight. He had the advantage of speed and position. This time Archie was forced backwards onto the thin mattress. Quickly Jonathan swung one knee up and straddled Archie in a bizarre parody of a wrestling hold.

They struggled for a moment until Riley managed to lean in and kiss Archie. Their lips touched, briefly but firmly, before Archie turned his head away.

"For God's sake, Mr Riley, leave off. That's an order."

Riley sat back, shocked by the vehemence in Archie's voice. They stared at each other, chests heaving from their struggle, eyes locked. A sharp rapping on the door broke them apart.

"Is all well Mr Kennedy?" Lieutenant Overton's curt inquiry sent Jonathan scrambling backwards, almost slipping onto the floor. Archie leapt from the cot and scurried for his clothes with a muffled curse.

"For God's sake tidy yourself!" Archie hissed to Jonathan as he pulled on his breeches. He opened the door.

"Yes thank you Mr Overton. Mr Riley and I were just having a difference of opinion about a question that was on the Lieutenants exam that I sat."

Overton's steady gaze raked over the two men and their casual state of dress, then flicked to the rumpled cot behind them.

"Perhaps it would be better to discuss such things at a more reasonable hour Mr Kennedy?" He looked back at Riley. "If Mr Riley is so keen that he feels the need to study in the middle of the night I will see that Mr Bowles sets him extra work to keep him occupied. Off to your Berth, Mr Riley!"

"Yes sir and thank you Mr Kennedy, I am sorry I disturbed you." Riley fled the small room, his face the colour of fire.

 

Chapter 6

"Pip, go up on deck for a while. Jonathan and I need to sort something out." Peter Crittenden said fiercely as he strode into the Middies berth. He waited until the younger boy had left before fixing Riley with an angry look.

"Just what sort of a game do you think you are playing Jonathan?"

"How did you find out Peter?" Jonathan asked warily. Crittenden had only just finished his watch. "Did Archie tell you?"

"Of course he told me. He had to explain the reasons why I couldn't sit in his cabin for a quiet chat just now. It's all your fault!" Crittenden's voice accused. "Overton is watching him like a hawk!"

"A chat?" Riley asked, defensively. He suspected that what Peter had planned was probably far more damning. "Really Peter, you don't expect me to believe that do you? I'm not a fool you know."

"I think that may be a matter of opinion, Jonathan. From what Archie told me, your behaviour last night was certainly foolish." The words stung almost as much as Crittenden's piercing look. "What exactly did you have in mind Jonathan? What game were you playing at?"

"It's not a game! I'm not a child!" Riley spat back.

"Well then stop acting like one!" Crittenden retorted.

"You don't understand." Jonathan continued, walking across to confront Crittenden face to face. They were of the same height although Crittenden was almost four years older. Jonathan smiled when he realised that before long he would surpass the older man in height and strength. Already it showed in the breath of his shoulders and the strength of his forearm. That knowledge brought with it a false sense of superiority. Recklessly he continued. "Archie was my friend long before he ever looked at you. I want him and I know he wants me. You're just jealous, that's all."

"Why you little bastard. How dare you say such a thing. You have no idea what you are talking about." Crittenden clearly hadn't expected the reply.

"Oh yes I do. I can make him happy, I can give him whatever it is you give him...you'll see."

Crittenden snorted, his anger suddenly giving way to mirth. "Jonathan, you wouldn't know what to do with a prick if it wasn't your own. You're a little boy!" he taunted.

The punch surprised them both, Jonathan even more so than Peter. Something snapped inside Riley and before he even realised what had happened, his fist connected with Peter's forehead sending the older Middie stumbling backwards into the bulkhead. For a moment they stared at each other, shock on their faces as a slow trickle of blood seeped down from Peter's eyebrow. Then Crittenden sprang back, his own blow hitting Riley full in the mouth. Blood splattered everywhere.

They fell to the ground in a grapple of arms and legs, their blows now mostly ineffectual as they scrambled together, each trying to gain a better hold.

"What on earth are you doing?" The exclamation barely registered.

"On your feet, both of you. That's an order!"

Archie Kennedy gripped the two midshipmen by their jackets and hauled them apart. They stood panting, bruised and bleeding, eyes downcast.

"What are you both doing?" Archie asked again in disbelief.

"A small difference of opinion Archie," Crittenden said as he wiped the blood from the cut above his eye. "It's not important."

"Not important? Two midshipmen, brawling below decks is not important? I think you are mistaken Mr Crittenden!"

Archie stared at them both, such deep disappointment in his eyes, that Jonathan forgot the pain of his mouth and the blood dripping down his chin.

"I'm sorry...Sir" he stuttered out between his split lips.

"Both of you report to Mr Hepplewhite and when he has finished with you, you can spend the rest of the watch at the cross trees of the main and fore masts."

"Aye aye sir" They replied in unison.

"What seems to be the problem here Mr Kennedy?" Lieutenant Overton's voice made them all look towards the doorway. They had not heard his soft approach.

"There is no problem Sir, I have dealt with the breech of conduct and punishment has been given." Archie said formally.

Overton smiled but it was not a warming gesture. "I think you are too lenient with your punishment Mr Kennedy." From his words it was clear he had overheard everything. "When I was on the Valkyrie, midshipmen such as these would have been made to kiss the gunner's daughter. Twenty of the best! I would have administered them myself!" His pale eyes darted from Riley to Crittenden and back again, before settling once more on Archie. "But Captain Pellew doesn't hold with caning the Midshipmen and so we have incidents like this!"

Overton jerked his head towards the door. "Off to the cross trees with you, NOW and stay up there until I call you down."

"But sir, their injuries? Shouldn't they be treated first?" Archie asked defiantly.

"You do more harm than good if you mollycoddle them, Mr Kennedy. I know it is but days since you were one yourself, but THEY are midshipmen and YOU are an Officer. Try to remember it!"

 

Chapter 7

Time passed slowly. For the first hour Jonathan sat brooding, his bloodied mouth painful. His anger towards Crittenden and Overton seethed as he saw them as the two men responsible for his current predicament. By the second hour his anger had cooled and he remembered the look of disappointment on Archie's face. What must Archie think of him? Jonathan slipped into a dark mood of self-recrimination and regret.

At four bells in the Forenoon Watch Jonathan saw Captain Pellew board his gig and go ashore. There were still two hours to go before noon. Already Riley could feel the sun burning his fair skin. A new concern began to worry at his mind. Earlier he had hoped that Captain Pellew, upon learning of their plight, might make a show of leniency and order them down before noon. But with the Captain's departure Riley bid farewell to his last chance of salvation. He wondered briefly if the Captain even knew that he and Crittenden were up there. Most probably he did not, as Captain Pellew was rarely a vicious man.

Riley looked behind to the Main Mast where Peter Crittenden was also perched on the small platform at the crosstrees. He too seemed to be watching the Captain's departing gig.

With a wince, Riley licked at his cut lips and buried his face into his sleeve in the hope of protecting it from the sun.

By noon, Riley's uniform was drenched in sweat and the top of his head felt like it was on fire. His mouth was dry. His broken lips had opened up again and were weeping watery blood. In a vain effort to keep cool, he tugged opened his blue jacket and loosened his shirt. For once he would have been glad of the silly hat he was required to wear, but hats were not worn when one went aloft. Surely they will call us down soon, he thought despairingly.

But the sun was low in the west before a gentle hand upon his sleeve roused him from his stupor.

"Come on Mr Riley, Sir. It's time to come down."

Riley blinked up at the seaman whose face swam before him, trying to connect face to a name. He failed.

"Are you all right Sir?" The voice was full of concern.

As he tried to move, Riley felt his head spin and he gripped the seaman's arm tightly. For a moment he wondered where he was and why his head ached so badly and his face hurt so much.

"Easy does it Sir, let me help you. We have a long climb." The seaman clasped a strong arm around Riley and slowly they began to descend.

It seemed to take forever, the climb having a dreamlike quality. When Riley finally stood upon the deck once more he thought he was still aloft and that the Captain and Archie Kennedy staring at him in grave concern were mere figments of his fevered imagination.

"Are you all right Mr Riley?" The Captain's voice broke through the haze surrounding him. Riley began to shiver uncontrollably.

"I'm so cold Sir," he stuttered out. As he spoke, his lips began to bleed again but when he tried to lick them to ease the pain he discovered that his mouth was too dry.

"Was this your order Mr Kennedy?" Pellew asked, unable to disguise his anger.

"No Sir, Mr Overton ordered the extended time aloft. He said I had been too lenient."

Riley swayed on his feet and someone slipped an arm around him again to stop him falling over.

"See that they are both taken to Mr Hepplewhite at once. Mr Riley appears to have a case of sunstroke."

Belatedly, Jonathan thought of Peter Crittenden and opened his stinging eyes to look around. Crittenden stood not far away, his face burnt, his lips cracked, his face expressionless.

"I'm sorry," was all Riley managed to whisper before loosing consciousness.

 

Chapter 8

Jonathan Riley was drowning. He was cold and drowning and knew he would die soon. He struggled to get his head clear of the treacherous water. There was something he had to do before he died. Someone he had to speak to. "Archie!" he called frantically.

"Yer got to drink it Sir." A voice beside him insisted. "Yer all dried up and yer got to get some water into yer!"

A cool cloth was placed on his forehead and he commenced shivering again.

"Archie!" Jonathan called again, suddenly afraid. Was he dead already? Were they washing his body for burial?

"Shhh, now Sir. Yer all right. Drink up." More water sloshed into his mouth making him gag and choke. Riley lashed out with his arms and legs and suddenly realised he was naked and wrapped only in a light sheet. Was it his burial shroud?

He forced his eyes open and stared up at the startled face of a loblolly boy who had moved back from his flailing limbs.

"Easy now Sir, go easy there. Yer all right."

Slowly reality surfaced again. The Indefatigable, he was in the infirmary of the ship after spending the day in the sun.

"Yes, I know," Riley murmured trying to marshal his thoughts and show the worried boy that he was once more in command of his senses.

Slowly a new sensation registered. The ship was under weigh once more!

"Oh," Jonathan groaned aloud as he realised what this would mean. Archie! Archie was gone!

Jonathan closed his eyes and sobbed, wanting to cry, but having no tears left. His eyes stung, his mouth ached, his head throbbed, and now, his heart felt like it was falling apart.

Archie was lost to him, lost aboard his new ship and Jonathan would never have the chance now to apologise for his foolishness. Forever Archie would remember him as a foolish boy and never know his true feelings.

"Come on Sir, have some water."

But Jonathan turned his face away. He might as well die.

 

Chapter 9

It was as if he was caught in a strange half waking dream. Time seemed to slip and slide around him. Voices and faces came and went as he hovered in and out of consciousness, hot one moment, cold the next.

It was Archie's voice that he heard when he awoke clear headed for the first time.

"I am so sorry, I feel responsible for this."

Jonathan opened his eyes but the room was deep in darkness, no candle burning. Before he could reply, another voice answered the question.

"I'm all right Archie. Just a little sunburnt."

"Oh Peter, I was so worried about you up there. I simply didn't know what to do." A breathy sound filled the darkness with untold images. Jonathan held his breath.

"It was my own fault Archie" Peter Crittenden continued, his voice little more than a whisper. "I should have had more sense than to let bloody Jonathan goad me like that."

"He's just a boy Peter. He doesn't understand how dangerous things can be." Archie placated.

Crittenden's snort of contempt was quite audible. "He a bloody little fool, is what he IS Archie!"

"Peter don't be so hard on him. Surely you remember what it was like at that age, what you felt for Harry."

There was more rustling before Crittenden continued his voice now very gentle.

"Yes, I couldn't get enough of him. Was it the same for you?"

Jonathan stared into the darkness. Why was Archie still on board and what were he and Peter doing? Riley lay still, wishing he could turn his head, wanting to know more but suddenly afraid that they would stop talking and find him awake.

"Hmm not really. Anything physical was the last thing on my mind back then. But I was attracted to Horatio in a way I couldn't understand. I'd lay awake at night watching him sleep in his hammock beside me."

Horatio??? Mr Hornblower??? Perhaps I am still delirious, Jonathan wondered. Archie and Lieutenant Hornblower? Had he been blind to this as well? But perhaps Archie's affections been as one sided as Riley's own? He listened attentively to find out more.

"Ahh and therein lies the difference Archie." Crittenden continued, his voice once more serious. "We were all Middies back then and more often than not the Officers would turn a blind eye. You are a lieutenant now, with a position to maintain. Overton is going to be watching us all the more closely now, but especially he'll be watching you!

"We will have to be careful, Peter. Very careful." More of those breathing sound, which Riley decided must be the two men kissing. The thought made his heart race.

"Oh Archie, the risk is too great now. I won't let you jeopardise your Lieutenancy. It's taken you so long to achieve and I know how important it is to you." Peter's voice took on a sadder note. "It's not as if you really love me Archie. We're friends, close friends, but I won't let you risk your career for me."

"Peter.."

"No, listen to me Archie. You know I'm right. We will just have to wait until our next shore leave to....be together. Do you understand?"

"Peter you are far more practical, than I am! I should be the one saying this and yet all I can think about is the fact that I don't want to give you up."

"You won't be giving me up Arch, it will just mean waiting and it will make each shore leave all the more enjoyable."

They both laughed gently in the darkness, but Archie's tone grew serious once more.

"You're wrong about one thing, though Peter. I do love you."

"I know you do Archie and I love you too. But I also know that it's not the same...not the same as the way I loved Harry or you love Horatio."

"Peter.." Archie's voice was a desperate whisper.

"Shh now Arch, go on...it has to be this way. You know it."

There was an easing of timbers as Archie stood up.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, Peter. Get some sleep."

"Yes, Goodnight Archie."

But Peter Crittenden lay awake for a long time after Archie Kennedy had left and Jonathan listened to the faint muffled sobs that did not stop until the older Middie had fallen into an exhausted sleep.

 

Chapter 10

Peter Crittenden's bed in the infirmary was empty when Jonathan awoke the next morning. The surgeon's mate, who had come to bathe Riley's face in saltwater, answered his question.

"Mr Crittenden's back on duty. He's isn't half as bad as you are. You looked like a well-cooked lobster when they brought you down. Your face is going to peel something terrible. You should see the blisters!" Riley hardly needed to be told. He could feel the tightness of the skin on his face every time he moved. His lips were crusted and repeatedly split when he tried to drink.

"When can I go back to duty?" Riley asked half-heartedly.

"Not until Dr Hepplewhite gives the order."

Jonathan idled away the morning deep in thought. He knew he would have to face Archie soon and wondered what he should say. Briefly he wondered why Archie hadn't been to see him, but decided that would hardly be advisable. Besides, Archie had duties to perform.

He thought long and hard about what Peter had sacrificed last night. It made Jonathan's own foolish actions seem even more childish. How could he have thrown himself at Archie like that? What must he have thought? He shivered as he suddenly recalled what Archie had experienced in the past. Dear God, how could he have been so thoughtless!

Thoughtless, or thinking of himself? All along he had only considered his OWN wants, never Archie's. I AM a child, Jonathan decided; children think only of themselves. Again he thought of Peter Crittenden's actions last night. Perhaps that's what I need to do too? If I love Archie then I should let him go.

Love. The word seemed to reverberate in the air around him. Love.

Was that what he felt for Archie? Until now he hadn't put a name the feeling. He wanted Archie; he certainly cared for him. But was that love?

Jonathan thought again about what he had overheard last night. He thought again of Peter's sacrifice; that he would put Archie's well being ahead of his own wants. Perhaps that was what love was all about, putting the other person first?

If so, then Jonathan had fallen far short of the mark. It was a sobering realisation.

But perhaps all was not lost. By some twist of providence Archie was still on board and there was a chance that somehow Jonathan could put everything to rights.

If only I had a friend to talk to, Jonathan thought to himself sadly.


 

 

At the start of the Afternoon watch, Lionel Thockmorton poked his head into the infirmary.

"My goodness young Jonathan, you look a little the worse for wear!"

"Oh Lionel" Jonathan sighed, grateful to see a friendly face.

"Had a bit of a spat with Peter, did you?" Lionel asked gently.

Jonathan dropped his head. "Something like that. I did something very stupid. Several things to be precise."

Lionel perched his lankly frame on the end of the cot and nodded. "We all do such things from time to time Jonathan. It's a part of growing up."

"Lionel, why is Mr Kennedy still on board?" The question had been puzzling Jonathan all morning.

"Ah, he's been assigned to the Indy." Lionel began knowingly. He leaned forward and whispered, "Rumour has it that the Captain asked for him personally."

"At least I'll have a chance to apologise to him then. I was so worried he'd leave before I could say anything." Jonathan hesitated a moment, silently weighing up the man in front of him. He was desperate for someone to talk to, someone to confide in. He felt very much alone.

"Lionel, what do you know about men?"

Thockmorton raised his eyebrows. "Men?"

"Yes Men. Men who... who.. like... who prefer..." Jonathan stumbled over the words, trying to explain.

"Men who prefer the 'Windward Passage'?" Lionel asked, one eyebrow raised.

The term took Jonathan by surprise, but he knew what Lionel meant.

"Yes," he replied softly.

"Errr.. well...I've heard it's all to do with breaching one another's fundament ... at least that's what I've been told!" Lionel blushed and began dusting at something imaginary on his coat sleeve.

"Oh yes, I've heard about that part" Jonathan pressed on. Having come this far he wasn't prepared to back down now. "I wondered if there was more?"

"More? Good gracious.. I... er.." Thockmorton resembled a landed fish as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly at a loss for words.

Jonathan smiled, it was not often that Lionel was left speechless. He tired another tack.

"Have you ever met anyone like that Lionel?"

Thockmorton was silent for a moment. "On my last ship, the Neptune, a first rate ship of the line," Lionel injected proudly, "there was a Lieutenant. An average sort of man, quiet, polite, never unfair in his dealings with the ratings, nor was he overly severe in his treatment of the Midshipmen. He never punished our ignorance. Rather, he would make sure we KNEW how to do something before he gave an order. Not all of the Lieutenants were as considerate.

"I respected him and when I could I would seek him out to ask him about navigation or seamanship. He was always obliging and took the time to answer my questions.

"Eventually we were assigned to a prize ship together. One night we were dining in his cabin as was the custom, we being the only Officers aboard. We'd been drinking a little too much I think, and I was talking about women saying something foolish about how much I missed their touch.

"Well of a sudden, he looked at me, straight into my eyes, and offered...offered to.. well he offered to see to my needs.

"I was shocked speechless. He saw at once that he had been mistaken and we both started babbling. I apologised for giving him the wrong impression, he apologised for being forward. But the damage was done.

"I left quickly, but what dismayed me most was the real fear I saw in his eyes. He was afraid of me! Afraid I would tell someone or speak of what had happened. We rarely spoke to each other after that night. He avoided me, never looked me in the eye again."

Lionel's face showed deep remorse. "He was a good Officer and a kind man, but he lived in fear."

"Oh Lionel," Jonathan said sympathetically.

Thockmorton straightened, shaking off his glum mood. "Of course I have heard tales of other men. Those who were not so kind or who used their authority to force or coerce.." Lionel stopped suddenly, his eyes concerned.

"Jonathan," he began softly, "Your argument with Peter wasn't because he.."

"Oh no! Nothing like that Lionel." Jonathan hastened to confirm.

Thockmorton looked relieved. "Well it will all blow over Jonathan. These things always do."

"I doubt he will ever speak to me again," Jonathan said glumly.

"Who Peter? Of course he will!"

"NO, Archie! Mr Kennedy! I think I may have got him into trouble with Mr Overton and I've already caused enough trouble between him and Peter."

"Mr Overton and Peter?" Thockmorton asked, trying to keep up.

"No Peter and Archie...you see I went to Archie's quarters the other night."

"You did?" Lionel prompted, his eyes growing as big as saucers.

"Yes, and I told him... told him that I...wanted him!"

"YOU WANTED HIM?" Lionel clapped his hand across his mouth when he realised he had shouted.

"Yes," Jonathan admitted, "And he didn't take it very well."

Eyes rolling, head shaking, Lionel Thockmorton suddenly looked like a sea lion doing a mating dance. "I'm not surprised! Where on earth did you get the idea that Archie ...er...Mr Kennedy was ..er...that way inclined?"

Before Jonathan could reply, Lionel stood and started pacing. "Really Jonathan" he lectured, "You should have known better. I mean after his marathon effort in Gibraltar, it's very obvious that our Mr Kennedy is a first class rake!"

Jonathan shook his head and tried not to laugh.

"Oh Lionel, he spent the night with Peter!"

"What?" Thockmorton stopped his pacing and stared.

"They are lovers, Lionel. They..."

"My God!" Lionel sat down heavily on the end of the cot again. "I wonder if Harry ever realised when he was alive?" he asked shaking his head again.

"Harry was a part of it Lionel." Jonathan said hesitantly. Belatedly he wondered if perhaps he had said too much. This wasn't going the way he had envisaged.

"You mean the three of them?" Lionel asked in horror. "At the same time? My god!"

"No Lionel, you have it all wrong." Jonathan put his head in his hands and softly commenced to cry. "O Lionel, I love him, I want him and I don't know what to do."

"Here now Jonathan, no need for tears." Lionel patted the shaking shoulder. Gone were all signs of shock at the revelation, replaced by gentle caring. "We'll work something out."

"But Archie thinks I'm a child. He'll never look at me now."

"Do not despair, young Jonathan!" Lionel said brightly. "Help is at hand! I have personally wooed many a young woman and am only too happy to pass along some of the finer points to you!"

Jonathan wiped the tears from his sore eyes. He couldn't help but smile when he saw the eager look on Thockmorton's face.

"Thank you Lionel, you're a good friend. Do you really mean it?"

"Of course I do!" Thockmorton declared and as if to prove his support he immediately started making plans. "The first thing you need to do is catch his eye!"

"How?" Jonathan asked eagerly.

"Well, if I was trying to catch a woman's eye I would act very gallant, compliment her gown and maybe quote a little poetry." Jonathan frowned doubtfully. None of those options seemed quite appropriate for Archie.

"However," Thockmorton continued, his brow furrowed in concentration, "Archie is not a woman.." He rubbed his brow for a moment. "If a woman wanted to catch MY attention, she would wear a low cut gown to show off her...er...neck and flutter her eyes at me."

"You think I should wear a dress?" Jonathan asked more than a little shocked by the suggestion.

"No NO.." Lionel continued impatiently, "I am merely trying to point out that men are visual creature. We LOOK!"

Jonathan nodded, happy to rely on Lionel's wealth of experience. "So what will Archie be looking at?" he asked hopefully.

"Ahem," Lionel began a little uncomfortably. "As I am not in the habit of looking at men, I was hoping you would know! What do you look at in men?"

Jonathan blushed. He'd never really thought about it before. "Er well, I haven't really looked at many." He imagined Archie and tried to work out what he liked about him. "Archie has lovely shoulders, broad and strong." He remembered what he had seen in Archie quarters two nights ago. "His chest is very smooth, I wanted to touch that. And when he leapt out of bed to pull his breeches on I got a quick look at his.."

"I think I am getting the picture thank you Jonathan." Lionel interrupted. "You like to look at his body," He tugged at the collar of his shirt as if it had suddenly become uncomfortable. "Particularly when it is, ahem, unclothed."

"Oh yes!" Jonathan hastily confirmed.

"Well we are heading back to the Atlantic, the weather will stay warm and I dare say the Captain will allow a bit of swimming from time to time." Lionel raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, hoping Jonathan would follow through with the train of thought.

"But I can't swim!" Jonathan said sadly.

"Well learn Jonathan! Or else try drowning and hope that Archie might dive in and save you."

"Maybe I could drown whilst wearing a dress? Do you think that might work?"

"Only if it's an off the shoulder gown, Jonathan. Be daring!"

They both dissolved into splutters of laughter, until Jonathan wiped his eyes and licked at his swollen lips.

"But then when I get him I STILL won't know what to do, Lionel"

"Ahh! That was where all those questions were leading to, was it? What to DO? What ELSE to do?"

Jonathan nodded and dropped his eyes again.

Lionel cleared his throat. "I had a woman in Venice once. I was on leave with my father and my older brother, The Viscount. We visited this rather spectacular brothel and the woman there used her..." Lionel blinked a moment. "She used her mouth!"

"Her mouth?" Jonathan asked "How?"

Lionel blushed, "On me, er on my, that is to say she used it on my.. er.." He waved his hand around in the vicinity of his lap.

"Oh on that? Really? What did she do?"

"Gracious Jonathan, I am NOT going to show you! Enough to say she made me feel like a luscious piece of fruit, a ripe juicy orange." Lionel squirmed at the memories.

"And you think men could do that with each other?" Jonathan asked, hoping he had understood the story correctly.

"Well yes, I don't see why not?" Lionel tugged at his collar again.

"But does it have to be an orange Lionel? I would have thought a banana would be closer to..."

"I think that would depend on the man, young Jonathan!" Lionel said with a wink.

They both burst into peels of laughter again which Jonathan was sure must have been heard throughout the ship. As the hilarity died away, Jonathan sat up, all trace of mirth gone from his face.

"But seriously Lionel, Archie thinks I am a child! What should I do?"

Lionel levelled his gaze and answered quietly. "Show him you are a man Jonathan. Show him that you are serious about your career. Concentrate on doing your duty, and then do a little more. There is always someone around who would be happy for some help and in return you may learn something useful. Talk to the mates, the bosun's mate, the gunner's mate, the master's mate. They are a wealth of information Jonathan." Lionel cocked his head and leaned closer. "If you ever repeat this to anyone, young Jonathan, I will completely disavow it, but I do not intend to fail the Lieutenants exam! Nor do I intend to rely on patronage from my father's friends. Beneath this flippant exterior is a dedicated Officer Jonathan, and I want to do the best I can in the service of my King and country! I spend my time in conversation, but I learn a lot whilst I am doing so. You can do the same Jonathan!"

"Thank you Lionel. You are a good friend."

"Any time young Jonathan. Oh and one more thing. I'd wait a few weeks before you try to catch Archie's eye." He grimaced. "Your face looks truly frightful."

 

Chapter 11

Despite suffering from painful weeping blisters on his face, Jonathan Riley was discharged the following morning. When he entered the Middies' berth Jonathan was confronted by a strange boy; a new midshipman of about 13. The boy stared at him, his mouth open, then fled the small cabin, clearly afraid.

"That's just Witherspoon," Lionel explained later when he sauntered in. "Pip's been telling him tales of your fight with Peter. It didn't help matters when Peter growled at the lad last night when he spilt his grog everywhere. Poor boy probably thinks you are both young hellions."

Jonathan smiled. It seemed like only yesterday that he had been in the same position as Witherspoon and Archie Kennedy had befriended him. That thought brought back the shame of his earlier actions.

There was one thing he would have to do, Jonathan told himself as he straightened his uniform. One thing he couldn't put off, no matter how painful it was. Riley made his way to the quarterdeck and was quietly thankful when he found Archie Kennedy alone. Had the captain been on deck, Jonathan knew his courage would have faltered. He walked briskly from the top of the companionway and stood to attention.

Archie had been staring out to sea at the taffrail but turned when he heard the quiet footsteps.

"Yes Mr Riley?" Archie inquired, face neutral.

"Sir I have come to apologise for my conduct of late and to let you know that it will not happen again."

Archie licked his lips as he carefully chose his words. "Very well, Mr Riley, all is forgiven and forgotten."

"Thank you Sir." Jonathan replied formally and waited for dismissal, but Archie remained silent, studying the young midshipman.

"How are you now Jonathan? You were quite ill. I came to see you several times but you were delirious." Gone was the official tone, replaced by the gentle voice Jonathan had grown to love.

"I'm fine Sir," Jonathan replied, too ashamed to meet the blue eyes. "Thank you for your concern."

"Jonathan I..." Archie began, his voice very quiet. "I do not think it would be wise for us to.."

"I understand, Mr Kennedy." Jonathan interrupted, hoping to spare them both any further discomfort.

"It's for the best Jonathan," Archie turned away and stared at the water again. "I AM sorry. Dismissed."

For the best! The words kept repeating themselves in Jonathan's head as he suffered through his watch that afternoon. But he knew Archie was right. It was best to put some distance between them for a while until things died down and they both had time to think. If he could show Archie that he had self-discipline and maturity, perhaps Archie would look at him differently.

That evening at supper Riley came face to face with Peter Crittenden in the Middies berth. They stared at each other long and silent, until even Moseby and Witherspoon became aware of the uneasiness and ceased their chattering. Everyone in the room held their breath, waiting for someone to break the stalemate.

Jonathan weighed his next move before speaking. "I'm sorry Peter. I owe you an apology." Jonathan managed to get out although they were the last words he wanted to say. He still saw Crittenden as his rival, but if he was to convince anyone that he was no longer a child, he might as well start with Peter Crittenden.

"Apology accepted Jonathan. Perhaps we can forget the whole thing ever happened."

The words made Jonathan bristle. Was Crittenden implying he should forget about his attraction to Archie?" Jonathan took a mouthful of his grog and swallowed it slowly.

"Yes, perhaps both of us should forget about it."

Something flashed in Crittenden's green eyes, but before either young man could speak again Lionel Thockmorton commenced one of his infamous tales. This one was about a one armed whore he had met in Cape Town who could open the buttons on a man's breeches with just her teeth.

 

Chapter 12

When had he become so immune to bloodshed? Jonathan watched dispassionately as the mangled remains of the gunner were pulled out of the way and thrown overboard. "Get some more sand on the deck here!" he ordered, as he picked up the spike that the dead man had held and pushed it down the touch hole of the cannon to break the powder bag. Jonathan worked without thinking. In the last two months he had learned much about ordinances and gunnery. He was able to step in without hesitation and take the place of the dead man in the gun crew so that when the order came to fire, the great gun sounded in unison with it's companions.

Further down the deck, Charlie Witherspoon was sobbing by the foremast. "Come on Mr Witherspoon, look to your men." Jonathan called, trying to steady the boy. "The next one will be chain shot, I think. Be ready!"

Jonathan was right. Archie Kennedy, stationed on the main deck, relayed the order and the gun crews went into action once again, loading with chain shot this time as the Indy moved closer to her quarry.

The wounded ship hove into sight through the smoke. An American barque, colours still proudly flying though her sails were ragged. Her main topmast broke under the impact of the chain shot, bringing down the main spar and much of the rigging. The barque slowed and the Indy closed in.

"Prepare to board Mr Riley!" Archie Kennedy shouted as he buckled on a cutlass and checked his pistol. "Mr Witherspoon, you shall remain here with the men of your division to take care of any borders who manage to get past us." Archie looked at Witherspoon's terrified face and then at the men around him. "Matthews will assist you," he said nodding to the old rating who tugged at his forelock in acknowledgement of the order. "Now to your places everyone. The Captain will be watching."

Men rushed to the bulwarks, armed with boarding pikes and axes as the two ships came together. The results of the cannon barrage were clearly visible on the enemy deck. Men lay wounded and dying amid the tangled rigging. Cannons were overturned and a small fire was smouldering but still the Americans fought on.

Brave men, thought Jonathan as he followed Archie and the boarding party into the madness on the enemy deck. Brave men who refused to surrender even in the face of a greater force. They met the foe in a clash of steel on steel. There was little room to move, little time to think, as they hacked and slashed their way towards the quarterdeck. They climbed over wreckage and bodies alike, the smell of blood and gunpowder heavy in the air. On the quarterdeck, the American Captain was still giving orders to his men. He raised his weapon, a large gleaming cutlass and led his remaining Officers to meet the boarders.

"They won't surrender," Jonathan gasped between hard won breaths as he watched the American Captain join the fray, inspiring his men in the face of defeat. They fought like mad men, without thought or care. The crew of the Indy fell back momentarily until Archie rallied them again and pressed on towards the American Captain. Jonathan followed.

He too was caught up in the madness now, his blood singing to a primitive beat, a song of violence as old as man himself. Dirk in one hand, cutlass in the other, Jonathan followed at Archie's shoulder, oblivious to the blood covering his hands and clothes or the fallen bodies beneath his feet. There was a thrill in fighting beside Archie like this, a feeling close to arousal. Somehow they were joined by the blood and the carnage, made one by the killing. Jonathan glanced at Archie, his face aglow with perspiration. Briefly their eyes met and Jonathan discovered that Archie's glowed with the same lust that shone from his own. Jonathan grinned and Archie's answering smile was almost feral.

I would die happy if I could die beside him now, Jonathan though as he ran another man through with his cutlass. There would be an ecstasy in that, a glory higher than any other, to die side by side, his blood mingling with Archie's. United in death as they never could be in life.

Suddenly Archie stood face to face with the American Captain, sparks flying as their swords met. "Surrender Sir, your men die needlessly." Archie pleaded, but his words fell on deaf ears.

Jonathan watched as the American brought up his cutlass once more to slash at Archie. He watched as Archie staggered to fend off the blow, his feet slipping in the blood on the deck. Watched as the American smiled cruelly and raised his sword for the killing blow. But he gasped suddenly, blood spluttering from his mouth and fell down dead; Jonathan's dirk protruding from his chest.

The fight was over.

 

Chapter 13

It was a prize worth taking. The American barque, the Mistral, held a hidden cargo. Her holds were brimming with casks of fine French brandy that would be worth much in prize money, but her true worth was in the packet of letters from Napoleon to certain American privateers. These would be of great interest to the Admiralty.

There was cheering on the deck that afternoon when Captain Pellew made his announcement to the crew.

"We shall set sail at once for Gibraltar. I shall assign a prize crew to the Mistral and they shall follow in due course when repairs have been completed." Pellew raked his gaze over the men assembled before him.

"Mr Kennedy, as you were instrumental in taking the ship, I will give command to you." Pellew paused again and Jonathan held his breath, hoping, praying that he too would be included in the crew. Pellew eyes finally came to rest on him as if reading his thoughts.

"Mr Riley, you will go with Lieutenant Kennedy. I think the experience may prove valuable for you."

"Thank you Sir." Jonathan murmured, unable to believe his luck.

"Mr Crittenden, I'm assigning you Acting Lieutenant in Mr Kennedy's absence. You'll be sitting your Lieutenants exams soon and I think you too will benefit from the change."

Jonathan caught Peter's glare and quickly looked away. Nothing was going to spoil the moment for him.

"This might be the chance you've been waiting for Jonathan." Lionel Thockmorton whispered in his ear when they were dismissed. Jonathan grinned.

There were major repairs to be carried out on the Mistral before she would be fit to once again sail. Jonathan watched the Indy pull away as he helped replace the main topmast. The Mistral had not been carrying much in the way of spare spars and rigging so supplies had been sent over from the Indy before she left. A small but able crew worked until dark but still the repairs were incomplete.

They ate in Archie's cabin that night, a cold meal of biscuits and cheese. The galley fires had not yet been lit as all hands were busy with the repairs. Strong black coffee would have done much to improve Jonathan's weary state, but all that was to offer was ship's grog, a little stronger than what was usually served up to the midshipmen. The lack of a filling meal and his tiredness only added to the effects of the alcohol. Jonathan soon found he was fighting to keep his eyes open and his head spun in pleasant circles as he gazed across the table at Archie.

Archie seemed lost in his own thoughts. His head resting on his hand as he stared at the single candle that stood on the small table. Although it had belonged to the American Captain, the cabin was by no means luxurious. It held the table where they sat which doubled as a desk, a few chairs, a closet and a narrow bed built into one wall. A row of casement windows adorned the stern, which would give a lovely view of the horizon during the day but now only showed the blackness beyond. It was a small cabin, a fact that only added to the sense of intimacy.

"You saved my life today Jonathan. That's the second time now, you know." Archie had raised his pale blue eyes from the candle and was now looking intently at Jonathan.

"Well I couldn't let you die Archie," Not without kissing you at least once, Jonathan almost added. But he retained enough presence of mind to know that such a comment may not be appreciated.

"Do you remember the last time? It was the day that Harry Stratford died. So much happened that day!"

Archie was too serious tonight, too sombre. Perhaps it was the after effects of the battle. His pale blue eyes studied Jonathan's face as if seeing it for the first time; searching, seeking something although Jonathan did not know what. "Are you all right Archie?" he asked gently.

There was a long sigh. "Yes, it's just the battle today, the fight. When you come close to death, when you see it all around you, it makes you examine your own life." He paused, "At least it does with me. I feel as if I have been given a second chance to set things to rights."

Archie looked at Jonathan, as if waiting for an answer. Was he expecting confirmation or an explanation of Jonathan's own feelings? And who was he really thinking about when he spoke of setting things to rights? Was it Jonathan or was it perhaps Peter Crittenden? Jonathan shied away from that line of thinking as he examined his own feelings that suddenly were all in confusion.

"I really don't know what I feel at the moment Archie." Jonathan tried to explain. "During the battle I mostly felt a strange numbness, like everything was unreal. When I killed the Captain I felt nothing at all except elation; no remorse, no sorrow. Is that wrong?"

Archie shrugged his shoulders and went back to staring at the candle. "Who can say Jonathan? I know of other men who feel like that. Perhaps it is the better way."

 

It would be so easy now to reach across the small table and take Archie's hand. To offer the comfort that Archie seemed to need at this moment, but something held Jonathan back. They were both tired and more than a little drunk. Jonathan could see it in the stoop of Archie's shoulders, the glazed look in his eyes. Now was not the time for seduction. Anything they did tonight would probably be regretted by morning.

And perhaps Archie was pining for Peter, regretting what he had let go and Jonathan was simply a reminder of how it had all happened. If that was the case then any attempts at comfort would be angrily refused.


"I think I'll turn in Archie," Jonathan said, as he stood up from the table, surprised by his own rationality. Perhaps he wasn't as drunk as he thought. Perhaps he was simply exhausted.

Archie rubbed his eyes and looked. "You did well today Jonathan, very well. And thank you."

 

Jonathan made his way to his own cabin. It was a novelty having one all to himself. It was small with just enough room for his trunk and a place to sling his hammock. Despite being tired, it took him some time to fall asleep. Jonathan was used to sleeping in the crowded Middy's berth, where lack of privacy was the order of the day. There was always some little noise, a snore, a muffled moan, a murmur that let you know you were not alone. Now the silent darkness only added to a growing sense of loneliness.

He wondered if Archie was having trouble sleeping; if he too was kept awake by thoughts and visions. Perhaps he should have stayed and damned the consequences. But there would be time for that in the days ahead. Time when they were not so tired or strung out from the after effects of a day spent at war. Time when they could come together in joy rather than sorrow. Jonathan closed his eyes and imagined lying in the captain's bed...watching the sunset through the casement windows....drinking that fine French brandy...Captain Archie by his side naked and...

 

Chapter 14

The new sails were rigged and the Mistral was under way by noon the next day. But as Jonathan helped Archie take the noon sightings it was obvious that they would not be in for smooth sailing. To the south thunderheads were building and a strong wind was already scudding the clouds northward.

"We'd best shorten sail." Archie murmured more to himself than those around him.

"I think you'd be right, Sir," Kerrison the master's mate agreed. Kerrison had been assigned as acting Sailing Master and was expected to assist Archie with the sailing of the vessel. Both men were young and still feeling their way with the new responsibilities.

"Call all hands please Mr Riley." Archie ordered and Jonathan set about the task.

They reefed the sails twice more before sunset. By then heavy rain was lashing the deck and the Mistral was forced to run before the strong gale that blew out of the south.

Another cold supper was served. Jonathan and Archie ate silently together once more. Archie's thoughts were clearly with Kerrison who was currently standing watch. His eyes would drift upwards each time thunder sounded or the ship lurched more violently than before.

"You'd best try to get some sleep, Jonathan. I fear we are in for a rough night." Archie stood and reached for his soggy tarpaulin.

"What about you Archie? You need to rest too."

"I will Jonathan," Archie smiled, "But I'll just check that all is secure on deck before I turn in. I am sure the wind has come about a point."

Once in his cabin, Jonathan took off his coat and shoes then climbed into his hammock. It was pointless undressing for he suspected he would be required on deck again before too long if the storm worsened. He pulled the blanket over him, closed his eyes and drifted into a light sleep, subconsciously listening for the call 'All Hands'.

It was not a voice that woke him, but sharp pain as his shoulder hit the deck. For a moment he lay there, dazed and tangled in his hammock as water poured down on him. But the groaning and slide of timber close to his head brought him to his senses. A large beam of timber had crashed through the deck above, down into his cabin. Rainwater and seawater were pouring in through the whole above. He was lucky to be alive.

Voices were calling now, "All Hands on deck". The ship was listing badly. Jonathan scrambled to his feet in the darkness and fumbled around for his blue coat and shoes.

On deck every man was at hard at work in the driving wind and rain. As thunder continued to crash overhead, Jonathan surveyed the damage. The new main topmast that they had spent so long repairing had snapped, bringing down the main yard. It was this that had pierced the deck and brought down his hammock. The broken mast and much of it's rigging and canvas was hanging overboard, dragging dangerously, pulling the Mistral sideways and threatening to capsize her as she struggled before the elements.

Valiantly the crew set about freeing the mast as the wind and rain tormented them. Waves crashed over the decks, washing men against the bulwarks. There was no chance of salvaging the mast and canvas in such conditions. Their only hope was to cut them free with axes before the ship floundered.

Archie was on the main deck, clad in his dark tarpaulin, wet hair plastered to his head, directing the operation. He looked up as Jonathan approached.

"Mr Riley, just in time," he shouted against the wind and rain. "I need you to take some men up the foremast and secure those reefs on the top sail. If they come loose I fear we will lose another mast.

Jonathan moved his shoulder tentatively. There was no pain, if anything it felt numb. He reached up to grab at a swing rope above his head and again felt no pain.

"Aye aye Sir," he shouted back. Perhaps there had been no real damage done to the shoulder, he decided as he gather together the most experienced topmen and led them up the ratlines.

It was like climbing into hell! The wind howled around him as he climbed higher. The rain lashed at him like a thousand needle points, icy and deadly. Below the sea surged like a hungry beast waiting to swallow him.

When they reached the top, his hands were almost numb from the cold. Jonathan stayed at the crosstrees knowing it was best to let the experienced crew do what they did best. He directed them out along the foot ropes of the yard and watched as they caught and secured the reef points once more.

"Lay in from the yard," he called at last thankful the task was complete and no one had been lost. By the time he reached the deck once more, the first twinges of pain were making themselves known in his shoulder.

"There is nothing more you can do here for now Jonathan, the rest will have to wait until we have light. I've sent Kerrison below to get some rest. I'll take the watch."

"Do you want me to stay too Archie?" Jonathan asked forgetting all formality in his weariness.

"No, you look quite pale. You must be exhausted. Get some rest."

"I can't, my cabin has been wrecked." He pointed to the spar which was still protruding from the deck although it had been covered with canvas sheeting to stop water coming in.

"What?" Archie almost shouted. "Dear God! Was that your cabin below there?" Archie wiped the rain from his face, his eyes suddenly full of concern.

"Jonathan, you could have been killed. Are you hurt?" he asked gently.

"I'm all right Archie, just wet and tried and a little bit bruised."

"Oh Jonathan," Archie replied, as if he doubted Jonathan was telling him the truth. "Go and rest. Get someone to hang a hammock in my cabin. You can sleep there for the moment."

Jonathan saw to the arrangements then stopped by his old cabin in the hope of finding some dry clothes. Even the thought of sleeping in Archie's cabin did little to lift his spirits as he worried about the storm that raged outside. He fumbled through the wreckage only to find that the lid of his sea chest had been smashed by the falling beams. His possessions were a soggy mess. He extracted what he could and took them back to Archie's cabin. Perhaps they would dry before he had to wear them.

A hammock had already been hung and Archie said a silent prayer of thanks. His shoulder was aching miserably now and as he peeled off his wet clothes he was shocked to see dark purple bruising covering his fair skin. He moved his shoulder again, relieved to find that although movement was painful now, there was nothing grating. He grabbed a blanket from Archie's bed and rolled naked into the hammock. He would worry about clothes tomorrow.

 

Chapter 15

"Jonathan, wake up. It's your watch."

Jonathan opened his tired eyes and blinked in the candlelight. It was still dark but the faint grey light from the casements told him that dawn was not far off. The pitching of the cabin suggested they were still running before the wind but it was not as pronounced as last night. Perhaps the storm was abating.

"Yes Archie," he mumbled sleepily and wrapped the blanket tightly around himself. Sharp pain flashed in his shoulder as he swung out of the hammock with a groan and landed unsteadily on the deck.

"What's wrong Jonathan? Are you all right?" Archie looked across from where he was hanging his wet tarpaulin on a hook.

"It's just my shoulder Archie. I hurt it last night in my cabin."

Archie picked up the candle and crossed the floor. "Show me," he said in a voice that allowed no refusal.

Jonathan let the blanket slip from his shoulder to reveal the mottled bruises, darker and more numerous now than they had been last night.

"Jonathan! Why didn't you tell me! You should not have gone up into the rigging last night with your shoulder like that. You could have fallen and broken your neck!"

Jonathan dropped his eyes under the harsh chastisement. "I'm sorry Archie," he began meekly. "It didn't feel this bad last night otherwise I would have told you. Besides, you needed me to go up there. You could hardly expect the crew to climb in dangerous conditions like that without someone leading the way."

Archie considered that for a moment. "I could have sent Kerrison, he's a home in the tops."

Jonathan gave a little laugh. "And left me in charge of the quarter deck, trying to keep on course? Really Archie, I think Mr Kerrison is the best man for THAT job. I know my limitations Archie. You don't have to worry."

"The American surgeon is still on board. Perhaps you should get him to have a look at it." Archie suggested. Most of the American prisoners had been transferred to the Indy where they could be kept under close guard, but a small number had been secured in the Mistral's hold.

"Archie I rather fancy the man would prefer cut my throat than anything else. It's really not that bad."

"Then tell me if this hurts," Archie said as he gently ran his hands over the bruised skin. He felt along the collarbone, down the muscles of Jonathan's neck, into the joints of the shoulder itself before finally coming to rest in the swell of muscle in Jonathan's arm for a moment.

Jonathan shivered, but not from pain. "It hurts a little Archie, but I am sure nothing is broken. See, I can move it." He loosened the blanket even more to pull his arm clear. Gingerly he raised it above his head. "See!" He continued moving it this way and that, finally rotating his shoulder to show all was well."

Archie rubbed at his eyes, a gesture that highlighted how tired he must be. "Perhaps you should rest. I'll stand watch a little longer until Kerrison is awake again."

"No Archie," Jonathan protested. "It's my turn and I'm fine. You're the one who needs sleep." The candlelight accentuated the dark smudges under Archie's eyes. "You look like you can hardly stand up Archie. You can't command this ship if you are exhausted!"

Surprisingly Archie nodded "You're right for once Jonathan," he said with a wry smile. "I am very tired." He stretched and begun unbuttoning his blue jacket.

Jonathan reached for his still damp clothes and discretely turned his back before dropping the blanket. He wondered if Archie was watching him, if Archie was undressing too. Perhaps this wasn't exactly what Lionel had in mind but Jonathan decided to make the most of the opportunity.

"You know Archie," he began as he turned back.

Archie Kennedy was sprawled on the narrow bed, still dressed in his shirt and breeches. He was fast asleep.

 

Chapter 16

Once again they jury rigged the mainmast using the last of the spars that had been brought over from the Indy. Archie and Kerrison spent the morning studying charts. Upon taking the noon sightings they were both fairly confident once again of their position. But the storm had blown them considerably off course and they would arrive in Gibraltar much later than expected.

Jonathan wondered if the Indy had also been caught by the storm? She'd had a day's head start on them but even so might now be drifting anywhere in the huge ocean.

The carpenter patched up the deck above Jonathan's cabin and Jonathan prepared to move himself back to his lonely quarters. But an unexpected problem arose.

"I'm sorry Jonathan, but you will have to stay in my cabin for the time being." Archie declared that afternoon as they stood together on the quarterdeck. Jonathan looked up, surprised, wondering what Archie had in mind.

"I've had to move the prisoners up from the hold. There's ten inches of water down there after the storm and everything is wet. It will take the pumps at least another day to clear it, I've been told. It isn't healthy to keep men in such conditions," Archie smiled a little. "Even Americans." Jonathan laughed at the joke.

"I really have no option but to move them and your cabin is the best option. It's got a good secure door and can be guarded easily. I am sorry Jonathan."

Jonathan tried hard to keep the smile from his face. "It's all right, Archie. It can't be helped." He turned away and stared at the white caps, thinking about the night ahead.

It was a relief to sit down to a hot meal once again. Jonathan greedily tucked into the salted beef stew not worried for the moment about anything else but eating. Even the glass of French brandy that Archie had poured was forgotten. He looked up from his plate to catch Archie's amused look.

"Hungry Jonathan?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes, just a little." Jonathan explained. But hunger was not the only reason for his haste. It was the beginning of the first watch and Kerrison had the quarterdeck. Jonathan had four hours. Four hours before the watch would change again. There was much he wanted to achieve in those four hours and he didn't want to waste the time eating. Still, he needed sustenance if he was to spend the next four hours...

"Do you like reading Jonathan?" Archie asked as he toyed with his food.

"Reading? Uh, reading what?" Jonathan stammered out suddenly nervously, his carefully made plans going straight out the casement window. "I have Falconer's 'Marine Dictionary', but it's a bit damp at the moment." Surely Archie wasn't going to quiz him on seamanship!

Archie raised his brandy and took a sip, a faint smile playing around his lips.

"That wasn't what I meant Jonathan. I was wondering if you like Shakespeare or such." He raised the brandy glass again and took a long swallow his eyes never leaving Jonathan's face. "I do."

"OH yes, I know Shakespeare. I've read his sonnets." Jonathan bit his lip, unsure again. "I don't remember any lines in particular, but I did like them, especially the ones about love."

Archie rested his chin on his hand and smiled. Jonathan blushed. My God I must sound like a fool, a childish fool, he thought miserably.

"Shakespeare says much about death Jonathan," Archie continued. "Death and life! You can't have one without the other."

Not death again, Jonathan mentally wailed. He wasn't going to die! There was still too much to do before he could die!

"Stop it Archie!" Jonathan said loudly. He rose from the table. "You're not going to die and I'm not going to die," he continued as he stepped around the small table to stand beside Archie who was looking up at him in surprise.

"AT least I don't intend to die before I've done this." Leaning forward Jonathan kissed Archie on the lips. He waited, expecting Archie to pull away and was amazed when Archie's hand came up to rest on the back of his neck and pull him closer. Archie's lips suddenly opened under his own, taking Jonathan by surprise. He felt Archie's tongue licking at his mouth, coaxing his lips apart. Jonathan pulled away.

Archie's eyes looked up at him in confusion. "I'm sorry Jonathan, I thought.."

"Oh Archie, no.. yes.." Jonathan stuttered out. "I...I'm the one who should say sorry. You took me by surprise that's all. I haven't done much kissing. I didn't know what to expect." He licked his lips, savouring the taste of brandy from Archie's tongue. "Would you do that again please?"

 

Rising from the table so that they were standing face to face, Archie smiled gently. Reaching out he caressed the side of Jonathan's face with his hand. But then he hesitated, looking deep into Jonathan's eyes. "You are still very young, Jonathan. Are you really sure you want this?"

"I'm sure Archie," Jonathan implored. "I know I want to love someone I care about at least once before I die."

"Jonathan," Archie began in a tone that suggested he was going to refuse.

"Would you begrudge me that Archie?" he pleaded. "You've had that chance, why not me?"

There was a subtle change in Archie eyes as he thought about those words. Jonathan held his breath, knowing that Archie was making his decision.

"If this is what you really want Jonathan, then yes, I'd like to kiss you again. I'd like it very much." Archie whispered before he captured Jonathan's lips once more.

 

Chapter 17

It was happening. It was finally happening!

Jonathan closed his eyes and gave himself up to Archie's mouth, tasting, exploring, finally mirroring the movements as he gained confidence. Archie's hand hands slipped up under his jacket and pulled him closer. They moved up his back, hot through the fine cotton of his shirt. Jonathan moaned, his mouth still trapped by Archie's, his hands now seeking their own admission, unbuttoning Archie's coat with fumbling fingers.

It wasn't easy standing on the pitching deck, grappling with Archie's jacket Jonathan discovered. It was hard trying to keep his balance whilst refusing to break the kiss. Jonathan gasped and pulled away as Archie attempted to pull his jacket off.

"It's just my shoulder, that's all," he explained as they stared at each other, breathless and flushed.

"Sorry," Archie apologised. "It might be best if you do it then." He took his own jacket off with a speed that Jonathan envied. Shoes and hose quickly followed.

"Come sit over here, on the bed." Archie said and led him to the small bed that was built into the wall. It was like a cupboard without any doors, functional but little else. "We will be more comfortable here."

Jonathan wasted no time in reaching for Archie again when they were seated side by side. But Archie stilled his hands. "We have to be quiet Jonathan, remember that now. Any sound we make will travel."

"Yes Archie," he nodded vigorously wondering if this was all just another dream and that he would wake any moment alone in his hammock. But Archie's hands were on him again, driving him to a fever of urgent need, stealing his senses just as Archie's the eager mouth stole his breath. Strong arms drew him down so that he lay upon Archie's chest, their groins at last together, rubbing with every movement.

"Take your shirt off," Archie murmured as he ran his tongue along Jonathan's neck and Jonathan hastened to comply. He helped Archie with his shirt as well, desperate to feel that golden flesh that had tempted him once before. They lay down again, skin to skin. Jonathan let his lips and hands explore Archie's chest and moaned softly when Archie returned the favour.

"Is your shoulder painful Jonathan?" Archie raised his head when Jonathan whimpered again, his voice full of concern.

"It's not my shoulder Archie," Jonathan replied desperately and tried to stop himself from grinding his erection against Archie. Dear God would Archie just stop talking!

"Is this the problem?" Archie breathed against his ear and rubbed his hand along the length of Jonathan's erection.

"Oh yessss," Jonathan hissed, his breath suddenly coming in gasps as he thrust against the welcome pressure of Archie's hand.

"Take your breeches off too then," Archie suggested as he shed his own. There was not much room in the small confines of Archie bed. Jonathan was forced to break contact as he sat up and struggled out of his breeches. He knelt on the end of bed and watched as Archie resumed his former position and lay waiting.

For what? A myriad of images flashed through Jonathan's mind, each one more daring than the last. He wanted so much to please Archie just as Archie had been pleasing him. But where to start?

He studied Archie's erection, lying like a banquet before him. What was it Lionel had said? Something about an orange? Surely he didn't mean for him to bite it? That would hurt! Sucking? One did suck the juice out of an orange; perhaps that was how it was done? With that thought in mind Jonathan pounced. Gripping the head of Archie's erection lightly between his teeth to hold it in place Jonathan sucked with all his might.

"Arrrggghh! LET IT GO!" Archie choked between gritted teeth.

Jonathan obeyed at once, sitting back on his heels between Archie's legs as he watched his friend clutch himself in agony.

"Did I do the wrong thing Archie?" he asked helplessly.

It took a few moments for Archie to stop writhing and compose himself. "My god Jonathan, whatever do you think you are doing?" he asked as he curled onto his side.

"Well Lionel said.."

"Lionel? You've been doing that with Lionel Thockmorton?" Archie asked his voice rising in horror.

"Oh no!" Jonathan hastened to assure. "He just told me about it, he wouldn't show me. He said a one armed whore had put her mouth on.. I think it was on.., well it was like eating an orange...somewhere in Spain I think, his brother was with him...and so I thought... but he wasn't very clear about it all... but he said you might like it..."

"You discussed this," Archie waved his hand frantically around to indicate the bed and their naked bodies, "with Lionel Thockmorton?"

Jonathan nodded slowly. Why did he always manage to do the wrong thing?

"I didn't know who else to ask Archie. I didn't know what to do. I was desperate and I just wanted to know...to know...what to expect, what to do. I only knew what I had heard from Beddows.." He stopped suddenly, wondering if he had gone too far.

But Archie sat up and wiped the tears from his eyes, a small smile on his lips. "Lionel is a good friend, but I have a feeling that he doesn't know his arse from his elbow half the time." He fixed Jonathan with his blues eyes, his face suddenly serious again. "And you have to be careful Jonathan about who you speak to, who you tell. Not everyone would be as understanding as Mr Thockmorton."

"I understand Archie," Jonathan replied forlornly. He watched as Archie lay down again, all trace of his previously impressive erection now gone. "Should I go back to my hammock?"

But Archie shook his head and reached up to him. "No, come lie here with me," he replied, turning on his side to make more room. "Perhaps I had better show you the right way to do it before you cripple someone with your enthusiasm."

"I'm so sorry Archie. I just wanted to please you."

Archie replied by kissing him deeply. "You do Jonathan."

 

Chapter 18

"Stop moaning Jonathan!" Archie raised his head and hissed for the third time. But the only reply Jonathan could make was to splutter at the brief cessation of pleasure followed by another moan when Archie's skilful mouth enveloped him again. The world had ceased to exist around him and was now concentrated on one single hot spot between his legs which threatened at any moment to explode.

"Oh my God Archie, I'm going to come!" he squeaked out only to regret it a moment later when the warm mouth stopped again.

"No you're not Jonathan." Archie declared firmly and clamped his fingers around the base of Jonathan's penis before continuing his onslaught.

Perhaps this was some form of torture that Archie had learnt from the Spanish during his time in prison? Was Archie paying him back for his painful mistake earlier? Jonathan moaned again, but this time it sounded more like a sob.

"Please," he gasped. Perhaps begging would work? His whole body was aflame now and even the slow drops of sweat that dripped down his sides felt arousing. How had Archie done this?

For five whole minutes, Archie had been teasing and taunting his body and Jonathan simply could not take it any longer. "Please Archie," he moaned again, forgetting again the rule about being quiet.

Archie stopped once more and looked up, meeting the glazed blue eyes. "Jonathan, I have only just started. We don't have to rush this you know." But his look softened as he saw the agonised look on Jonathan's face. He shook his head and grinned.

"The next thing I teach you will be a little self control." Archie bent his head once more and put Jonathan out of his misery.

 

Perhaps the world had ended. Perhaps the ship had been wrecked in a storm and he had drowned and was floating in the water. Jonathan's eyes flickered open. The cabin was in darkness now, the candle extinguished. He became aware of someone gazing down at him where he lay on Archie's bed.

Archie! Yes, Archie Kennedy, who had done such amazing things to him and caused him to come so hard that he had passed out. He smiled, wanting to say how wonderful he felt but unable for the moment to master his vocal cords.

He felt a soft kiss on his forehead and a heavy weight settle beside him. He rolled towards the warmth.

"Hmm, Archie.."

"Shh, go to sleep now." Archie pulled the blanket over them. "You're due on watch in a couple of hours."

"But, but, I want to.." Jonathan thought of all that Archie had just done and suddenly felt overwhelmed. Could he do that? Could he do even half of that? He'd have to try, because he so wanted to please Archie. He struggled up to lean on his elbows.

"Archie, I want to do that to you now," Jonathan declared, his voice sounding weary in the darkness.

"There will be time for that tomorrow, Jonathan. For the moment I think you need to get some sleep." Archie's pale eyes glinted at him in the darkness. "Beside, I doubt I'm up to it tonight. I think you actually managed to bruise my prick!"

"Oh Archie? Will it be all right?"

A gentle arm pulled him back down and wrapped him in a tight embrace.

"I'm sure it will be fine tomorrow. Now go to sleep Jonathan." Archie whispered.

 

Chapter 19

By force of old habit, Jonathan awoke at the striking of seven bells, half an hour before the change of watch. He burrowed into the warmth next to him wishing he didn't have to leave. It seemed but scant minutes since he had closed his eyes and fallen asleep listening to the steady beating of Archie's heart.

"You have to get up, Jonathan," Archie murmured drowsily, nudging Jonathan with his knee.

"I am up," Jonathan replied and nudged Archie back, proving his claim.

"Jonathan you're insatiable! Now pull your breeches on Mr Riley and get up on deck. It's your watch!"

"Yes Archie," Jonathan grumbled as he climbed out of the small bed.

A cold wind was blowing when he came on deck and Jonathan pulled the collar of his tarpaulin a little higher. Of all the watches, the middle watch was the one he hated the most. It was the quietest, loneliest and the long hours between midnight and four a.m. seemed to drag as no others did.

"Pleasant night Mr Riley?" Kerrison asked as they the checked the compass reading and slate by the binnacle light.

"Very pleasant, thank you Mr Kerrison," Jonathan replied, thankful it was too dark for Kerrison to see the blush the flooded his cheeks.

"Get enough sleep did yer?" Kerrison continued conversationally. His manner of speech gave clear indication of his humble background.

"Yes," Jonathan answered warily, wondering what Kerrison was implying. Perhaps he was being too sensitive. Kerrison simply nodded and turned away to go below.

But as he reached the companionway, Kerrison turned back and stood as if waiting for Jonathan to join him.

"Was there something more Mr Kerrison?" Jonathan asked. They were out of earshot of the helmsman now, but even so, Kerrison dropped his voice when he spoke.

"When you go below again you might like to close the skylight in the Captain's cabin."

"What?" Jonathan exclaimed as he followed Kerrison's pointing finger to see a tiny skylight at the very stern of the quarterdeck. It was open.

"It wouldn't do for the crew to know that yer moan like a banshee in heat when Mr Kennedy has his mouth around your..."

"How dare you assume such a thing. I'll have you know I injured my shoulder during the storm and.."

"Oh I didn't assume anything Mr Riley. If a bodies standing at the taffrail and the skylights opened yer can see right down into the Captain's Cabin.

Jonathan felt the blood drain from his face. "You were spying on us!" he accused in a dangerous voice.

"There now, Mr Riley, don't take on so. I meant no harm. I was worried yer see, hearing noises like that, knowing you were down there alone with 'im."

Kerrison turned and looked out towards the darkness, not meeting Jonathan's eyes. "I've heard stories about Mr Kennedy. Stories about the terrible thing that happened to 'im on his old ship. A thing like that can change a man, can twist 'im all up inside." Kerrison looked back, his hazel eyes catching the glint of light from the binnacle. "I just wanted to make sure that you were all right, yer know Sir. That 'e wasn't doing something yer didn't want."

As Masters Mate, Kerrison was on an equal footing with the midshipmen. It was from simple courtesy that they addressed each other as 'Mr', nothing more. Kerrison's use of 'Sir' was more than Jonathan's rank deserved and Jonathan knew the Mate was trying to placate him.

"I didn't mean to cause trouble if that's what your thinking, Mr Riley." Kerrison continued when Jonathan remained silent. "Besides, who'd believe me over a Lieutenant and a young Gentleman? Yer secret's safe with me."

Jonathan thought over the words. He looked into Kerrison's eyes and saw deep remorse. Remorse coupled with fear. Even for a Master's Mate, Kerrison was rougher than average. He'd been a topman before being chosen to replace one of Mr Bowles mates who had been washed overboard. Older than Jonathan, but younger than Archie; twenty perhaps, Jonathan estimated. Without doubt Kerrison would still vividly remember the time when he had lived in fear of tyrannical young midshipman and Officers alike and was wondering if Jonathan was going to cause trouble. No wonder he looked afraid.

 

"Well thank you for your concern Mr Kerrison," Jonathan replied eventually. "But I assure you that Mr Kennedy is not like that. He would never hurt me." Deciding Kerrison was better as a friend than a foe, Jonathan offered a faint smile. "Thank you for your concern."

"Well no one else knows, the wind was blowing the wrong way for the helmsman to hear. I only heard cause I went up there to have a piss. Didn't want it blowing back on me!" Kerrison winked and Jonathan tried to smile at the course words.

"Must say though, you've kept it pretty quiet. I've not heard a whisper of a rumour below decks about the two of you!"

Jonathan blushed. "Well you wouldn't have. That was the first time anything happened." He looked away wishing Kerrison would leave and spare him any further embarrassment.

"First time eh?" Kerrison's said, his voice strangely gentle. "Well I'm sorry I teased yer like that."

Jonathan turned back to meet a cheeky pair of hazel eyes that winked at him and asked, "Did yer like it all right then?"

"Really Kerrison, I think you have said enough for the night! Go and get some sleep." Jonathan tried to feign aloofness, but had the sudden urge to burst into laughter.

"I'll try Mr Riley, but I think I'm going to find it hard tonight. Awfully hard indeed!"

 

Chapter 20.

When Archie appeared on deck that morning Jonathan felt his face flush deep red. He wondered if he should mention Kerrison's conversation of last night, but decided against it. Archie was cautious, very cautious and would probably react by putting an end to their relationship before it had properly started.

"Jonathan you look like a naughty boy who has been caught with his hand in the sweets jar!" Archie teased in a quiet voice when they both stood together on the quarterdeck.

Jonathan smiled weakly and Archie frowned. "You're not having regrets are you Jonathan?" he asked gently.

"Oh no Archie, no," Jonathan assured. "But I feel so different, as if everyone is looking at me, as if they all know what we did!"

Walking to the rail Archie gestured down to the main deck where the hands were busy holystoning the deck. "Look at them Jonathan! You and I are the last thing on their minds." Jonathan nodded, but suddenly he caught sight of Kerrison who was coming down the ratlines after inspecting the rigging. The Mate winked and grinned and Jonathan blushed again before quickly looking away.

 

"Jonathan if this is going to cause you unease, perhaps we'd best stop before it goes any further?"

"Oh no, please don't say that Archie," Jonathan wailed. "I haven't even had a chance to..." Jonathan paused and asked delicately, "How is it now by the way?"

"Fine, in fact it was fine when you woke up for your watch last night, but I wasn't going to tell you that because I would never have gotten you out of my bed!"

Jonathan swallowed and looked out to sea, concentrating on the foam caps, anything but the image that Archie's words were conjuring in his mind.

"Then tonight you'll be all right to, that is to say, it will work?"

Archie glanced at him sideways and smirked. "You'll just have to wait and see Mr Riley. Don't be so impatient."

"What do you know about Mr Kerrison, Archie?" Jonathan asked after a few moments hoping Archie would think he was tactfully changing the subject.

"Kerrison? He's been on the Indy a long time. I heard he was born at sea, he's a son of the gun deck. Can't remember the name of the ship, but it was involved in that American Conflict."

"How did he come to be on the Indy?" Jonathan asked, his eyes drifting to Kerrison who was now climbing the foremast.

"I'm not sure precisely, perhaps his old ship was wrecked or decommissioned. The Navy is always desperate for experienced Top Men. He was very lucky to be made Mate though. Not many ratings get that chance. But at the time Mr Bowles wouldn't have anyone but him."

"Really? Jonathan asked with a smirk.

"Nothing like that Jonathan, at least don't think it was." Archie said with a slight frown. "He was one of the few ratings on board who could read and write. Apparently he'd served as a cabin boy for the Captain on his old ship and the Captain himself taught him."

"That sounds very unusual. He's a lucky man either way." Jonathan said thoughtfully as he watched Kerrison climbed to the crosstrees.

 

Chapter 21

Kerrison was late on purpose! Jonathan was sure certain. Eight bells was about to sound and Kerrison still hadn't arrived on deck. It would take at least another five or ten minutes for them to discuss the heading and the compass reading, not to mention the set of the sails!

"Sorry I'm a bit late Mr Riley. I was down in the infirmary." Kerrison exclaimed as he ran up the companionway, two steps at a time.

"Are you ill or something Mr Kerrison?" Jonathan asked, hoping it wouldn't be a long involved explanation. They STILL had the watch to discuss and Archie was waiting for him down in his cabin.

"Holt just died, Samuel Holt. I was with 'im."

"Holt?" Jonathan asked again. He didn't even know a seaman named Holt and certainly hadn't heard of anyone being sick.

"Forecastle man, been with the Indy for fifteen years. 'E was helping with the rigging the other night during the storm and fell. Been lingering on ever since."

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know." Jonathan replied feeling strangely chastened. His thoughts had been so centred on Archie Kennedy for the last two days that he had been completely oblivious to the goings on around him.

"'Ts all right," Kerrison said gazing up at the sails that billowed from the spars. Together they checked the compass reading, then walked back to the rail.

"I'll stand yer watch tonight if yer like Mr Riley." Kerrison said quietly as they waited for eight bells. "It's a fine night and I'm not tired." Jonathan attempted to catch the hazel eyes, expecting playful teasing once more, but Kerrison had his gaze fixed on the deserted main deck. Around them the ship's bell began to chime.

Not knowing what else to say Jonathan replied, "Thank you, Mr Kerrison. That's a kind offer. Are you sure?"

Finally Kerrison turned and met his eyes. "I'm sure. Now off with yer, yer don't want to keep Mr Kennedy waiting," he said with a smile.

 

Chapter 22

Archie barely had time to speak before Jonathan was on him, his mouth eagerly bestowing kisses, his hands roaming.

"Jonathan," Archie finally managed to splutter out as he pulled away, "Do you think we might eat our supper first?"

It took a moment for the words to penetrate Jonathan's lust clouded brain. He glanced at the small table to find a rather elaborate meal waiting. Elaborate compared to a midshipman's usual fare. Jonathan felt a little guilty.

"Chicken Archie? And potatoes?" Jonathan had no idea there were potatoes on board.


"Yes. It's nothing much, really."

"Thank you Archie," Jonathan replied as he sat down. Had Archie planned this as a favour to him?

There was more French brandy too. "One of the casks was damaged so we may as well drink it. It would only be bad by the time we reach Gibraltar" Archie explained as he poured Jonathan a glass.

Jonathan didn't really like brandy. He was unused to strong drink of any kind. The grog that was served to the midshipman was well watered. As he sipped the brandy he felt the fumes burn up his nose. The taste reminded him of Archie's mouth last night. Perhaps he could get used to the flavour after all.

"We have more time tonight Archie, Kerrison offered to stand my watch."

Archie raised an eyebrow at that remark. "He did?" He paused in his eating considering something. "Holt died," Archie stated as if that fact would serve as an explanation.

But Jonathan wasn't sure how Archie's statement was connected to Kerrison's offer.

"Yes, just now. Kerrison told me." Jonathan was just about to add that he didn't even know that the man was injured when Archie continued.

"Holt was a good man, fine seamen. Been with the Indy many years. No doubt Kerrison knew him well." Archie paused to sip at his brandy. "Had a wife in Plymouth I believe. His loss will be felt," he added thoughtfully.

Jonathan wondered how Archie knew all this, but realised that as Captain of the ship, he would be informed of such happenings. Still that didn't explain how Archie knew the little details.

"Did you know him too Archie?" Jonathan asked as he shoved another potato into his mouth.

Archie shook his head. "No, not really, but it's important to know something of the crew, put names to the faces. A little bit of acknowledgement goes a long way with them, you know." Archie smiled across the table. "If you are going to lead men some day Jonathan you'll need more than simple heroics."

Jonathan looked down, feeling an unintended sting in Archie's words. He was second in command of the ship, an Acting Lieutenant in all but name; he should have known about the injured seaman. He hadn't been told, like Archie, but perhaps he should have inquired after the storm. A few simple questions would have given him information on most of the happenings aboard the Mistral.

"There's such a lot to learn Archie, I sometimes wonder if I will ever make Lieutenant," Jonathan said glumly. He pushed his empty plate away and drank more brandy.

"You're doing fine Jonathan and I am quite happy to teach you whatever you want to know."

Jonathan looked up, his eyes bright with passion again. "Do you mean that Archie?"

The blush that stained Archie's cheeks only made him more beautiful. "Yes Jonathan," he whispered, blinking in the candlelight.

"Then can we get started now? I've finished eating and you are just playing with yours."

"Jonathan!" Archie protested but let him self be pulled from his chair by an eager hand.

"Perhaps we should blow out the candle this time and is that skylight closed? Someone might see us!" Jonathan said as he commenced unbuttoning Archie's coat.

"What skylight?" Archie interrupted and Jonathan was forced to let go and point to the little skylight at the very stern of the cabin. Jonathan had crept in and closed it earlier in the day but was concerned Archie might have opened it again. It was still very damp below decks.

"That little thing? Really Jonathan, no one could see in there unless they were leaning over the taffrail. Don't worry so!"

 

Chapter 23

They resumed their attempts to free each other of their clothes, but finally gave in to practicality and did it themselves. They fell onto the bed together, a tangle of arms and legs; hair loose, hands eager. They wrestled like that, content to simply feel their bodies rub against each other while their hands and mouths were busy elsewhere.

Jonathan knew what he wanted to do, but was confounded in his attempts to extricate himself from Archie's arms. Archie outmatched him in terms of height, weight and sheer physical strength. How was one expected to manoeuvre such matters? It seemed too trite to have to ask.

It was Archie who finally took control, rolling Jonathan beneath him then sliding down his sweaty skin to once again begin his torture. Jonathan clamped his teeth together to try to keep from calling out. He screwed his face up and clenched his fists in an effort to keep some small portion of his rapidly diminishing self-control. But it was all in vain. Archie was simply too good.

Afterwards as he lay there dazed Jonathan felt Archie move up, lean in and kiss him; laughing into his mouth playfully.

"Oh Archie," Jonathan whined, "You did that on purpose! It was my turn that time."

"We've plenty of time Jonathan, you'll get your turn." Archie advised as he commenced kissing Jonathan's neck, his tongue lapping as he went.

The words grated suddenly. All this talk of taking turns made the whole thing sound like some sort of childish game! Was Archie just humouring him?

Jonathan focused on what Archie was doing in his search for the answer. His hands roamed down Archie's back, revelling in the feel of his muscles rippling beneath. He concentrated on Archie's weight pushing him into the mattress, Archie's erection hard and insistent against his stomach. Archie certainly seemed to be as caught up in this as he was. But wasn't there something they could do together?

"Archie?" Jonathan said softly.

"Hmm," Archie didn't pause but moved his mouth along Jonathan's collarbone, his hand reaching once more for Jonathan's cock.

"Archie." Jonathan said a little firmer this time.

"Yes?" Archie raised his head and took a breath. "All right Jonathan, you'll get your turn. Sit up and we'll change places."

Jonathan didn't move, but lay there trying to find the right words for his next question.

"Archie, I want to...I want us...to do this together....or something....together."

Archie pushed his fair hair from his eyes and looked away for a moment. "Well we can rub against each other like this Jonathan, but it does start to get a little raw after a while. Is that what you had in mind?"

"No, Jonathan" said softly. "There is more, I know that much Archie. Will you show me that too?"

"Jonathan.."

Jonathan took hold of Archie's erection and was pleased by the harsh intake of breath. "Please Archie?" he asked again, his fingers gently stroking. "You've been so good to me, so patient. Will you do this too?" He paused for a moment, gazing into the fire in the depths of Archie's eyes. "Please, I really want you to, Archie."

Archie gave no answer, simply swooped down to captured Jonathan's mouth again, his hands coming to rest on Jonathan's slim hips, touching, kneading, acquainting himself with the feel of them.

Jonathan let himself be carried away under the skilful onslaught. Archie's mouth was hunting across his chest again, nipping here, licking there, seeking out the places he had discovered yesterday. His hand sought Jonathan's cock and coaxed it to life again, quickly.

Jonathan kissed the fingers that Archie trailed across his lips and when Archie persisted, he let them into his mouth and played with them until Archie pulled them away.

"Pull your knees up a bit," Archie whispered and Jonathan obeyed, a little nervous now, the rational part of his mind finally coming to the fore. Archie's fingers was sliding behind him now, seeking, probing, persistent in their quest. Jonathan lay still, unable to think of anything except what Archie's fingers were trying to do. He winced when he felt the initial penetration and gasped when the feeling became more pronounced. He groaned aloud when Archie attempted to insert a second finger.

"That hurts!"

"Just for a moment, Jonathan, it will feel better in a moment." Archie continued and Jonathan tried to forget about what was happening. He saw Archie spit into his hand and turned away.

"You have to relax Jonathan." Archie instructed as he went to work again with his fingers. "You're too tense."

"I'm not tense," Jonathan said fervently. The tremor in his voice made a lie of the words.

"I can't do it if you are tense Jonathan." Archie's own voice sounded far from steady now. He looked up. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Jonathan nodded, not trusting his voice for the moment. Archie knelt up and nodded in the direction of the wall behind him.

"Put your feet up there, flat against the wood and bend your knees." Archie was spitting again, coating his erection with the saliva. Jonathan waited. He couldn't stop the whimper that escaped as Archie pressed into him, could hardly stop the urge to pull away and was quietly thankful when Archie stopped and sat back again.

"This isn't working." Archie murmured not looking at him but gazing around the cabin instead. "I had not idea you'd be this tight." Archie moved away and leaned back against the wall. His eyes were still distant.

"I'm sorry Archie," Jonathan bit his lip and dropped his legs down. He stared at the wall feeling miserable. "Did you have this trouble with Peter?" Jonathan asked, suddenly feeling inadequate. Perhaps this was all his fault.

Archie shook his head. "No, but Peter was used to doing it. I should have realised it would be different with you."

"And what about Horatio?"

Archie's eyes flew back to Jonathan and narrowed. "How do you know about that?"

Jonathan swallowed, feeling even worse now. "I overheard you and Peter talking that night in the infirmary. You thought I was asleep, but I wasn't."

"I never did this with Horatio. We only had one time together, barely an hour, if that. Horatio did it to me but I didn't.."

Archie rubbed his face and looked away. When he looked back, Archie's face held a gentle look and he smiled softly at Jonathan. He lay down again, his hand coming up to play with Jonathan's curls where they lay spread out around his head.

"I always wanted to of course," Archie said quietly and Jonathan knew he was being made privy to Archie's deepest thoughts. "It is the one regret that I have; that Horatio and I never really had any time together. I was never ready and then when I was, he'd found another."

It was foremost in Jonathan's mind to ask who Horatio had found, but he sensed now was not the time.

Suddenly the look on Archie's face changed. "That's what we need! Oil. I remember now! Horatio used it the first time." He sighed and looked away again. "I'm sorry Jonathan, I really don't have much experience with this, you see.

I have only done this three times with Peter and saliva worked fine. Perhaps I am not the best person to show you this."

"Archie, you're the ONLY person I want to show me this." Jonathan said fervently, but Archie stared above at the bulkhead deep in thought.

"Don't you want me Archie?"

Archie turned back. "Of course I want you Jonathan, believe me!" he said fervently. "Stopping just now wasn't easy!"

"This is all my fault, I am so sorry Archie." Jonathan stuttered. Twice now he had ruined Archie's pleasure.

"Jonathan it's not you. It's me. I feel like I am stealing your innocence." There was anguish in Archie's voice as he spoke. "I feel like I am little better than.." The name was left unspoken but Jonathan heard it in his mind- Simpson!

"You're not stealing my innocence, Archie! I am giving it to you!" Jonathan blurted out desperately, suddenly afraid of the dark mood that seemed to be taking Archie away from him.

"Oh Jonathan," Archie sighed and he reached out to take Jonathan into his arms once again. "I don't think I deserve such a gift Jonathan."

"Yes you do Archie," Jonathan whispered, before he kissed Archie again. "Can we try it again? Please?" Jonathan whispered, "We have plenty of time and I know what to expect now. I'm very sorry that I made a fuss."

Archie smiled ruefully but didn't resist when Jonathan started to caress him again.

"You're becoming very good at getting me to do things Jonathan." Archie said, his voice a little breathless. "But that doesn't alter the fact that I have nothing here to make it any easier for you. It might be best to wait for another time when we are better prepared. You're supposed to enjoy it too and I don't want to hurt you."

"Archie, we have the whole night. When will we have this chance again? Please Archie. It didn't hurt that much and you said it would only hurt for a little while. I'll tell you if it gets too bad."

It felt a little different this time, not quite so strange. Jonathan forced himself to lay still, to let his body go limp as Archie prepared him again. Archie's hands were trembling slightly now, either from passion or from hesitancy. Jonathan really didn't know. His body protested to the unfamiliar invasion, but perhaps it was not unlike learning to climb the rigging: your legs and arms took a while to become accustomed to the strain. Such pain was a way to growth. Maybe this was the same.

 

Jonathan concentrated on Archie's face, on the myriad of emotions that flashed through his eyes when he breached his body ever so slowly. Archie panted as he held himself still for the longest time until Jonathan wondered what he was waiting for.

"What's next Archie?" Jonathan asked, his voice a little wobbly.

"Does it feel all right Jonathan?" Archie's voice was strained and Jonathan suddenly understood that Archie had but a bare hold on his passion.

"Yes," he whispered, a little in awe of this side of Archie, a side he had never witnessed before. It was all the more wondrous because Jonathan knew he was the cause.

Archie moved then, thrusting slowly, picking up rhythm, his breathing deep and laboured, his hands gripping Jonathan's hips for leverage. Archie's sighs gave him courage and Jonathan ignored a new discomfit, a raw chafing feeling, that hovered on the edge of his awareness and slow grew with Archie's ever increasing thrusts.

It happened so quickly that Jonathan almost laughed at the irony. Archie arched his back, thrust deeply one last time then stared down at Jonathan, his body spasming, his lips held tightly together.

Jonathan smiled but the gesture changed quickly to a frown as the stinging started. Archie rolled to his side, arms reached to pull him close and place a kiss first on his forehead and then on his lips.

"It will be better next time Jonathan, I promise." Archie whispered.

Jonathan marshalled his courage again, brushed away a tear that threatened and whispered back bravely, "And maybe a little longer too Archie? I don't think I'm the only one who needs to learn some self control." Archie's gentle laugh told him all was well once again.

 

Chapter 24

Jonathan winced when he awoke next morning. He felt strange, very strange. His body still echoed with the sensations of Archie's possession last night and it wasn't entirely pleasant.

"How do you feel?" Archie asked as he came to sit on the bed. He smoothed Jonathan's tangle of curls back with gentle fingers.

"Fine," Jonathan replied with a tight smile.

Archie nodded, his eyes never leaving Jonathan's face as if he was trying to see behind the words.

"I'll send for some water and you can clean up a little. You'll feel better then."

"I'm fine Archie," Jonathan insisted as he swung his legs out of bed. "And I'd much rather spend the day with the scent of you on me." He grinned, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"Jonathan!" Archie exclaimed as he stood up again. "What am I going to do with you!"

After a wash and a hearty breakfast of porridge, eggs, biscuit and strong black coffee, Jonathan did feel a little better. But as he walked the quarterdeck later that morning, his mind was in turmoil. He struggled to understand exactly what had gone wrong last night. He felt a strange reluctance to bring the subject up with Archie again, worried about how the older man would react. That Archie had thought of Simpson and likened himself to that man only added to Jonathan's caution. Archie had never spoken to Jonathan about what had happened to him so many years ago. All Jonathan's knowledge came from Mr Hornblower or others.

Jonathan wondered if Archie had spoken to Peter Crittenden about it? Perhaps he simply thought Jonathan too young to really understand?

A loud cough brought Jonathan out of his reverie.

"Yer don't look so good? What's the matter? 'E dump yer did 'e?"

"And a good morning to you too Mr Kerrison," Jonathan said with a frown. "No, he didn't 'dump' me. Nothing like that at all."

"Well why the long face then? You all right?" There was a genuine concern in Kerrison's voice and Jonathan was touched by the sincerity.

"Yes, I'm all right." Jonathan paused, wanting to say more but unsure. He hardly knew Kerrison, but there was something about the man that Jonathan felt he could trust. He bit his lip and looked around, suddenly worried that they might be overheard. "It didn't go too well last night. We had a bit of trouble."

"Ah, I see." Kerrison replied with a nod. "That why yer walking like yer got a boat hook up yer arse?"

Jonathan's mouth fell open in shock and he felt his face flaming but Kerrison's look was serious, no mirth showing in the hazel eyes.

"No need to be shy about it. It goes on below decks too yer know! There's not much I've not seen or done in my 19 years in the Kings Navy."

 

I'm sure there isn't, Jonathan mentally conceded. "I'll admit I'm in a little discomfit," Jonathan confided. "But it wasn't his fault. He didn't do it intentionally," he added hastily when he saw Kerrison frown. "He doesn't have a lot of experience either you see."

"Oh yeah?" Kerrison looked too interested now. Jonathan frowned in reply.

"So what did 'e use?" Kerrison asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Oh, er, well his fingers first and then his, er.."

"No, no! What did 'e grease yer up with?"

"Oh," Jonathan replied, unable to say any more for the moment. But he knew that if he could just overcome his embarrassment at Kerrison's crudity he might actually learn something useful. Jonathan pressed on. "He used spit."

"Spit? Bloody hell. No good using spit to bugger a virgin." Kerrison fixed him in his gaze again and winked wickedly. "That was yer rating, wasn't it."

Perhaps the deck would open up and swallow him and save him from further embarrassment, Jonathan prayed as he tried to answer calmly. "Oh yes. At least it was last night."

Kerrison grinned at his confession, but quickly tried to wipe the smile from his face.

"What yer need is a hunk of lard! That'll do the trick."

"Lard." Jonathan echoed trying to imagine doing THAT with lard.

"Yes, best thing for it. Yer can get some from the cook."

"Good heavens, Kerrison, I can't just stroll into the galley and demand lard!" It would be all around the ship in no time, Jonathan thought to himself.

Kerrison shrugged. "Well tell your Mr Kennedy to go get it then. 'E's the Captain!" Kerrison sauntered away and Jonathan was left once more to contemplate his troubles.

Lard! How on earth was he going to get lard from the galley? Stealing came to mind, but he quickly dismissed that thought. Any form of stealing was strictly prohibited under the Articles of War. But lard was his only option. Perhaps he SHOULD mention it to Archie just to see what he thought about it. He'd mentioned oil, but the only oil that Jonathan knew of on board was that which they used on the cannons. Could you use it on people too?

By the Second Dog Watch, Jonathan had given up all hope of obtaining any lard and had resolved to spend another night of discomfit.

Kerrison arrived early for his watch and drew Jonathan aside to the taffrail.

"'Ere, I got this for yer." He pulled a small muslin bundle out of his pocket and handed it to Jonathan. "Lard!" he added proudly.

Shock was the best description to describe Jonathan's reaction. "Where ever did you get that? You didn't steal it did you Kerrison?"

"I'm offended Mr Riley! Do I look like the kind of lad that goes stealing stuff?" But the glint in Kerrison's hazel eyes suggested amusement more than offence. "Asked the cook for it, I did. Said it was for you."

"You said it was for me?" Jonathan said, his voice rising sharply.

"Yes, I told him that yer needed it for yer 'inges"

"My 'inges?" Jonathan mimicked. Was that what men like Kerrison called it?

"Yes, the 'inges on yer sea chest. Carpenter fixed the lid this morning but the 'inges were all seized up from all that sea water."

"Oh, oh I see." Cautiously, Jonathan took the small bundle of greasy muslin. He held it in his hand, not sure where to put it. He didn't want to place it in his pocket for fear of ruining his jacket.

"Oh and it's a bit high too, a bit rancid. But I figured that wouldn't matter considering where you'd be sticking it." Kerrison added matter of factly.

Jonathan wondered if he would ever get used to Kerrison. The man was simply too crude! "Well thank you Kerrison," he finally managed to splutter out.

Mercifully eight bells sounded and Jonathan beat a hasty retreat with Kerrison's departing words ringing in his ears.

"I'll be thinking of yer Mr Riley."

 

Chapter 25

"What on earth have you got there, Jonathan?" Archie asked as he eyed the greasy muslin bundle. Jonathan had presented it to him immediately upon arriving in his cabin but Archie was unimpressed.

"It's lard Archie." Jonathan replied, hoping he wouldn't have to explain.

"I can tell that by the smell! Rancid too I'd say!" In the small confines of Archie's stuffy cabin the lard smelt even worse. Jonathan prayed that Archie wasn't going to open that damned skylight to let in some fresh air. The night would be ruined if he was constantly worrying about Kerrison eavesdropping!

"Whatever did you bring it here for Jonathan?" Archie asked again, refusing to take the parcel.

Jonathan sighed and tried to find the words he needed to explain. He shuddered at the way Kerrison had put it, 'grease yer up'. Now if he could just remember what Archie had said?

"It's to make it easy Archie?"

Understanding flashed in Archie's eyes and his look softened a little. "I am impressed by your ingenuity Jonathan, but I hardly think lard is appropriate."

Not appropriate? But Kerrison had said... Jonathan opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it again. He could hardly mention his conversation with Kerrison to Archie. "Are you sure Archie?" Jonathan's face clouded in disappointment that only resulted in Archie smiling more.

"Don't worry about it Jonathan. I took some castor oil. I think that will work."

Jonathan's eyes widened in horror. "Oh Archie. I hate castor oil! Do I have to take it too? Can't we try the lard?" he asked desperately.

Archie laughed. "Jonathan," he smiled, shaking his head. Archie walked to his sea chest and produced a large bottle of castor oil. "I didn't 'take' it, I 'took' it. From the infirmary cupboard." Archie explained.

"You stole it?" Jonathan asked, aghast.

"I'm the Captain, Jonathan, I don't steal I just demand." Archie's grin turned into an infectious laugh and Jonathan joined feeling his trepidation melt away. Perhaps everything would be fine after all.

They sat down at the table and commenced eating their supper but Archie's next words were not what Jonathan was hoping to hear.

"We won't need the castor oil tonight though Jonathan. It would be best to wait a couple of nights until we try it again. That will give you a chance to ..feel better. It will... hurt too much if we try again tonight."

"But Archie.." Jonathan began, but stopped suddenly when he saw the look on Archie's face.

"This is something I know about Jonathan, believe me! I don't want to hurt you."

Another glimpse into Archie painful past, Jonathan thought. Would Archie ever confide in him and talk openly about those times? Perhaps it was better not to know.

 

Chapter 26

"You did it again!" Jonathan whined as he frowned up at Archie Kennedy who knelt between his legs. Archie grinned and licked the rest of the semen from his lips.

"Are you complaining Jonathan? I could have sworn you liked it just now."

"Of course I liked it, but this seems to be becoming a habit of yours Archie."

Archie sighed and lay down beside him. "Jonathan, you rush in here each evening and can barely sit still long enough to eat! You're like a loaded cannon; primed and ready just waiting for a spark to set you off. Now that you've 'been fired' we can take our time a little. Swab out the cannon, reload and take better aim."

"You're starting to sound like Lionel Thockmorton!" Jonathan replied feigning offence. Archie responded by rolling them both over so that Jonathan now had the advantage.

"The Helm is yours Mr Riley. Show me how you steer the ship."

Jonathan grinned and set about the task.

"Go slowly Jonathan until you get the feel of it." Archie directed a little nervously. Jonathan snickered. At least he tried to but his mouth was otherwise engaged.

"Be careful with your teeth!" Archie hissed.

"Ss'lo'lly" Jonathan slurred apologetically, refusing to let go his prize in case Archie suddenly had a change of heart. Perhaps it would be best to concentrate on what he was doing, Jonathan decided. But who'd have thought it would be so difficult? There really wasn't that much room left in his mouth once Archie was in there. What was he supposed to do with his teeth?

Jonathan tried moving his tongue around and using his lips a little more. Archie's shivers of breath sounded encouraging. But a new concern was starting to take over. Would Archie object if he dribbled on him? There really was an awful lot of saliva building up in his mouth and Jonathan had no idea what to do with it. He tried swallowing it, which elicited a moan from Archie as his erection slid further into Jonathan's mouth. Jonathan continued his ministrations, stopping every now and again to get his breath as he couldn't seem to do both at the same time.

"Jonathan? A little bit of rhythm might be helpful." Archie did not sound like a man in rapture! Jonathan attempted to look up in an effort to gauge the situation. Archie was leaning up on his elbows a look of frustration on his face. Their eyes met and Archie responded with a loud groan before he closed his eyes and lay down again.

Rhythm... he could manage that Jonathan decided, although he'd never been much of a hand at dancing! At last Archie began making the right noises. One of his hands came down to tangle in Jonathan curls encouraging him to continue. Archie's breathing was decidedly ragged now, coming in pants and gasps.

Not long Jonathan realised, but even so, Archie's orgasm took him by surprise. He gagged, thinking for a moment he would choke or be sick, or maybe both. But Archie pulled away quickly and Jonathan spluttered and gasped, trying to regain his breath.

Leaping from the bed and grabbing the decanter of brandy, Jonathan poured himself first one glass then a second and third in an attempt to get the taste out of his mouth. He downed them without stopping and was about to pour a fourth when Archie's voice caught him.

"Steady up Jonathan, you will make yourself sick. It's not that bad!"

At least Archie was still smiling Jonathan discovered when he turned back to the bed.

"It's worse than the brandy, Archie!" he explained as he padded back. He settled into Archie's arms, feeling slightly sick as the brandy hit his stomach. "But I suppose I'll get used to it, like everything else."

"Of course you will," Archie said softly as he kissed Jonathan's hair and forehead slowly working his way downwards.

Jonathan lay back, content to bask in Archie's lazy kisses as his head began to swim pleasantly. His body responded in no time at all when Archie's kisses and touches became more heated.

"Are you sure you don't want to try it Archie?" Jonathan purred into Archie's ear as he felt Archie's new erection digging into his side. He could feel the brandy flowing through him, warming him and suddenly everything seemed wonderful.

"No Jonathan, I don't want to hurt you. We'll just do this with our hands instead."

"Oh Archie, I'm sick of my own hand!" Jonathan giggled, suddenly wondering if he was back in the middy's berth.

"To each other Jonathan! Really, I think you that brandy has gone to your head."

Jonathan responded with another giggle.

"You won't feel like laughing when you have to go on watch in two hours," Archie chided before capturing Jonathan's mouth again and ending all conversation.

 

Chapter 27

"The first time I ever done it I snorted the bloody stuff up me nose!" Kerrison declared with a grin.

They were standing at the stern leaning against the taffrail, a breach of decorum in itself, but for the moment Jonathan didn't care. An hour into the middle watch and Kerrison was still here. The idle talk was a vain attempt to hide the fact that Kerrison thought Jonathan was too drunk to stand the watch. He'd said as much when Jonathan had come on deck. A fact which Jonathan had refuted, although in his own mind he knew he was one step short of sober. Perhaps he should have asked Archie to take his watch, but Archie had been sleeping so peacefully that Jonathan was loath to wake him.

So Kerrison had stayed on the pretence of asking after the lard and the conversation had somehow flowed on. Jonathan had related his adventures for the night and Kerrison had responded with his own version of the story.

"I was trying to make such an impression on 'im too. He was much older and I'd told him I knew what I was doin'. I'd seen it often enough yer know. Can't grow up below decks without seeing most things. There's scant privacy to be had down there."

"How old were you Kerrison?" Jonathan asked, still fighting the queasy feeling in his stomach.

"Thirteen! Thought I knew everything, I did. 'E must have thought me a right little fool."

They stood like that a while, side by side, watching the helmsman's back as he steadied the wheel.

There was something intimate about standing in the darkness like this, the stars a brilliant canopy above their heads, the wind blowing softly on their faces and in their hair. Jonathan remembered back to a time when he had shared nights like this with Archie. It seemed so long ago.

"Do you have a lover Kerrison?" It was the brandy that made him ask such a direct question, nothing more Jonathan told himself.

"Lover? Yer mean like a mate, someone regular like?"

"Hmm yes, that's what I mean. Like I have Mr Kennedy; just him and no one else."

Kerrison pushed a wayward strand of brown hair back behind his ears. "Not now. Oh I had one or two over the years, I reckon, but not at the moment. Of course there's always someone willing to help yer out if yer fancy a bit of it from time to time." Kerrison made it sound like an itch that needed scratching and Jonathan had to catch himself before he started giggling again.

"You should go and get some sleep Kerrison. I'm feeling much better now." It was true. The fresh air and talk had down much to clear Jonathan's head even if his stomach was still in revolt.

Kerrison glanced sideways, appraising the truth of Jonathan's words, weighing him up with those sharp hazel eyes.

"All right, but I'll bring you up some coffee before I settle in. Wouldn't want yer falling overboard because yer were half asleep." There was no censure in the words, merely an acceptance of the facts. It was not unknown for ratings to be 'three sheets to the wind' from time to time. If caught, they would be flogged, but many simply went about their duties, albeit a little slower than usual and no one was the wiser. Trouble came in bad weather or battle and Jonathan suspected that Kerrison's remark about falling overboard was spoken in the light of experience.

"Thank you Mr. Kerrison. I've enjoyed our talk."

Kerrison winked and grinned. "So 'ave I Mr Riley, so 'ave I."

 

Chapter 28

Jonathan bided his time. For the next few days he tried to refrain from asking Archie WHEN and vowed that he would wait until Archie made the first move. In the back of his mind he held a secret fear that Archie's reluctance was caused by more than just his concern for Jonathan's well being. If there was an additional reason, centred around Archie's treatment at Simpson's hands then Jonathan didn't want to compound the problem by nagging. Besides, there were plenty of other pleasures to keep them engaged and Archie showed no reluctance in anything but that one final act.

Nightly they explored each other's bodies with hands and tongue and lips, mapping the special places that brought pleasure, committing them to memory for future visits. It was a time of discovery for Jonathan as he learnt not only about his own needs and responses, but about how to please a lover too. He suspected the same was true for Archie also.

Just as the nights were filled with one type of learning, Jonathan's days were filled with another. By day he discovered the joys and tribulations of command. He made an effort to speak to the crew and find out their names. He spent time watching them at work and at rest, trying to understand their characters. He took an active interest in the running of the ship and made it his business to know the state of everything from the ships supplies to the set of the sails.

Jonathan assisted whilst Archie and Kerrison studied their charts to find a likely place to stop for fresh water along the African Coast. As they plotted the course in Archie's cabin, maps spread out across the small table, Kerrison caught Jonathan's eye, looked towards the now tidy bunk and winked. Jonathan blushed and rued his fair complexion, hoping Archie wouldn't notice.


Finally Jonathan's patience was rewarded. That night Jonathan found himself once more on his back, feet braced against the wall, transfixed by Archie's eyes. It was different this time. Perhaps it was the castor oil that Archie used liberally. Perhaps it was the two glasses of brandy that Jonathan had drunk over supper. Perhaps it was the languid sleepiness that transfused Jonathan's body, the legacy of already having come twice thanks to Archie's attentions a little earlier.

This time it was a sigh that escaped Jonathan's lips as Archie breached his body. The sensation was still strange, but the pain was absent.

"That's better," Archie whispered breathlessly, then, "That IS better, isn't it?"

It was Archie's uncertainty in all of this as much as the care he was taking, that made Jonathan so desperate to please him. "Yes Archie," Jonathan smiled trying to reassure and not really knowing what else to do.

Perhaps that was the problem! What DID one do during this act? Should he just lie there or was he supposed to participate in some way? Their position made it hard to reach up and kiss Archie, to touch him or hold him. Jonathan tried moving a little to match Archie's thrusts and was pleased when Archie smiled at him, encouraging him to continue.

One of Archie's hands moved slowly up from Jonathan's hip to tease at his cock again. "Come on Jonathan," Archie whispered when his hand drew little response. Suddenly Jonathan was confused; what exactly was Archie expecting of him? Whilst he no longer felt any discomfit, neither did he feel any arousal. Yet that was obviously what Archie was hoping for as he continued with his caresses.

"I want you to enjoy this too Jonathan," Archie explained and Jonathan knew he had seen the confusion in his eyes.

"I am enjoying it Archie," Jonathan insisted, suddenly afraid that he was disappointing Archie again. He was rewarded with Archie's smile and a gentle nod. "It's all right Jonathan," Archie whispered again, "I know."

But Jonathan was left feeling slightly inadequate, as if he was doing something wrong. He tried to concentrate on Archie and his reactions again for he was simply happy to partake in Archie's pleasure, to see it claim him and leave him dazed. Afterwards he cradled Archie in his arms, smoothed back the sweaty fair hair and covered his brow with kisses.

"I'm sorry if I am not as good as Peter with this, Archie," Jonathan whispered as he listened to Archie's steady breathing.

"Oh Jonathan! This isn't some sort of competition!" The angry retort took Jonathan off guard.

"I'm sorry," he murmured again, "I just want it to be perfect."

"Jonathan, give it time." Archie replied. His voice sounded weary. "I want YOU to enjoy it too, but.."

"I did enjoy it Archie!" Jonathan insisted again. Heavens, how had they come to be at such cross-purposes in this, Jonathan wondered.

"We have plenty of time to get it right." Archie said, burrowing in closer. "For once time is on our side."

 

Chapter 29

The next morning they sighted the African coast and cautiously made their way to their anchorage. They spent an anxious afternoon taking soundings as they slowly negotiated reefs and shoals that were waiting to run them aground. It was almost dusk before they weighed anchor in a small deserted cove that offered safe harbour. It had taken far longer to bring the Mistral through the treacherous reefs then either Archie or Kerrison had imagined and by nightfall both men were showing signs of their tiredness and frustration.

Throughout dinner Archie had sat silently whilst Jonathan chatted on, trying to lighten his mood.

"And would you believe that Mr Kerrison has seen a mermaid?"

Archie raised a sceptical eyebrow but remained silent.

"He has! He told me so himself. Said he was about ten at the time, when he was aboard the Kraken. Six of them saw it and they all had tattoos done to remember it by. He showed me!"

"He showed you his tattoo?" Archie asked, voice raising and brow furrowing. "Where?"

"On the quarter deck." Jonathan replied. What on earth was the problem now?

"Not where...WHERE! Really Jonathan, I hardly think that sort of thing is.. is... BECOMING of an officer. You DO have a position to uphold. To be EXAMINING each other on the QUARTER DECK..."

"Heavens Archie. Where do you THINK the tattoo was?" Jonathan retorted rolling his eyes. "He merely rolled up his sleeve! It was on his forearm!"

"That's NOT the point Jonathan. Such behaviour is simply not right."

Jonathan looked away and downed the last of his brandy deciding it was simpler to put Archie's bad mood down to the rigours of the day. He stood up and held out his hand.

"Come on Archie, come to bed and let me cheer you up. I'll make you feel better."

"Jonathan, not tonight. I'm worn out." It was the first time since becoming lovers that Archie had refused him. Jonathan was surprised and more than a little put out.

"But Archie," he began again, seductively, thinking he'd be able to win Archie over with a few touches if he could just get him into bed.

"Jonathan, on the seventh day even God rested. I'm not divine! I am tired and I want to go to sleep. Please respect that." Archie walked to the bed and sat down wearily. "I never realised how demanding it was being a Captain. The responsibility is frightening! I've never captained a prize ship before, this is all new to me." Archie pulled his hair loose and shook his head to free the strands. "The lives of everyone on board were in my hands today. If Kerrison hadn't insisted he knew those reefs I would never have attempted to get through! One wrong decision and we could have put a hole right through the timbers or run aground. We would have been stranded here Jonathan!"

Archie's words stirred Jonathan's conscience; when would he stop thinking of himself first and see things from Archie's perspective? "I'll sleep in the hammock then, Archie," Jonathan said gently. He rubbed Archie's neck and kissed his cheek. "There's not much room in this bed and you'll sleep better if I am not half on top of you."

Archie kissed him back lightly. "Thank you Jonathan, I'm glad you understand."

But as Jonathan lay in his hammock, alone and miserable, he could not help but think over the events of the last few days. For all the physical pleasure he had enjoyed, Jonathan felt there was still something missing. He thought of times past that he had shared with Archie, the long quiet hours spent talking from their heart, sharing confidences, or the happy day they had spent during his first shore leave in Gibraltar. It was that closeness that he missed now. The only time he felt they were truly close was when he was in Archie's bed and even then Jonathan felt that he couldn't talk about certain things.

Jonathan thought of Peter Crittenden and how he had sat beside Archie in the tavern in Gibraltar, the two of them looking so happy, so close. Would Jonathan ever feel that with Archie, that bond that had shone from their eyes that morning? How could Archie NOT compare him to Peter Crittenden and find him lacking?

If only he and Archie could recapture those times, Jonathan felt certain that all would be well between them. Perhaps if he could get Archie to come ashore with him tomorrow they could have some time to themselves away from the worries of the ship and the ever-present crew. Perhaps then Archie would stop being so serious and open up and talk and they could just be themselves again, instead of Acting Captain and Acting Lieutenant.

 

Chapter 30

It was simply too tempting. The sparkling water, the gentle waves, the white sand of the cove beckoned to Jonathan as he gazed longingly towards the beach. A backdrop of lush tropical foliage only added to the exotic picture. Jonathan silently cursed Kerrison for volunteering to go ashore with the water party. They'd been gone an hour already and Jonathan could see several seamen splashing in the waves; filling the oaken casks seemed the last thing on their minds.

"I hope you are not upset over last night Jonathan?" Archie asked as he came to stand beside Jonathan at the rail.

"No Archie, I understand, honestly I do."

"Perhaps I can make it up to you. Would you like to go ashore?"

It was sheer will power that stopped Jonathan from embracing Archie where they stood. "May I Archie? It looks so lovely."

Archie laughed. "Sometimes Jonathan you sound like a little boy! Go gather some hands and take more of the water casks. Oh and when you have finished let the lads have some free time. They deserve it after what we've been through."

"Are you coming too?" Jonathan asked hopefully.

"No, my place is here. Someone has to watch the ship. Surely you haven't forgotten that those Americans are still locked in your cabin. You know how ruthless THEY can be." There was a hint of a smile in Archie's eyes, but Jonathan didn't feel like sharing the joke.

"I can send Kerrison back. He can take over here!" Jonathan declared, trying to think of some way to get Archie to come ashore. "It looks so lovely Archie, why, we could play in the water together!"

"Jonathan, a Captain does not go frolicking in the waves! It simply isn't done." Archie smiled at Jonathan's pout. "Go on, enjoy yourself. I'm sure you'll manage to have fun without me."

Jonathan sat at the tiller sulking as he steered the cutter towards the beach. The sea, a brilliant blue-green that dazzled the eyes, was calm as the reefs provided natural protection from the breakers. As he drew closer to the shore, he could see several of the seamen idling on the white sand or playing in the shallows. Jonathan found himself smiling as his earlier mood lifted.

Kerrison met them as they landed. "Something up Mr Riley?" he asked cautiously. Kerrison had discarded his shoes and had his trousers rolled up to his knees. His shirt was loose. All in all he looked like just another of the ratings. Jonathan wondered if Kerrison thought he had been sent to reprimand him. There seemed to be a marked lack of discipline in the small party.

"No, Mr Kennedy sent us to help. He also said to let the lads have some free time when we are done." Jonathan cast a pointed glance at the men playing and relaxing nearby, "But I can see you have already seen to that."

Kerrison's face broke into a wide grin. "Yeah, that's what I figured too. Been letting 'em have a bit of a splash now and again, just to cool off. It's hot work filling those casks.

An hour later Jonathan had to concede it was indeed hot work and he'd only been supervising. The sun beat down, sending a steady stream of perspiration down his face and back. He was more than thankful for his hat. He was just wiping his face with his sleeve again when Kerrison strolled up.

"Come on, time for a break." He looked at the men working and then back at Jonathan. "Pick one of 'em to be in charge and give 'em ten minutes break. Tell 'em you and me have some ex-plor-ray-shons to do."

Jonathan almost laughed at the way Kerrison said the word 'explorations'. It was clear it was not a word he used often. He suddenly wondered at Kerrison's motive.

"Explorations? Whatever do you mean Mr Kerrison?" Jonathan asked firmly.

"Well Mr Kennedy told me to keep me eyes opened and have a look around abouts. For Frogs and the like, yer know. So that's what we'll do, you and me!"

"Oh yes, well er, I suppose so." Jonathan replied wondering why Archie hadn't mentioned anything to him. Didn't Archie trust him with such an important job? "Who should I put in charge? " Jonathan continued, suddenly feeling his own inadequacy and inexperience.

"Who do YOU think Mr Riley, think about it now." Kerrison encouraged.

"Well, Harris might do well, but I think I'd have to send Gillies away. They'd get in to strife if I left them together." Kerrison nodded in agreement and Jonathan continued.

"Gillies, you go down to the beach and watch the boats, send Miller back up here. The rest of you can have ten minutes break, then it's back to work. I'm leaving you in charge Harris. Do you understand?"

The seaman nodded and tugged at his forelock.

"Mr Kerrison and I are going to take a look around. There have been reports of French patrols in this area," Jonathan continued, embellishing the story a little, "So be on the look out. We'll be back in a while."

 

Chapter 31

Kerrison gave a little chuckle as they wandered back to the beach. "There yer go, that wasn't so hard. Yer getting the hang of this officer stuff."

Jonathan felt pleased with Kerrison's praise and more than a little curious at their planned ex-plor-at-ion. "So where are we going Kerrison?" he asked he followed the Mate northwards along the beach.

"Around the point. I want to show yer something. Here, take off those bloody shoes and stockings, they'll be full of sand in no time." Jonathan hopped along, removing the articles and trying not to lose pace with Kerrison who didn't seem keen to stop.

"Is it the French? Are they here?" Jonathan asked, not sure if he should feel excited or afraid.

"No no, look!" They turned the point and Kerrison pointed along a wide white beach that stretched for miles before them. Gentle surf broke on the sand sending salt spray into the air like a fine mist.

"Isn't that just the most beautiful sight yer ever seen?" Kerrison asked, smiling.

It was beautiful. Jonathan spent a moment in solemn appreciation. "Yes it is." he finally murmured.

Leaving behind the cove and the men, the boats and the water casks, they walked further around the point until Jonathan felt the wind hit his face. Kerrison Laughed as Jonathan was forced to grab at his hat, dropping one of his shoes. His stocking blew away, leaving him no option but to chase after it.

"You've been here before, haven't you." Jonathan said when he once again caught up with Kerrison.

"Yes, that's how I knew the cove was a good anchorage. I knew the reefs too cause I was the top lookout last time we came through. Helped to sight them when I was on the 'Kraken'."

"You've got a good memory then. I doubt many men would have tried that."

Kerrison ducked his head a little. "Yeah, well it proved to be harder than I thought, but I knew I could do it, I did." He looked up again, shaking the cloud of worry away. "Come on, let's have a swim. It's bloody hot!"

"Oh no," Jonathan said hurriedly. "I can't swim." Kerrison merely laughed.

"Well at least have a wash then. Yer starting to smell like a ripe cheese!" And with a cheeky wink Kerrison proceeded to strip off his clothes. Jonathan stared for a moment then turned away, embarrassed, until Kerrison ran into the water and waded out some distance.

"Come on, don't be shy! I'll teach yer to swim. There's nothing to it. Might even save yer life one day."

The water DID look inviting and it DID feel cool on his feet. But he didn't need a wash! Archie would have told him if he did. Jonathan watched for a moment as Kerrison dived under the incoming waves and surfaced on the other side, shaking his hair free of his face.

Slowly, Jonathan took off his blue jacket, then his shirt. Perhaps he could leave his breeches on, he wondered for a moment, but they would take forever to dry and were already stiff from washing them in salt water. Oh well, what did it matter anyway. No one was going to see, except Kerrison and he'd hardly be shocked by anything Jonathan had to show. Jonathan unbuttoned his breeches, let them slide down his legs and gracefully stepped out of them.

The water was bracing but refreshing as he gingerly stepped in. He waded out until he was close to where the waves were breaking, then hesitated, unsure, held back by his natural fear of water.

"Come on, come out with me," Kerrison called and caught a wave to swim in beside Jonathan.

"Gee, yer really DO have red hair everywhere! Some of the lads had a bet yer see. Wait till I tell 'em"

"You'll do no such thing!" Jonathan declared angrily until he saw Kerrison grin again and knew he was being teased. He fought down his blush, wondering if he should go back.

"Come on" Kerrison said holding out his hand. "Come out past the waves, it's calmer out there. I won't let yer drown."

Slowly Jonathan reached out and felt the rough calloused hand take his in a strong grip. They moved slowly out towards the breakers, the surge and swell of the surf dragging at them the further they went. Jonathan gripped Kerrison's hand tightly when the reached the place where the waves were dumping in a pounding tumble of foam.

"Dive through," Kerrison directed, but Jonathan was knocked off his feet and out of Kerrison's grip. He spent anxious moments tumbling beneath the waves, not sure what direction up was, struggling to hold his breath and not panic until two strong hands dragged him to the surface.

He spluttered and blinked, before grabbing hold of Kerrison again. The water was up to his armpits here, and was swaying and surging in a frightening manner.

"Yer all right." Kerrison laughed, disentangling him but holding his forearm firmly. "Just relax. If yer relax you'll just float with the swell, here look." Kerrison jumped gently and bobbed up over the next rise of wave that continued on to crash a few yards behind them. "See, we're far enough out now. We can float around here and the waves won't trouble us."

Jonathan nodded, still too afraid to speak. His hair was dripping in his eyes, which stung from the salt water. His nose and throat were stinging too from the water he had swallowed. But there was a pleasant feeling to the waves, once one became used to them, Jonathan decided. The weightlessness he felt as he bounced was quite pleasant and the caress of the waves felt almost sensual.

Kerrison seemed at home here, cavorting like a dolphin as he dived and surfaced here and there. He could swim too, with a strong clean stroke that spoke of many years of practice.

"Where did you learn to swim Kerrison," Jonathan asked when the older man came back to stand beside him while he caught his breath.

"Fell overboard when I was a little thing. A seaman by the name of Riddley dived in to save me, but we had to wait till the ship could send the cutter back to pick us up. Were in the water for an hour or so. 'Twas in the West Indies so it weren't cold like it is up north otherwise we would 'ave freezed. So whiles we were there, he thought to show me how to swim. I'm glad he did. The Kraken ran aground when I was fourteen. The ship lay there, in sight of the shore, slowly breaking up as the waves ground it further onto the rocks. Over a hundred men died that night, but I could swim and made it ashore."

Kerrison went quiet then and looked out to sea lost in his memories and Jonathan took the opportunity to let his eyes wander over Kerrison's shoulders and down as far as he could see beneath the green water. Up close Kerrison's skin had a hue to it that spoke of long exposure to the sun. Jonathan felt very pale by comparison. It was easy to see Kerrison's wiry strength too. The ropy muscles, a legacy of his former trade, stood out clearly in his arms and legs. He was taller than Jonathan, perhaps even a little taller than Archie, but much thinner; as broad in the shoulders, but narrower in the chest and torso and hips. Jonathan pulled his gaze up, not trusting himself to look any further.

Kerrison's eyes were waiting for him, a hint of amusement in their depths. They shone green in the reflected light of the water. Jonathan blushed and tried to compose himself.

"Did yer know when yer blush it goes all the way down to yer.."

"Yes I did!" Jonathan replied tartly, "Don't YOU ever blush Mr Kerrison?"

Kerrison cocked an eyebrow as if considering the question. "No, don't think so," he replied cheekily, "But yer might take me by surprise one day Miss-ter Rile-lee!"

"I thought you were going to teach me to swim," Jonathan said looking away and thinking it might be a good time to change the subject.

"That I did, come over here." Jonathan moved closer and Kerrison caught him round the waist. Jonathan gasped slightly.

"Just move yer arms a legs around like I was doing, let yerself go sort of limp like and yer'll float up a bit, don't worry, I'll hold onto yer."

Jonathan did worry, but his worry focused more on the touch of Kerrison's hands on his skin than on all water around him.

"Put yer head in the water, just hold yer breath."

Kerrison shook his head at Jonathan's feeble efforts. "No, try it this way. Move yer hands like a dogs paws, and yer legs like yer running. Yer can keep yer head up for that one. Don't worry, I'll not let yer drown. Mr Kennedy would have my skin if I did!"

This new suggestion was a little easier. Jonathan was just starting to manage the movement when Kerrison spoke again.

"Bloody scrawny thing, aren't yer!" Jonathan turned his head sharply only to be confronted by Kerrison's broad grin. "Nice arse though."

Jonathan turned away again, face flaming, trying to think of something to say. He felt Kerrison's hands slip a little lower onto his hips and held his breath, hardly aware of anything but the warm hands touching his skin. He waited for Kerrison to move then again and felt strangely disappointed when it didn't happen.

"There yer go, yer swimming," Kerrison said quietly.

It was true, Jonathan was swimming, albeit with his head out of the water and his arms and legs making strange little movements, but he was afloat by himself, a fact Kerrison proved when he removed his hands.

They spent the next hour or so perfecting the movements. 'Frog swimming' and 'dog swimming' were what Kerrison called the two styles simply because they reflected the movements of those animals. As the day wore on Jonathan became more confident in his newfound ability. He and Kerrison were soon racing each other and chasing each other; splashing one another playfully, wrestling and dunking each other as they became more daring.

The time passed quickly. As Jonathan wiped the water from his eyes and caught his breath after another dunking, he saw the sun was sitting low in the west and knew it was time to return. "We'd best be getting back. I've enjoyed today Kerrison. Thank you for everything."

Kerrison pushed his tangled brown hair out of his eyes and fixed Jonathan with his direct gaze.

"I enjoyed it too," Kerrison said with a wink then added, "And if yer ever find yerself looking for a bit of it, well yer know who to come to."

Jonathan blinked. For a moment the words made no sense, but their meaning slowly sank in and ran like liquid fire under Jonathan's skin, leaving him feeling hot and uncomfortable.

"Am I to take it that you wouldn't mind having a 'bit of it' with me, Kerrison?" Jonathan finally managed to say, trying to sound as if he was used to such offers.

"Yer right there Miss-tterr Rriiile-leee." Kerrison purred, grinning like a tabby cat. "I reckon you'd be all sweet and soft like a young lass."

"I'll have you know there's nothing soft about me, Mis-ter, Kerri-son" Jonathan flung back with a grin.

Kerrison let his gaze slip down Jonathan's body to what was hidden beneath the water.

"Yeah, I can see that." Kerrison grinned, eyes appraising Jonathan's erection. "I'll leave yer to it then." He looked up and winked, "Just let me know if yer need a hand," he added playfully.

Before Jonathan could reply, Kerrison dived into the water and swam back to the beach.

Jonathan watched for a moment, eyes following the long strong legs that kicked through the water, before whispering to himself, "Seems I'm not the only one with a nice arse, Mr Kerrison."

 

Chapter 32

"You would have loved it Archie, it was SO beautiful and the water was lovely, not cold at all, and you'll never guess what Mr Kerrison showed me.." Jonathan paused as he dropped his shirt onto the floor, suddenly concerned by the frown slowly growing on Archie's face.

"You're back and shoulders are sunburnt Jonathan." Archie began chiding as Jonathan continued undressing. "Really Jonathan, you should have known better.. Oh my! You're pink ALL OVER!"

"Yes, you see we went swimming. Kerrison taught me how to swim!" Jonathan explained hurriedly, but it did little to alleviate the shocked look on Archie's face.

"You swam naked?" he asked, his voice rising a little.

"Well yes, there didn't seem to be much point in leaving our clothes on, and I'm not THAT sunburned Archie. It hardly stings at all." If anything the sunburn made his skin feel highly sensitive, magnifying the touch of his clothes and the sheet on Archie's bed when he lay down.

"I wish you had been there, Archie, we could have had so much fun together." Jonathan rolled onto his back and grimaced as the sunburn finally made itself known.

"Let me rub some of that oil into your back and shoulders or they will peel. And don't try to tell me that it doesn't hurt!"

Jonathan acquiesced and rolled onto his stomach as Archie brought the castor oil over. He trickled it down Jonathan's spine and it pooled in the small of his back. With strong gentle hands Archie rubbed it into Jonathan's reddened shoulders and back.

"It's really not that bad Archie. It's mainly just the top of my shoulders. We were in the water most of the time. I didn't think it would matter." The slow rubbing motion of Archie's hands felt very relaxing. Jonathan closed his eyes and once again he could feel the rocking of the waves cradling his body.

"It gets worse as the sun goes down Jonathan, that's what they say, you know," Archie whispered as his hands slid further down Jonathan's back. "You really shouldn't have done that, Jonathan. Whatever did the crew think?" Archie paused a moment and bent to kiss Jonathan's ear.

"We were out of sight. They didn't see a thing." Jonathan answered lazily. "That feels nice Archie, don't stop." Suddenly he remembered the touch of Kerrison's hands and felt a strange confusion.

But Jonathan's attention was drawn back as Archie's hands became more daring, more intimate. They moved down over his arse and down his thighs, then back again moving ever closer to their target, waiting, hovering...

"Oh yes, Archie, please," Jonathan whispered, knowing Archie was waiting for his consent before going any further.

"Are you sure the sunburn isn't too bad? We can do it this way if you like so it doesn't hurt your back."

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," Jonathan replied impatiently. For a moment he wished that Archie would stop all his molly coddling and just DO IT!

This was better, Jonathan decided as he knelt on the bed, hands against the wall. He became acutely aware of Archie kneeling behind him, Archie's hands holding him tightly, leaning against his back making his sensitive skin tingle, thrusting into his body as though he belonged there. He could feel Archie's warm breath on his neck, Archie's whispers close to his ear, and if he turned his head, he could almost kiss the soft lips that were just behind him.

And then it happened.

"Oh God!" Jonathan was unable to stop the scream that erupted from his throat. For one blinding moment his whole body had felt as if it was on fire.

"What's wrong?" Archie asked, ceasing his movements, his voice full of concern.

"Do that again," Jonathan gasped, his head still spinning from the sensation.

"Do WHAT? Did I hurt you? Are you all right?" Archie asked again his voice tight with panic.

"THAT! Whatever you just did! It felt so good." Jonathan implored growing more desperate.

"I don't know what you're talking about Jonathan. You're not making any sense. What did I do?" Archie sounded bewildered now and his voice had grown almost as loud as Jonathan's.

"This, this.." Jonathan tried to explain by thrusting himself back wards onto Archie's erection in an attempt to recapture the feeling.

Slowly Archie began to move again. The movements were timid as if Archie was afraid of what he had done.

"Harder, faster Archie, like before," Jonathan begged. He held his breath, waiting, feeling as if he was paused on a precipice and waiting to fall.

"OOHHH yes!" he screamed when he felt it again. "Don't stop," he added quickly, worried about Archie's reaction again. His whole body was alive now, his blood on fire, his erection suddenly so hard that it was painful.

"Ohhhhh," Jonathan gasped out as it lanced through him again, sending his senses reeling. He arched his back and pushed backwards, trying to meet Archie's thrusts, waiting for what he knew would come again.

"OHHH Arrrrrrrrrcchie," he shouted as his orgasm hit him, an unending wave that tumbled and rolled him, and left him gasping for breath. He slumped against the wall that was now covered with his semen. He could feel Archie still trembling behind him from his own orgasm.

"Oh Archie, that was...that was.." But Jonathan could find no words adequate enough to describe what he had felt. He turned to face Archie, hoping to somehow communicate his ecstasy by looks alone. He was unprepared for what he found.

Bewildered and uncertain, Archie merely stared at him, shaking his head slightly. "I don't understand it," Archie exclaimed, "I didn't even touch you."

"It was that feeling Archie, don't you know? It was like nothing I have ever felt before."

Archie shook his head and they sat back suddenly, at either end of the bed looking at each other, lost for a moment, almost strangers.

"Archie, you said I was supposed to enjoy it. Isn't that what you were talking about?" Jonathan asked. Archie's manner was starting to irate him. The magic of a moment before was being lost. All Jonathan wanted to do was curl up with Archie and go to sleep. Instead Archie sat there, looking as if Jonathan had committed some unforgivable sin. "Archie, haven't you ever felt that?"

"No," came the painful admission. "NO." Louder this time as Archie pushed his hair back with his two hands.

"Horatio told me it could be wonderful and Peter enjoyed it but I didn't know how or why." The words were full of anguish and left Jonathan feeling contrite.

But Archie's distress was difficult to understand. Was it Archie's own inexperience that made him somehow jealous of what Jonathan had achieved? Jonathan tried again. "How many times has anyone done it to YOU, Archie?"

"I never kept count!" The words were like ice and Archie's face had gone white, a frightening mask over the features that Jonathan loved. "I tried to put it from my mind, not think about it.."

"Oh no Archie, I didn't mean.." But Archie leapt from the bed and walked quickly to the casement windows, staring out into the darkness, bathed in moonlight, naked and pale, his arms wrapped around himself in a pathetic gesture of comfort.

Jonathan had never felt so alone.

"Archie I'm sorry," he whispered fervently. "You mistook my words, that's not what I was asking."

Archie nodded, but didn't turn. His voice, when he spoke, sounded shaky. "It's my own demons Jonathan. You're not to blame."

Jonathan bit his lip, unsure of what to say or do, afraid that he would only add to the hurt if he tried to do anything. He felt tears prick at his eyes and brushed them away angrily. When he looked up again Archie had turned back and was watching him.

"Jonathan," his name sounded like a sigh as it hovered on Archie's lips. "I've known all along that I was flawed, but I thought I had beaten it, I thought I had left it behind. But this...this, perhaps I simply CAN'T ..."

"Oh no Archie," Jonathan wiped at his eyes again. "Come back to bed, please. Come back and talk to me."

Surprisingly Archie did just that. They lay in an uneasy silence and Jonathan knew that he would have to speak first. He prayed he knew the right words to say.

"Archie, from what you have told me you have only done this once with Horatio and two maybe three times with Peter? Am I right?" Archie nodded, his hair tickling Jonathan's shoulder.

"Well perhaps you should hearken to your own words Archie. You told me to give it time. Perhaps that's what you should do too." Jonathan bit his lip, wondering if he dared to say the next words. Up to now, Archie had not mentioned sharing the same bounty with Jonathan, but then again he had never denied it either.

"Perhaps when you and I, that is, if you let me, do that...well, perhaps it will be different, between us, you know?"

"Oh Jonathan," Archie sighed as he pulled Jonathan closer and buried his face in his neck.

"Archie you've never told me what happened and I don't expect you to. I don't know what those experiences might have done to you, I just can't imagine." Jonathan brushed the soft golden hair. "But I DO know this; I LOVE you Archie, just as you are. That's all that matters. You'll see, it will be all right!"

"Oh Jonathan, if only it were that simple." Archie whispered.

 

Chapter 33

Jonathan knew exactly what he needed to do when he went on deck for his watch that night. As he lay awake listening to Archie sleeping, Jonathan had made a vow that he would be the one with whom Archie found that elusive pleasure. All he needed was a little information and he knew just who to ask. Now he waited until Kerrison finished relaying the details of the watch, before beckoning the Mate over to the taffrail. Kerrison smiled, his eyes once again hazel in moonlight.

"May I ask you something Kerrison?" Jonathan began nervously. Kerrison nodded, something almost wicked showing in his eyes. "Yer can ask me anything yer like Mis-ter Rrrile-lee."

"Do you know about.. about that ...feeling? The one you get when someone's..." Jonathan trailed off, completely at a loss for words.

"Fuckin' yer?" Kerrison supplied helpfully.

"Er, yes."

"Like yer just been struck by lightening?"

"Yes, that's it."

"Hmm, good ain't it." Kerrison grinned and winked. "Not being struck by lightening, mind, the other," he continued lightly. "I did see one lad struck by lightening one night when we were up the mast reefing the sails. Yer should have heard the noise he made! It was much the same as the noise one or two lads I know make when yer fuck 'em just right."

"Really." Jonathan said fighting back his embarrassment and wondering if Kerrison had heard him earlier. "And just how do you 'fuck 'em just right'?"

"Yer want me to show yer?" Kerrison asked, his voice suddenly low and serious.

"Oh no, I was hoping you could tell me." Jonathan hastily explained. "You see I want to be able to do that for Mr Kennedy. He's never felt it you see. I don't really know how, and he doesn't either and...well I think it was just pure luck that we got it right tonight." Jonathan caught his breath and licked his lips waiting to hear what smart comment Kerrison would have in reply but the Mate had gone strangely silent.

"I see," Kerrison said quietly as he turned away to look out to sea. "Yer must think a lot of 'im if yer going to all this trouble for 'im."

"Oh yes, I care for him deeply." Jonathan admitted, surprised to find no hint of teasing in the hazel eyes when Kerrison looked at him again.

"Well there's no real way to it. It's sort of hit and miss, yer know." There was something missing in Kerrison's voice too, the light banter that was so often present.

"But can you give me some idea? It's very important to me." Jonathan asked again. Kerrison nodded and continued.

"Yer got to sorta try it a few ways, get just the right angle, just the right spot. It take a bit of time yer know, but that shouldn't worry you pair. Below decks it's different. Yer got to sneak around and it's a matter of in and out as quick as yer can. If the other lad comes too, well, that's a bonus, yer see."

"Thank you Mr Kerrison. You've been most helpful."

Kerrison looked at him, long and hard, his hazel eyes so different now that there was no humour to light them. "'E's a lucky man, your Mr Kennedy," he said quietly. They stood together looking out over the waves as an uneasy silence descended.

"I'd best turn in then." Kerrison said finally as he turned away. "It was a good day today, but swimming tires a body out."

Jonathan watched as Kerrison left the deck, slowly understanding the reason for his sudden change. Kerrison had flirted with him all day, and he had flirted back. It had seemed harmless at the time, but who would have thought that Kerrison had been serious. What must the Mate have felt when Jonathan had spoken so openly of his feelings for Archie Kennedy just now?

It was easy to dismiss a man like Kerrison as having no feelings and yet he had shown time and again that it was untrue. Jonathan looked up to the moon and silently prayed that Kerrison had a mate below decks that he could go to tonight. Someone he could hold and seek comfort with. Someone to ward off the loneliness that Jonathan had seen in those hazel eyes.

 

Chapter 34

At high tide the following morning, the Mistral made her way back through the reefs and out to sea. Jonathan sat atop the main mast with the lookout, following their progress. He'd taken with him parchment and a pencil and roughly sketched the position of the reefs and shoals as they passed.

At the change of watch he showed his sketches to Kerrison. Jonathan was a little apprehensive about how the Mate would react this morning, but Kerrison seemed his usual self again.

"That's a fine effort Mr Riley. Not bad at all." Kerrison said. "There's just a few parts that need a little altering, not much. See, this bit here," Kerrison pointed to the diagram. "That needs to be out a little more."

Jonathan frowned. He felt his map was really quite good and was disappointed that Kerrison had found fault with it.

"How about I make a better copy of it and fix it up a bit?" Kerrison suggested.

If Kerrison wanted to copy the map then perhaps it really wasn't that bad. It might be interesting to see Kerrison attempt something like this given his lack of formal education. Perhaps the mate would be surprised to find that map drawing wasn't as easy as it seemed.

"I bet Mr Bowles would like a copy too." Kerrison continued, "I got some parchment and ink down in my cabin. We could do it there."

Jonathan hesitated, wondering what Archie would say. But Archie had seemed his old self too that morning, smiling at Jonathan when he came onto the quarter deck as of nothing untoward had happened last night. He'd only be helping Kerrison make a map. What harm could there be?

"All right Mr Kerrison, I'll come down and help you when I have finished my watch."

In the end, Jonathan thought it best to speak to Archie first and avoid any misunderstandings. When Archie came on deck for the afternoon watch, Jonathan showed him his sketch and told him of his plans. Archie nodded and smiled.

"That's a good idea Jonathan. Kerrison has a good memory for such things. But it's much better to have something to look at. I'm sure even Captain Pellew will be impressed by your ingenuity."

 

"Come in," Kerrison said when Jonathan knocked hesitantly on the door to the small cabin. Inside Jonathan was surprised to find it was even smaller than the little cabin he had originally been assigned. There was only a hammock and a small table pushed up against the wall.

Kerrison left the door opened. "Don't want any rumours to get started, this way it's safer," he said as if to explain his actions. Quickly Kerrison tidied away a tin plate and cup from the small table, dusting a few crumbs onto the floor. "Wasn't sure you'd really come," he explained as he worked.

"You eat in here too?" Jonathan asked. He had been of the opinion that Kerrison ate with the rest of the crew.

"Yeah, Mr Bowles said it didn't do for me to mess with the ratings any more. He said I had a place now, and I had to stick to it." Kerrison shrugged as if to shake off the words, but continued, "It's not so bad on the Indy, cause I mess with the other mates, but I have to eat alone here."

On the Indy Kerrison, the other Master's Mates and the Surgeon's Mate shared a berth next door to that of the Midshipmen, and although they had saw each other daily, Jonathan realised he had never spoken to Kerrison before their time together on the Mistral.

Kerrison pulled out a battered sea chest from beneath the table and opened it. In the dim light of the cabin Jonathan could just make out the initials carved into the top and highlighted in faded red paint; DB. Briefly he wondered who's chest it had been and how Kerrison had come by it, but his attention shifted to the aged parchment and quill and ink pot that Kerrison reverently brought forth and placed on the table.

The mate closed the sea chest and gestured for Jonathan to be seated on one end before perching himself on the other.

Jonathan watched in amazement as Kerrison quickly and effortlessly began sketching his map, but where Jonathan's drawing was made up of simple lines, Kerrison's was intricate and precise, with details for the reefs and others for the sandbars and shoals. There were even lines to indicate which ways the currents ran. He continued on, including the cove and the near by beach, as well as the freshwater stream and a small lagoon that he had found inland earlier. In one corner Kerrison drew a compass and then set about naming the various landforms on the map. Even in his writing Kerrison proved to have an ability that far surpassed Jonathan's own childish script. Jonathan recognised the handwriting at once, for he had seen it many times in the master's log but until now he had not realised it was Kerrison's. No wonder Mr Bowles had been so impressed. Finally Kerrison added the lines of latitude, all from memory of the chart they had studied days ago.

"Who taught you all of this Mr Kerrison?" Jonathan asked, feeling a little in awe of the Mate.

"This writing? Captain Briggs, taught me." Kerrison's face softened into a shy smile. "'E gave me these things too. Almost lost 'em in the ship wreck, but I tucked 'em into my jacket.

"I keep 'em for special things, yer know. But I reckon this is special. I think Mr Bowles'll like this 'ere map. Don't you?"

"Oh yes, I am sure he will. Who taught you to draw maps like that?" The finished map was every bit as good as any of the charts Jonathan had seen in Archie's cabin.

"No one, I just do it. Nothin' to it really. Yer just see it and then draw it. I don't do it often, cause I don't get the chance, yer know."

"Captain Briggs must be very proud of you, of how far you have come." Jonathan said softly.

"'E's dead. Died when the 'Kraken' ran aground. Wouldn't leave the ship with so many still on board. "E couldn't swim either, but several of the hands said they'd take him ashore. "He was well liked, Captain Briggs. 'E wouldn't go of course, stayed to the end with the others who were too afraid to risk the water."

Kerrison taped the sea chest with his knuckles. "This was his. It washed ashore all empty like and damaged. They was just going to leave it there on the beach, but I salvaged it. I didn't have one yer see and I reckoned the Captain wouldn't 'ave minded. He was like that yer know, kind to the men.

"Now what do yer think we should name this cove, 'ere? It didn't have a name on Mr Kennedy's chart, wasn't even marked properly. I reckon we can give it a name, don't you?"

Jonathan tried not to stare. Kerrison continually surprised him. What a complex character he was and yet Jonathan suspected he still barely knew the man. Kerrison smiled, waiting for Jonathan's reply and Jonathan studied his face. Nothing out of the ordinary there, except those cheeky hazel eyes. His long brown hair was tied back untidily and several strands had found their way lose and were either hanging in Kerrison's eyes or tucked back behind his ears. His clothes were rather shabby and looked as if he'd thrown them on with little thought to his appearance, a reflection of his lowly origins. And his hands? They were roughened by work and the elements, callused and stained on the palms with ingrained tar from years spent climbing the rigging. To look at them one would never imagine that they could have such a deft touch with a quill or produce such fine, detailed work.

"I think you should name the cove Mr Kerrison." Jonathan said smiling shyly, "The honour should be yours."

"I'll name it after you then," Kerrison said with a grin. "Red head cove!"

Before Jonathan could pull away Kerrison brought one of his roughened fingers up to where Jonathan's hair was pulled back and tied with a neat black ribbon. Gentle hands too, Jonathan realised and he sat mesmerised whilst Kerrison wound a single curl around his finger.

"Yer got such pretty hair," Kerrison whispered, before turning back to the map.

 

Chapter 35

"And he did one for you too Archie, see. He's really very good at map drawing."

Archie looked over the map that Jonathan had spread on the table. "Red Head Cove?"

"Yes," Jonathan smiled at the flowery script. "He named it after me," he replied proudly. Archie nodded and turned away.

"You seem to be spending quite a lot of time with Mr Kerrison." The comment held no hint of censure. Archie was simply stating a fact.

"I suppose I am," Jonathan replied, "He's quite interesting when you get to know him." Jonathan looked up to finding Archie standing shirtless beside him, a hand was held out in invitation, which Jonathan accepted with a smile. He'd been so lost in his thoughts of Kerrison that he hadn't noticed Archie undressing.

Archie pulled him into his arms and kissed him firmly before starting on his buttons.

"Goodness Jonathan, I think for once you actually have something else on you mind!" Archie murmured as he kissed his way down Jonathan's neck.

"Not for long Archie," Jonathan replied trying to ignore the truth in Archie's words. But Archie was right, Jonathan had been thinking about something else most of the evening. Kerrison! Kerrison working away on the map, Kerrison eating alone in his dingy little cabin, Kerrison's fingers winding through his hair...

"Jonathan," Archie whispered, as he drew them both down to the narrow bed and Jonathan forced his mind back to the present. Archie rolled so that Jonathan was astride him, blue eyes, dark in the candle light, looking up, beseeching...what?

"Archie?" Jonathan asked uncertainly.

"Go on Jonathan," Archie whispered, his voice shaking a little. "You take me tonight."

"Oh," was all Jonathan could manage to say as the full import of Archie's request registered. For a moment he was beset by panic but he took a deep breath and reached for the bottle of castor oil.

"I'll need this?" Jonathan asked and watched as Archie nodded in reply.

"It might be best this time." Archie answered quietly.

There was no need to feel this unreasoning apprehension, no need to be afraid for either Archie OR himself. Archie wanted this, he'd asked for it, so it would be all right. But suppose something went wrong, suppose he did something that hurt Archie or, worse still, reminded him of Simpson? If he thought God was listening, Jonathan would have prayed. Instead he tried to recall Kerrison's words about how to do it right and proceeded slowly and carefully. He'd done this with a woman, or something very similar, Jonathan told himself, so he knew what to expect. It couldn't be THAT different?

 

Moments later Jonathan knew he was wrong. Nothing could have prepared him for the shattering sense of intimacy that he felt when he looked down into Archie's eyes as he slowly breached his body. The sheer physical sensation was practically enough to push him over the edge, but it was the emotional realisation of this ultimate union with Archie that almost provided to be his undoing.

Trying desperately not to lose control and finish before he had even started, Jonathan froze, closed his eyes tightly and tried to forget about everything but his breathing. It was the hardest thing he had even done. He pictured the wind gauge and recited the points, thought of a fully rigged frigate and named the sails from outer flying jib to spanker.

"Jonathan? What ARE you doing?" Archie's voice, slightly worried, broke through his concentration.

"I'm... I'mm.."

"Oh Jonathan. I suppose I should be flattered." Archie sounded amused now and Jonathan opened his eyes again to find playful blues eyes smiling up at him.

"Just move a little Jonathan," Archie directed. "We can always do it again."

And that was all it took, the slight movement, the teasing words, Archie's smile; they all sent Jonathan spiralling into ecstasy far quicker than he wanted.

"I didn't do that very well, did I Archie," Jonathan whispered a moment later as he lay once again in Archie arms.

Archie laid a kiss on his brow. "I think you did it just fine Jonathan. Now get your breath and you can do it again."

 

He did it twice more, before he was due to go on watch, but still Jonathan had not achieved his aim. Despite reassurances from Archie that he had enjoyed their love making, Jonathan knew that Archie had not felt that special pleasure, and he thought he could detect an underlying tension in Archie as if he were not entirely sure of the situation.

It was so hard to concentrate on what he was doing when the intense sensations and his own need for pleasure continually undermined Jonathan's willpower. Did Archie sense this and was he afraid because of it? Afraid that if he should say stop, Jonathan would be unable to do so?

There were so many hidden issues here, so many things that had never been voiced. Of course there was the obvious problem too. Jonathan knew what he was doing wrong. He was too fast, too quick. But what to do about it?

Kerrison was waiting as always, but Jonathan felt an unusual reluctance to talk to the mate this time. It was not from embarrassment for Kerrison would have a laugh and a tease and then offer a solution. No, it was Kerrison himself that was suddenly the problem, or rather Jonathan's feelings for Kerrison, as confused and mixed up as they were. Jonathan didn't want to hurt him, or lead him on for that matter; and intimate talk of any kind would have that effect.

After Kerrison had left and Jonathan was alone with only the moon for company, he wondered about Archie and all his problems. Perhaps they were too much for him to solve on his own. His own naivete and inexperience were such a handicap. Archie needed someone who at least knew what they were doing.

Jonathan's thoughts wandered back to snippets of conversations he had heard; small things he had seen. Horatio Hornblower...he held the answers; Archie's first friend and lover. Why, Archie had even admitted to Jonathan that he regretted he had never had more time with Horatio. How different things might have been if Archie had had that wish.

But Horatio was far away and a more immediate problem was Peter Crittenden. Peter would laugh in his face if he knew how many mistakes Jonathan had made through all of this. Peter, with years of experience behind him, who was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for Archie. Would Archie turn to Peter again in search of what Jonathan couldn't do for him?

Jonathan shrugged those thoughts away. Archie wouldn't leave him. Archie loved him. He may not have said the words, but his actions spoke for him; his caring, his patience, his generosity. No, Jonathan told himself, I have nothing to worry about. It was only the first time tonight, there will be other nights, and in the end we will get it right.

 

Chapter 36

But time won out and two days later the Mistral lay just off Gibraltar, waiting for first light to sail into the secure harbour.

"You realise things will change when we are back aboard the Indy, don't you Jonathan?" Archie took a sip of his brandy and looked at Jonathan across the table. It was their last meal together, their last night in the Captain's cabin and Jonathan didn't want his plans spoiled. He wanted to make this a night that Archie would remember, the one where he finally found that elusive pleasure that seemed to come so easily now to Jonathan. Kerrison had offered to stand the double watch, an offer that Jonathan had accepted gratefully. But now Archie was getting serious and already talking as if it were all over.

"We will be watched, Jonathan. The risk will be too great. This must be our last night together for a while I am afraid."

"Yes Archie," Jonathan conceded. He had already guessed that this would be the case. "But we will have a few nights shore leave in Gibraltar before we sail again. We can be together there!"

"Yes we can, and we will have lots of shore leaves to look forward to together, if you like." Archie bit his lip and looked away. "But you must promise me one thing Jonathan," He turned back, blue eyes suddenly very serious.

"You must let me speak to Peter Crittenden before you say anything. This will come as a shock to him and I want to explain it without hurting him. Do you understand?"

Jonathan tried not to pout or frown. He could think of nothing better than seeing the look on Peter's face when he realised that he had lost and Jonathan had won.

"Yes, I understand Archie," he replied, deciding he could afford to be magnanimous in this. After all he WAS the victor. And hadn't Archie more or less just promised that for the rest of their time together they would be lovers? What more could Jonathan ask for!

There was a frenzy to their lovemaking that night, a desperation that hitherto had been absent.

"Harder Archie," Jonathan implored feeling a newfound assurance. "I want to still to feel you tomorrow when we go back to the Indy. Harder!"

Archie's only answer was a small whimpering noise that told of his desperate battle to stop his own orgasm. Jonathan wanted to shout out in triumph at his power to drive Archie to the brink of ecstasy. It was only his own need that stopped him from pushing the advantage. Archie's fingers gripped his hips and Archie's teeth bit into the back of his shoulder and Archie's cock dove deep into his body. Jonathan screamed with pleasure.

Could Kerrison hear them up on the quarterdeck? Did it make the Mate hard with desire knowing what they were doing beneath his feet? Pleasure spiked through Jonathan like a lance. For a moment he was unsure who was behind him, Archie or Kerrison, as wave after wave of sensation crashed over him. It was only when he leant his head against the wall that he was able to look down and see who's hands still rested against his hips. Jonathan felt a deep sense of guilt rise like a shadow over their lovemaking. How could he have lost himself in his fantasy like that?

They lay down together, resting a moment as their sweat dried and their breathing slowed.

"Archie," Jonathan whispered softly, feeling a terrible remorse. "Archie, let me do it to you now, like that. Let me show you how good it can feel. You'll like it." Perhaps he could make up for his mental infidelity.

"No Jonathan," Archie's breath was still coming in gasps and his voice was shaking. "Oh God, I've left marks on your shoulder. What have I done?"

Not again. Jonathan rolled over to face Archie, making him meet his eyes.

"Archie, it's all right. You didn't hurt me." Archie nodded, but his smile was forced.

"It felt GOOD. I liked it. Let me show you Archie, honestly you'll like it. I felt so alive..."

"No. Not like that Jonathan. I couldn't." Archie's voice left no room for discussion and Jonathan backed down. He almost asked why, almost asked if this was something to do with Simpson, but found that he knew the answer already.

"All right Archie," Jonathan placated, hoping that he still might get the chance to lead Archie to pleasure. "I won't do that. Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."

"Just hold me Jonathan, that's all. Hold me."

 

Chapter 37

It was with something of a divided heart that Jonathan boarded the Indy once more. Most of the Officers and Crew turned out to welcome home their lost brothers and it soon became apparent that many had feared the worse when the Mistral was so late.

Even Captain Pellew could not hide his relief as he praised Archie and the crew of the prize ship for their bravery in the face of the storm. Jonathan looked at the faces around him, and suddenly felt at home again. Lionel was beaming at him and Jonathan smiled back.

Even Peter Crittenden looked pleased to see him. But Peter's eyes turned to watch Archie as he followed Captain Pellew below to give his report. Peter smiled to himself and whispered something before looking back to catch Jonathan's steady gaze. He couldn't help it, Jonathan told himself, it wasn't deliberate. But the self-satisfied smirk, the smile of victory that Jonathan turned on Peter Crittenden could have only one meaning. He's mine!

Peter blinked, a frown slowly replacing his happy countenance. He turned anxious eyes towards Archie's retreating back, before looking back at Jonathan, white faced, eyes blank, mouth slightly open.

It was a look that Jonathan took great satisfaction in seeing.

 

"Not another one?" Jonathan stared at he latest addition to the midshipman's berth and shook his head. This one looked even younger than Witherspoon.

"Grayson, Ned Grayson. Came aboard a week ago." Lionel said with thinly disguised contempt. "The berth is FULL of Midship-Mites! I feel like a nursery maid!"

Jonathan frowned at the young fair-haired boy who sat smiling shyly at him from the bench obviously in the middle of writing something.

"Leave us Mr Grayson. We have important things to discuss!" Lionel's voice made it sound like an order and the boy dived for the door.

"My god, Was I ever that young?" Jonathan moaned. In truth, he still had vivid memories of his first days aboard the Indy, but it now seemed so long ago. "They seem to get younger all the time!"

"I think it is that WE are getting older Jonathan," Lionel answered perching himself on the edge of the table.

"So are you going to ask me how it went?" Jonathan sat down at on the bench and grinned at Lionel.

"If I am to judge by the smirk on your face when you came aboard then I would say it was very successful. You looked like the cat that had found the cream."

Jonathan grinned even more and raised an eyebrow. "That's a most astute observation Lionel and closer to the truth than you know. Yes, it was indeed very successful. We did everything!"

"You did?" Lionel replied looking a little shocked. He slid down onto the bench across from Jonathan, eyes wide and blinking.

"Yes and it was wonderful. I can't begin to explain it to you Lionel."

Thockmorton looked slightly relived at that statement, but Jonathan hadn't finished.

"You had the part about eating the orange all wrong though," Jonathan chided. "You'd better not try that with anyone until I show you how it's done properly."

"Jonathan! Really, I have no intention of..."

"It's more to do with your tongue and lips than your teeth. In fact there are several different ways you can try."

"Jonathan this isn't necessary" Lionel interrupted, his face red with embarrassment. "I would not dream of inquiring into your private affairs."

"But Lionel," Jonathan insisted, trying to keep his face very serious. "Think of all the times you have told me about all the women you have been with and all the experiences you have had. I consider it only fair that I return the favour and tell you how I.."

Lionel Thockmorton was saved from further embarrassment by the noisy arrival of Midshipman Pip Moseby. The boy skidded into the cabin, panting and breathless.

"I thought you went ashore young Pip?" Lionel asked, happy to change the subject.

"I did and I'm back and I did it!" Moseby blurted out in one breath.

"You did?" Jonathan asked with a blink. He looked at Lionel but the older Middy shrugged his shoulders.

"Yes," Moseby continued, dragging in another breath. "With a woman! A real woman! She took off my breeches and her dress and she had these.." Moseby waved his hands around in front of his chest, making clutching motions.

"Breasts?" Lionel offered helpfully.

"Oh yes, big ones, all soft and ..and then she pulled me down on top of her and she wrapped her legs around my waist and I and she and and.."

For a moment Jonathan and Lionel thought the younger Middy had run out of vocabulary necessary to describe what had taken place. But Moseby took another deep breath, opened his eyes wide and exclaimed.

"It was SO much better than bloody bread and jam!"

They were still laughing when Peter Crittenden stuck his head in. All trace of his previous shock was now gone and his face was carefully schooled in neutrality.

"I've come to say goodbye." Crittenden announced quietly as he stepped into the Middy's berth.

"You're leaving?" Jonathan blurted out. Peter looked at Lionel who looked down at the table abashed.

"Yes. I thought Lionel would have told you by now." Peter replied.

"I hadn't quite gotten around to it Peter." Lionel confessed quietly. He turned to Moseby. "Come on Pip, let us go find Witherspoon and Grayson. I am sure they will want to hear all about you adventure." The two Middies departed leaving Jonathan and Peter staring at each other across the room.

"I passed my Lieutenant's examination two days ago. First time I sat it and I passed, who'd have believed it!" There was no mirth in Crittenden's voice despite the announcement. "I've been assigned to the Nightingale."

"When do you leave?" Jonathan asked, knowing it sounded a rude but not trying to hid the fact.

"I'm going ashore now. I'll wait in Gibraltar until the Nightingale returns. She running dispatches in the Med. The Indy is to sail on the morning tide in case you haven't heard."

The morning tide? What would this mean to his planned night ashore with Archie? Jonathan's thoughts were interrupted as Peter continued.

"I thought you and Archie were lost, you know. Dead! After the storm Captain Pellew went back to look for you, but there was no sign of the Mistral. He couldn't stay, because those letters were so important. Once we arrived in Gibraltar I'd spend each day watching and waiting, hoping to see the Mistral sail into the harbour. Everyone was starting to give up hope.

"I prayed to God that he would save Archie. Prayed that he'd bring him safely home because I love him so much." Peter looked away, his eyes suddenly shining in the dim light.

"It's ironic isn't it. My prayers were answered. Archie's safe and well, but I have lost him anyway. That's divine justice for you.

"So Archie is all yours now Jonathan. I'm lowering my colours, you've won! But enjoy the victory while you can because there is one more lesson you have to learn yet Jonathan."

Peter's green eyes were full of bitterness when they met Jonathan's.

"It never lasts Jonathan, no matter how much you want it to. It never lasts"

 

Chapter 38

When Peter Crittenden left Jonathan wasted no time in seeking out Archie. He found him on the main deck supervising the loading of stores.

"I've just heard we are to sail on the morning tide. Will we still be able to go ashore for the night? Will the Captain let us?" Jonathan blurted out, trying to keep his voice subdued.

The look on Archie's face was hardly encouraging and Jonathan was surprised when he answered. "Yes, Captain Pellew has given his permission for us to go ashore, but we must be back by the end of the middle watch." Archie hesitated, and looked away towards the crew who were working nearby.

"I need to talk to you about something Jonathan."

"What Archie?" A faint shiver of unease crept up Jonathan's spine.

"I'm meeting Peter ashore tonight. I need to explain things to him. For the last two weeks he's been mourning my loss and now...well he knew before I could tell him.."

"I didn't tell him." Jonathan declared hotly, his face blushing. It wasn't a lie, he told himself. He had no need to feel guilty.

"I know that Jonathan. He told me that you hadn't said a word." Archie was still looking away, not meeting his eyes. "I only hope the rest of the ship took you look of triumph to be your relief at our homecoming." A soft almost pleading note was in Archie's voice when he spoke again. "He's very...upset by this Jonathan and I owe him an explanation. You can understand that can't you?"

"Well can't you do it here?" Jonathan challenged. "Why do you have to go ashore with him?" Did he really sound that jealous? Jonathan cursed himself and stared down at the murky water in the bay. Damn Peter Crittenden!

"There won't be time Jonathan. Please try and understand, I shared something special with Peter and this is the last thing that he was expecting."

"Hmmph...I don't see why it is such a surprise. He knew how I felt about you or have you forgotten the fight we had over you? He should have known that there was a chance that we might.."

"Jonathan," Archie swung back, his eyes tormented. "Peter never suspected because I told him before I left that nothing WOULD happen while I was away!"

"You what?" The words seemed to ring in Jonathan's head but they made no sense.

"Jonathan you have to understand.."

"Why???"

"When I told Peter that, I had no intention of.. that is to say that I never imagined.."

"You felt nothing for me?" Jonathan asked dazed.

"Of course I had feelings for you Jonathan, I have always considered you a friend.."

"A friend? Is that ALL?" Suddenly it was as if the last few weeks had never happened. As if all Jonathan had held as true was suddenly turned around and changed.

"Jonathan I don't think this is the place to discuss this, do you?" Archie looked back to the crewmen who were now looking their way, attracted by their raised voices.

"Well where should we discuss it then Archie?" Jonathan demanded angrily. "We can't go ashore, we can't go to your cabin or mine! Where else are we going to discuss this now?" Jonathan knew his voice had risen sharply but the pain in his heart robbed him of all caution.

"Jonathan let me explain. Just keep your voice down or you will have us both in trouble.

"So many things happened once we were aboard the Mistral; to me, to you. I saw you in a different light. You'd grown, not just physically, although I couldn't help but notice that too when you began sleeping in my cabin. You'd changed in other ways Jonathan and I, well, I suppose I am only human and I needed someone to reach out to after the long days. I was so afraid that I would make a mistake or fail.

"Perhaps it was wrong for me to turn to you? God knows I have cursed myself enough times for doing it. But it also felt very right. In some ways it felt as if I was being given a chance to redeem something of myself. Once we...well once we became.." Archie lowered his voice slightly. "Lovers, well, I couldn't stop and I didn't want to. You are very special to me Jonathan and you always will be, but I owe something to Peter too.

"When we leave here tomorrow I might never see Peter again. I don't want to be regretting what I did to him for the rest of my life. Peter helped me in many ways Jonathan, just as I helped him. He and I are lovers too. I know you don't like that fact, but nothing can change it. Nor would I want to. I don't want to hurt you Jonathan, but I DO need to see Peter tonight."

"Very well Mr Kennedy, I understand completely." Jonathan spun on his heel.

"Jonathan!" Archie hissed out and he turned around again.

"Any further orders Sir?" he asked not meeting Archie's eyes.

"No, nothing at all. It might be better if we continued this later when we are not so..." Archie's words trailed away and Jonathan became aware of someone watching them from the quarterdeck, Lieutenant Overton.

"Aye aye Sir," Jonathan replied absently as he made his way to the companionway.

 

Chapter 39

"Why don't you come ashore with me Jonathan? Who knows, you might even appreciate women a little more now that you have experienced the other side of things." Lionel adjusted his best uniform jacket and flicked at some imagined dust on the lapel.

"No thank you Lionel, I really don't feel like it."

Lionel looked at Jonathan and shrugged. "Oh well, it is our last chance for several weeks Jonathan and I for one don't intend to waste a moment more. Have a nice evening but I don't envy you having to put up with that all night!" Lionel cocked his head in the direction of the three young midshipmen who were seated in the corner still discussing Moseby's earlier exploits.

Lionel left and Jonathan thought over his words. Last chance, yes, it would have been the last chance for Archie and himself to be together but instead Archie had chosen to spend the night with Peter Crittenden. The thought brought with it a stream of jealousy and anger. Peter, with all his worldly experience, Peter who could probably..

Was that what Archie was planning? Was he hoping that Crittenden could show him what Jonathan had failed so miserably to do? That thought played on Jonathan's mind all evening and by the time he lay sullenly in his hammock in the Middy's Berth it had become indisputable fact. Of course Archie would rather spend the night with an older and more experienced lover. What could Jonathan possibly offer that Peter Crittenden had not already done?

Whilst the younger midshipmen, tucked side by side in their hammocks, relived in vivid detail Moseby's sexual adventures, Jonathan catalogued his own feelings; hurt, anger, jealousy, betrayal. There were so many that he wasn't sure where one feeling ended and the next began. In all they compounded to leave him feeling numb.

"Exactly WHERE did she put her hand Pip?"

Jonathan pulled his blanket over his head and suppressed a groan. Perhaps he should have gone ashore with Lionel if only to show Archie that he didn't really care. After all that's what Archie was doing now, he and Peter Crittenden.

"Oh God! Just thinking about it again, I can almost feel it..." Moseby groaned. New sounds intruded, fleshy sounds, familiar and unmistakable.

"Tell me about it again Pip? What did it feel like?" Witherspoon implored between ragged breaths.

Jonathan closed his eyes and tried not to think about the visions that the sounds conjured up; visions of Peter and Harry Stratford from so long ago, newer ones of himself and Archie. Suddenly the berth seemed hot and stuffy.

"How come mine doesn't work?" little Ned Grayson whined, "It just won't do that bit at the end, the messy bit."

"You're not doing it right Neddy! You've got to do it faster.." Witherspoon explained, "Here, like this."

"That fast? Oh ..don't stop Charlie, I like that! It feels better when you do it.."

With a groan Jonathan rolled out of his hammock, pulled on his clothes and headed out the door slamming it behind him; straight into a stationary figure in the passageway.

"What..?" Jonathan staggered backwards.

"Here, steady up, Mr Riley." A familiar voice said softly and a firm hand reached out to steady Jonathan's fall. "Yer seem to be in a bit of a hurry." In the dim light Jonathan could just make out Kerrison's smirk. "Did it get a bit too much for yer in there?"

"You could hear them too?" Jonathan asked, trying to compose himself. Fleeting scenes from the Middy's berth, Kerrison's hand resting on his arm, the Mates warm voice were all now adding to his discomfit.

"Oh yeah, those partitions are only thin. We hear most of what goes on in the Middies berth. It's right entertaining at times!"

Jonathan looked up into hazel eyes not far from his own. He was faintly aware of the caress of Kerrison's breath against his face.

"You off to find Mr Kennedy then?" Kerrison asked casually still not releasing his hold.

"Mr Kennedy has gone ashore with someone else."

"Oh! Ditch yer did he?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it that, anyway it doesn't really matter. I don't care." Could Kerrison hear the bitterness in his voice? "So, what do you say Kerrison, do you fancy a bit of it?" Jonathan blurted the words out even as the idea manifested itself in his mind allowing no chance for common sense to overrule his impulse.

A blush, faint but recognisable in the dim light coloured Kerrison's tanned face and Jonathan counted it as the first small victory.

"You and me?" The Mate's voice was hesitant as if he doubted he'd heard correctly.

"Yes Kerrison, you and me. Are you up for it?"

"Course I am!" The Mate needed no further convincing. "Come on," he said pulling Jonathan's arm slightly. "I know a place that's safe, but be quiet."

 

Chapter 40

Down into the bowels of the ship they went. Down into the darkness and the dankness where the stink of the bilge was almost enough to make you gag. Down, down; Kerrison led and Jonathan followed feeling a strange mixture of excitement and guilt. Down to the hold, where all manner of supplies were stored and rats scuttled. Jonathan gasped when one ran over his foot. Kerrison chuckled.

"If we're caught, just tell 'em yer checking for rats!" Kerrison explained as he wove his way in and out of barrels and bales.

Finally they came to a dead end and Kerrison turned quickly, pushing Jonathan up against the wall. He dropped to his knees and began unbuttoning Jonathan's breeches. In the near darkness Jonathan was faintly aware of hazel eyes staring up at him.

"Spread yer legs a bit," Kerrison whispered before engulfing Jonathan's cock with his mouth. Jonathan stifled his gasp and clenched his fists. No sound this time, for the danger was real now. It only added to the excitement.

Kerrison was not like Archie! Neither one was better than the other just different. Kerrison's spit slicked fingers had already slipped behind, teasing and hinting at things to come and Jonathan didn't know which sensation drove him to edge and pushed him over. He bit down on his lip and came in Kerrison's mouth.

Jonathan was still trying to catch his breath when Kerrison stood up and leaned in close, his eyes wide and wild. "I've wanted to do that since the first time I saw yer through the skylight!"

Jonathan took a deep breath and tried to steady his voice. "And what else have you wanted to do Mr Kerrison?"

"This." Kerrison roughly turned him to face the wall.

"Has he taken yer like this?" The words were a hot whisper in his ear.

"Yes, but not standing." Was all Jonathan managed to say before he felt Kerrison claim his body in one long hard thrust.

Fast and hard, he should have known it would be like this, for Kerrison had said as much during their talks on the quarterdeck. It was what he probably deserved too, Jonathan decided, for sneaking down here with Kerrison behind Archie's back. And yet Jonathan couldn't deny the thrill of Kerrison's rough possession. Nor could he disguise the moan that slipped past his clenched teeth when Kerrison frantic thrusts pushed Jonathan to ecstasy again.

He would have slipped, had not Kerrison been leaning so hard against his back that it was impossible to move.

"So tell me Mr Riley, did yer do that just to get even with Mr Kennedy for ditching yer?" It was impossible to tell what was behind Kerrison's words for any emotion was well shaded by his laboured breathing. The weight behind him lifted and Jonathan turned around, finally meeting Kerrison's eyes. He wanted no mistakes this time.

"There was a little of that in it Kerrison, I'll be honest. But it wasn't the only reason." Jonathan looked into the hazel eyes that waited expectantly.

"I've...wanted to...wanted you...for a while now. I...like you; I like your company. I enjoy talking with you and being with you. I didn't do anything before now because I felt it would be wrong, me being with Arch...Mr Kennedy. But tonight, when he, well....if he has other lovers then why shouldn't I."

Kerrison raised an eyebrow. "Lovers?" he echoed with a slight grin.

"Err, well...yes,...but I understand if you don't, well...that is, if it's not like.. that...for you." Jonathan bent down and pulled up his breeches sadly. Why should he expect anything more from Kerrison after what had just taken place? It was hardly a romantic interlude. Dear God, would he ever get it right?

"Can I ask yer one more thing Mr Riley?" Suddenly Kerrison's voice was low and gentle. Jonathan looked up again, surprised.

"Can I kiss yer?" The question was unexpected and Jonathan simply nodded, not knowing what to make of Kerrison or what to expect any more. He braced himself for another rough encounter and was unprepared for the hesitant lips that touched his own. Kissing was obviously not amongst Kerrison's accomplishments. But the mate slowly gained confidence as Jonathan invited a deepening of their kiss.

They stood like that for several minutes, enjoying the simple pleasure that contained all the intimacy that their previous encounter had lacked. When they parted, they looked at each other almost shyly.

"I was right yer know," Kerrison said softly, "You are all soft and sweet. Very sweet." His hands came up to play with Jonathan's hair, tugging playfully at the strands and watching them curl up again.

"And you are rather soft too Mr Kerrison." Jonathan purred back. He reached up to touch Kerrison's face, gently exploring the roughened cheeks and soft lips.

"I won't be if yer keep doing that," Kerrison replied, and turned his head slightly to kiss Jonathan's fingers. "Come on, we been too long about it as it is." The Mate bent to pull up his trousers.

 

"Is this how you always have to do it Kerrison? Down here in the hold?" Jonathan asked as they slowly made their way back to their berths.

"Not always," Kerrison replied reaching down to fondle Jonathan's arse as they walked. "There's a few other places, the Lady's Hole, some parts of the Carpenter's walk, the cable tier." He appeared to think for a moment. "I done it in a hammock a couple of times, but yer have to have someone standing look out if yer going to try that. Yer need calm seas too or yer likely to get pitched out."

Kerrison slipped his hand up to Jonathan's waist and pulled him closer. "Where ever yer do it it's always a risk," Kerrison whispered between kisses. "But some risks are worth the taking."

 

Chapter 41

Jonathan didn't return to the Middy's berth, instead he made his way up to the main deck to try and make some sense of his confusion. That he felt something for Kerrison was no longer in dispute. But he still loved Archie and really didn't want to choose one over the other. Perhaps this was what Archie had been trying to explain earlier about his relationship with Peter Crittenden. Perhaps such things did not simply end, perhaps they went on..

"Jonathan?"

"Archie? What are you doing here?" Jonathan prayed that Archie would not see the guilty blush that coloured his cheeks.

"I've come back. I've spoken with Peter and we have made our peace, well peace of a sort I suppose. There was no point in staying."

"Did you sleep with him?"

"Good heavens Jonathan! Is that what you were thinking?" Jonathan's silence spoke volumes.

"Do you really think I would be so...so...callous to Peter's feeling to even consider that? I've hurt him deeply; sex is the last thing he would have on his mind!"

"I thought you might have wanted to ask him about that other... matter, you know that ..?"

Archie shook his head and closed his eyes. "I could hardly ask about something like that after breaking his heart, Jonathan. Did you really imagine that was what I was going to do?"

"I'm sorry Archie, perhaps I wasn't thinking clearly." That much was more than obvious considering his actions tonight. My God, what have I done, Jonathan lamented silently.

"No, I think the fault is mine! I'm glad I found you here Jonathan because I really do owe you an apology. What I said earlier...well I really didn't handle it very well. You have every right to be angry with me."

"Oh no Archie, I do understand. It's I who should.."

"Jonathan, can you ever forgive me? I was so confused about my feelings for you and my feelings for Peter that I just acted without thinking about how YOU would see it all." Archie continued, regret clear in his voice.

"Archie, really, you don't have to.." Archie's self recrimination was only making Jonathan more conscious of his own transgression. He felt tears prick at his eyes.

"Jonathan I want you to know that I will make it up to you during our next shore leave. I'll get us a room together where we can be alone. You'd like that wouldn't you Jonathan?"

"Yes Archie but I have to tell you that.." Confession would be painful, but Archie deserved that much.

"What Jonathan? Have you been crying? Are they tears I see in your eyes? Did I hurt you that much?"

"You're making fun of me Archie!" Jonathan said plaintively. How could Archie mistake his remorse for sorrow? Couldn't Archie see the burden of guilt that he now carried?

"No I'm not Jonathan," Archie said and raised his fingers to brush away the single tear which had escaped. "I feel terrible when I think how I must have hurt.."

"Is there something the matter with Midshipman Riley, Mr Kennedy?" Lieutenant Overton's voice sounded from the quarterdeck.

Archie dropped his hand. He stared over Jonathan's shoulder and answered, "Mr Riley seems to have something in his eye, Mr Overton. I was just assisting him."

Slowly Jonathan turned to face the oncoming footsteps. Frantically he rubbed at his eyes, in an attempt his hide his tears and give Archie's tale some credence.

Overton stopped a step away and stared at Jonathan, then Archie.

"Perhaps we should take Mr Riley down to the infirmary and let the surgeon examine him and see what he can find."

The double meaning of Overton's words struck Jonathan like a blow. He was all too aware of what damning evidence would be found by anyone who cared to examine him tonight. But Overton couldn't know that! Was it purely a coincidence or had Overton used those words deliberately to see what sort of reaction they would get? Jonathan felt Archie shifting slightly beside him and tried to school his own guilty face.

"That might be a good idea, Sir. The surgeon may have some potion to cleanse your eye Mr Riley." Archie replied. "How is it now?"

Jonathan rubbed at his eye again, not sure how to proceed. "It seems a little better now Sir."

"Did it happen ashore Mr Riley? While you were with Mr Kennedy perhaps?" Ashore? Did Overton think they had been ashore together?

"Sir I haven't been ashore. I was down in the Middies Berth but I couldn't sleep. I came up for some air and something must have blown into my eye."

"Haven't been ashore? Didn't the Captain give you the evening ashore Mr Riley?"

"Yes but I didn't go, Sir"

"Is that correct Mr Kennedy?"

Jonathan chanced a quick look at Archie, who seemed surprised that Overton had doubted Jonathan's word.

"Mr Riley hasn't been ashore Sir, at least not to my knowledge. I was having dinner with Mr Crittenden at the Golden Bull. I just arrived back in the cutter and found Mr Riley here rubbing at his eye."

"I see," Overton answered, still looking from one to the other. "Well perhaps your eyes are merely tired Mr Riley. I suggest you go back to your berth and try to sleep. We sail on the morning tide and the last thing we will need is Midshipmen who are tired because they have been up all night with something in their... EYE!"

 

Chapter 42

By morning, Jonathan wasn't sure which of his worries was the greater. As they weighed anchor and unfurled the sails Jonathan's mind was tossed from one problem to another like a tiny ship on an angry sea. If only he had thought a little more yesterday. Thought about Peter Crittenden's feeling, though about Archie's feeling and actions, thought a little about his own reactions before going after Kerrison. Had he used the Mate as a way to get back at Archie? No, for he genuinely liked Kerrison and couldn't regret their encounter last night. Perhaps if he could explain all this to Archie, then everything would be all right.

At least Kerrison seemed in fine spirits as they headed through the straits. Kerrison chanced a wink at Jonathan when he thought no one was looking. Jonathan couldn't help but smile back, his heart in turmoil, his mind taking another sharp dive. What about Kerrison? What would the Mate expect from their relationship now? Would he be content with just one night or would he want more? He needed to talk with Kerrison too, Jonathan decided.

Archie avoided him for most of the day and Jonathan was acutely aware of Lieutenant Overton watching his every move. He wondered if Overton had spoken further with Archie after he had gone below last night.

However Jonathan was not prepared for his summons to Captain Pellew's cabin late that afternoon. With his heart beating double time he entered the Captain's cabin.

"Lieutenant Overton has voiced a concern about your welfare Mr Riley," the Captain began without introduction. Riley stood to attention in and stared at the bulkhead above the casement windows, wondering what was to come.

"He seems to be of the opinion that you may be in some form of ...moral danger from Mr Kennedy!" Pellew turned away and wandered to the casement windows.

"Before I say any more, I will ask you directly, has Mr Kennedy made any unwelcome suggestions or advances to you Mr Riley?" Pellew turned back and fixed Jonathan with his sharp gaze.

"Oh NO, Sir. Not at all." Jonathan replied vehemently.

"Then am I to assume that you are a willing party to whatever is taking place?"

Jonathan blinked, shocked by the Captain's knowledge.

"Yes, Sir," he muttered, dropping his eyes to the deck and wondering if he should take the blame and spare Archie the indignity.

"Be easy Mr Riley, I'm not going to hang you, yet!" Jonathan looked up at those words, but the Captain had turned away again and was frowning at something out the window.

"If your behaviour is such that the First Lieutenant has cause to note it then it is inappropriate to say the least! Not too long ago you stood in this office with several of your fellow midshipman whilst I very clearly spoke about what was considered acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. I would have thought, Mr Riley that you of all people would not have forgotten my words!"

Jonathan stood silently. He doubted the Captain expected an answer.

"I had hoped that by sending you and Mr Kennedy on the Mistral together, you would have found time to... settle...the...friendship... that seemed to be developing between the two of you. However it appears that I may have been mistaken.

"You are probably aware that a certain amount of lassitude is given to the particular friendships that form between Midshipmen provided discretion is maintained. Such things happen. However friendships of that nature between Midshipmen and Officers are dangerous, Mr Riley, very dangerous.

"Mr Kennedy has already felt the undeserved sting of accusation and I have no wish to have to bring such charges against him again. But if further reports of unbecoming behaviour are brought to me then I will have no alternative but to pursue them. As Mr Kennedy is senior to you, it is HE who will most likely carry the blame. Do you understand me, Mr Riley?"

"Yes Captain."

"Good. Put an end to whatever is going on between you whilst you are on my ship! That's an order Mr Riley!"

"Aye, aye Sir." Jonathan replied, standing to attention.

 

"I suppose the Captain has spoken to you?" They were a day out of Gibraltar, taking the noonday sightings on the main deck. Archie, assisting Mr Bowles the Master, was balancing the sextant whilst Jonathan wrote his calculations on his slate. Behind them the three younger midshipmen were listening silently as Mr Bowles ranted at their mistakes.

"Yes. Damn Overton! This is all his fault." Jonathan muttered under his breath, confident that no one could hear them.

"Discretion, Jonathan, discretion! Blaspheming against the First Officer will do no good! Besides, Mr Overton is only doing his job. He's a good man with YOUR well being at heart. I just wish we'd had an officer half as observant as he on the Justinian!"

Jonathan looked up and caught Archie's eyes, seeing for the first time the other side of the equation. It was a sobering realisation.

"I didn't see it like that Archie."

"There is always two sides to everything Jonathan. You just have to learn to look for them." Archie bent a little closer. "I hope the Captain wasn't too hard on you?"

Jonathan shook his head. "No, I was more surprised than anything."

"We must mark his words well Jonathan. He won't give us a second chance. We must be strictly formal in our dealings with one another from now on."

"But I really need to speak to you about something. It's terribly important." Jonathan had decided last night that he owed Archie a full confession of what had happened with Kerrison. He just had to find the right opportunity.

"Jonathan it will HAVE to wait until we reach Portsmouth. It's only a couple of weeks. Save it until then. I'll get us a nice room and we will have plenty of time to talk about everything. I promise you. Do you understand Mr Riley?"

Jonathan looked up at the change in Archie voice, but the blues eyes that met his own were still soft with friendship.

"Yes Mr Kennedy," Jonathan replied sadly.

 

Chapter 43

In the days to come Jonathan's enforced estrangement from Archie gave him time to once again think over his situation.

Jonathan knew he owed Archie an explanation, but he also began to remember other things. Archie had transgressed too! Hadn't Archie given his word to Peter and then taken up with Jonathan behind his back? In the light of Archie's actions Jonathan began to see his own as not quite so damning. After all, he and Archie had never promised each other anything. In fact Archie had always been strangely reticent in speaking about love. Jonathan had merely assumed it to be the case. Perhaps it would be best to simply forget his single indiscretion with Kerrison and never mention it to Archie?

But that would not be easy to do. Jonathan knew his actions that night in Gibraltar had been foolish and yet he couldn't find it in himself to regret them completely. What he had experienced with Kerrison below decks only gained in attraction as Jonathan played it over in his mind time and again. The danger, the risk, the sheer physical excitement was strangely intoxicating and Jonathan knew he would do it all again if he ever had the chance.

Archie's daily absence left ample opportunity for Kerrison to step into the void. Whether Jonathan was on duty or off, the Mate was usually close by, always ready for a quiet word or a joke. Although Kerrison did not ask Jonathan for another meeting, the look in Kerrison's eyes made up for any lack of words. It was a hungry look, a look of such want and need that Jonathan always walked away feeling hot and breathless.

It was dreams of the Master's Mate that kept Jonathan awake now. Dreams so vivid and real that he woke in a sweat, aroused and frustrated, a situation made worse by the knowledge that Kerrison was sleeping just beyond the thin partition that separated their berths.

But Jonathan's dreams were not the only thing that made the nights so trying. The newly awakened adolescent urges of the younger midshipmen seemed to pervade the Middies berth with a constant musky scent of arousal. Nightly they would relive Moseby's story adding to it with their own fevered imaginings. It left Jonathan in an even worse state of frustration.

They had been at sea a week when it simply grew too much.


"And then she pushed me down onto the bed and sort of slid over me and she.."

Jonathan rolled onto his side and tried to shut out the whispering voices whilst visions of Archie and Kerrison tangled themselves in his head.

"I can't wait till I can do it again!" Pip Moseby let out a long frustrated sigh.

"Oh Pip, I'm going to do it too when we get to Portsmouth...I am, I swear it!" Charlie Witherspoon declared amid much panting and gasping.

"Well just don't bloody wear it out before you get there, Charles Witherspoon!" Lionel Thockmorton's less than pleased voice took them all by surprise.

"You can do it to mine if you want, Charlie. I don't mind." Grayson's little voice piped out in the darkness. "It always works better when you do it."

"All right but you'll have to give me a kiss first, Neddy." This was accompanied by much snickering and laughing from Moseby and Witherspoon.

"O yes, Charlie, I'd like that too," Grayson answered eagerly, unaware the others were making fun of him. "Can I come into your hammock?"

"You'll all stay put in your own hammocks or the Captain will hang you! Have you forgotten what Article 29 says!" Lionel's voice sounded deadly serious but Jonathan suspected it was a vain attempt to keep the younger midshipmen quiet so they could all get a little sleep.

"But I thought that you had to do it with an animal as well...Isn't that what it says?" Witherspoon inquired equally serious.

"Dear God!" Thockmorton muttered.

Jonathan slipped out of his hammock and pulled on his breeches sure now that Kerrison would be awake in his berth next door. He'd had enough. There was no use fighting his desire any longer.

"Where are you going Jonathan?" The lanky form of Lionel Thockmorton appeared in the shadows before the door.

"Out! I can't stand listening to THAT any longer." Jonathan hissed impatiently. "I'm going out to get some fresh air."

"You're going to Mr Kennedy's cabin, aren't you," Lionel whispered quietly. "That's dangerous Jonathan."

"No I'm not, Lionel." It wasn't a lie.

"Don't do it Jonathan, the risk is too great."

"Since when did you become my conscience, Lionel?" Jonathan whispered back. "Do you think you can stop my fun like you just did with them," Jonathan nodded over his shoulder.

"No Jonathan. That was different. I didn't want to let thing go too far. They are just boys, but.. well things can so easily get out of hand. It's best to be vigilant."

Jonathan snorted. "Well I'm not a boy and I know what I am doing! Do you have any idea of how hard it is to lie here, knowing what I want is just a few feet away?"

"Of course I know how hard it is! I feel the same way myself but there are no bloody women on board and unless I want to jump overboard and swim back to Gibraltar there is only one other option."

"You're wrong Lionel. I have another. Now if you will excuse me, I believe he might be waiting." Jonathan had a brief image of Lionel's frowning face as he sidestepped the Middy and slipped out the door dressed only in his breeches and shirt.

 

Chapter 44

"Now I know why they call it the bloody Cock Pit," Kerrison's voice was waiting for him in the darkness. "You lot are worse than a pack of bitches in heat," the mate teased.

"And I'd be willing to bet it's just as bad in your berth Kerrison." Jonathan followed closely as they made their way to the lower decks.

"Nah, the only sound you'll hear from there is snoring. Pike drinks himself to sleep each night and bloody Fraser is too old to get it up if yer ask me. He's thirty if he is a day!" Pike the Surgeons Mate and Fraser the other Master's Mate were Kerrison's berth mates.

They made their way through the sleeping ship, Jonathan's bare feet for once conscious of the dampness of the decks as they descended. It was another nook that Kerrison chose this time, another corner of the hold. Were there other faint noises here this time or was it just Jonathan's imagination?

"Keep very quiet. This time of night there'll be other down here for the same thing, yer know." Kerrison was already unbuttoning his trousers and Jonathan did the same, turning to face the wall in invitation.

"Yer like it like this, don't yer," Kerrison whispered in his ear as his fingers made hasty preparations. "Some lads don't yer know. They like doing it but not takin' it." He didn't give Jonathan time to answer.

It was rough and it was fast and it left Jonathan feeling more exhilarated than he would have thought possible. "I do like," he whispered when Kerrison turned him around and pinned him against the wall again. "It feels good," he smiled wickedly. "You 'fuck just right' Kerrison."

The mate's eyes were black in the near darkness.

"Yer getting' a dirty mouth Misssster Riley," Kerrison purred as he nibbled Jonathan's ear.

"You haven't seen what I can do with my mouth yet, Misssster Kerrison,"

"Who yer got there, Kerrison? It better not be bloody little Fowler cause he said he'd meet me here!"

In one smooth movement Kerrison pushed Jonathan to his knees effectively hiding him from whoever had appeared. Jonathan froze, his heart beating wildly in fear. If the crewman caught a glimpse of him there would be no denying who his was. His red hair was unmistakable.

"Piss off Miller. Can't yer see I'm busy!" Kerrison growled. "I ain't seen bloody Fowler since the First Watch. He was skulking around on deck near the cutter. Try looking in there if he stood yer up!"

"So who yer got then? Jenkins? Can I do him when yer through?"

"None of yer bloody business who I got here and I don't intend to finish with 'im for a while, so go find yer own boy to bugger."

"Christ yer got uppity since old Bowles made yer mate. There was a time when yer never said 'no' to a cock. I ain't forgotten! Ain't forgotten that you and your pretty little Mr Riley went off together for hours while we had to load the water casks. Does he know yer fuck around down here with the rats? Maybe that's him yer got there now?"

"Yeah I wish! Stuck up little bastard that he is. He wouldn't give me the time of day, let alone drop his breeches for me! Only times I ever fuck him is in my dreams."

"Yeah you and half the bloody crew!" Millar laughed. "That new little piece, Grayson, is right pretty too, looks like a bloody girl with his blonde hair and big eyes. Wouldn't mind a bit of him."

"I reckon he'd whimper like a girl too. Now piss off Miller, I've done talkin' I want to get on with it."

The crewman named Miller laughed, "Well give it to 'im good then," he called as he wandered away. Jonathan found himself trembling.

"Shh, don't talk yet." Kerrison whisper when he pulled Jonathan to his feet again. "Yer all right. He didn't see yer."

"What he said, what you said..."

"It was just talk. That's what it's like down here. I used to be one of them and that's the way some of them still treat me. It's all talk, no harm comes of it."

Jonathan wasn't so sure. He knew that Jenkins and Fowler were two of the ship's boys, about the age of Moseby and Witherspoon. The playful fumblings that had taken place earlier between the young midshipmen seemed a far cry from what these other two boys did nightly below decks. A vision of Archie Kennedy came to mind and Jonathan shivered.

"Wait a couple of minutes and then we had best go." Kerrison continued, fastening his trousers.

"What would he have done if he had recognised me?" Jonathan asked suddenly as the full impact of their situation hit.

Kerrison looked away, not meeting his eyes. "Yer don't want to know."

 

Chapter 45

"About last night Kerrison."

They were seated astride the main topmast, both off duty. Earlier, Jonathan had retreated to the vantage point hoping for some time alone. But Kerrison had followed shortly after, as Jonathan knew he would. The Mate's presence, usually so welcome had the opposite effect today. Jonathan tried to harden his heart to Kerrison's playful teasing as he rehearsed what he was about to say.

Last night Jonathan had lain awake thinking about what had happened in the hold. The conversation between Kerrison and Miller had played over and over in Jonathan's head. Life below decks was so different to the sheltered environment of the Middies berth! The aspect of danger that had at first attracted Jonathan no longer seemed harmless as he realised with cold clarity just what might have happened had they been discovered. Blackmail? Probably, and Jonathan could think of several forms of payment that Miller could have demanded. It left him feeling sick.

In the early hours of the morning, after much deliberating and agonising Jonathan had come to a painful decision.

"We can't do that again, Kerrison. The risk is too great." The words hung there for a moment and Jonathan chanced a look at his friend but the Mate was staring at the endless ocean, seemingly unaffected. It was only when he spoke that Jonathan knew his words had struck Kerrison deeply.

"Yeah, I knew it was too good to last." The words were quiet and full of resignation. "What I said though, about you and Mr Grayson, it was just talk yer know."

"Yes, Kerrison, I realise that and it's not the reason. I am worried about being caught. The Captain has already spoken to me about my...friendship...with Mr Kennedy and Mr Overton is watching me constantly. I can't afford to make another mistake."

Kerrison looked away at the last word. "Yeah, that's what it would be with me, eh? A mistake!"

"No, I didn't mean that.."

"Maybe when we get home, maybe you and me could have a bit of time ashore together." Kerrison was still looking out to sea, refusing to meet Jonathan's eyes.

Jonathan opened his mouth to agree but thought of Archie and the plans they had already made. He couldn't keep both of them! Jonathan felt the realisation deep in his heart. One or the other, but not both. It wasn't fair to either Archie or Kerrison to keep stringing them both along. Jonathan bit his lip, acutely aware that Kerrison was still waiting for his answer.

"I'm sorry Kerrison, Mr Kennedy and I have already made plans to spend our shore leave together."

"Yer have? I thought he ditched yer?" The edge in Kerrison's voice was noticeable now. "Yer've not so much as spoken to 'im on deck since Gibraltar."

"I was mistaken. Mr Kennedy hadn't gone ashore with someone else. It was all quite innocent. Now we are trying not to arouse any more suspicion by not appearing to be overly familiar. That's all."

"Hmmph, bit late for that." Kerrison muttered to himself.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Jonathan asked angrily.

"Nothin', but I'd bet money that I weren't the only one to know what you and yer Mr Kennedy were doin' every night on the Mistral. Yer made more noise than a pod of bloody whales mating! Reckon it's old gossip below decks by now!"

"Well all the more reason to put an end to things between us, then Kerrison. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but..."

"Hurt my feelings? Yer not hurting MY bloody feelings! YOU were the one who asked ME for it, in case yer forgotten. I was just doin' yer a favour, that's all!"

The outburst surprised Jonathan and he guessed that despite Kerrison's denial, the Mate was upset. But then Kerrison turned around and he shook his head.

"I didn't mean all that. I understand what yer trying to say and yer right. Miller knows too much as it is and the last thing I'd want is for you to get hurt because of me."

"I AM sorry it has to end like this Kerrison. Truly I am." Jonathan reached out and touched Kerrison's rough fingers where they rested on the spar.

"Yeah I know, and I am too." Kerrison smiled softly. There was a hint of hope in his voice when he spoke again. "But maybe we can still be friends?"

"Yes, I'd like that." Jonathan said returning the smile.

 

Chapter 46

Portsmouth, wet and cold, it never seemed to change. Jonathan, clad in his tarpaulin, stood against the bulwark peering through the rain towards the twinkling street lamps as he waited on deck for Archie. Everything would be better after tonight. Once he and Archie had talked Jonathan desperately hoped that things could return to how they had been. They would dine together and then spend the rest of the night in each other's arms.

He should be excited, but for some reason Jonathan felt dismal. A short while ago, as he had left the Middies' berth to come on deck, Jonathan had passed Kerrison in the passageway. The Mate had given him a brief smile and wished his well, but there was no subtle teasing and the light that usually lit Kerrison's eyes was strangely dim. It was Kerrison's parting look, wistful and solemn that had cast a shadow on Jonathan's mood.

"Are you ready Mr Riley?" Archie's voice roused him from his contemplations.

"Yes sir."

They climbed down the boarding battens of the entry port into the jolly boat where they huddled together against the rain as they were rowed ashore. The steps at the landing were slick and slippery. It felt strange to be on land again. The streets were nearly deserted as they made their way past brightly lit Inns and Ale Houses. Only the foolhardy were out in weather like this.

"I hope you like this place Jonathan. I've stayed here a few times in the past whilst waiting for the coach home." Archie chattered as they hurried along. "The food is excellent."

"Archie? Archie Kennedy?" A voice called from a cross the street and figure quickly darted out from the doorway of an Inn to intercept them.

"Horatio?" The two men stared at one another their faces alight with the joy of reunion. Arms came out to clasp each other's shoulders and they embraced momentarily.

Jonathan stared. Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower had always been striking in appearance, but now Jonathan saw him with different eyes, eyes that had come to appreciate what was attractive in a man. There WAS something compelling about his classic features and dark good looks. No wonder Archie was unable to forget him.

"Archie! I heard the Indy anchored earlier today and I was just on my way to catch a ride out to see you! This IS providence!" Horatio finally glanced at Jonathan and raised an eyebrow.

"Why don't tell me this is little Mr Riley? My goodness, you HAVE grown since I last saw you!"

"Thank you Sir." Jonathan replied trying to sound gracious but feeling like an interloper. He was all too aware of his junior status, a midshipman amongst two Lieutenants. Would he be forever made to feel like a child?

"Archie, what are your plans for the night? I was just coming to ask if you would dine with me this evening." Horatio had turned back to Archie again, dismissing Jonathan completely. It gave Jonathan ample time to study the two men as they gazed at each other, their delight in seeing one another again glowing on their faces.

"You were coming to ask ME, Horatio? What about..." Archie stopped, his eyes full of surprise and Jonathan was left to wonder at the unfinished sentence.

"YOU Archie; it's you I want to see. I've had a lot of time to think about our last....meeting...and I," Horatio's glanced at Jonathan, who looked down at his feet knowing this was a private conversation. "What do you say Archie? Have dinner with me?"

Jonathan looked up again, straight into Archie eyes that were waiting for him. The pleasure that had been there scarce moments ago suddenly evaporated, leaving only sadness behind. Archie looked away.

"I'm sorry Horatio, I already have plans for tonight. Perhaps tomorrow?"

"I sail tomorrow, this is my last night in port."

"Oh." The disappointment in Archie's voice was undeniable. Silence descended as they all stood in the rain.

"I'm sorry Horatio, it's just that I promised Mr Riley we would dine together tonight, I AM sorry." Archie and Horatio looked at each other, their eyes speaking words that Jonathan could not understand.

"Well don't let me keep you then Archie. Have a pleasant evening. Perhaps I'll see you before I sail in the morning. Just to say goodbye?" Horatio's voice was warm with understanding, but there was the unmistakable pain of regret there as well.

"Yes, Horatio, I'd like that and I am truly sorry."

Horatio returned to his lodgings across the road and Archie and Jonathan continued through the rain in silence. Something had changed. Something was different. Jonathan could see it in Archie's profile, when he looked up at his friend. A slight frown, a troubled expression? Archie caught Jonathan's scrutiny and tried to smile.

"Nearly there. I am sure you will like this Jonathan." To Jonathan's ears the words had a hollow sound.

Archie was right, the food that was served was delicious, but Jonathan found his appetite disappearing as he watched Archie playing with his food, pushing the roast potatoes around the plate. The glass of brandy remained untouched. Archie hardly looked like a man looking forward to the night ahead with his lover! Slowly, the coldness of reality seeped into Jonathan heart. Archie was thinking of Horatio! Thinking of the night they might have spent together. What was it that Archie had told him once? That not having had enough time with Horatio was his greatest regret? And now Archie was being denied that again because of a promise he had made; a promise to Jonathan.

Jonathan thought about the way Archie had looked that morning in Gibraltar after he and Peter Crittenden had spent the night together. He'd looked so happy, so content as if everything in the world for once was right. It was a look Jonathan knew he would not see on Archie's face tomorrow morning.

But there was a way! There WAS something that Jonathan could do! For once he could do something unselfish. For once Jonathan would put Archie first. Perhaps that was the greatest test of love...the letting go.

"Archie, I'm going back to the ship."

"What?" Archie looked up from his contemplations, a confused look on his face. "What for Jonathan?"

"Archie, go and find Horatio and spend the night with him. You haven't seen him for so long and...well...you and I will have other times. I know you've waited a long time to see Horatio again."

"Jonathan do you mean that?" Archie's look was enough to break Jonathan's heart. He tried to speak but found he couldn't. A nod was all he could manage.

Whilst Archie hastily settled the bill for their meal, Jonathan pulled on his sodden tarpaulin and tried not to think about the pain in his heart. If Archie had protested even once, Jonathan might have been able to hold on to his fantasy, but the indisputable facts could no longer be ignored. Archie loved Horatio more than he would ever love anyone else.

Was Archie conscious of the way his love for Horatio beamed out of him like a beacon? Was he aware of the way his eyes lit up when he looked at Horatio, the soft smile that played around his lips? Jonathan had seen Harry Stratford and Peter Crittenden exchange looks like. It was a look that was saved for the one who was closest to you, the one that you loved before all others. Jonathan had hoped that one day he would see Archie looking at him that way, but he knew now that he never would.

But someone had! There was a set of eyes that lit up when they saw him, that looked at him and said so much; things about friendship and respect and want and lust and...love."

"So what will you do now, Jonathan?" Archie held the door opened and they stepped out into the rain.

Jonathan bit his lip, his mind whirling as he grappled with his discovery and tried to think. Had he made a mistake? Had he failed to see what was right before him?

"I'll go back to the Indy, Archie and...well...there's someone there, someone I might ask to come ashore with me...for the night." His face was flaming with embarrassment, but this time Jonathan knew he had to tell Archie the truth.

"Mr Kerrison?" The gentle inquiry took Jonathan by surprise, but there was no hint of censure in Archie's voice.

"Yes, he and I ..that is.. I... do you mind?" Had Archie been aware of what was happening all this time?

They were in the street now, standing in the rain, the hoods of their tarpaulins casting their faces into deep shadows. Archie took Jonathan by the shoulders and turned him so they were facing one another. He leant close so that his words would be heard through the constant patter of raindrops.

"Jonathan, of course I don't mind! I couldn't help but noticed how close the two of you were becoming. There's nothing wrong with that. Thing aren't always simple between men like ourselves, Jonathan. We have to accept what time is given to us and be thankful for it. There are no assurances, no long term promises, because so much can happen to tear us apart. You and I won't always be together Jonathan. We'll find ourselves on separate ships and we'll make other friends. When we DO see each other again, it will be all the more precious because we have been apart.

"Perhaps I should have explained this to you at the start, Jonathan, but I thought you realised. I thought you had seen enough of death and parting to know that relationships like ours must be lived a day at a time. It would be foolish to think that either of us will go through life alone after this. I have other lovers Jonathan and you will too.

"Kerrison's a good man and I think he is a good friend to you. That's a fine place to start. It's always far better to care about someone. It makes it all the more special."

"He is special," Jonathan whispered quietly. "And he makes me feel...I can't really explain it Archie. I don't know how it happened."

"Shh, then don't try. I understand and I am happy for you. He's the one you should be with now. Our time will come again, just as the time for me and Horatio has come again."

"Archie.." But Jonathan didn't know what to say. Archie placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Thank you Jonathan. Thank you for all you have given me, for all your trust and love and vibrancy. I will never forget it. You will always have a special place in my heart."

"Oh Archie?" Was this goodbye then? Strangely, Jonathan didn't feel the remorse that he expected.

"We WILL have other times Jonathan, I promise you that. But for now I think we both know this is not to be."

Jonathan nodded. "Thank YOU Archie. I will never forget...everything. And I when ever I drink brandy I will think of your lips."

They both laughed, the tension washing away with the falling rain.

"Go on, Mr Kerrison has waited long enough. Have a pleasant evening Jonathan."

"Yes, Archie, you too."

Their eyes met and Jonathan saw something very special. Something that would always be there from now on, no matter what happened or how long they were apart. Something that he would see whenever he looked into Archie's eyes; love.

And Jonathan knew that look was reflected in his own eyes too.

Love is patient and kind;
It is not jealous or conceited or proud;
Love is not ill mannered or jealous or selfish or irritable;
Love does not keep a record of wrongs;
Love is not happy with evil, but happy with the truth.
Love never gives up and it's faith, hope and patience never fail.

When I was a child my speech, feelings and thinking were those of a child;
Now I am a man, I have no more use for childish ways.
What we see now is a like a mirror;
Then we shall see face to face.
What I know now is only partial;
Then it will be complete.
Meanwhile these things remain:
Faith, hope and love;
And the greatest of these is love.

Taken from St Paul's First letter to the Corinthians


The End

June 2002
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