Author: Minerva [JJ]
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Rating: R18+; NC17
Episodes: After Past and Present
Spoilers: Season 3
Warnings: None
Archive: My website: http://www.geocities.com/jonathan_riley
Feedback: Always welcomed on list or off
Summary: Why the rot set in.
Race Among The Ruins
The sun was dying in the west but there was little promise of relief from the heat they had endured all day. No breath of wind, no hint of cloud, only the stillness and silence of an empty world. Colonel Jack O'Neill wiped a trickle of sweat from his face and turned away from the rolling expanse of dusty hills to peer into the ruined temple that was slowly succumbing to shadow.
Despite the fading light Daniel Jackson was furiously working away, brushing and scraping at the crumbling wall with the tools of his trade. He'd given in to the heat and discarded his jacket and his tee shirt now clung to his body, sweat soaked and dirty, as he lay on the ground, slowly revealing the foundations stones hidden beneath the dust.
"Just a little longer, Jack." The request was low with an edge of desperation as Daniel worked on, never stopping, not even to glance up as if he feared what he would find in Jack's eyes.
Jack turned away. It was pointless staying. Carter had already returned, declaring her geological survey had been fruitless. The planet, arid and desolate, had long been abandoned by the Go'auld and their human slaves, leaving behind only dust and ruins as testament to their once supreme sovereignty. There was nothing here for mankind now, no technology, no Naquada, nothing their government would consider of value. SG1 should pack up and leave for home; there was no reason for them to stay.
Except it was what Daniel wanted.
Jack sighed and turned back to watch his friend. Daniel'd had it tough lately; tougher than usual. Sha're was gone, really gone this time; dead. So far Daniel had taken it all in his stride even to the point of thanking Teal'c; thanking the man who had killed his wife. Jack couldn't understand that; it was too rational. Where was the anger? Where was the bitterness? Where was the grief?
Jack knew it had to be there, hidden somewhere, buried out of sight. He studied Daniel now, noting the shaking hands, the almost frenzied zeal with which he worked; so different from his usual reverenced care.
"Just a few more minutes, Jack. There's an inscription here. I think this might be important."
"Yeah, Okay." Jack didn't ask further. If Daniel felt it was important then, this time, it was a good enough reason for him. They had nothing to go home to but the promise of a few days leave. It was probably the last thing Daniel needed now; to be alone in his quiet apartment, more akin to a museum than a home, surrounded by his ghosts. Perhaps he'd find more peace on this dead planet, scratching through the ruins of someone else's life?
"Carter," Jack called to his 2IC. "Daniel's found something and he wants to stay."
Jack could almost see the disappointment in Carter's eyes as she replied. "Yes Sir." Almost, but not quite. Carter was too good a soldier for that. Jack smiled. Had she for once made plans for her leave?
"Look, why don't you and Teal'c head back to the Gate." Jack said quietly. "We don't all have to stay and baby sit Daniel. Tell General Hammond I'll check-in in 24 hours and ask him to send us a couple of tents and some lights and supplies and �coffee."
"Sir, I don't mind�"
"Do it Carter. I know you have plans. I don't, and I think this might be good for Daniel."
Carter smiled that smile that always made Jack feel warm inside. "Thank you, Sir." Jack looked away.
"I, too, will stay, O'Neill. I have no plans."
Jack nodded "Okay Teal'c." The company would be welcomed as he doubted Daniel would leave his decaying temple for very long. "It will be like camping. We can play cards. Pity there is nowhere to do a bit of fishing."
Teal'c raised one eyebrow and remained silent as always.
"You go with Carter and bring the stuff back. I'll be in with Daniel."
"Is he all right Sir?" Carter asked softly.
"He will be." Jack replied, echoing Daniel's own words from many occasion. "Tell the General I think Daniel needs this."
Cater nodded and headed off to the Gate, MALP and Teac'l in tow. Jack watched them leave before returning to the temple.
Inside was near darkness and Daniel had propped his flashlight on a rock to illuminate his work. "Just a little longer please Jack. I'm almost done."
"Take your time Daniel. We're staying."
"What?" Daniel looked up, blinking in the torch light. "Staying?"
"Yeah so you can finish." Jack trailed his foot in the dirt, studying the patterns he made so that he wouldn't have to look at the astonishment in those oh-so-blue eyes.
"Did Sam find Naquada?"
Jack shook his head. "No, I've sent them back. Teal'c's returning with some supplies and stuff."
Daniel sat up, took off his dirty glasses and stared in disbelief. "So we are staying just so that I can finish this excavation and translation?"
"Yeah. You said it was important."
Daniel snorted and turned back to his work. "And when was the last time you took into account anything that I said?"
The words hit home. Oh yes, Sha're wasn't the only hurt that Daniel was nursing. There was that whole rebound thing with Ke'ra. Perhaps Jack could have handled that better, but damn it, couldn't Daniel understand yet that he had been acting irrationally? Jack sighed and crossed to where Daniel lay, squatting down beside him despite his protesting knees.
"So what have you found?" he asked quietly.
"It's�well�it might be�." Daniel paused. "What I thought at first was simple graffiti seems to be a deliberate attempt to hide the human builders testimonies to their efforts against Goa'uld oppression."
"Oh?" And that was important? Jack tried to look interested.
"The inscription speaks of them being free from the Goa'uld. I'm not sure what they mean, but if they somehow found a way to overcome their masters or perhaps rid themselves of their symbiotes�"
"Yeah, that sounds important." Jack concluded.
Daniel nodded and went back to work.
"I'll hold the torch." Jack offered. It was the least he could do.
"The inscription has not only been buried," Daniel continued, "But plastered over beforehand to ensure it was hidden completely. In many ways it's symbolic because it means this whole temple, dedicated to the Goa'uld gods, was founded on human disbelief."
Jack followed what Daniel was saying, and knew that any advantage over the Goa'uld they could glean from dusty inscriptions was surely welcomed. But in the grand scheme of things there was a cruel irony. The humans here were long gone, the planet was dying and any knowledge that these people had found to rid themselves of the Goa'uld, came too late for Daniel to save Sha're.
"Here, look�it says," Daniel pushed more sand away and carelessly dislodged a large portion of plaster. "The secret lies in men's hearts and minds. It is here that true freedom lives and can never be touched." Daniel shook his head making frustrated little sounds. "No�wait�there should be more." He sighed deeply and turned to Jack. "There must be more to it�than this. There has to be. Perhaps I have the translation wrong."
Jack sat down with a groan. "Why don't you take a break, Daniel. Teal'c is bringing lights. You might be able to�"
"What's the use Jack?" Daniel flung down his tools. "Why am I doing this? I mean�what good is it?"
Jack was taken aback by the uncharacteristic display. Daniel was usually the one brimming with hope and to see it drained away, left Jack speechless. He struggled for a moment, wondering how to answer. Words had never been his strong suit; just ask Sara. Where was Carter when you needed her?
"I'm just fooling myself believing that I might really have found something of value to everyone this time. There's nothing here, nothing left, just old stones and dust and death."
"Daniel," Jack whispered softly, wanting to reach out, to offer something, but not knowing what to say or where to begin. He had to try, he'd set this up, hoping it would help Daniel in some way, knowing deep down that it wouldn't.
"There's never enough time Jack, to do my job properly." Daniel continued. "Never enough time to explore just for the sake of it, regardless of what my findings might offer in the fight against the Goa'uld. You're always rushing me along and no-one cares. What I do is not taken seriously. It doesn't matter to anyone."
"Daniel, that's not true." This time Jack did reach out, gripping Daniel's shoulder, drawing his gaze. "I care."
They sat like that, the torchlight offering the only illumination whilst Jack tried desperately to understand what he saw in the shadows of Daniel's eyes. "Daniel?" he breathed, only to find his friend had closed the gap between them and silenced any further words with the harsh pressure of his lips.
Jack's senses were assaulted with sweat and salt and heat as he toppled backwards into the dust, surrendering to Daniel's onslaught. Unexpected? Yes. Unpleasant? No; Jack had long fantasised about this very thing. As dreams and reality collided, Jack responded and wrestled Daniel onto his back, giving back as good as he got, regaining the upper hand. Teeth gnashed, hands grappled, clothes were pulled away until they were rubbing skin to skin, hot and frantic like rutting teens. Daniel gasped, bit down hard on Jack's shoulder and splattered them both with his seed. Jack followed a heartbeat later.
They rolled apart, and Jack listened, straining to hear over their surging breaths for any sound of Teal'c's return.
"So what was all that about?" Daniel gasped out.
"What?" Jack asked, his mind still on the risk of discovery. They couldn't stay like this for too long.
"This," Daniel continued, his breathing levelling out. "Are you angry with me for making you stay? Was this some sort of macho display to put me in my place?"
Jack sat up. "Because I wanted to be on top?" he asked in disbelief. "You were the one who started this, Daniel?"
"Me? I didn't start it. I thought YOU wanted to..." Daniel whipped off his bandana and began wiping away the traces of their lust.
Jack watched the shaking hands, the trembling shoulders, the set lips. What the hell had just happened? Sounds outside announced Teal'c's return. "Okay Daniel, have it your way." Jack stood and straightened his clothes. With any luck a few extra stains would not be noticed. "God knows what possessed me�Feel free to put it all in your report." And with that he left.
Outside Teal'c had begun to set up camp. Jack stumbled over to help, mind still whirling from his encounter with Daniel.
"Have you and DanielJackson been fighting?" the Jaffa asked.
"Yeah something like that." Jack replied as he took stock of his injuries. He was flushed and still breathing hard. There was a small cut on his bottom lips courtesy of Daniel's teeth. The neck of his tee shirt was pulled out of shape and he straightened it quickly, hoping Teal'c couldn't see the hickey on his shoulder.
"Is DanielJackson all right? Does he require medical attention?"
"He's fine," Jack squatted down and began erecting a tent. "I think I pushed him too far and he retaliated."
"DanielJackson is not himself at the moment."
"You don't say." Jack muttered.
"I will make him coffee."
"I think he needs more than coffee."
Teal'c raised one eyebrow, inclined his head. "You are right, but all we have is coffee."
Jack considered his words. Oh yes, Daniel needed more than coffee. That much was evident from his little display a few minutes ago. Was this how Daniel got through life's heart breaks? Did he fall willy nilly into the next pair of waiting arms? It made sense. On Abydos he had fallen pretty quickly for Sha're and Jack had learnt later, while pawing through a personal data file, that Daniel had not long broken up with a previous girlfriend, one Sarah Kane, work colleague and fellow archaeologist. Then there was the Ke'ra incident coming hot on the heels of Sha're's demise. There was a pattern unfolding here; one that Jack didn't like and he wasn't going to be the next link in the chain; no way, no chance, you betcha! It wasn't going to happen, wasn't going to happen again, Jack corrected. Even if Daniel got down on his hands and knees and begged for it, Jack was not going to repeat that little scene of lust ever!
But was that what Daniel needed to get through his loss and regain his optimism? And if so, then what had sparked Daniel's sudden outburst afterwards? Was he feeling as guilty about it as Jack was feeling? Did he know there was no chance of anything between them and that it was hopeless? Did he imagine Jack was about to go all military on him and decided to get in first with his accusations? Did he really think so little of Jack? Was he afraid?
"DanielJackson's coffee is ready."
"I'll take it to him." Jack replied without second thought. Yes, he'd march right back in there if only to prove to himself that he could and that nothing Daniel could do or say would make any difference.
Daniel was back at his scratching when Jack shone a light into the ruins. He looked up squinting into the invading light, face smeared with dust and dirt as if he had tried to wipe it clear of sweat or tears. Jack set the light down, bathing the area in a cold glow.
"Coffee," was all he said.
Daniel hesitated, climbed to his knees and for one terrible moment, Jack thought he might really beg.
"Jack, about before�I'm sorry�it was my fault. I misunderstood what you meant when you said you cared. It was me�and it won't happen again."
"You're damned right it won't happen again, because if it does you'll find yourself out of SG1." Jack spat back, words harsh, a weapon aimed at making Daniel give up any remaining ideas that there could be something between them. This had to end now.
Like a bull sighting a red rag, Daniel's eyes widened. "What? I seem to recall that you weren't exactly fighting me off. A bystander might even have supposed you enjoyed it."
"True, I won't deny it. I wasn't fighting you off, but I should have been and I will if you ever try that again. Do you understand?"
Jack saw pain flared briefly in Daniel's eyes. "I understand perfectly, Jack. But can I ask one question?" Jack nodded.
"Why?" Daniel asked. "Why is something between us so unthinkable?"
For a moment Jack could not think. The question had taken him by surprise. For someone so smart, Daniel seemed to have missed some basic principles.
"Number one, we work for the military. Number two, dare I mention that old rebound thing, again? Number three, YOU are the one who just accused me of assault. Number four you're assuming I'm even interested in doing this with you again, which I'm not."
"Liar," Daniel whispered under his breath. "You flirt with me all of the time."
"Do not."
"Do too."
"Do not."
"You're doing it now."
"Am not. This is�.one upmanship!" Jack snapped back, trying to keep a straight face. Why did they always end up sounding like something from a Laurel and Hardy movie?
"Hah! Where I come from it's called flirting."
Jack softened. "Daniel listen, this can't happen."
"Jack, how can you say that. We just�" Daniel made to protest but Jack held up his hand.
"Even if I wanted to, we still couldn't. I'm sorry, Daniel. I really am. I was hoping to do something nice for you by staying here and now it seems that I have only made things worse."
"No you haven't." Daniel replied, desperately. "You told me you cared about me, with words and with actions, albeit a little hurriedly. No matter what you say now, you can't take that away from me."
"Daniel�"
Daniel turned back to the wall and pointed to the corner with his torch. "Do you know what the final line says, right here beneath the cornerstone?" he asked, eyes glistening.
Jack shook his head, not wanting to hear, but knowing he must.
"It says, 'In love there is hope and in hope there is freedom.' I think we could both learn something from that Jack."
Jack bowed his head. All of Daniel's words were true. He did care for Daniel, he couldn't deny it. And he wanted him, and needed him in so many ways. But it couldn't happen. Not now, not ever.
Slowly he turned away. "I'm sorry Daniel. I can't do this."
"Jack�please, just think about it." Daniel whispered, calling to him.
Jack refused to turn and meet his eyes. "I've made my decision; made it many years ago if you must know. I'm not going to change strokes now. We're friends Daniel�lets leave it there before we ruin even that."
"Friends?" Daniel replied sadly. "Yeah, sure Jack. Whatever you say."
It was too late, Jack realised, as he stood amid the decaying ruins. Their friendship was already compromised. The first tiny cracks of doubt and mistrust were already creeping through its foundations. He could never look at Daniel again and not remember what had happened. Never speak to him and not wonder what Daniel was thinking. Never dream and not regret passing up the chance to make those dreams come true. .
Jack sighed deeply. "Let's not mention this again, Daniel, Okay?"
Daniel didn't answer, simply picked up his coffee and walked past, his arm brushing Jack's where he stood in the crumbling doorway. When he was alone, Jack turned back to the ruined wall with its faded inscriptions and mourned the treasures this place had offered; precious things now dead and decaying in the dust around him.
Lost but never forgotten.
'All things come to an end, but perhaps love is never truly lost, it just waits for rebirth, like a phoenix from the ashes, rising.'
The End