Disclaimer: No infringement of the following characters and situations is intended. Warning: Rated [MA] Mature Adults only. Contains strong m/m sexual scenes, violence, coarse language and adult themes. Feedback: [email protected] Lawford's Decision William Lawford wiped his brow with his handkerchief and once again wondered why he had traveled so far to India only to be put in charge of digging a trench. When he had arrived in Madras three weeks ago to join the Kings 33rd Foot Regiment as a Lieutenant he had expected to be given at least some important tasks. But all Captain Morris had him doing was overseeing the digging of trenches and latrines. Admittedly, he was young, just twenty three, and couldn't claim any experience in battle, but he was an Officer and expected to be treated as such. He hadn't even been told why they were digging this trench. Any Ensign or Sergeant could have performed the duties that Morris delighted in giving to him, but Lawford knew better than to complain. Such was the way of the army. He glanced along the trench at the dirty sweating men who worked with bent backs in the hot blazing sun and humidity. Most had stripped to the waist and Lawford let his gaze wander along, noticing the sunburnt skin and the odd back marred by flogging scars. It was a scene totally at odds with his previous life in England. His had been a sheltered upbringing. His family , while not wealthy, had certainly been privileged, and Lawford had grown up in an atmosphere of gentility and piety. The stifling heat of India, the exotic sights and smells , the people themselves with their strange speech and manner of dress all combined to make Lawford feel as if he was in some kind of purgatory. The scene before him now only confirmed such feeling. He had never seen men stoop to hard labour before. He felt sorry for them. They were hot and must be thirsty by now. Each man carried a canteen but none would stop to drink while the eagle eyes of Sergeant Hakeswill watched over them. Lawford shivered despite the heat. There was something about Obadiah Hakeswill that made him uneasy. The Sergeant was overly zealous in the way he upbraided the men. His manner verged on madness and Lawford had sometimes seen a look of insanity in his eyes. He was a man to fear. Walking slowly down the trench, Lawford glanced at this man and that, until his gaze came to rest on a familiar figure. Private Richard Sharpe would stand out anywhere. He was a tall man, well built and handsome. His face and body, or at least as much of it as Lawford could see, were unmarked by scars. Lawford allowed himself the small luxury of watching Sharpe as wielded his shovel, chatting all the while to the man beside him. There was a beauty in the way he moved, a well controlled strength, an unconscious grace. Lawford pulled his thoughts up quickly, afraid of where they would lead him. But surely there was no harm in looking. Just a for a little while, Lawford told himself, and he would make it up tonight by spending time reading his bible. Unaware that he was being watched, Richard Sharpe turned to his companion and lightly slapped his shoulder. Both men laughed loudly and Lawford looked around hoping Hakeswill was not in earshot. The Sergeant was down the far end of the trench with his back to Lawford who wiped his face again and turned back to Sharpe. He blushed suddenly as a pair of brown eyes belonging to Sharpe's companion met his and Lawford hurriedly looked away and resumed his patrol of the trench afraid that Tom Garrard may have read the thoughts behind his look. God forgive me, he thought. Sharpe's friend, Tom Garrard, watched the retreating figure of Lieutenant Lawford and whispered to the man beside him "Here, Dick, that Lieutenant Lawford was watching you." Richard Sharpe stopped digging and looked up to where Garrard was indicating with a nod of his head. "No he weren't!'" said Sharpe "If he was, he would have told us to dig faster." Sharpe smiled at Garrard. "He's harmless, Tom. " Garrard spat on the ground and said "Not harmless if he gets us all killed. Look at him, he looks like he's out for a stroll in the park. Bloody soft bugger. God knows what he thinks he can do with that sword he carries! You wait Dick, first lot of fighting that he sees will be his last. I just hope he doesn't take too many of us with him." "Sharpe! Garrard! Who gave you permission to stop your digging." came the voice of Sergeant Hakeswill. Both men grabbed at their canteens and turned. "Just stopped for a drink Sarge" said Sharpe "Won't get the trench dug any faster if we all die of thirst." "None of your cheek Sharpie or I'll see that you and your little friend both get extra duties." Hakeswill said "Maybe that'll take the smile off your face." Some distance away, Lawford heard the exchange and walked back, afraid that he may have somehow been the cause of Sharpe's and Garrard's punishment. "What seems to be the problem Sergeant?" asked Lawford and he steeled himself to look into Hakeswill's eyes without flinching. "These two thought they would have a bit of a rest Sir, I was just getting them back to work. Sir" said Hakeswill standing rigidly to attention. "Looks to me like they were just having a drink Sergeant. " Lawford paused and looked up at the sky. "Seems like a good idea. Have all the men take ten minutes rest Sergeant, then they will be refreshed and able to dig faster." Lawford turned and walked a short distance away, still afraid that Hakeswill might dispute his orders but the Sergeant went off down the line again giving the order for ten minutes break and Lawford took a sigh of relief. The men found whatever shade they could and sat around opening their canteens. Lawford watched them drinking and remembered he had left his own canteen a good distance away in the shade of some bushes. It was a mistake he realised, but he was still unused to this hot climate. He could see the men watching him and he knew they were waiting to see what he would do. As an officer he could simply send one of the men to fetch it for him but he did not want to do that now that he had given the order for them to rest. If he went to get it himself, the men might think he was afraid to ask them, and that would never do. No, he would just have to wait until the men were back at work and then get one to fetch the canteen. So he just stood there, looking off into the distance, feeling the perspiration run down his back, thinking how hot he felt in his stiff new uniform and wishing he could at least take off his jacket. He remembered some advice his uncle had given him regarding the way an Officer dressed and how it could be directly related to the way his men obeyed their orders. Lawford had no reason to doubt that it was sound advice, but it did little to relieve his discomfit. Beside the trench Sharpe and Garrard had found a small space of shade and leant back to back sipping from their canteens. "What did I tell yer Dick, bloody soft, he is. He's had enough of walking up and down, and thinks if he gives us a break he can slip away without us noticing. He'll probably head straight back to the shade where he left his canteen and that will be the last we will see of him for the day." Both men watched the fair young Lieutenant who still stood in the midday heat, looking uncomfortable in his new uniform, perspiration running down his face. Sharpe thought how out of place Lawford looked. His fair hair, which looked almost white in the strong sunlight was delicately plaited. The fair skin on his face had taken on a pinkish hue and Sharpe knew that Lieutenant Lawford would be suffering from a severe case of sunburn by evening. He must be thirsty and yet he made no move to get his canteen. Sharpe shook his head and wondered why any man would be too proud to ask for a mouthful of water. "Yer wrong as usual Tom. Silly bugger's going to stand there till he faints from the heat." and with that Richard Sharpe got up and walked towards William Lawford. A few more minutes, Lawford thought to himself, and then he could order one of the men to get his canteen. He closed his eyes against the glare of the sun and licked his dry lips. A few more minutes! "Excuse me Sir, but would yer like a drink?" the voice of Richard Sharpe startled Lawford and he spun around to look deep into a pair of green eyes surrounded by a tanned face. "What..." he stammered suddenly feeling tongue tied. He sensitive nose was assaulted by the strong musky smell of stale sweat and an unwashed body and he had to consciously forced himself not to take a step backward or put his handkerchief to his nose. "A drink sir, it's bloody hot and yer look like yer need one." said Sharpe holding out his canteen. "Thankyou Private...?" said Lawford as he took the canteen, worried what Sharpe might think if he realised his new Lieutenant already knew his name. "Sharpe sir, Dick Sharpe." Lawford could see Sharpe watching him. He's waiting to see if I'll drink from his canteen , if I'll make a point of wiping the mouth piece, thought Lawford. He looked Sharpe straight in the eyes and tipped the canteen up to his mouth and drank. The water was warm and stale but to Lawford it was a godsend. He handed it back with a smile and said "Thank you Sharpe, I seem to have left mine some distance away. I'm not used to this heat yet. I keep forgetting it." Sharpe took another drink himself and then said, "Wait till you've been here as long as us, Sir, you'll never let it out of your sight. And thank you Sir, the lads are glad of the break. It's hard work digging, makes yer thirsty.." He looked into Lawford's blue eyes again and slowly smiled. Lawford knew Richard Sharpe was a handsome man, he admitted to himself that he was attracted to Sharpe in ways that were best not mentioned. But seeing that one small smile William Lawford knew that what he felt for Sharpe could easily become something more than a physical attraction. Oh God no, he thought to himself, I can't have feelings for him. An unspoken attraction was one thing, but anything more between them would be unthinkable. The gulf between them was too wide and Lawford doubted that anything could ever bridge it. So Lawford just looked away and said "Back to work now Sharpe" and prayed to God that Sharpe couldn't hear his heat pounding. When Lawford arrived at the Officer's Mess that evening he was immediately aware of a sense of pervading expectancy. Small groups of Officers were gathered together talking excitedly and there were far more wives present than was usual. He found a seat beside Edward Fitzgerald and waited, knowing the young Ensign would be only too eager to air his knowledge. Fitzgerald turned to Lawford and after taking in his sunburnt face said "Been out of the Fort all day, eh William? Well you wouldn't have heard the news then." Lawford couldn't help smiling. Edward Fitzgerald was only 18 but had been in India since the Regiment had first arrived in December of 1796. He had made it his business to educate Lawford on life in the colony. "Yes, I was overseeing another trench Edward. What news did you hear?" "The order has finally come through! We are to invade Mysore and about bloody time too." Fitzgerald paused to fill his wine glass and motioned at Lawford with the bottle "It's all right for you, you've only been here for three weeks, but the rest of us sailed down from Calcutta last August. I was beginning to think I'd never see any fighting." Invade Mysore. It sounded like something one read in a book, thought Lawford. But here he was, a Lieutenant of the 33rd, thanks to his Uncle's 150 pounds, and he was going to invade Mysore. "When do we leave?" Lawford asked, confident that Fitzgerald would know the answer. "Hmm my guess would be in the next three days, but they will probably inform us at Parade tomorrow." said Fitzgerald. Their meal arrived then and the young ensign began eating with enthusiasm. After spending the day in the hot sun, the last thing Lawford felt like was hot baked lamb and vegetables with a rich sauce. He picked at his food knowing he should eat, but lacking the appetite. As he ate slowly, Lawford surveyed the room. The excitement was palpable. Wine was flowing freely and numerous toasts were being made. He wondered at the women present. Would they be displeased to know their husbands were leaving shortly. Perhaps some of them would accompany their husbands into Mysore. Surely not, he decided, it would be far to dangerous for women of gentle breeding. Fitzgerald finished his wine and stood up. "So, what do you say, William, one last night on the town? Once we start marching God knows where we'll find anything halfways decent let alone clean." Lawford blinked up at Fitzgerald trying to fathom exactly what the Ensign was asking him. Fitzgerald shook his head and grinned. "You really do spend too much time reading that bible, William. Do you want to come to a brothel with me. Last chance before we leave Madras. I know a little place in town. It's a bit costly but the girls are clean." Lawford felt his face blush and was glad of his painful sunburn. "No, not tonight Edward, I....." he hesitated, unable to think up an excuse. Fitzgerald had asked him along on two other occasions and Lawford had finally run out of excuses. Fitzgerald sat down at the table again and leant closer so that his words would not be overheard. "Listen William, a few words of advice. Don't let Captain Morris find out that you don't fancy women." he looked around to be sure that no one was listening. "About 18 months ago just before we set sail for that aborted Manila mission, Wellesley appointed a new chaplain to the 33rd. Nephew of a friend of his I heard. Anyway Samuel Bunton was fairly quiet. It was his first time away from home too and he was very quiet and shy." Fitzgerald paused and gave Lawford a soft smile that Lawford interpreted as meaning 'just like you'. "We'd only been at sea for three days when Blunt came rushing out of his cabin one night hopelessly drunk and stark naked, and starting talking about the most indecent things and singing bawdy songs. Of course he was horrified by his behaviour when he was finally sober. He shut himself in his cabin and wouldn't come out. Wouldn't eat or drink. Colonel Wellesley finally rowed over to our vessel and spoke to him for a long time, but it did no good. He was dead within ten days." Lawford was shocked by this story, but Fitzgerald had not yet finished. "Now nothing was ever said and no blame was ever laid , but I wasn't the only one who noticed that Morris had been pursuing Samuel in a manner unbefitting an Officer. The evening he got drunk, I saw him with Captain Morris, going back to his cabin. I just want you to know William, that Morris isn't a man to take no for an answer. Be careful." and with that Ensign Fitzgerald patted Lawford on the shoulder, rose from the table and left the mess whistling. William Lawford sat watching the scene before him and pondering what Fitzgerald had said. Surely such a thing could not happen, was Fitzgerald having a joke? If such a story were true why hadn't someone called upon Morris to answer these accusations? Looking around Lawford spied his Captain talking with Captain Robertson and his wife. As if sensing Lawford's gaze, Morris looked up and nodded towards his Lieutenant. Lawford politely nodded back and then quickly looked away. He drank the last of his wine and rose. As he neared the door he heard the unmistakable voice of Morris calling to him. "William, at last we are to have a bit of excitement, eh." The older man caught up with him and turned back to survey the room. " Quite an evening isn't it. All the ladies present and dressed up. Did you notice Mrs. Robertson? Such an fine looking woman and she has such an attractive neck." smirked Morris and Lawford couldn't help but notice that his Captains' gaze was somewhat lower. Turning back to Lawford, Morris said "I need a word with you I'm afraid William. Are you going into town?" "No Sir, I was going back to the barracks, I have some letters I want to write home." Lawford replied, mindful of Fitzgerald's warning. "Well this wont take but a moment, I'll walk with you." The two men set off toward the barracks in the cool evening air. Above the stars were beginning to appear and as was his habit, Lawford looked up and silently ran through their names. Captain Morris' voice broke through his contemplation. "Sergeant Hakeswill spoke to me about an incident at the trench today. Seems he is fearful that a certain Private Sharpe may be, how shall I say this, attempting to seek your favour." Lawford felt his heart skip a beat at the mention of Sharpe's name. "The man merely offered me a drink of water, Captain, I don't see what Sergeant Hakeswill would have to fear about that." Morris stopped walking and Lawford was forced to stop also and look up at his Captain. Charles Morris was a tall man and once would have been considered striking. But apathy and fondness for drink had taken their toll. He face was flushed and fleshy and he had an air of laziness about him. His fair hair was greasy, and there was grey beginning to show in his moustache. "My dear William, you are newly arrived from England and I doubt if you have had much experience with the type of rogues that make up the ranks. Sharpe is a trouble maker. Hakeswill knows him well, knows the sort of games he plays." Morris bent closer and Lawford could smell rum on his breath. Putting an hand on Lawford's shoulder he continued in a conspiratal voice. "Captain Hughes chose him for the light company in return for certain ....favours. When Hughes died , Sharpe lost his benefactor. Of course he wasn't content with loosing his little privileges. He tried to offer his services to me when I took over as Captain. I turned him down naturally, he's nothing but filth. I'm a Gentleman I wouldn't bother getting my hands dirty with the likes of him. But Sergeant Hakeswill is worried that Sharpe might by trying his tricks on you." Dropping his gaze slightly, Lawford replied "I'm not sure I know what you mean Sir." "William, you must call me Charles, there's no need to be so formal. We are both Officers after all." Morris started walking again still with his hand on Lawford's shoulder so that he steered him along. "We are a long way from home William, it's natural to get a little homesick, a little lonely. A man like Sharpe will play on that and he does have a certain rugged appeal." This last was said almost wistfully . "You don't have to play the innocent with me William. I've noticed the way you look at the men. If you're looking for some company, a particular type of company, you have only to come to me. Why don't you come up to my room and we can have a drink together." William Lawford had never been propositioned before. Whilst he didn't know exactly what his Captain was offering, he did know that there was more to his offer than what Morris had said. Suddenly life in India had become very complicated. With Ensign Fitzgerald's words nudging at the back of his mind Lawford considered his next move. "Thankyou for the offer Charles, but I think you've misjudged me, " he began, trying to sound gracious "and I really do need to write those letters before we march. My mother is General McCandless' sister and he will be sure to check that I have written to her before we leave." Lawford gave Morris a small smile "I wouldn't want to disappoint him." Although he had made a promise to himself that he would not use his Uncles name as a means to an end, Lawford decided that on this one occasion it was justifiable. Removing his hand from the younger mans shoulder, Morris stared at Lawford with eyes that were hard and cold. "Very well then, I'll see you on parade tomorrow Lieutenant. Goodnight." The British Army began it's long, slow march from Madras to Seringapatum. The fifty thousand strong army and a few thousand or so followers would begin the march each dawn and stop and make camp in the middle of the day when the heat was at it's worst. The afternoons would be spent with the men doing drill and the officers attending to beaurcratic matters. From a distance they resembled a great column of red ants, but up close they were just hot, dirty , bored men who wondered what the next day would bring. The novelty of the march soon wore off and by the second week most were growing impatient to face the Tippoo's troops. For Lawford the march was quite pleasurable. No more digging trenches, he was at last able to take his place alongside the other Officers. He enjoyed rising each morning and saddling his horse in preparation for the day ahead. He had always loved riding and had hoped to join the cavalry. But when one was dependent on the generousity of an Uncle, such choices were not always yours to make. So he spent each day riding alongside the men of the 33rd, sometimes alone, sometimes talking to the other Officers. Thankfully Captain Morris had little to say to him most days and at times seem to deliberately avoid him for which Lawford was grateful. Perhaps Fitzgerald had been wrong after all. There was also plenty of time for Lawford to ponder Morris' comments about Richard Sharpe. Lawford often found himself riding within sight of Sharpe and at such times he was keenly aware that Sergeant Hakeswill was watching him. He tried not to let his gaze linger, but his fascination with Sharpe had grown despite Morris' comments. Lawford wondered what exactly Morris had meant when he said that Sharpe had offered his services. Surely there was nothing wrong with the enlisted men offering to do small jobs for the Officers. Most of the Officers had men who erected their tents for them each evening or took care of their baggage or horses. But what Morris had hinted at was something other than this, something dark that left Lawford feeling uneasy. He thought about asking Ensign Fitzgerald but he didn't want to appear naive. No, he would just have to watch and work it out for himself. About two weeks out from Mysore, Lawford realised that Morris had not let him off as lightly as he suspected. It was mid morning when word came down the column that the bodies of a scouting detachment had been found and it was not long before Lawford saw Captain Morris riding towards him. "Lieutenant I want you to take six men and organise the burial of the bodies. They are about half a mile that way." said Morris pointing west to where a dark cloud of birds could be seen circling "and you had better draw extra rations. I doubt you will have time to catch up with the column before tomorrow." Burial detail. Lawford was appalled. Surely Morris could have given this job to any one of the Ensigns or Sergeants but he held his voice and replied "Yes Sir." and went to chose his men. When Morris saw the six men that Lawford had chosen , he rode over to where the Lieutenant was waiting as the men equipped themselves with shovels and rations. "And interesting choice William, you have good taste." he said with a sneer. Lawford turned to the Captain and replied "They are the best diggers Charles and I should know, after all I've been watching them!" Richard Sharpe was happy to leave the column even if it was only to dig graves. He watched as Lieutenant Lawford and Captain Morris spoke briefly and nudged Tom Garrard. "There's no love lost between those two." he said indicating the Officers. Garrard glanced up in time to see Morris tug at the reins of his horse and ride off. "I wonder what Lawford did to deserve this duty?" Garrard said with a grin. "More like what he didn't do, Tom." said Sharpe and they both laughed. As Lawford rode behind his small detachment he thought about what Morris had said and the reasons behind his choices. Sharpe, Garrard, Peters, Blake, Avery and O'Neill. All six men were young and well built, he hadn't lied when he said they were the best diggers. He knew none of them were lazy or prone to slacking off. They were popular with their peers, and Lawford also suspected they were some of the quickest and most intelligent men in the Light Company. As such, he was hoping that they wouldn't give him any trouble. There was no chance of missing the bodies thought Lawford to himself, you could smell them from quite some distance away and there were great ugly birds circling the spot where they lay. He stopped the men some distance off and climbed down from his horse. "We'll dig the grave here, that way the smell won't be too overpowering." he said. There was an uneasy silence as the six privates looked at each other. It was Sharpe who finally spoke up. "Begging your pardon Sir, but it would be best to dig it a bit closer. Yer really don't want to be dragging those bodies too far. They've been out here a while and those birds have been at them." Lawford paled slightly and looked behind him to where the bodies lay. "Of course you're right Sharpe, I've not had much experience with ......bodies" he said quietly. "You chose a place." The men pulled out faded and dirty clothes from their pockets or packs and tied them around their faces and then moved closer to the bodies. Lawford tethered his horse, not wanting to take it closer to the stench of death, and followed on foot. Sharpe stopped about forty feet from where the bodies lay and the men commenced digging in the hard soil. The vultures seemed unworried by the activity and Lawford watched in horror as one of the great birds picked at a grizzled bit of flesh with it's beak. Lawford had never seen death. He had never looked on the neatly arrayed body of a departed friend or relative. Now he stood a short distance away from the bodies of men that had been killed, robbed of their uniforms and left to the mercy of birds and beasts. Lawford knew what he would have to do. While his men were still digging, he made himself approach the macabre scene. Taking out his fine white handkerchief and holding it to his nose, he slowly walked towards the bodies. The vultures waited until Lawford was a scare ten feet away, before moving off a little. There were seven bodies, mostly stripped of their clothes, several were unidentifiable. Lawford made himself look at each one and try to recognise the man it had once been. He failed on all but one. He had know Lieutenant Riley slightly, but not well. Lawford recognized his long dark hair. Fighting down his feelings of nausea he returned to where Sharpe and the others were digging. "You'll need to dig it big enough for seven bodies." he said faintly, hoping his voice sounded steadier than he felt. Sharpe looked up when Lawford returned. The Lieutenant looked very pale and Sharpe guessed that he had never looked on such a scene before. The Lieutenant looked back over his shoulder and Sharpe followed his gaze. The birds had returned to their scavenging and with a sigh Lawford turned and walked back to stand guard for the fallen one last time. "What the bloody hell is he doing Dick?" said Garrard as he leant on his shovel. " Just trying to be a good Officer, Tom." said Sharpe in a subdued voice. It was late afternoon when the grave was finished and ready to be filled. It took some doing but in the end each body was identified and Lawford listened as the men spoke about their fallen comrades as they carried them to their final rest. "Poor little Johnny Fisher, the lad was only 17. Hadn't seen much of life." said Abraham Avery as he laid the boys body in the trench. "Least it was quick for him, Seaton here looks like he would have been the longest going. Hope he was dead before those bastard birds got here." said Seamus O'Neill as he picked up a rock and threw it towards where the vultures still waited. Sharpe turned to Garrard and indicated two bodies that had been laid side by side. "Hanson and Smith. They always said they'd go together, they did. Never bloody believed them." Garrard nodded. "Aye, they were close, real good mates. I suppose it was meant to be." "Well I just hope we make it back to the column early enough tomorrow." said Percy Peters "Kennedy's widow's going to be looking out for a new man and I want to be one of the contenders." Lawford was shocked by this last statement but the others just laughed and O'Neill even stated that he would give Peters a run for his money. The sun was low in the West as the six privates stood solemnly in line beside the grave. Garrard leaned close to Sharpe and whispered "A skin of arrack says he reads the one about the Shepherd and the Valley of Death." "Blimey Dick, that's the one they always do, don't take him on." warned Blake in a not so quiet voice. But Sharpe just smiled and whispered "Yer on Tom." Lawford had thought long and hard about which passage to read from his bible. He knew off by heart many of the more popular readings, but he also knew many more obscure parts. He had been strangely touched by what he had overheard about Hanson and Smith and had chosen a passage with them in mind. In a loud clear voice he read from his mother's bible. "Thy glory, O Israel, is slain upon thy high places! How the mighty have fallen! Tell it not in Gath, Publish it not in the streets of Ashkelon," Sharpe gentle nudged Garrard with his boot and tried hard to keep the smile off his face. "From the blood of the slain, from the fat of the mighty the bow of Jonathan turned not back, and the sword of Saul returned not empty." At the end of the line, Avery whispered "Any takers on how many bloody verses?" "Saul and Jonathan, beloved and lovely! In life and in death they were not divided: They were swifter than eagles and stronger than lions." "What did he just say?" murmured Blake to Sharpe. "Jonathan lies slain upon the high places. I am distressed for you my brother Jonathan: very pleasant have you been to me : your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women." "Bloody hell!" whispered Tom Garrard. "Was that Lieutenant Riley's name?" "How the mighty have fallen, and the weapons of war perished." Lawford finished reading and looked up at the stunned faces before him. "Present Arms" he said in his best commanding voice. "Fire" The six muskets broke the silence simultaneously and Lawford saluted with his sword. "Well I've never heard that one before." said Garrard as they walked over to collect their gear. "He's a dark one , isn't he." "Yer not likely to hear it again either I reckon" said Sharpe grinning "But it was sort of fitting when yer think about, when yer think of poor Hanson and Smith." Sharpe stepped closer to his friend and said teasingly "Do yer think we'll go like that Tom, hand in hand?" Garrard pushed Sharpe away playfully saying "Yer a bloody girl sometimes Dick, yer are." Sharpe leaned close and whispered in Garrard ear, "Aye, and yer like it when I am Tom." Lawford's Decision Part 5 The small detachment from the Light company traveled slowly in the growing darkness following the well marked track that the army column had left. Just before the sun set, Lawford ordered Sharpe to find a suitable place to make camp for the night. It was a rough camp, but Avery got a little fire going and soon there was water boiling and the men began preparing their simple meal. As he unsaddled his horse and brushed it down Lawford realised that he was to sleep in the open, without a tent or cot. He had not idea how to cook his food and didn't have any tea. He looked over to where the men were gathered around the fire talking and laughing and suddenly felt strangely alone. Not wanting to intrude on their tight circle, he found himself a spot off to the side and looked in his saddle bags. He brought out some salted biscuits, and dried beef. This last he imagined should be cooked to make some sort of broth, but his stomach felt queasy and he wasn't hungry. All he really felt like was a cup of tea. He looked over again at Sharpe, Garrard and the others and noticed they had two small pots sitting on the fire. He told himself to just go over and see what they were doing and to ask if they had any tea. Instead he settled for nibbling his biscuits and drinking water from his canteen. It was Garrard who noticed Lawford watching and he spoke to Sharpe in a low voice "He's watching you again, Dick, better be careful." Sharpe frowned, he was starting to tire of this game. "Give it a rest Tom, he probably just wants to join us at the fire." Sharpe stood and walked towards his Lieutenant. "Would yer like a bit of the stew Sir, it's pretty plain, but it's hot." "No thank you Sharpe, but I would be much obliged if I could have a cup of tea. I don't seem to have any with me, I'm afraid." Sharpe noticed Lawford's pallor even in the growing darkness and decided that the events of the day were finally taking their toll on the young Lieutenant. Tea was probably a wise choice. "Aye Sir, I'll get you one, do yer have a mug with you." Lawford opened his saddlebags and brought out a shiny new tin cup. He smiled shyly at Sharpe as he handed it over and Sharpe smiled back. "Almost seems a shame to dirty it up Sir." He said as they walked towards the fire. The others made room for Lawford and watched him silently. Sharpe felt their uneasiness and tried to break the tension that had sprung up by asking "Is your horse all right Sir, does it need anything." "I've taken care of it thank you. Do you like horses Sharpe, do you like riding" Garrard snorted and the others laughed and Sharpe replied "Only if its a woman Sir!" which caused even more laughter especially from Garrard, whom Sharpe kicked softly. Lawford smiled and tried not to blush. He had heard such jokes in the Officers mess numerous times. He tried hard to think of one he had heard recently to respond with, but failed. He settled for just nodding and sipping his tea. As the fire died down and the men finished their meal, Lawford rose and excused himself. He walked back to his spot and leant back against his saddle. He drew his sword and laid it across his lap as he idly polished it, more from habit than necessity. His attention once again turned to the men at the fireside. As he watched, he saw Sharpe remind the others to clean their muskets and they followed his directions without question. He's a natural leader, Lawford mused as he watched the easy way Sharpe had with the men. He envied the way Tom Garrard sat close beside Sharpe, their shoulders touching unconsciously, their heads turning every so often to look at each other and smile or laugh. There was something in the looks that passed between them that spoke of far more than friendship. Lawford had first noticed it when they were digging one of the trenches back in Madras and he had been aware of it ever since. The peaceful scene was suddenly shattered as from out of the bushes directly to Lawford's left burst a group of native Indians with swords. They charged towards the stunned infantrymen, unaware that Lawford was behind them. Lawford was on his feet and running with his sword when he heard Sharpe yell "Bayonets" Lawford raised his voice and yelled as loudly as he could hoping to surprise the Indians enough to slow them down and give his men a few extra seconds to arm themselves. Several of the natives turned and without thinking Lawford raised his sword and met their attack. His first strike cut deep into one man's side and he fell only to be replaced by a second swinging a huge sword. Lawford parried his swing and followed through with another blow to that man's body. He took the third man in the sword arm, slicing clear through it only to be sprayed with blood as the man howled in pain and staggered away. The natives fled then leaving the clearing silent and empty except for the Infantrymen and the bodies. Lawford walked over to where Sharpe stood. He was aware of his heart pounding in his ears and a lightness in his hands and feet. He heard Sharpe saying loudly, "Load Muskets" and realised that he should have given that order. He looked a Sharpe thinking to apologize, but Sharpe was asking if he was all right and Lawford just nodded suddenly aware that Abraham Avery was laying down, the front of his uniform covered in blood. He swallowed quickly, wanting to say something, but Sharpe was saying "Be ready lads they'll be back. " and then he didn't have time to say anything because the Indians burst through the bushes and attacked once again. Lawford raised his sword but before any of the enemy reached him , he heard Sharpe yell "Fire" and there was a blinding flash beside him accompanied by a deafening roar as five muskets discharged. The remaining Indians were upon them then and Lawford hacked at first one then a second who seemed to single him out. The fight lasted only minutes before Lawford became aware that the remaining Indians had once more fled. The groans of the injured natives sounded around him and Lawford watched as Percy Peters dispassionately finished them off with his bayonet. Tom Garrard was on his knees beside Avery who was laying very still now and O'Neill was attending to Blake who had a sword cut to his leg. Sharpe's voice broke through the cloud that seemed to be surrounding Lawford. "They won't be back now Sir, we got most of them. Come on, sit down and let me have a look at yer arm." Lawford was suddenly aware of a warm sticky feeling running down his left arm and was surprised to find that he had a gash there. He made his way back to where his saddle was, and sat down awkwardly. "Good work Sir, yer killed a few of the bastards. We would have been goners if yer hadn't slowed 'em up." Sharpe looked at him closely and asked in a voice suddenly gentle "Are yer all right Sir?" "I'm all right Sharpe, just a little...." his voice trailed off as he tried to find a word to describe how he felt. "It's all right Sir, it's often like that after yer first battle. It's just the shock that yer feeling. You'll get used to it." Shock, yes that's what it was, thought Lawford and he felt again his sword cut through flesh and jar on bone. Oh God, Lawford groaned inwardly. "Yer can let go of yer sword now Sir." said Sharpe softly and Lawford realised that he still gripped his sword tightly in his hand and for moment he thought that his fingers were not going to obey him. He looked at his hands then and saw the blood. He tried to wipe them on his jacket but his left arm gave a sharp jab of pain as he moved it. "Take off yer jacket so I can see to yer arm." said Sharpe as he began to help with the buttons.". "The others, Avery and Blake, are they going to be all right?" Lawford asked suddenly remembering his responsibility. "I don't think Avery will make it through the night sir, he's bad, got it in the gut. Blake should be all right, but I doubt he'll be able to walk tomorrow. The lad's can take turns carrying him." "We can put him on my horse." said Lawford trying hard to think clearly. The cut wasn't deep, but it bled persistently. Sharpe went to get some things from his pack and returned with a flask. He tipped a small amount onto the wound and then bound it up with a piece of clean linen that Lawford had carried in his saddle bag. Finally Sharpe offered the flask to Lawford and said "Have a good drink sir, it's just what yer need. That arm'll be hurting something bad soon and the arrack will help yer sleep." Lawford hesitated, aware that there were too many things still to do. "We'll have to set piquets Sharpe, I should have done it before." "It wouldn't have mattered how many bloody piquets we had. Morris should have assigned yer more men, he should have mentioned that the was a chance the bastards were still about. You get some rest now Sir and I'll see to setting up the watch." "But what about the Indians bodies, we can't leave them here." continued Lawford. Sharpe smiled at him indulgently and said. "The lads and I will drag 'em away. Now drink a bit of this and get some rest or yer'll never be able to walk tomorrow and then we won't be able to put Blake on yer horse." Lawford nodded and took a large swallow from the flask. The arrack burned his throat and threatened to take his breath. He choked and his eyes watered. Sharpe smiled at him again and said "One more sir, it'll do yer good." After a few more large swallows of Sharpe's arrack Lawford lay down and finally fell into a fitful sleep. Sharpe returned to the others. Abraham Avery had thankfully lost consciousness and Blake was resting quietly with a flask of arrack beside him. Peters and O'Neill had searched the bodies of the Indians and found little of value other than a few coins. When the bodies had been dragged away from their campsite, Sharpe took the first watch and Garrard, Peters and O'Neill lay down to sleep. Sharpe watched as the moon rose and the stars moved slowly on their journey through the sky. They were beautiful, he thought to himself, but also useful to tell the passing of time whilst on watch. It was only an hour or so later that Sharpe heard a soft whimper from Lawford. Nightmare, he thought to himself, poor bastard had good cause to have bad dreams tonight. He looked over to where the Lieutenant lay with his head propped on his saddle bags, his fair hair spread out. Sharpe shook his head and wondered why he felt this strange liking for the new Lieutenant. The man was everything he usually despised in an Officer and he plainly had little knowledge, but perhaps it was Lawford's own awareness of his limitations that caused Sharpe to concede a grudging respect. The Lieutenant had certainly held his own in the fight. A bit of shock afterwards was nothing really. He had seen seasoned veterans spew their guts out after a battle on many occasion. No, Lawford had done remarkably well. He was also quick to see it was better to rely on his men's better ability than to make a foolhardy mistake. Lawford had let Sharpe choose the camp site and had not tried to countermand his orders during the skirmish. Of course that may have been due to his own panic, but there was ample opportunity afterwards. As Sharpe watched, Lawford started tossing and moaning. With a wry shake of his head Sharpe stood and went to wake Lawford. Lawford came awake with a start and for one horrifying moment couldn't breath. He sucked in a huge lungeful of air and then looked about him in fright. He had been dreaming of the Indians. He could still feel his sword in his hands and the awful sensation of cutting through flesh and bone. "Here Sir, have a drink," said Sharpe's voice beside him and Lawford took the offered canteen, not caring for one moment what was in it. More arrack he discovered and he became aware that his head was spinning. He noticed again the blood staining his hands and tried to wipe them on his jacket, but the blood had dried and there was not enough water for them to waste on something as insignificant as washing hands. Sharpe saw the gesture and raised the flask. "Wash them with a bit of this, but don't let the lads know, they'll think I've gone daft for wasting good arrack." he said with a smile. Lawford scrubbed his hands while Sharpe trickled a small amount of arrack onto them. Looking up at Sharpe, Lawford noticed that his cheek was still smudged with black gunpowder from his musket and thinking only with his arrack clouded brain, Lawford reached up. He had only meant to wipe the powder stain from Sharpe's face but when his fingers touched the warm skin the touch turned into a soft caress. Sharpe pulled back suddenly and Lawford watched as a series of emotions rushed through Sharpe's eyes. First he saw anger, followed closely by what he thought was fear. Sharpe closed his eyes then and when he opened them it was as if another man was looking out at him. A lazy smile came to Sharpe's mouth, quite unlike his usual one and the look in his eyes became what Lawford could only describe as wanton. "This what yer want Sir?" said Sharpe who leaned closer and placed his hand on Lawford's crotch, his fingers caressing what he found there. Lawford drew a shuddering breath and fought through the arrack that made him want to scream yes, to say in a quiet voice "No, I'm sorry Sharpe that's not what I intended. Please forgive me if I gave you the wrong impression. I hope I haven't offended you." Sharpe moved his hand away and said in an equally quiet voice. "I'm sorry too Sir, no harm done." He rose then and Lawford watched sadly as Sharpe walked away and woke Peters to stand his turn as piquet. When Sharpe lay down beside Tom Garrard he was surprised to find that his friend was awake. "What's going on with Lawford, Dick?" "Nothing Tom, go t'sleep" said Sharpe not wanting to talk about it. "You figuring to do for him what yer used to do for Captain Hughes?" asked Garrard in a flat voice. "Christ Tom, I told yer I'm through with that, I turned Morris down didn't I . Yer got no idea what it was like back then. Bloody Hakeswill had made sure everyone knew what I'd been before I'd enlisted. They'd a never left me alone if Captain Hughes hadn't stepped in. He didn't ask for much, just a little comfort in return and he never pressed me if I said no. That's more that I can say for most of the others I've known." Tom Garrard made a hrmmp sound as if to show he didn't care and Sharpe snuggled in closer to his back. "Anyone would think you were jealous of Lawford." he said in a soft voice and then placed a kiss on the back of Garrard's neck. Garrard snorted and said "Yer a bloody whore Dick Sharpe!" but his voice held no venom and Sharpe leaned over so that his lips were touching Garrard's ear and whispered "And aren't you the lucky one." He slid his hand down Garrard's leg listening to the quick intake of breath, then drew it back up again until Garrard grabbed it with his own to keep it still. "Christ Dick, not here! Anyone could be watching." "Wait till tomorrow night when we're back in camp then Tom, I'll show yer there's no reason to be jealous of Lawford or anyone." Sleep didn't come easily to Sharpe that night. His mind kept going back to his encounter with Lawford. What he had told Garrard was true, his response to Lawford's caress was unthinking, a purely subconscious reaction going back to times long ago. Some things were so hard to overcome no matter how much he tried. A small part of his mind also told him that he found Lawford attractive, that his advance wasn't entirely unwelcome. It was the tenderness that accompanied it, the softness of Lawford's touch, the look in his eyes, that had left Sharpe without any defenses. Gentleness was something he had seen precious little of in his life. Tenderness was not something he was used to. Even his relationship with Garrard was more rough and tumble than caring. He knew the look that Lawford had given him, he'd even used the same look with women sometimes if he thought that was what they wanted to see. But there had been nothing calculated in the way Lawford looked at him, his feelings showing clearly, released from within by the arrack he'd drunk. Sharpe hoped that his own reaction had not destroyed the fragile friendship that he felt they were building. He didn't want to turn another Officer against him. Lawford's Decision Part 6 The pale light of dawn woke Lawford and he stretched slowly trying to ease the ache of muscles unused to sleeping rough. As he sat up, a sharp pain lanced through his left arm and his head started pounding. The night before came back to him in vivid detail and he looked around to see where the others were. A small way off he could see Peters and O'Neill digging another grave and Lawford realised that Avery must have died in the night. He went to stand but his head started spinning. He sat down heavily again as Tom Garrard walked over to him, a mug in his hand. "Here Mr Lawford, have some tea, yer look a bit pale." Garrard handed him the tea then proceeded to check the bandage on Lawford's arm. "Lost a bit of blood in the night", he said pulling out a piece of dirty cloth from his jacket. "Better leave that one on and just wrap this on to make it tighter. Don't want you bleedin' to death on us. Shouldn't loose the arm though." Garrard grinned as he said that, but left Lawford feeling far from comforted. "Where's private Sharpe?" Lawford asked as casually as he could wondering if Sharpe had mentioned anything about last night. Tom Garrard gave Lawford a long look and finally said, "He's just scouting around, having a better look at the bodies of the natives now that we've a little more light. Do yer want him Sir?" Lawford looked at Garrard, at the way the man stared into his eyes as if looking for something there, and wondered if there was something more to the question. "No, I didn't see him and I wondered, that's all. Did Avery loose the battle last night.?" he asked trying to change the subject. "Yeah, never woke up, probably better that way. Can I get yer some food now Sir, yer should try to eat." Garrard seemed happy to speak about something else too. Lawford thanked him and agreed to some porridge, knowing he would have to eat something or he would never manage the march back. He realised that he was going to slow down their progress. Not only was he unused to marching, usually having the luxury of being on horseback, but he also realised that his light headedness was not the fault of the arrack he had drunk last night, but caused from blood loss. He knew his horse couldn't carry two men, no, the best thing to do would be to send one of the men on ahead to the column and have them send back a wagon. Blake would certainly be more comfortable laying down and in the meantime they could follow on at a slower pace. He rested until the men had Avery ready for burial. Sharpe had returned but had made no effort to speak to him. It was Garrard who came over and asked if he was well enough to say a few words at the graveside. Lawford rose then, finding that food in his stomach had done much to relieve his dizziness. He looked at the men assembled and was surprised when Peters asked "Do yer know the Valley of Death one Sir, Avery liked that one, he did." So Lawford recited the Twenty Third Psalm from memory, all the while wondering why Sharpe wouldn't look at him. Afterwards he addressed the men, telling them of his idea to send one on ahead. He wished he could have spoken to Sharpe first, he valued his judgment, but instead he asked if there were any other ideas, trying to show his openness to suggestions. It was then that Sharpe spoke "That's a good idea Sir, one man can move faster, hide better, but I don't think we'll have to worry about an ambush in the daytime. The buggers seem to like to wait till dark. O'Neill's fast...." They all looked towards the Irishman who smiled and said "I'll go Sir." So with Sharpe's blessing, Lawford set about issuing orders and directing the saddling of his horse and soon they were underway. At first Lawford thought he had been worrying unnecessarily. He felt fine and had no trouble keeping up. Garrard had made a sling from his jacket sleeve so that his arm would be supported as they marched. Peters was leading his horse, with Blake who had no experience with horses whatever, firmly strapped to the saddle. Lawford walked a short way ahead, alternatively listening to the idle chatter of Blake and Peters behind him or watching Sharpe and Garrard as they marched twenty paces ahead, their muskets held at the ready. But he soon began to weary, his mouth felt dry too and he found that he had to stop to drink more often. His pace slowed and he fell behind Peters and Blake. Once again he felt alone, and wished he had someone to walk beside, someone to talk to. He didn't notice he had stopped and was standing still until a voice beside him asked "Are you all right Sir? Why don't yer sit for a bit." Lawford looked up into the concerned eyes of Richard Sharpe and felt his knees go weak. Sharpe caught him and lowered him to the ground. "Take a break lads" Sharpe called out to the others and turned his attention back to Lawford. "Just rest for a bit Sir, yer don' want to overdo it." "Richard, about last night...." Lawford began and then faltered as he realised he had used Sharpe's name. "I want to apologise for what I did. It was inappropriate, I'm not used to strong liquor, the arrack went to my head I'm afraid. I never intend to for you to think that I was ......"Lawford trailed off, too embarrassed to continue. Sharpe gave him a small smile and said, "I'm the one who's sorry Sir, I shouldn' a done what I did. It's just that there are some Officer's who use their positions to get yer to do certain things, yer know......I thought, well....I was wrong." Lawford wondered to whom Sharpe was referring, Hughes perhaps or even Morris, but he was loath to question him on such a matter. "I would never do anything like that Sharpe, never use my rank like that.....it's not right." he finished suddenly, feeling uncomfortable. "I didn't thank you last night for all you did, Sharpe. You took over where I faltered, it was remiss of me and I want to thank you. We would have been lost but for you." Sharpe looked down, a faint blush highlighting his cheeks. "You didn't do anything wrong Sir, yer charged those native bastards and stopped 'em long enough for us to grab our bayonets. Yer didn't have a sergeant with yer so I just sort of filled in." Lawford nodded, certain that Sharpe had let him off far easier than he could have. "Thankyou." was all he could say. Sharpe handed him a canteen and in a gentle voice said "Have some more water now sir, we'll have to get moving again before it gets too hot." Lawford was more than grateful when the wagon finally reached them. He had struggled on until he finally conceded too lean on Sharpe and even then he had wondered how much longer he would last before passing out. As he lay in the back of the wagon, drifting in and out of consciousness, he listened to the Sharpe and Garrard tell the wagon driver about their run in with the natives. He was surprised to hear Garrard say they would all be dead if Lieutenant Lawford hadn't surprised them from behind and drew the attack away momentarily. For one moment Lawford thought they were having a joke at his expense and opened his eyes, but the others were oblivious to him, thinking him asleep. Captain Morris rode out to meet the wagon as it neared the column in the late afternoon. He looked anything but pleased. Sharpe, Garrard and Peters had hopped off the wagon at Morris' approach and were walking beside. Lawford managed to sit up by the time Morris arrived. "Well Lieutenant, what have you to report?" Morris asked Lawford who was unsure where to begin. "We were surprised by a group of Natives last night Sir. There were about twenty of them." he suddenly realised that he hadn't asked how many bodies had been found and hoped Morris wouldn't ask. He continued on "They attacked twice Sir, I think we killed most of them. Private Avery was wounded and died in the night. Private Blake here has a bad gash to the leg." "Were they the Tippoo's troops?" asked Morris Lawford thought for a moment, he really wasn't sure. He had been in such a state last night that he hadn't bothered to look at the dead. He saw Sharpe give a small shake of his head out of sight of Morris. "No sir, I don't believe they were." he thought fast, remembering the ragged clothing and the poor quality of the swords the men used. "I think they were just bandits, they didn't seem well organised." Morris nodded at that and said in a sarcastic voice. "Twenty men and only seven of you, I'm impressed William. Maybe you do know how to chose your men after all! You'd better see if you can find the surgeon and get that arm seen too, you are bleeding all over the place. You can give me a written report later." As Lawford watched Morris ride back to the column he noticed a young woman running out to meet them. "Remember what yer said Dick," he overheard Garrard say to Sharpe as they walked beside the wagon. "Tonight, I'll be waiting. Don't forget it!" Just then the girl ran up and threw herself at Sharpe who caught her in a rough embrace. "Miss me did yer Mary?" he said, grinning at her and Lawford watched as Garrard stomped away clearly not happy with the reunion taking place. Lawford was surprised. He had not know that Sharpe had a woman. He realised that he had little knowledge of what went on in camp after dark. By then he was usually safely ensconced in his tent, slightly fearful of the dangers that could be waiting in the surrounding jungles. Was Garrard jealous of this girl? It certainly looked that way. Lawford watched as Sharpe and the girl wandered off . His attention was suddenly drawn to what the wagon driver, a private named Logan was saying to Blake "Sharpe's a lucky bastard, most of the lads were after Mary Bickerstaff and some of the Officers too. Never thought she'd chose Dick though. She held off long enough, after her husband died. What do you think changed her mind?" Blake spared a glance at Lawford who shared the wagon, but he kept his gaze averted, appearing to be intent on the passing scenery. In low voice Blake answered. "Well it was about a week ago, not long after we started the march. Think there was some trouble with one of them native bhinjarries, wanted her for his brothel. She thought she was too good for it and took up with Dick. Supposed she just liked the look of him, most of the girls do." Both men laughed and Logan nodded "She's an uppity one at that. Don't know what Dick sees in her though, other than the bleedin' obvious, but he never lacks for company, why would he want to get tied down." Blake lowered his voice even more and whispered "No idea, maybe he felt like a change. But I can tell you, Tom Garrard's none too happy about it!" Despite his wounded arm, William Lawford was ready to ride beside the Light Company the following day. Morris had suggested with a slight sneer, that he should ride in a wagon until he had recovered, but Lawford declined, knowing that he would feel better in the saddle. The easy gait of his horse was comforting and once again Lawford found himself watching with interest the interaction between Sharpe and Garrard. Whilst marching, the two were always together, laughing, talking, even sharing their rations at the noon time break. It was only in the evening after the column stopped and made camp that Lawford noticed they drifted apart, Sharpe with the pretty half native girl who sought him out and Garrard with his friends. As the monotony of the long march caught up with Lawford he began to wonder about what took place in the camp at night. He had always been fearful of wandering around after dark. He had heard numerous tales of tigers and other fearsome creatures that hid in the underbrush and stalked unwary Englishmen. But since the march began he had not heard of a single genuine case of this happening and he was beginning to think that they were truly just stories. Many other officers enjoyed an evening stroll, happy to stretch their legs after a long day riding. He knew some, such as young Fitzgerald, would wander to the native camp at the rear of the column and seek out whatever pleasures could be found there. So one evening Lawford decided to venture forth and have a look at camp life. It was a far from quiet world that he found. Small campfires were everywhere and groups of infantrymen sat around talking, singing and drinking. There were many women and children present too, huddled in family groups, grateful to be together for the evening. The shadowy figures of natives seemed to waft through the camp like smoke, disappearing as quickly as they appeared. Lawford told himself that he had not gone in search of Sharpe or Garrard, that it was just coincident when he found himself behind them as the approached the sentry. He watched out of sight, as Sharpe handed over a skin of what Lawford took to be arrack to the sentry, Peters, and then both Sharpe and Garrard slipped out of the camp boundary. With his thoughts in disarray Lawford wondered what to do. Both men had clearly broken the rules, if they were caught they would be punished severely. Yet it didn't appear they were running away, deserting. They had carried no packs and had hardly been in a hurry. With a last thought to his own lack of common sense Lawford decided to follow them. He had no problem passing Peters but did detect a look of panic in the man's eyes when he saw his Lieutenant take the same path as Sharpe and Garrard. Once away from the bustle of the camp Lawford became aware of the darkness . He had brought no lamp and was grateful for the full moon without which he would surely have lost his way. The jungle pushed in casting dark shadows on the narrow path that Lawford followed. The sounds of insects broke through the stillness and Lawford began to wonder what other creatures the darkness concealed. The camp that night was not far from a small water hole and most of the men had taken the opportunity to swim and wash that afternoon. Lawford had declined Edward Fitzgerald's invitation to go swimming. Taking off his clothes in public was not something that the shy Lieutenant felt comfortable about. Now, as he neared the edge of the water hole he realised what a beautiful place it was. All was deserted now, only the footprints on the bank showing that it had been disturbed earlier. The moon reflected off the still water making it resemble a large mirror. Lawford stood motionless drinking in the sight until he finally became aware of a sound intruding on the stillness. With his ears guiding him, he followed the sound until he could make out the naked figures of Sharpe and Garrard, entwined together as they lay on the ground. Lawford's hand went to his mouth to stifle his own gasp. He felt a jolt hit his stomach and then sink somewhat lower. Unable to pull his eyes away, he watched in fascination as they touched each other with hands and mouths. He heard their harsh breathing and the small indefinable sounds they made. Their sweat glistened in the moonlight giving there bodies a sheen as they slid together rhythmically. Lawford suddenly became aware of what he was doing. Reluctantly he turned away, disgusted with his own weakness, ashamed that he had intruded on such a moment. He left the water hole and stumbled part of the way back to camp, the vision of Sharpe and Garrard together haunting him. He thought about the way Sharpe had looked at him the night after the attack, the feel of Sharpe's hand on him and he knew that he would do anything to be able to touch Sharpe the way he had seen Garrard touch him, to lie with him as Garrard had. He closed his eyes and groaned aloud as he tried to fight his body's reaction to what he had seen. "Are you all right William? Is there anything I can help you with?" Shocked, Lawford opened his eyes to find Morris starring at him. He held a small lantern that cast ugly shadows onto his face, giving his eyes a hungry look. Putting the lantern down he walked closer to Lawford and said "You know William, you shouldn't wander out here away from the camp all by yourself. Anything could happen and no one would know, no one would see. Not like in camp, eh, where there are always prying eyes." There was something in the Captain's voice that frightened Lawford and he decided retreat would be the safest option. "You're right Charles, it might be safer to go back now." he said and tried to walk passed, but Morris grabbed his arm. "Not so fast, I haven't finished with you. I know what you were doing, who you were watching. You like to watch don't you William, Hakeswill keeps me informed you see. There's not much that goes on that I don't know about." Lawford felt sick to the stomach. Did Morris know that Sharpe and Garrard had slipped out of camp, did he know what they were doing. Shaking his head he replied "Your wrong Charles I just came out for a walk, that's all." but his own guilt made the lie sound hollow. Morris grabbed his other arm then, ignoring Lawford's wince of pain from the still healing sabre wound, and pulled him closer until their bodies were touching, his breath hot on Lawford's face, the smell of stale arrack surrounding them. "Doesn't 'feel' like that's all you were doing. You were watching them weren't you! Swimming were they, naked in the water? I could make things difficult for your little Private Sharpe if I wanted to." he said pushing one hand down between them to grasp Lawford firmly "But maybe you are just pleased to see me after all." Lawford felt his blood turn to ice and his stomach heave. He struggled then and pushed Morris away. "Take your hands off me." he said in a low voice, his breathing fast, disgust clearly evident in his voice.. The sound of movement in the bushes caused both men to turn as Sharpe and Garrard broke through the brush, their hair dripping with water and their clothes slightly damp. They stood staring at the two Officers who stared back at them. "Well, well what have we here, two deserters perhaps?" asked Morris sounding suddenly pleased. "I gave them permission to leave camp Sir" said Lawford quickly, surprised how easily the lie came to him "They were on duty when the other men went for a swim this afternoon and in the interest of cleanliness I thought it a good idea to let them go tonight. We don't know when there will be enough water for bathing again." Lawford watched as Morris weighed up his options before turning to the Infantrymen and saying "All right then, if that's the case, you're both dismissed. Get back to camp on the double." Sharpe looked from Morris to Lawford and felt the tension between the two men. He noted Lawford's flushed face and fast breathing. If he didn't know better he would have guessed that he had interrupted a lovers tryst between the two. But Lawford's fists were clenched at his side and the look in his eyes was far from romantic. "I wouldn't stay out too long Sir," said Sharpe casually "we saw a tiger down by the water, might be safer back in camp." "A tiger!" exclaimed Morris, the note of fear easily recognizable in his voice. "A real big one it was Sir," took up Garrard with a sly glance a Sharpe, "Flashing green eyes it had and it growled. I thought it was going to bite me." Lawford stared at the two infantrymen in amazement. Did they really think that Morris would fall for their little ploy? As Sharpe and Garrard started back up the path, Lawford followed. "Where are you going William we haven't finished our discussion." said Morris angrily. "I'd better warn the sentries Sir, they'll need to know if a tiger is about, wouldn't do for it to get into the camp. I've heard they can eat a man whole." Lawford and Morris locked eyes across the distance. What the Lieutenant had suggested was clearly the correct procedure to follow and Morris backed down in front of the two privates. "Quite right Lieutenant. We'll finish our discussion another time." and picking up his lantern he walked quickly away up the path, leaving the others behind. The two infantrymen were laughing as Lawford caught up to them. "Did you really see a tiger?" Lawford asked, feeling for once a part of their tight circle. "Oh aye Sir, and I think his name was Dick!" said Garrard smiling. The incident with Morris at the water hole served to make Lawford aware of the type of man that his Captain was and how far he would exceed the bounds of decency to gain what he desired. He knew that Morris would bide his time and wait for another opportunity. The Captain's threat to Richard Sharpe lay heavy on Lawford's mind. He had no doubt that Morris had been serious, that he was aware of his attraction to the Private and would be only too willing to use this knowledge. Lawford tried to keep watch over Sharpe while at the same time appearing to ignore him. It was not until just before what promised to be their first battle that Morris played his first card. Hakeswill had tried to switch the flint in Sharpe's rifle for common stone. Luckily Sharpe had noticed the switch and changed it back, but despite his pleas that nothing was amiss with his rifle, Morris was still ready to have him flogged rather than believe him. Lawford stepped in, aware that he was only adding to Morris' err, and demonstrated that the flint was sound. Sharpe was vindicated, but Lawford wondered for how long. The battle was short and bloody and to Lawford it seemed that it was over before it had even started. He had been on Horseback this time and had swung his sword at figures that rushed past him, hardly aware that they were human. Afterwards he was surprised at his lack of feeling. There was no shock , just a curious detachment. He walked away from the dead and dying, leaving the infantry and their women to loot the bodies. Early that evening as he rested in his tent, reading his bible by the warm yellow light of his small lamp, Lawford was surprised to hear Sharpe's voice outside asking if he could speak with him a moment. He smiled wondering if Sharpe had come to thank him for intervening that morning. Sharpe stood to attention in the small tent looking very uncomfortable and out of place. "Sit down Sharpe," he said indicating the small stool beside the table. Lawford sat back on his bunk. "What can I do for you?" "Sir I would like you to ask Captain Morris for permission for me to marry ." said Sharpe quickly. "Marry!" said Lawford in disbelief, wondering suddenly if Sharpe meant to marry Tom Garrard. "Yes Sir, Mary Bickerstaff Sir, she's Sergeant Bickerstaff's widow, her name is already on the books." Lawford considered this carefully. Mary Bickerstaff was the pretty young woman he had seen Sharpe with for the last two months, but why would Sharpe suddenly want to marry her? Lawford felt a vague feeling of disappointment. "This is sudden, is the young lady...is she..with child?" asked Lawford trying to sound tactful while all the time wondering how Tom Garrard would take this latest development. "Nothing like that sir," said Sharpe who then paused as if he were weighing something up in his mind. "It's Sergeant Hakeswill sir, he's made some threats against Mary, wants to sell her to one of them Native brothel keepers. It's not right Sir, she shouldn't be forced to do that if she doesn't want to." said Sharpe passionately. Lawford was horrified, how could such a thing go on in the camp under the very noses of Officers who called themselves Christians and Gentlemen. He looked at Sharpe with a new understanding. Lawford had for some time now suspected that Sharpe's past held some unpleasant moments. He had discovered by reading the company books that Sharpe was an orphan who had enlisted at 16. That knowledge, coupled with what Morris had hinted at and indeed Sharpe's own admissions and actions had caused Lawford to come to the conclusion that at some time in the past Sharpe had traded his body for favours. That he was so willing to help a young woman escape the same fate now made Lawford wonder if perhaps Sharpe had not been given a choice at the time. If Sharpe's plans to marry were all a means of keeping the girl safe, then the least Lawford felt he could do was lend his support. "Of course I'll speak with Captain Morris, he should be in his tent after dinner, I'll meet you there then." "Thank you Sir, I hope I didn't disturb yer " Lawford smiled at Sharpe trying to think of a way to get him to stay a little longer. "No, I was just reading my Bible, I promised my mother I'd do so each evening. Sometimes it's harder than others." he said looking down at the book that he held in his hands. "Tonight I was reading one of my favourite passages" Lawford paused to see if he had Sharpe's interest and when Sharpe gave him a small smile he began to read. "'Oh that you would kiss me with the kisses of your mouth! For your love is better than wine, your anointing oils are fragrant.'" Lawford glanced up to see what effect his words had on Sharpe. The infantryman was staring a the Bible with a frown on his face. "I've not heard that one before sir. The ones I used to hear were all about sinning and repenting and being cast out" said Sharpe vaguely. "Oh there's so much more if you just take the time to find it." said Lawford turning the page "Listen to this, ' Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, jealousy is cruel as the grave. It's flashes are flashes of fire, a most vehement flame.'" Sharpe stared at Lawford with disbelief in his eyes, "Does it really say that sir," he said with a slight grin as if to suggest that Lawford was having a joke with him. Lawford handed the Bible to him and pointed to the passage. "Look for yourself, it's right there." But Sharpe stopped smiling then and handed the Bible back, standing once again so that his presence filled Lawford's small tent. "Wouldn't do me no good sir, I can't read. Am I dismissed?" Lawford nodded, sorry that he had embarrassed Sharpe. "Yes Sharpe, I'll see you after dinner." he hesitated then and added, "If you ever decide you would like to learn to read, I'd be happy to teach you." Sharpe nodded at that, "Thankyou sir, that's what Tom always says too." As Sharpe made his way back to where his friends had gathered for the evening he heard Tom Garrard call out to him and slowed down. "Is it true Dick, what Mary's tellin' everyone, is it true?" Garrard wasn't smiling and the usual banter in his voice was strangely absent. Sharpe looked at his friend and desperately hoped that he could make Tom understand what he was doing. "Yes it's true Tom, Hakeswill's been threatening her again. If we marry, he can't get his hands on her. I've just been to ask Mr Lawford to speak up for me to Captain Morris." "Christ Dick yer a bloody fool. This isn't about just Mary. Don't yer see what yer've done. Half the camp is talking about what Lawford did for yer today. If yer get him to speak up to Morris for yer it's just goin' to make it worse." Sharpe was aware of what was being said about Lawford and himself. Sergeant Hakeswill had accused him of being an Officer's pet shortly after the battle. It was then that Hakeswill had told Sharpe of his plans for Mary and how he would have Sharpe flogged if he tried to stop him. Sharpe had no doubt that Morris was behind Hakeswill's threats. "I know all that Tom, but it's not goin' to make any difference. Lawford will speak up for me and there's nothing Morris can do because I've gone about it the right way. If he says no, then I'm sure Lawford will take my request to Major Shee. He's on my side Tom." Sharpe grinned as he said that desperate to calm Tom's fears. Garrard just looked at him and shook his head, "Have yer thought what it might mean for Lawford though? What it'll mean for us?" Garrard looked deep into Sharpe's green eyes as if searching for something there but Sharpe broke his gaze and looked away. "Lawford will be fine, he's a bloody Officer and his Uncle's someone important. Morris wouldn't dare threaten him. And nothing'll change between us Tom, we're mates! I'll even share Mary with yer sometimes if she don't mind." he said turning back to grin at Garrard so that he could take the last comment as a joke if he so chose. But Garrard wasn't smiling and Sharpe could see that his friend was upset. "You wait and see, everything will be all right. " he said softly. He reached out his hand and touched his friend's shoulder, wishing the camp was not so crowded. Garrard shook his head again and said in a hollow voice, "Are yer sure about that Dick?" When William Lawford entered Captain Morris' tent that night he knew immediately that Sharpe stood no chance of having a fair hearing. His Captain's comment about always being pleased to see him and being ready to go for a stroll left no doubt the Morris was reminding Lawford of the incident at the water hole. When Lawford stated that it was Sharpe who had a request he could almost see the triumph on Morris' face. He withstood Hakeswill's scathing comments and defended Sharpe's request, succeeding at least in obtaining Morris' word to take the petition to Major Shee. But Morris' given word held little value in Lawford's opinion and he left the tent expecting further trouble. He did not have long to wait. Lawford was once more sitting in his tent reading when Morris entered without any introduction. Lawford stood up from his bunk and two sets of blue eyes met, both prepared to do battle. "If you want me to consider Sharpe's offer you will have to do something for me in return." began Morris confidently. "No Sir, the request is fair and there is no reason to reject it. Major Shee would agree to it. I'll take it to him myself if you don't." said Lawford He felt safe in the tent, the thin canvas for once giving a welcome lack of privacy. Morris wouldn't try anything here. Lawford knew he had only to raise his voice slightly and those outside would hear. But Morris just smiled slyly at Lawford and shook his head. "You really don't know what game you are playing, do you William. Sharpe is a trouble maker, he's already upset one lot of my plans and I'm not going to let him spoil any more. One way or another I'll get what I want William and you can either play along with me or find yourself on the loosing end just like Sharpe will very soon. Now what's you answer." Lawford began to wonder if he had underestimated Morris then, unsure of exactly what Morris was talking about. Was this about his own refusal of Morris or was it about Mary Bickerstaff and Sharpe? Maybe all these issues were somehow tied together in Morris' mind like a Chinese knot and Lawford was left holding just one end. "I'll not play your games, Sir. I'm an Officer and expect to be treated as such." Morris laughed out loud at that and replied "I'll make sure that you are, Lieutenant." After Morris left, Lawford couldn't rest. Morris was only a Captain and he knew that his threats against him were harmless. At the worst, Lawford could seek his Uncles intervention. It might seem like a cowardly way out but what Morris was stooping too was far worse. It was Sharpe that Lawford was worried about. He was vulnerable to anything that Morris chose to attempt having no one other than Lawford to look to for protection. With this weighing heavily on his mind, Lawford left his tent and went to warn Sharpe. Sitting in the cosy light of the dying campfire, Sharpe could almost believe what he had told Tom Garrard earlier. He looked across the fire at his friend and smiled but Garrard glanced at Mary Bickerstaff as she sat beside Sharpe and he looked away, something sad showing in his brown eyes. Sharpe listened to the talk around the campfire. Tales were told again and again of the brief encounter that morning. Sharpe smiled to himself, the way the stories were growing you would think that they had defeated the Tippoo's entire forces. "So did yer ask about yer marrying Dick?" asked O'Neill who was also tiring of the boasting. "Did Morris give yer an answer?" Mary Bickerstaff wrapped her small arms around Sharpe and spoke up "We wont have any trouble Seamus, Lawford would do anything for Dick , wouldn't he love." she said turning to Sharpe and smiling. O'Neill nodded, "Yer right there, sure stood up to Hakeswill and Morris this morning for yer. Nothing like having a tame Officer, is there Dick" he said winking at Sharpe. "Certainly helps, it does." Sharpe said not wanting to say too much, aware of how rumors got started. "Tell 'em how he read you that fancy verse from the Bible Dick." said Mary snuggling closer. Sharpe stiffened, suddenly uncomfortable. Earlier he had tried to recite to her the pretty lines that Lawford had read in the hope that it would make her happy. But she had questioned him about where he had heard them and in the end he had told her. Sharpe thought Mary would keep it to herself and was disappointed that she had chosen to tell the others. "Bloody Hell Dick, not more of that stuff about those buggers Johnny and Saul." shouted Blake from across the fire and soon everyone was laughing and wanting to know what Lawford had said. Sharpe looked at the eager faces before him for a few moments aware that they would draw their own conclusions if he refused to tell. Finally he let a huge grin cover his face. "Well it was like this" he began in a cheeky voice "we were sitting in his tent and he started reading this stuff about kissing and lips like wine." Sharpe winked and lowered his voice a little "Said something about using fragrant oil too!" The infantry men whooped with laughter and O'Neill asked "Were yer sitting on his bunk, Dick?" Sharpe laughed along with the rest of them. "No but he was. Kept smiling at me too. I got out of there real fast I can tell you!" It was Tom Garrard who finally noticed the pale figure standing just outside the campfires warm glow. Garrard called to Sharpe, but when they looked back, William Lawford had vanished like a silent ghost into the darkness. It was barely light when William Lawford received a visit from the highly agitated Tom Garrard the next morning. "They've done it Sir, they've got Dick. Yer've got to do something." Lawford blinked trying to follow what Garrard was saying. "Who have him private, what's happened." Lawford waited for Garrard to reply, a sinking feeling in his stomach, afraid that he already knew the answer. "Hakeswill and Capn' Morris, they set him up last night. The bastards said he hit Hakeswill and broke his bloody nose. He's under guard and none of us can get near him. It's a floggin' offense yer know Sir. That's what they want. Morris has been after him ever since..." Garrard went silent suddenly afraid he had said to much. He bowed his head and continued. "I just thought that yer might be able to do something for him Sir. You know Dick's a good soldier, he wouldn't hit Hakeswill without damn good reason." Garrard looked up again into Lawford's blue eyes again and said in a quiet voice, "What yer heard last night, it weren't Dick's fault, twas bloody Mary's fault. Dick was trying to impress her with fancy words but she knew Dick would never dream them up himself. She kept at him till he told her where he heard 'em. He never thought she'd tell the lads. He's always a fool when it comes to bloody women!" Lawford felt cold all over. This was all his fault. If he had warned Sharpe last night this might have been avoided. Last night he had been angered by what he had overheard, however by the time he had returned to his tent he had convinced himself that Sharpe's response was probably for the benefit of his friends and not his true feelings. Sharpe could have mentioned Lawford's other indiscretion at any time but hadn't. He had kept his silence on that occasion but probably had no choice this time. It hurt, but Lawford could understand Sharpe's motives. Now Tom's explanation made it clear. Lawford thought quickly, "I'll go to see him, they'll let me talk to him, and I'll find out what happened." He hesitated then conscious of Garrard's hopeful gaze, not wanting to shatter the man's obvious trust in his ability to set things right. "I'll try talking to Captain Morris too, see if we can sort this whole thing out." Lawford doubted this last was possible without some sort of sacrifice on his part, but he would try, he was a man of his word after all. "Thank you Sir, I knew you'd help." Lawford nodded to Garrard and dismissed him. He sat back down and put his head in his hands. It was a very disheartened Richard Sharpe that Lawford found that morning amid the hustle and bustle of breaking camp for the days march, the column not prepared to stop for the court martial of one lowly private. Sharpe was chained hand and foot to a wagon, two privates standing guard. He looked up as Lawford approached, but his face fell again and he looked down at his boots. "How are you Sharpe, can you tell me what happened?" asked Lawford glancing in the direction of the two privates and frowning. They moved away, but not far enough so that they would be unable to hear the conversation. "I was set up. I hit Hakeswill and Morris has got me!" Sharpe said it so simply that Lawford wondered if he had any chance of rescuing the private. "Well did you have cause to hit him? Was he threatening you?" Sharpe snorted, "Not me, he was threatening Mary! " Sharpe dropped his voice to a whisper "Said some dirty things about you and me too. That's when I hit him." Lawford stared, then blushed bright red. "I see." he replied, wondering deep down what the 'dirty things' were. "I'll speak to Sergeant Hakeswill and Captain Morris and see if I can get this whole mess sorted out. I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement." Sharpe gave a laugh that sounded more like a cough. "I'm not interested in any of Captain Morris' 'arrangements' and if I were you Sir, I'd be very careful of them too!" "I'll keep that in mind Private." he said and turned to go. The column was ready to march by the time he found Morris. Lawford had no option but to speak with his Captain as they rode along. Morris laughed in Lawford's face when asked to drop the charges. "It's a fair charge William, strictly by the book, there's no reason to withdraw it. Major Shee would agree." Morris mimicked, then, leaning closer said in a rough voice "But I'm prepared to talk about it in my tent tonight if you're willing." Lawford turned and rode away without answering. In desperation Lawford decided to take the only course of action left and went in search of his Uncle. It wasn't until the army had made camp that afternoon that Lawford was able to ascertain that his Uncle was no longer with the column but off on a special assignment. His last slim hope was that his Uncle would return sometime before the morning, for tomorrow the column would rest while waiting for the herd of cattle to catch up. Ample time for Sharpe's court martial and punishment. There was one final thing that Lawford could do that night. Slipping his Bible into his pocket he went to see Richard Sharpe. He found Sharpe in a small tent that was serving as a guard house. The four privates standing guard were from another regiment but when Lawford explained he had come to pray with Private Sharpe they let him pass. Sharpe looked up hopefully when Lawford entered and it hurt to have to tell Sharpe that he hadn't been able to get the charges dropped. "But I'll speak up for you tomorrow. I'll tell them that there are mitigating circumstances. Major Shee will have to listen." Lawford said but Sharpe looked away and simply said "Yes Sir" The look of disappointment and fear in Sharpe's eyes was almost more than Lawford could bear and for one brief moment he considered going to Morris again and accepting his offer. But he doubted even that would do any good. Sharpe had struck Hakeswill and he was guilty and Morris wasn't going to give up on the opportunity to put Sharpe in his place once and for all. "I told the sentries that I came to pray with you" said Lawford taking out his Bible, " Would you like me to read something?" he asked gently. Sharpe gave him a wry smile and said "If yer like Sir" then went back to staring at the floor. "You are the fairest of the Sons of men; grace is poured upon your lips; therefore God has blessed you for ever. Gird your sword upon your thigh, O mighty one, in your glory and majesty! In your majesty ride forth victoriously for the cause of truth and to defend the right; let your right hand teach you dread deeds! Your arrows are sharp in the heart of the King's enemies; the peoples fall under you." Lawford stopped then and noticed that Sharpe was watching him closely. He looked down at the page and then up at Lawford again. "I like the part about the sword Sir. I wish I had a sword." "I'm sure you will one day Richard." said Lawford softly. Sharpe smiled back at him. "You're a good man Sir, thank you for all you've done, it's probably more than I deserve." Lawford looked into Sharpe's sad eyes then and wanted to tell him that he would do almost anything for him. Instead he simply said "You're a good soldier Sharpe, I'll make sure I tell what's behind all of this. Don't you worry." William Lawford stayed awake long into the night vainly hoping that his Uncle would return but in the event that he didn't he thought it best to be prepared to give a truthful account of what had happened. He thought over and over what he would say and what words he would use until he finally fell into a fitful sleep. He was still dressing in the morning, taking extra trouble with his uniform and hair when a summons came for him to attend General Harris straight away. "But I can't " he shouted at the young Ensign who stood waiting to escort him "I'm to give evidence at a court martial. The man's life may depend on me." "General Harris' orders Sir" said the startled Ensign and Lawford had no alternative than to comply. He was trembling by the time he reached General Harris' tent and had made up his mind to tell the General about Sharpe's arrest and court martial at the first opportunity and ask to be excused while he gave evidence. But upon hearing of the reason for his summons, Lawford saw an even better solution to his problems. When the details of the mission to rescue General McCandless were explained to him, William Lawford immediately put forward his suggestion to take an enlisted man along to assist with the deception. The assembled officers seemed to think this was a sound idea, until they heard that the private in question was about to be flogged. Lawford's hopes flagged. Throwing all caution and care for his reputation to the wind Lawford insisted that the only man he would take with him was private Richard Sharpe. He stood in front of Major General Baird, General Harris and his own Colonel Wellesley and argued for Sharpe's inclusion in the mission. Lawford no longer cared what the others thought was behind his obstinacy. He was painfully aware that the time left in which he could save Sharpe was running out. When Sharpe was finally brought before them it took all of Lawford's will power to stand still and do nothing. Sharpe was obviously in server pain. He moved stiffly and there was still blood splattering his hair as he stood to attention and answered the Officers questions. Not once did Sharpe look at his Lieutenant, and Lawford felt the sting of that rebuff. He had failed Sharpe, failed to do what he said he would, and Sharpe had paid the price. As they left the tent together after General Harris' dismissal Lawford asked "Is it bad?" "Of course it's bloody bad! Why didn't yer speak up for me like yer said yer would?" Lawford halted, causing Sharpe to stop also and face his Lieutenant with smoldering eyes. "I'm sorry Richard, I was summoned to the General's tent. I didn't know what to do. I practically had to beg him to let me take you with me on this mission. I did everything I could given the circumstances." replied Lawford apologetically. He wished they were alone somewhere so that he could take off Sharpe's shirt and bandages and see that the wounds were properly cleaned and tended. The surgeons often did a less than professional job when it came to the enlisted men. "Well yer didn't do enough. Now just tell me all the bloody details so I can go and sit down somewhere, Sir." the last was said more as a sneer than a courtesy leaving Lawford now other option but to fill Sharpe in on the remaining details and then dismiss him. The atmosphere between them that evening was strained as two men set off towards Seringapatam. When Sharpe made them wait , Lawford suspected it was for Tom Garrard to appear, thinking Sharpe must have told him of the plan and asked him along. Probably a good idea, Lawford decided, he had come to respect Tom Garrard as an able soldier who fought well and could be trusted and wondered if Garrard also shared Sharpe's feelings of betrayal. Lawford was therefore surprised and somewhat annoyed when Mary Bickerstaff joined them. When Sharpe made his explanations, Lawford understood a little more but he didn't have to like it. He resented the way she cosseted Sharpe, cared for him. Lawford had been hoping that he could do this for Sharpe as a way to make up for his previous failures. He saw it as a way he could regain Sharpe's trust and show him that he did care. But Mary was not with them for long and Lawford was grateful when the Tippoo sent her off with one of his generals and he and Sharpe were assigned to Colonel Guddin's troop. Safely at rest in the barracks, Lawford was at last able to take care of Sharpe as he had wanted to since he had first seen him in General Harris' tent after the flogging. The Indian doctor had given Sharpe a salve to rub on the lacerations daily, and Lawford volunteered to help with this, secretly pleased at the look of surprise on Sharpe face. "Yer sure yer want to do that." asked Sharpe as he took off his shirt and sat on his bunk in the barracks. "It's a bloody mess, yer'll get yer hands all bloody." "I'm only too pleased to help with it. I feel responsible." Sharpe's back looked painful and Lawford was afraid that he would only add to the discomfit as he gently began rubbing in the strong smelling salve. "Yer got real gentle hands Bill." said Sharpe though Lawford detected a slight tremor in his voice. "Just tell me if I hurt you Dick." he replied smiling to himself at the unfamiliar name which they used for the benefit of the other men who were present in the barracks. Lawford let his fingertips stray to Sharpe's side where the flesh was unmarked and felt the smoothness there. He leaned closer and spoke into Sharpe's ear "I'm sorry I couldn't stop the flogging. It wasn't for the want of trying, I really did the best I could." "I know yer did Bill" said Sharpe softly "I was just real angry and sore when I said those things. I'm sorry. You'd better put the bandage on now if yer finished." and Lawford hastily pulled his fingers away, suddenly aware they had strayed too far. As he wrapped the clean bandages around Sharpe's body he wished for a moment that they were alone together and that he could run his fingers over Sharpe's chest instead of the gauze wrapping. Looking up he caught Sharpe smiling at him and thought he saw a fleeting trace of something in his eyes. But then Sharpe looked away and said "They're watching us Bill." and Lawford turned back to his job and tried to think about their mission. Lawford was amazed at the easy way in which Sharpe carried off their deception. He played his new role like a seasoned performer, never slipping with his lines or forgetting his movements. For Lawford it was nothing short of a battle. He had constantly to remind himself to call Sharpe, Dick, and couldn't get used to answering to Bill. Originally Sharpe had suggested Willie, but Lawford hated that diminutive as it was what his family used and it made him feel like a small boy again. Sharpe had said William was out because it was too 'proper', no Bill it was and Lawford tried hard to get used to a name that he had never been called in his life. It was on their fourth day in the Tippoo's fortress that Lawford's greatest test came. Colonel Guddin called both men to the parapet and ordered them to shoot at a pair of English scouts. Lawford was horrified. What the Colonel was asking was the murder of a fellow countryman, possibly a fellow Officer with whom he may have shared a drink in the mess. Yet Lawford knew that if he hesitated now his deception would be unmasked. Lawford was a good shot. He was accurate and precise. He may not be fast, but he knew that he would have no trouble hitting the target that Guddin gave him. It was, however, far easier to aim to hit a target than it was to aim to miss a target but make it look close. On Sharpe's signal the two men fired and Lawford felt regret flow through him. He had killed a man in cold blood. It was Sharpe who led them away from the parapet and into a bar close to their Barracks. Lawford felt dazed and was aware that he was shaking. Shock again, his mind told him, but it did nothing to stem the great sadness that threatened to swallow his sanity. When Sharpe placed a drink in front of him, Lawford swallowed it in one go, uncaringly. The strong arrack hit his stomach and he looked around for more. Sharpe was only too happy to share half of his. So they drank some more and Lawford told Sharpe of his regret at killing the British soldier but Sharpe said it was for the best for now they would be accepted as genuine deserters and wouldn't be watched so closely. Sharpe could sense the sadness and regret in Lawford and so thinking to take his mind off the killing he suggested they find a bibbi for the night. Lawford couldn't keep the shock and disappointment from his voice when he declined. He had hoped they could spend the evening talking. He enjoyed the way he and Sharpe were getting to know each other and felt that they were somehow drawing closer together. But Sharpe had made up his mind and Lawford realised that he couldn't bare the thought of going back to the barracks alone. "Maybe I will come with you." he said shyly, suddenly aware that he would follow Richard Sharpe to the ends of the earth just to spend a little time with him. The brothel that Sharpe led them to was a small house on a quiet street. Lawford had confessed shyly to Sharpe just before they went in that he had never done this before, and Sharpe had wondered if his Lieutenant was referring to their visit to the brothel or something more. Bloody hell, thought Sharpe, hoping he wouldn't have to give Lawford instructions. Tom Garrard would laugh his arse off if he ever found out. "Don't worry about it Sir," he said, his surprise causing him to momentarily forget their ruse. "The girls all know what to do and if yer not sure then watch what I'm doing....I'll see if they'll let us share a room....would yer like that?" he said and watched as Lawford turned a bright shade of red and, unable to speak, simply nodded. With an answering smile Sharpe entered the brothel. Lawford let Sharpe do the negotiating and looked around. There were richly coloured curtains and rugs decorating the room. Oil lamps gave off subdued light and a heavy smell of incense hung in the air making the room seem exotic. Cushions were spread everywhere around the floor and it was on these that he saw the girls reclining dressed in gauzy saris. He had never been inside a brothel before but knew they were places where men went 'to be with women' He had a notion of what that meant but had no experience with women himself. He had been brought up in a strict household where the consequences of sin were expounded every evening after dinner as his father read from the family bible. He knew the names of every type of sin of the flesh imaginable from those bible readings, but when he had asked his father what exactly they entailed, he had been given a lecture on the value of innocence that left him more confused than ever. So he had turned to the bible itself in the hope of finding the answers, but still he was left wondering. As he grew older he heard his friends talk of their experiences with women and had even been offered 'a tumble' by one of his family's maids. Lawford was strangely unmoved by these experiences and discovered that he had little interest in women. "All set Sir, they'll even give us a bath first." said Sharpe grinning as two dark skinned Indian girls led them away to another room where a small tiled pool was built into the floor. The two girls helped undress Sharpe and the reluctant Lawford and then led them to the pool. Lawford kept his eyes lowered, afraid he would be unable to control his body's reaction to the sight of Richard Sharpe. He sank gratefully into the cool water and only then dared to look across at Sharpe who was looking back with a curious grin on his face. "It'll be all right , yer know, yer'll like it." Sharpe said smiling and Lawford watched as he ducked his head into the pool and brought it up again, causing the water to run down the straggly ends of his hair and over his smooth chest. One of the first things Sharpe had done when they had been billeted in the barracks was to release his hair from it's cue and wash out the remaining flour and blood. Lawford had discovered that Sharpe's hair was blonde, but a different blonde to his own. Where Lawford's hair was pale like moonlight, Sharpe's hair was as bright and warm as the sun. The two girls came back then bringing with them fragrant oils that they used to massage both men's shoulders and chests, their hands darting lower and lower. Without realising it Lawford found his body responding to the girls touch and the sight of Richard Sharpe naked before him. Both men were aroused by the time the girls had finished their washing , dressed them in robes and took them upstairs to a small room. Lawford had been expecting to find a bed, but there were only soft cushions covering the floor and one single lamp which gave the room an intimate atmosphere. He saw Sharpe whisper something to the taller one of the girls and nod in his direction and Lawford wondered if Sharpe was telling the girl of his inexperience. The girl smiled and nodded back and walked towards him whilst Sharpe and his girl went off to one side and lost no time in laying down together and disrobing. The tall girl knelt down drawing Lawford with her and undid his robe and eased him backwards. As he lay on his back he looked at her for the first time. She was dark skinned and dark haired, tall but fine boned, with no strength about her. Jewels decorated her ears and even her nose but it was her eyes that held Lawford's attention. They were so dark that he could see no trace of her soul within them and he thought for a moment that perhaps she was one of the fallen angels who had been cast out from heaven with Satan. As he lay there, she removed the gauzy veils she wore and straddled Lawford's body. He closed his eyes trying to distance himself from what her hands were doing to him. Turning his head aside he opened his eyes slightly to steal another look at Richard Sharpe, but what he saw held him enthralled. Sharpe looked like a Greek god come down to earth to ravish a maiden. He held the girl beneath him tightly by the hips and thrust into her body with powerful stokes. Suddenly Lawford felt his own hardness encased in warm smoothness and he gasped loudly, his senses suddenly alive with new sensations. The girl above him began a slow rocking motion, her hands idly caressing his chest but Lawford kept his eyes on Sharpe and watched the flow of his muscles as he moved faster, his body slick with sweat, his voice softly groaning. Without looking at her, Lawford took hold of the thighs of the girl above him and began to move with her in an attempt to increase the tempo of their coupling and fall into rhythm with Richard Sharpe. As he moved, Lawford felt himself slowly drawn into a mystery as old as life itself. His body responded to the native girl on a purely physical level but it was watching Richard Sharpe that set his mind on fire. He watched as Sharpe suddenly shuddered and threw back his head with a loud gasp and Lawford felt his own body answer Sharpe's release. A hot flame rushed through him leaving him lightheaded. He closed his eyes and whispered "Richard." When the native girl moved away Lawford rested, allowing his heart to slow its thumping and his breathing to steady. He felt tired and would have happily gone to sleep, but a soft touch ruffled his hair and he looked up, startled, to find Richard Sharpe kneeling beside him stoking his hair. "Don't go to sleep yet," he said in a soft voice as he withdrew his hand "I paid em for two goes each. Did yer like it?" "Oh yes." Lawford finally managed to say smiling back at him, noting the unconscious way Sharpe knelt there naked, his face still flushed, his skin wet with sweat, unaware of the effect that his nearness had on Lawford. "Looks like yer ready for some more." said Sharpe glancing down with a smile and casually brushed Lawford's hip with his hand causing the Lieutenant to gasp. Lawford blushed again, embarrassed that he couldn't control his body when Sharpe was so near. He wanted to reach out and touch Sharpe, to feel his strength with his hands, to taste the sweat on his skin. Sharpe looked over to where the two girls were giggling and then bent down closer to Lawford. For one brief moment Lawford thought that Sharpe might kiss him, that perhaps he would suggest something that didn't include the two women. But Sharpe bent close to Lawford's ear and whispered "Try it on top this time. Yer'll like it better that way." Then he turned and called the girls over and Lawford watched as Sharpe moved around behind him and lay his girl down again so that the two men were head to head. This time Lawford did as Sharpe suggested and found that he had more control over the encounter. The girl smiled up at him but Lawford looked away and closed his eyes as he entered her, preferring once again his fantasies to reality. He discovered that if he raised himself and looked ahead, he could look directly at Sharpe. He watched the rise and fall of Sharpe's back and buttocks until Sharpe looked up too, his green eyes glazed with passion and Lawford was trapped. Both men locked gazes, suddenly sensing the passion in each other. They let their movements fall in to line, their harsh breathing keeping time. They became conscious of a heat building between them, filling the small space that separated them. They smelt each others sweat and musk, each becoming totally absorbed in the other and oblivious to the women beneath them. Lawford felt as if Sharpe was looking directly into his heart and soul. He wanted to speak but couldn't. He felt like a deer, trapped in a tigers gaze, unable to look away, unable to escape. Then Sharpe raised his hand and stretched it across the small distance that separated them to gently touch Lawford's lips with his fingers and Lawford felt the world crackle and burn and fall away beneath him. Afterwards neither man spoke of what had happened. As they dressed, Sharpe laughed about shooting more English scouts so that they could come back another time. Lawford said nothing, his thoughts in a turmoil, as he tried to sort out his feelings for Richard Sharpe. It was more than lust, more than desire, more than friendship. William Lawford suddenly realised that he loved Richard Sharpe and knew he must find a way to tell him. But not here, not in a brothel. No he would wait for the right moment when they were alone together. Lawford's Decision Part 11 In the days that followed, Lawford allowed himself to dream that he and Sharpe would stay in the Tippoo's fortress, a part of Colonel Guddin's company, and he could keep Richard Sharpe all to himself. Perhaps the British would fail in their attempt to take the fortress, and he and Sharpe could stay there together. Sharpe would forget about Mary Bickerstaff and Tom Garrard because he would have William Lawford to love him. Lawford knew these thoughts were wrong, he had a mission to complete here, and should be trying to find a way to escape and warn General Harris of the Tippoo's defenses, but with each new day that dawned , Lawford hoped that today would be the day he would find a way to tell Sharpe of his feelings. Lawford hesitated too long and their deception was discovered. Both men were thrown into the Tippoo's prison ending all hope of escape and dashing Lawford's dreams. The only blessing in what was surely hell, was that he and Sharpe were still together and Lawford clung to one small hope that together they could find a way to escape. They were thrown into a cell with Lawford's Uncle, General McCandless who despite being impressed by Sharpe's bravery couldn't help but frown as his nephew inspected Sharpe's reopened wounds. Once more William Lawford felt responsible for Richard Sharpe's injuries. It was his fault that Sharpe had been beaten and was once again suffering from a lacerated back as well as a cracked rib. I should have told them everything straight away, he chided himself, I should have said I was acting alone when Colonel Guddin asked me, I should have never made the mistake of answering to 'Lieutenant'. "Don't blame yerself Sir. It weren't yer fault." said Sharpe softly looking up at Lawford from where he lay on his side in the straw. Lawford realised that he had been sitting there staring at Sharpe's back as it trickled blood. "Oh Richard, I'm so sorry," he said softly hoping his Uncle couldn't hear and took off his own jacket and shirt which he used to blot up the blood. General McCandless disapproved of his nephews association with the enlisted man. There was far too much familiarity in they way they spoke, the way they touched, the way they looked at each other. He watched his nephew as he fused over Sharpe and saw trouble ahead. He was of the opinion that idleness led to sin and saw the time they would spend together in the cell leading them further into temptation. In a desperate attempt to keep the two younger men occupied the General suggested Lawford teach Sharpe to read. Not only would it keep them busy but it would also accentuate the great gulf between them. Lawford still had in his pocket a page that he had torn from his mother's bible with words he had carefully underlined in the hope of getting a message to general Harris.. 'Fallen, Fallen is Babylon; Fire and Brimstone, every living thing died, true and just are thy judgments prepare the way for the kings from the east.' He knew that his plan had little chance of success, but he had underlined the words on the page which he hoped General Harris would decipher to read that there was a mine to the west, the direction of Babylon, and that it was from the east that they should attack. He had prepared the page and carried it with him, but had never had a chance to get the message to Ravi Shekhar. When his Uncle saw what Lawford had done he was impressed with the idea and encouraged Lawford to use the page to teach Sharpe to read. If the General had know how pleased his nephew was by this, he might have changed his mind. So Lawford resigned himself to looking after Richard Sharpe and teaching him to read. He was content to sit beside him each day, to brush his hand or look into his eyes. Sharpe's mere present leant hope to Lawford that they would be rescued and that he would finally be able to tell Sharpe of his feelings. However as the days passed, Lawford's hope dwindled. He soon tired of the incessant mad chattering of Sergeant Hakeswill, who was a prisoner in another cell. The pacing of the tiger just outside the bars kept him awake and during the day he started to notice the disapproving looks that his Uncle was giving him as he sat with Sharpe, writing in the dirt. It was late one night when Lawford rose to get water for his Uncle, that the General finally spoke his mind. "You need to be careful, Willie, temptation is always waiting to catch us when we are at our weakest." "What do you mean Uncle?" asked Lawford trying to keep his voice low so as not to wake the others. "I've been in this army more than thirty years, Willie, I know what kind of abominations go on in the ranks, what kind of appetites the men develop. You've led a sheltered life, you have no idea of what some of these men are willing to do to get ahead." Lawford was glad that the darkness hid his blush. "Sharpe's a good soldier Sir, I trust him with my life. He'd never do anything......." Lawford trailed off, not quite knowing what he wanted to say. "I'm not blind boy, I've seen the way you look at him. I know what it's like to be lonely with only men for company, but you must resist those temptations Willie. Read the bible and pray! That will give you strength!" Lawford saw that it was useless to argue with his Uncle, "Yes sir." he replied and went back to his sleeping spot, making sure he wasn't too close to Sharpe. It was later that night that Sharpe himself woke Lawford gently. "What's wrong?" said Lawford with a start but Sharpe shook his head and put his finger to his lips to single quiet. Lawford looked across at his Uncle to find him sleeping and for once Hakeswill was silent also, apparently asleep. Lawford looked back at Sharpe trying to make out his features in the darkness. "I heard what yer Uncle said before," began Sharpe in a low voice, "Thought it might be best if yer didn't spend so much time with me now, don't want to upset him. Lawford smiled trying to make light of it all. "That's a bit hard considering we are all in the same cell." But Sharpe didn't laugh and Lawford continued, "I'm sorry Richard, he doesn't understand." Lawford hesitated. He had hoped for a setting far nicer than this, but perhaps this would be the only chance he had to tell Richard Sharpe of his feelings before they both died. He reached out his hand and placed it against Sharpe's cheek. "Richard, I want to.." "Willie! I need some water. Would you get it for me please." came the voice of General McCandless and Lawford dropped his hand quickly hoping it was too dark for his Uncle to see. With one last look at Sharpe, Lawford crawled across the cell to his Uncle. It was only a few days later that their chance of escape came just before the British attack. Lawford watched as Sharpe killed the tiger and then three of the Tippoo's Jetti's. He helped Sharpe blow up the western mine before the attack and finally he waited uneasily for Sharpe to return from God knew what! He even lied to his Uncle and General Baird and told them that Sharpe had been with him the entire time. When Lawford finally did see Sharpe, it was amid celebrations in the streets that evening. He walked up to him and clapped him on the shoulder. "My Uncle has said you'll be a Sergeant by tomorrow!" said Lawford happily, he couldn't help smiling at their sudden change of fortune. They were safe and free and Sharpe was a Sergeant and they had the whole night ahead of them. "Thankyou sir,! Can't wait to tell Tom the good news. He'll be green with jealousy, he will. I'm trying to find him now. Hope he made it through the battle all right!" This last was said with the faintest touch of worry and Lawford suddenly felt his hopes fade. Of course Sharpe would want to find his friend, Lawford told himself. Garrard would be worried about Sharpe too, having no idea of what he had been really doing for the last six weeks. "You two are good friends , aren't you." said Lawford gently. "Tom's me best mate. We watch out for each other. I'd do anything for him." said Sharpe and Lawford could detect real feeling in Sharpe's voice. "Well we'd better go and find him Sergeant. I'll help you look." Lawford said and was rewarded by Sharpe's smile. It was much later that night that General McCandless sought out his nephew in the newly designated officers mess in what had been the Tippoo's Palace. Lawford was sitting alone, a single glass of rum before him. He had heard of Fitzgerald's death and was having a drink to his memory. Edward Fitzgerald was the closest William Lawford had come to having a friend in his short time in India, well a friend amongst the Officers, Lawford told himself as he took a sip of rum and grimaced. He looked up as his Uncle approached and sat down beside him. "I thought you'd like to know where Sharpe will be stationed." his Uncle began but Lawford interrupted far too quickly, his voice raised slightly "What do you mean 'where', he'll be here, in the Light Company!" "I've been speaking to Colonel Wellesley and we both think that the best thing for Sharpe would be to assign him to the Armoury under Major Skokes . There may be men in the Light Company who will hold a grudge against Sharpe for what he did while he was with that Frenchman Guddin. Friends of the men who died in that raid might be looking for a chance at revenge. It's for the best all round." McCandless gave Lawford a piercing look, daring him to say otherwise, but Lawford had to concede that his Uncle was right. There was another advantage Lawford saw as well. Sharpe would no longer be in danger from Captain Morris. He would be outside his sphere of influence and Lawford hoped that this would end Morris' vendetta. "Yes, Uncle you're right of course, it is the best solution." McCandless smiled, "It's for the best Willie, you don't want to have your name linked with one of the enlisted men. It would do your career no good. Did you know that Colonel Wellesley is considering you for a Captaincy? You're one of several Lieutenants he's considering so keep you're self out of trouble. Wellesley thinks highly of you, he told me himself." Lawford tried to smile, but the chance of promotion was no consolation to loosing Richard Sharpe. As he lay in his bed that night in his new billet, Lawford thought over what these changes would mean. While the 33rd was still stationed in Seringapatam he could still see Sharpe from time to time, but Lawford had heard in the mess that evening that Wellesley was concerned about the brigands that held the territory to the north of Mysore. Many Officers had been speculating on how quickly the colonel would dispatch troops to bring peace to this region. Lawford decided that he would wait no longer. He would tell Sharpe how he felt tomorrow night and he set about making plans. It was not until Lawford heard about the plans for the Tippoo's funeral the following morning, that he thought of something that would make Richard Sharpe take another look at his Lieutenant. The skin of the tiger that Sharpe had shot was draped over the coffin and it was this trophy that Lawford decided he wanted. When the funeral procession started Lawford was ready. Earlier he had chosen a fast but steady mount from the stables. A horse so plain that none would remember it. Lawford dressed himself in plain clothes and hid his fair hair and face under a hood with slits cut for the eyes. He already knew the streets of Seringapatam and so it wasn't hard to work out the best escape route. Lawford was surprised at how easy it all was. He rode up, snatched the tiger skin and rode away, leaving a stunned crowed of onlookers, and one rather envious Richard Sharpe. No one followed as no one was mounted and Lawford slipped out of the city and into the quiet jungle beside the river. He found a suitable hiding spot and was back in the Officers barracks before a search party had been raised. Lawford found Sharpe that afternoon in the barracks and told him that his Uncle had given them both a nights leave as his personal thanks for what they did in the prison cell. He briefly wondered just when he had become so good at lying but brushed that thought away. Sharpe seemed pleased and agreed to meet Lawford at dusk. William Lawford went back to his room and waited for darkness. Lawford's Decision Part12 The last rays of the sun set the heavily clouded sky on fire that evening as Lawford went to meet Sharpe. He carried two bottles of rum with him sure that he would need a little extra courage that night if he was to carry out his plan. Besides Sharpe would appreciate the rum. The local arrack was a truly rough drink and Lawford was sure that Sharpe would be grateful for the fine quality rum. Sharpe was expecting another visit to the brothel and seemed slightly disappointed when Lawford said he had something else in mind, but he happily followed Lawford out of the fortress, across the causeway and into the jungle. It had rained most of the day and the path was damp. The jungle was alive with chirping and croaking and the steady drip of water from the foliage. Sharpe was genuinely surprised when Lawford led him to a small clearing by a bend in the river and brought the tiger skin out from it's hiding place. "That was you sir! Bloody hell, yer full of surprises!" "It's yours Richard, you killed the beast and it's only right you should have the trophy." Sharpe smiled at him shyly then and Lawford thought he could detect a faint blush to his cheeks as he looked away and said "Thank you Sir, real nice of yer to do that for me." The tiger skin was uncured and still dabbed with blood but Lawford spread it out on the ground and sat down and opened the rum. Sharpe joined him and soon both men pulled of their boots, jackets and stocks and began to relax. The rum loosened their tongues and talk flowed easy between them much as it had during the last six weeks. Sharpe told Lawford several humorous stories that Tom Garrard had related to him which set both of them laughing. But suddenly Sharpe turned serious. "Tom told me about Mr Fitzgerald. Some of the lads think that Hakeswill had something to do with it." Lawford stared in disbelief "What! Surely not. Do they have any proof?" Shaking his head Sharpe replied. "No the bastard's too cunning for that. I'm glad I'm away from him and Morris. I think I'll like the Armoury. Thank you for that Sir." "It wasn't me Richard, but I'm glad you are pleased. I'll still be able to keep up your reading and writing lessons until the 33rd is posted somewhere else. You'll find it useful as a Sergeant." Lawford's voice hesitated a little and he asked "Have you seen Mrs. Bickerstaff since the battle? " Sharpe just shrugged his shoulders. "No, I'm not really worried about what she's doing. She seemed happy with the Hindu fellow she took up with. It wasn't much we had, just give and take. She just needed a bit of protection, that's all." and Sharpe dismissed Mary Bickerstaff from his life with another shrug of his shoulders. Lawford leaned a little closer to Sharpe and lightly touched his back through the rough cotton shirt. "How is your back now, is it still painful?" He felt Sharpe shiver under his touch and wondered if he had hurt him, but Sharpe said "It feels nice when yer do that, real soft. My backs fine now, but it's a mess of scars." Lawford let his fingers gently caress Sharpe's back and then leaned across and kissed him lightly on the lips. He felt Sharpe stiffen, then pull back and Lawford was suddenly confused and afraid that he had done made a mistake. "I'm sorry Richard, did I do the wrong thing? I thought that we were friends. Isn't this what friends do. Isn't this what you and Tom do?" Sharpe gave him a small smile then and nodded "Aye, yer just surprised me, that's all. Tom and I don't do a lot of kissing, but that's all right. I like kissing." and Sharpe reached out and caught Lawford in his strong arms and kissed him hard until the Lieutenant thought he would faint. Sharpe maneuvered them backwards until they were laying on the tiger skin and then slowly started to unbutton Lawford's silk shirt. The touch of Sharpe's warm fingers on his chest caused Lawford to gasp and Sharpe took that opportunity to deepen their kiss and delve into the recesses of Lawford's mouth. Suddenly Lawford could lie still no longer and he let his hands hurriedly explore Sharpe's body as he had wanted to do for so long. He fumbled with the buttons of Sharpe's shirt, tearing one in his haste and Sharpe pulled away from kissing him for a moment to laugh and call him a tiger which made Lawford blush until Sharpe kissed him again. Soon both men where hot and covered in sweat, the Indian humidity only partially to blame. Sharpe began kissing his way down Lawford's neck and chest, nipping here and there and growling softly and it was Lawford's turn to laugh and he ran his hands through Sharpe's hair, twining it in his fingers reveling in the way it tickled his skin. Sharpe's hands were on the buttons of Lawford's trousers and Lawford watched as he undid them one by one. Then Sharpe raised his head and looked into Lawford's eyes as he slid his hand inside and caressed his erection. The feel of Sharpe's hand on him, the intensity of his green eyes was all of Lawford's fantasies come true and he closed his eyes and gasped "Oh Richard!" as his body surged with pleasure. As he tried to catch his breath Lawford whispered "Sorry Richard." but Sharpe laughed a little and said "Yer been thinking about that for a while eh? Don't worry, we got plenty of time for more." and started kissing him on the ear and neck again and running his hands over Lawford's bare skin and rubbing against him. In no time Lawford found himself responding again and once more both men were swept along in a wave of passion. Sharpe saw to the removal of the rest of their clothing and finally they lay naked, their slick bodies wrapped around each other, unable to touch each other enough, seeking something more. "What do yer want now?" asked Sharpe, his voice low with passion and Lawford gathered his thoughts enough to reply, "What you and Tom were doing that night at the water hole." but Sharpe hesitated and so Lawford turned on his side with his back to Sharpe mimicking what he had seen and said "Like this." and Sharpe nuzzled his neck and murmured "Tom reckoned yer'd seen us that night. All right then, if it's what yer want." and Sharpe bit him on the back of the neck and ran his fingers teasingly down Sharpe's body. William Lawford had no real idea of what Sharpe and Garrard had been doing that night. He had seen their naked bodies writhing in pleasure but that had been all. Now as Sharpe's fingers began to explore the most intimate parts of his body, Lawford was suddenly afraid. He was acutely aware of Sharpe's erection pressing into his back , of Sharpe's fingers pressing into his body and he held his breath as he felt the first twinges of pain. But Sharpe seemed oblivious to Lawford's reactions as he spat on his fingers again and said " Relax a bit more. Won't be long." Lawford closed his eyes then, feeling more pain, not wanting to cry out, not wanting to disappoint Sharpe. Garrard had done this, he reminded himself, the infantryman had even sounded as if he were enjoying it. Then Sharpe pressed himself in and Lawford couldn't stop the sob that escaped his mouth. Drawing a rough breath Sharpe said in a far from steady voice "Sorry, too fast was it? Got carried away. Just relax a bit, yer'll be all right in a minute." and Lawford lay there not game to move for fear of more pain, aware of Sharpe's hand gripping his thigh trying to hold his leg in place, Sharpe's breath hot on his neck and Sharpe's erection invading his body. Sharpe moved a little then and involuntarily Lawford tried to pull away, his body seeking retreat, but Sharpe's hands held him tightly. "Keep still, nearly there." and Sharpe moved a bit more, groaning as he pressed in, causing Lawford to whimper slightly and Sharpe to mutter, "Shit yer tight" Sharpe stopped then and in a voice suddenly serious asked "Yer done this before?" Lawford just shook his head unable to trust his voice to speak. He could taste blood in his mouth and was aware that he had bitten the inside of his cheek. "Christ... Yer should of told me." replied Sharpe sounding angry "I would have gone slower. Just keep still, it'll feel better in a minute." and Lawford nodded his head and felt Sharpe kissing his back and neck again but softer this time. Sharpe's fingers rubbed at his thigh as if that would erase the marks they had left there. But no amount of tenderness could erase the shock that Lawford was feeling and Sharpe finally asked in an uncertain voice, "Do yer want me to stop Sir." Lawford gathered his courage together, not wanting Sharpe to think he was willing to do less for him than Tom Garrard. "No Richard, I'm fine now. Keep going." he said in a small voice and he wished that just once Sharpe would call him William. Sharpe started moving then and Lawford closed his eyes trying to hide from his fear, pain and humiliation. The movements got quicker and Lawford opened his eyes and stared at the matted and bloodied edge of the tiger skin in front of him, listening to Sharpe groaning behind him. "I'll make it quick." Sharpe gasped and Lawford felt Sharpe grab him tighter and thrust in hard, shuddering suddenly. The pain turned into a sting as Sharpe pulled away to lay on his back. Lawford lay unmoving still partially on his side. He could hear Sharpe's hard breathing behind him but couldn't move. His body started to tremble, deep shakes that started in his legs and worked their way up to his heart. He finally moved enough to wrap his arms around himself in an attempt to stop shaking. Sharpe must have noticed his movement because he said "Here, yer cold Sir, yer shivering . Come here and I'll keep yer warm." and Sharpe rolled Lawford over and into his arms so that he lay with his head on Sharpe's shoulder. He lay there while the trembling slowly subsided listening to Sharpe's breathing, feeling the rise and fall of his chest beneath his cheek, listening to the fast heartbeat. After a time Lawford raised his head and looked up at Sharpe who lay there with his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open. Sharpe's hair was coated with sweat and his skin still held a faint blush. Lawford bent his lips and kissed Sharpe's chest. He moved a little higher and kissed the base of Sharpe's neck, then, with his head on Sharpe's heart, he whispered "I love you, Richard." Lawford felt Sharpe's body go still beneath him, his breathing stopped momentarily, his heart did a skip and then sped up again. Lawford waited, he opened his eyes wanting to remember this moment for the rest of his life. He looked up into the sky searching for stars but the stars were gone, hidden by the clouds that promised more rain for tomorrow. He felt Sharpe draw a deep breath and Lawford held his own waiting to hear Sharpe's response. "Give me a few minutes to catch my breath and then you can do me if yer want" said Sharpe in a tired voice and Lawford closed his eyes again trying not to feel the hurt which suddenly threatened to overwhelm him. He tried to make sense of Sharpe's words, wanting them to mean something other than what they did. "No, it doesn't matter." he finally replied in a voice that sounded far too steady to be his own. "It's all right, yer won't hurt me. I'm used to it." said Sharpe encouragingly patting Lawford's thigh to make his point. "No thank you Richard it's fine really. I'm tired." He does love me , Lawford told himself, even if he can't say it. He told himself that he had felt it in the response of Sharpe's body to the words. The way Sharpe's heart had tripped in it's steady beating, the way he held his breath. Sharpe may not be able to say it in words, but his body spoke for him. They lay together unspeaking for a while longer until Sharpe finally gathered Lawford a bit closer and brushed a kiss over the top of his head. "It always hurts a bit the first time," he said gently " but next time it will be better, you'll see. I'll bring something to make it a bit easier." and Lawford nodded his head having no idea what Sharpe was referring to, just grateful that Sharpe wanted to see him again. Maybe Sharpe was right, maybe it would be better. "Yer still shivering, yer'd better get dressed." Sharpe announced and Lawford moved stiffly to his knees before Sharpe placed a hand on his shoulder and said "Just let me check that yer all right first." and told him to lie down again. "Tiny bit of blood but that's nothing, I've seen much worse. Yer'll be a bit sore for a few days, that's all." and Sharpe helped Lawford stand and retrieved his clothes that were scattered all around. When both men were dressed Sharpe bent and rolled up the tiger skin, handing it to Lawford. But the Lieutenant shook his head "It's yours Richard. I did it for you. I don't want it." Sharpe smiled, fingering the stripped fur "Thanks Sir, I'm figuring to get a room of my own away from the barracks now that I'm a Sergeant. It will be just the thing to put on the floor there. A real trophy eh." Lawford also gave Sharpe the unopened bottle of rum but kept the remains of what was left in the other for himself. They walked in silence back to the city. When they stood at last where their paths would divert, each to their different billets, Sharpe looked at Lawford and said in a quiet voice, suddenly serious. "Yer sure yer all right? You should have told me that yer'd never done it. I didn't know." Lawford gave him a small smile, pleased with this small sign of caring from Sharpe. With a small nod he replied, "I'm all right Richard." "Yer right to get back to yer billet by yerself?" asked Sharpe looking at the road and scuffing his boot in the dust. Lawford smiled a little more and said. "Yes Richard, I'm fine I don't need an escort." and Sharpe looked up and smiled at him saying "Right then , I'll be off to the barracks. Thanks for the rum." and he walked away. Lawford went back to his own room in the Officers barracks, his thoughts teaming, thinking over what had happened that night. He picked up the bottle of rum and considered drinking it but he knew that was not the answer. Instead he lay down on his narrow bed and picked up the now battered bible that his mother had given to him. He was lucky to still have it. The Tippoo's soldiers had taken it during their search when he and Sharpe were arrested and he had thought he had lost his precious possession for ever. But when Lawford had visited Colonel Guddin in the hospital, the Frenchman had returned it to him saying "I could not let those heathens desecrate a Bible. I took it from them and kept it safe. I knew what it meant to you. You may be English, but you are a man of great faith and courage." Lawford opened it slowly allowing the pages to turn. So much had happened since he had first picked it up all those years ago in search of things his father would not tell him. Now at last, Lawford knew the answers to some of those questions. He knew where to find passages that expounded the consequences of what he and Sharpe had done that night, that gave it a name tainted with shame. His body still hurt from what Sharpe had done, but he could not call it a sin. So leaving behind the Old Testament with it's messages of eternal damnation, he turned instead to the New, with it's message of love. 'Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude....... Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.' It was not Sharpe's fault that he came from a background that had little to do with love and a lot to do with just surviving. William Lawford told himself he could be patient and that he could still hope that one day, Sharpe would be able to return his words of love. He closed the bible and went to sleep. Lawford's Decision Part13 When Lawford arose from his bed the next morning, the ache in his body reminded him immediately of what he had done last night. A few days, Sharpe had said, but Lawford doubted he would ever feel the same again. There was to be a parade that morning, the first since the British troops had occupied Seringapatam. As Lawford stood in his place with the Light Company, he looked around, noting the many missing faces. Not only had Ensign Fitzgerald been lost in the action, but most of the other young ensigns as well. The 33rd was going to be short of junior Officers for a while until new recruits arrived. Lawford watched as Morris inspected the men followed closely by Sergeant Hakeswill before Colonel Wellesley arrived. Morris looked pale and swayed slightly. The story in the mess that morning was that Morris had spent the entire time since arriving, drunk, in one of the rougher brothels in town. Captain Clarke of the third company had dragged him out that morning when the proprietor threatened to call the provosts. As Morris neared the end of his inspection, he suddenly turn around and shouted "Where's bloody Sharpe!" Hakeswill snapped to attention and replied "Transferred Sir, to the Armoury Sir, Colonels orders it were Sir." Morris walked straight to Lawford and starred at him with bloodshot eyes, "You have anything to do with this?" he said in a voice so low that no one else could hear. "Have you been crawling to Wellesley now?" Morris narrowed his eyes and looked Lawford up and down "That it, is it? Didn't like what I offered and thought you could do better? You'd be his type too, soft and pretty. Well don't think I've forgotten you or Sharpe. Just watch yourself Lieutenant." and with that Morris walked away. Lawford tried to digest Morris' words. Surely he couldn't be implying such a thing about their Colonel. If Morris had been sober , Lawford suspected he would never had spoken such things, but arrack had robbed him of all caution. He thought again about Sharpe and was once more glad that he was safely assigned to the Armoury. Looking around he sought out Tom Garrard's form in the ranks, but Garrard looked away when Lawford caught his eye, mouth set in a frown, leaving Lawford to wonder if Sharpe had said something to his friend about their meeting last night. It would be a good idea to pay Sharpe a visit later Lawford decided, to make sure that all was still fine between them. He could also to see for himself what Sharpe was doing in the Armoury and make arrangements to continue with the reading and writing lessons. It was noon when he finally went to see Sharpe. Midday was still a quiet time when work was stopped and the men relaxed for a hour while their Officers went to the mess and ate and drank. Lawford was happy to miss lunch in the mess. He didn't want another confrontation with Morris. So he made his way into the Armoury only to be surprised by the worried look Sharpe shot at him when he saw Lawford waiting at Major Stokes' Office. "What can I do for you Lieutenant" asked Stokes as Lawford looked around the office which was already cluttered with bits of mechanisms and a collection of clocks. "It's about Sergeant Sharpe Sir," said Lawford, grateful that Stokes hadn't asked him to sit. "Troublemaker is he? He certainly looked worried when you came in. Probably been up to no good last night and is worried someone found out." Lawford turned pale at Stokes' words. Was Sharpe expecting Lawford to lay charges for what happened last night or that he would now cause trouble for him. Didn't Sharpe realise that Lawford 'loved' him. "Oh no Sir, Sharpe is very reliable, on of the best soldiers I've seen, brave and trustworthy. He's probably concerned that you will stop his lessons. That's what I've come to speak to you about Sir, he wants to better himself and I've been teaching him to read and write." Stokes was clearly impressed with this revelation, and found it amazing that one of the enlisted men would want to make something of himself. He saw Sharpe in a new light and was only too happy to let Lawford come each day at noon and teach Sharpe. Leaving Stokes office, Lawford went over to where Sharpe was supervising some privates who were fitting together some repaired muskets. "A word with you Sergeant." said Lawford calling Sharpe over to where they could talk privately. Sharpe marched over and stood to attention and Lawford could see the uncertainty in his eyes. "I've come for your reading lesson Richard" said Lawford at last letting himself smile when he saw the relief flood Sharpe's face. "Bloody Hell," muttered Sharpe " I thought you'd changed yer mind about ...well... yer know...last night." Sharpe looked at Lawford then and said in a softer voice "Yer all right then?" "I'm fine Richard, just don't expect me to sit down." and both men laughed once more feeling comfortable with each other. So Sharpe showed Lawford around the Armoury and told him about the work he would be doing. He was pleased when Lawford told him of Stokes permission for the lessons to continue and asked if they could try writing with some real paper and a quill. As Lawford prepared to leave Sharpe had one more request "Sir, can yer keep an eye out for Tom for me. I know Captain Morris can't be pleased that I'm away from him now. He's got a real nasty streak in him, he might try to take it out on Tom. Would you watch out for him for me. I owe him a lot. He used to watch out for me when I was younger yer know." Lawford was touched by Sharpe's show of concern for Garrard but could not help wishing that one day Sharpe might hold the same regard for him. Earlier that morning, the same thought had occurred to Lawford, that Morris may take his anger out on Sharpe's friend and he had already decided to keep an eye out for Garrard. "Of course I will Richard, don't you worry about him." Sharpe beamed a smile at him, full of warmth "Thank you Sir, I'll see yer tomorrow." So each day, Lawford would spend the noon time hour with Sharpe in a small dusty room in the Armoury, with books and paper and quills spread out before them. Sharpe's delight at using a quill soon turned to horror as he snapped one after another. "It's not a weapon, Richard, you're not trying to kill something with it." Lawford finally said in exasperation on the third day of their lessons. The paper certainly looked like a battlefield. "Be gentle with it. You'll get a far better result if you use a lighter touch." Sharpe thought over Lawford's words, but not in the way the young Lieutenant had meant them. He had been doing a lot of thinking in the last few days. Something that Sharpe told himself he should have done days earlier. As he sat beside Lawford, he realised he had never known a man like him before. Sharpe felt deeply sorry for what had happened that night on the tiger skin. He should have realised that Lawford would have had no experience with men, after all, he had virtually told Sharpe at the brothel that he had no experience with women. But Sharpe found it so hard to imagine that a man of Lawford's age would not have had some experience. Sharpe could barely remember a time in his life when he had not know something of the ways of sex. That Lawford could still be so innocent amazed him. Sharpe had no idea what to do in the face of such innocence, how to approach Lawford and not scare him even more. Most of what Sharpe had learned on the streets was hardly what you would show a virgin. Perhaps it was Lawford's own words that could help, thought Sharpe, 'Be gentle with it.' maybe that was the key. Sharpe looked at Lawford suddenly feeling things that he couldn't put a name to. He wanted to reach out and touch Lawford's hair, to release it from the plait and let it float around his face and shoulders like a cloud as it had at he river. He wanted to take him in his arms again, to feel the subtle strength in Lawford's fine arms and legs. To feel his soft kisses, his warm breath, the hesitant touches of his hands. But most of all Richard Sharpe wanted to hear William Lawford whisper 'I love you' again. Those words were magic to Sharpe's ears. No one had ever said that to him before and meant it. Sharpe remembered women who had said the same, but the words had been hollow, a mask for what they really wanted. No, Sharpe had heard the truth in those words, said when Lawford lay hurting in his arms, when he would have been quite within his rights to go running back to headquarters and have Sharpe arrested for assault. And Sharpe had not known what to do or say, had worried suddenly about what he had done. He had offered himself to Lawford, that being the only way he had of showing how much he would do for him. Sharpe didn't make that offer to just anyone these days, except Tom. Tom Garrard had been his friend for a long time now, his best friend and Sharpe would do anything for him. But Lawford had not wanted Sharpe's body and Richard Sharpe was suddenly aware that what William Lawford wanted was something far greater. When Sharpe returned to the barracks that night he had found Tom and told him what had happened. Tom had called him a bloody fool and worse. He had told Sharpe to start thinking before he acted, that Lawford was an Officer, the nephew of a General. Sharpe could be in big trouble if Lawford thought differently in the morning. But Sharpe knew this wouldn't happen. He hadn't told Tom about Lawford's words, preferring to keep something so special to himself. No, Lawford had meant those word, surely he wouldn't change his mind. When Lawford had arrived at the Armoury the next day, looking a little pale and walking stiffly, Sharpe's certainty had began to slide. He had been so pleased and happy when Lawford announced he was there about the lessons that Sharpe had determined to find a way to make up for his remissions the night before. "How do you spell, walk?" asked Sharpe, never taking his eyes from Lawford's face, watching the blue eyes flick up to his own and smile. "Well try it for yourself and I'll tell you if it's right Richard." said Lawford patiently, handing him the quill. Sharpe began writing in his childlike scrawl; 'Do you want to take a wark tonite?' "No, no,.." said Lawford taking the quill. "Yer don't want to take a walk tonight?" asked Sharpe with a smile. Lawford looked up at him ready to ask what Sharpe meant but when he saw the grin, he blushed and said softly "Yes Richard, I would. Down to the spot by the river perhaps?" Sharpe leant closer and whispered in Lawford's ear, "Yer want me to bring the tiger skin?" before bending lower to place a kiss on his neck and Sharpe was rewarded by the quick intake of Lawford's breath and the softly spoken "Oh yes" of his reply. When Lawford returned to his post that afternoon, his thoughts were elsewhere. As he watched the men work on the attempted repairs to the sewage system Lawford let his mind wander forward to the night ahead. He was nervous, and more than a little afraid of what Sharpe would expect of him. He wondered if there were other things that men could do together that didn't hurt so much. Surely there must be other things that Sharpe and Garrard did together. Lawford looked around for the tall dark-haired infantryman but couldn't see him. Where was Garrard? "Peters, where is Private Garrard. I don't see him here." asked Lawford unable to keep his growing concern from his voice. Percy Peters leant on his shovel and nodded his head towards a small dark opening in the wall. "Sergeant Hakeswill sent him into the drain over there. Told him to stay there till he called him out. Tom's supposed to be cleaning it out Sir, but there's nothing in there but shit. Hakeswill's got it in for him he has Sir, damned unhealthy ter be crawling in shit all day if yer ask me." Lawford ignored Peters' insolence and walked towards the drain. It was dark and fetid and the stench made Lawford place his handkerchief over his face. Bending low he called into the tunnel "Come out Private Garrard. You've been in there long enough." He could hear his voice echo along the tunnel and waited to hear Garrard's reply. There was silence for a few moments and the Lawford heard sounds of moment in the tunnel. Finally Garrard appeared, his hair and uniform covered in dirt and slim, his face protected by a dirty piece of cloth. Standing stiffly, Garrard tore of the cloth from his face and sucked in a large breath of fresh air then he turned and spat behind him. "Permission to get a drink, Sir" he asked Lawford making an attempt to stand to attention. "Yes, of course Garrard and then go get cleaned up. Your excused for the rest of the afternoon." Lawford was horrified at the condition of the man and decided to speak to Hakeswill at once but Garrard hesitated clearly wanting to say more. "Sir, yer won't mention this to Dick will yer....it's Cap'n Morris behind it. He thinks that he can get to Dick through me, that if he makes things tough enough on me then Dick will go to him to stop it, if yer know what I mean. It's not so bad. I can take a bit of hard work. I don't want Dick to know, cause then he'd feel that he had to do what Morris wants, yer know?" Garrard looked at his Lieutenant with pleading eyes and Lawford was touched by Garrard's concerns for Sharpe. "Of course I won't say a word to Sharpe, but I will speak to Hakeswill. No one should be put into a drain like that." Garrard smiled but the concern still showed in his face. "Thankyou sir, but be careful. Hakeswill and Morris are both bastards!" "Yes, Garrard, I know they are." said Lawford quietly. Lawford's Decision Part 14 Richard Sharpe felt far from confident when he met William Lawford that evening and the two men walked in silence to the bend in the river. Sharpe could tell that Lawford was nervous but as he had never been one for small talk he could think of little to say that would put the Lieutenant at ease. As he spread out the tiger skin and sat down to pull off his boots Sharpe blurted out "We don't have to do anything yer know." and then cursed himself for being so blunt. But Lawford sat down beside him, saying nothing and proceeded to take off his own boots and jacket leaving Sharpe even more uncomfortable. Sharpe lay back and stretched out gazing up at the brilliant sky above him. It was a clear night, not a cloud in sight and the moon had not yet risen to dampen the brilliance of the stars. "Pretty ain't it." Sharpe said looking up, "They're so much brighter here than back home. Makes yer feel real small." Lawford leaned up on his arm and looked at Sharpe, "Do you like the stars Richard, I do. I always have. One of my tutors used to tell me their names when I was small. It sort of became a hobby of mine." "Names? Yer mean they have names?" asked Sharpe wondering how anyone could name all those points of light. "Oh yes, look," said Lawford pointing to the North West " you see those two stars there. They are called Castor and Pollux, the brothers, well twins actually. I always wanted a brother but I only had sisters, five of them." "Yer poor bastard!" said Sharpe and he laughed and looked upwards again. "What's that one, the bright one just below them there?" he asked pointing closer to the horizon. "That's Capella, and the constellation is Auriga, the charioteer." Sharpe gave Lawford a confused look and the so Lieutenant continued "The stars make up pictures, see, look down further, that's Orion, the hunter, only he's laying on his side now. See the red star, that's Betelgeuse, that's one of his shoulders. Those three stars close together there are his belt. The bright star at the other end is Rigel, that's his foot." "Yes!" said Sharpe enthusiastically, "I see him." "Orion is the hunter, he's holding a club raised in one hand and an animal skin in the other." "Do yer thinks it's a tiger skin? asked Sharpe as he let his gaze search the sky. The sky had always held a fascination for Sharpe. For as long as he could remember the stars had called to him and spoken of adventure. That Lawford knew them intimately, their names and their stories, made Sharpe envious and he wanted to learn those secrets also. "There, what's that one.?" he asked excitedly, not waiting for the answer. "Arcturus," said Lawford smiling, delighting in the childlike way Sharpe was looking at the heavens. "The herdsman. The story goes that it was he who invented the plow." Sharpe frowned and nodded. "Really." he said very seriously and Lawford laughed a little. "It's just a story Richard, another one says that he was the son of Zeus and Callisto." Lawford watched as Sharpe looked skyward again pointing up with his finger, "That one, the pretty white one just over a bit?" Lawford allowed himself a small smile, "That's Spica." he replied. "And does it have a picture, a story?" asked Sharpe still staring upwards. "Yes, it's part of Virgo," Lawford paused then, trying to keep the his voice serious "The Virgin." Sharpe stared at him and muttered "Bloody hell!" He looked a Lawford again and both men fell on the tiger skin laughing. It was Lawford who recovered first and he reached over to loosen Sharpe's hair so that he could run his fingers through it. Sharpe hesitated reminding himself to go slow, to be gentle. He waited until Lawford leaned over and kissed him before reaching out and pulling him into his arms. But despite Sharpe's best intentions their passion once again built quickly and both men were soon struggling with each others clothes in an effort to remove all barriers between them. "Make love to me Richard?" said Lawford suddenly, his breathing harsh and Sharpe could only stare at him not apprehending the question until Lawford blushed and murmured, "Is that not the right term, I didn't know what to call it." He had heard Edward Fitzgerald speak of 'making love' once. The young Ensign had been referring to the daughter of a Colonel that he had know when he was stationed in Calcutta. Lawford had liked the soft way that Fitzgerald had said the words, almost reverently and he had remembered them. Sharpe blushed at Lawford's words "No, that'll do just fine. It's a real nice way to say it." he said softly, thinking that he could never tell Lawford the cruder terms he usually heard or used. "I won't hurt yer this time, I promise. I brought something with me." he said and leaned in to kiss Lawford again but he could see the fear already in Lawford's eyes as the he turned onto his side away from Sharpe. If only it could be like it was at the brothel, thought Sharpe in desperation. Lawford had seemed so close to him that time although they had not even been touching. He reached out to touch Lawford's back and felt faint tremors run through his skin. Taking Lawford by the shoulder he said softly "Try it this way William, on yer back. It's a bit awkward but that way we can look at each other." Sharpe was rewarded with Lawford's smile that seemed to burn right through to his heart and Sharpe knew that he had finally done something right. William Lawford rejoiced inwardly that Sharpe had called him by his name. He was also taking his time too, trying hard to show that he cared. Perhaps it would be better this time. Lawford told himself not to be scared, that Sharpe had said he wouldn't hurt him. He watched as Sharpe retrieved a small bottle from his discarded jacket and pulled out the cork stopper. "Musket oil." Sharpe said by way of explanation "There's gallons of it in the Armoury!" and Lawford suddenly realised what Sharpe had brought it for and he closed his eyes as Sharpe's fingers once again invaded his body. It seemed an eternity before Sharpe had finally finished all his prodding and probing and pulled Lawford's legs up into position. "Yer ready now? " Sharpe asked at the last moment and Lawford nodded, his eyes closed tight and his teeth clamped together. He held his breath as he felt Sharpe push in, the oil causing a slippery sensation and then Sharpe said "Are yer all right William? Open yer eyes." There was still pain but not as bad as last time. It was more like a dull ache that hovered there in the background, a cautious reminder of what could be. Opening his eyes, Lawford gazed up at Sharpe who was poised, waiting, above him. Taking Lawford's look as the permission he was seeking , Sharpe began to move slowly, trying to keep his passion under tight control. Lawford looked at Sharpe silhouetted against the black sky, surrounded by stars. His hair was loose about his shoulders, trickles of sweat slid down his chest. Lawford reached up to touch Sharpe's shoulders, to run his hands over the strength in his arms, to feel the soft golden hair on his forearms. He spread his palms across Sharpe's chest and felt the heat and sweat and the beat of his heart. Sharpe drew in a shuddering breath at that touch and Lawford became aware of the increase in Sharpe's tempo, the feel of his body sliding in and out, leaving a pounding ache in his own. Lawford looked back to Sharpe's eyes and saw them alight with desire and he felt his own body begin to respond. "Oh Richard, I love you." he said desperately and clutched Sharpe to him, his fingers digging into Sharpe's scarred back. And Sharpe threw his head back and closed his eyes and groaned "Oh shit!" and collapsed onto Lawford as his body rode out it's orgasm. Lawford held Sharpe against his heart, a small smile playing at his lips as he wondered if it had been his words which had provided the final catalyst for Sharpe. He smoothed the sweaty hair on Sharpe's head as he revealed in the feeling of Sharpe's body laying heavy on his own. His own erection was pressed between them and Lawford moved his hips a little in an attempt to provide some stimulation. "Hold on, I'll do it." said Sharpe and quickly slipped down Lawford's body, to swallow his hardness in one smooth movement. "Oh God!" screamed Lawford more from shock than anything else and Sharpe pulled away saying "Sorry, don't yer like it?" William Lawford just stared at Sharpe who looked back at him from where he hovered over his groin. "I..I..yes...I ...like it." he finally managed to say, and he briefly wondered if Sharpe would expect him to do this too. But Sharpe gave a devilish grin and pounced on him again driving all further thoughts from William Lawford's mind. Afterwards they lay together on the tiger skin, Lawford with his head resting on Sharpe's chest, Sharpe running his fingers through Lawford's fine hair. "I love you Richard." Lawford whispered again and was rewarded by the sound of Sharpe's heat beating faster. He felt Sharpe's hand take hold of his own and give it a gentle squeeze. Once more Lawford waited for Sharpe's response. "Was it better this time?" asked Sharpe in a hesitant voice. "Do yer feel all right?" Lawford closed his eyes at his disappointment and wondered how Sharpe could so misunderstand his words. "Much better Richard. It hardly hurt at all." It was the truth, Lawford told himself. The pain had been only a minor thing compared to the pleasure, a small price to pay really. But there was still one thing that Lawford wanted above all else. Be patient, he told himself, give him time. "I suppose we should get dressed." Sharpe continued, "Wouldn't do for someone to find us here like this." and he sat up and started collecting their clothes. Lawford wished they could lay there all night together, to sleep in each others arms but that would be too much of a risk. Anyone out walking might discover them. "Did you get your rooms Richard." Lawford asked as he pulled on his breeches. "Perhaps we could go there next time." Sharpe hesitated, looking around for one of his boots. He finally shook his head and said "Wouldn't look good for you to be seen coming to my rooms. It would start talk for sure. No, better to just keep coming here, or we could find another spot. Might be better if we came and went separately too. That way there's less chance of being noticed." Lawford was disappointed. He had already pictured in his mind what it would be like to make love with Sharpe on a soft bed with fresh clean sheets. He shook his head at his own silliness. Sharpe probably didn't have any sheets! "It's getting late, I'll walk yer back." said Sharpe and he rolled up the tiger skin. "Will yer tell me more about the stars next time.?" 'Next Time' thought Lawford to himself, next time Sharpe might return his words of love. "Yes Richard whatever you want." he replied. Lawford's Decision Part 15 William Lawford's days finally seemed to settle into a routine. First thing each morning he would parade the light company either with or without Captain Morris. Morris seemed to spend more and more time drunk or in one of the local brothels which didn't bother Lawford at all. However Sergeant Hakeswill was always present and Lawford made it his business to know exactly what Hakeswill had the men doing each morning. He kept a special check on Tom Garrard who did his best to ignore Lawford and not draw attention to himself. Each noon Lawford made his way to the Armoury and would continue Sharpe's lessons. Sharpe was making rapid progress much to Lawford's delight and he often told Sharpe how proud he was of his achievements. Sharpe would blush at that and say it was nothing, but he was secretly pleased at his Lieutenant's praise. It was usually at this time that the two men would make arrangements for any 'walks' they were to take that night. They tried to vary the times and the places they would meet, but both knew that they were taking a great risk each time they met. In the afternoon Lawford would return to watch the men at their work again. Once they were dismissed he would complete any book work that needed to be done and return to his room to dress for dinner in the mess. He found the evenings in the officer's mess particularly trying as he sat through endless small talk with the other Lieutenants and Captains, all the while thinking of his planned meetings with Richard Sharpe. Captain Morris was usually present and Lawford went out of his way to avoid his company. Even so Morris often found the opportunity to make a snide remark to Lawford concerning his fondness for enlisted men. Once Morris went so far as to say that since he hadn't made Captain yet he obviously needed some further instruction and to come to his rooms later and he would give him a few pointers. The other officers nearby roared with laughter causing Lawford to blush a deep shade of red. Occasionally Lawford would be invited to one of Colonel Wellesley's dinner parties. The Colonel was now the Governor of Seringapatam and as such entertained regularly. Lawford was certain that his invites to these gatherings were all part of his Uncle's plan to ensure Lawford mixed with men of good breeding who would be able to help him in his career. It was at one of these dinners that Lawford was introduced to Lieutenant Colonel Alexander McBride, the Officer in charge of the 136th Foot Regiment. Lawford was surprised when he was called to speak with Colonel Wellesley that evening. The Colonel stood alone in a quiet corner of the room sipping a glass of wine. "I've been meaning to speak with you Lieutenant, your Uncle is keen for me to consider you for a Captaincy on account of your actions during the Siege, however as you are the most junior Lieutenant in the regiment I'm afraid you will have to wait a while longer." Wellesley paused then looked away and Lawford knew there was more to this matter than what the Colonel had said. That the Wellesley had chosen to speak with him in an informal setting rather than his office indicated that what he was about to say was strictly off the record. "There are some rather unsavoury rumours being circulated about you and an enlisted man, Lieutenant. Of course it doesn't do for one to listen to rumours, but if they were true it would mean the end of your career." Once more Wellesley paused and Lawford wished he could walk away rather than hear the remainder of what was to come. He opened his mouth to protest his innocence but Wellesley turned back and speared him with his eyes. "If you must behave like a whore Lieutenant, you would do better to choose someone of influence to do it with." Wellesley let his eyes sweep over the assembled crowd until he caught sight of a tall dark haired Officer. "Let me introduce you to Colonel McBride, he's a man who would appreciate your talents." and without another word Wellesley strode across the room leaving Lawford no option but to follow. As Wellesley made his introductions, Lawford felt his face flaming. The way that Colonel McBride looked at him left no doubt in his mind that he too had heard the rumours and had perhaps even asked for this introduction. Wellesely lost no time in leaving the two men alone together and William Lawford looked down at his feet and waited. "Well Lieutenant I've heard all about you from your Uncle." began McBride and Lawford looked up again, afraid to even guess at what his Uncle had told this man. "You have, Sir?" he replied lamely as he took a closer look at McBride. Lawford had not met the Colonel before. The 136th was part of General Stuart's army which had traveled from Cannanore and had not met up with Madras army until after Lawford had left on his mission. The Colonel was tall, as tall as Richard Sharpe, Lawford realised, but there all similarities ended. McBride's hair was a dark rich brown which he wore unpowdered and tied back. His eyes were hazel and his round face was set off by a rather striking moustache that drooped down past his chin He was powerfully built, more solid than Sharpe, but this was due to muscle not fat. Lawford guessed he was in his late thirties. "Why yes, your Uncle speaks highly of your attempted rescue plan. Don't look so worried." McBride smiled then , his face breaking into a grin which showed a row of broad white teeth and left Lawford feeling uneasy. "General Harris will be withdrawing his troops in another month, but my Regiment , the 136th, will stay on to help pacify the brigands who are running rampant further north. Unfortunately I'm short of several Officers. We saw some heavy fighting when we took Seringapatam and I'm awaiting more recruits from England." McBride paused and looked at Lawford with his broad smile. "But in the meantime I'm looking for a Captain to lead my Light Company. Would you be interested in coming to dinner in my rooms to talk about the possibility." For a moment Lawford was too shocked to speak and his reaction must have been evident on his face for the Colonel amended his invitation to "Perhaps you would rather have time to think about it. After all you may be rather 'attached' to the 33rd." Lawford did his best to pull his senses together and stammer out "Thankyou Sir, if I could have a little time to consider your proposal...." he blushed again when he realised what he had said but McBride just laughed at him gently and said "Perhaps I was wrong in approaching you Lieutenant. But the offer is there if you choose to take it up. Goodevening." and Colonel McBride walked away leaving behind a very confused William Lawford. "Yer should have a go yer know, you'd like it." said Richard Sharpe a few nights later as they together lay once again on the tiger skin. He smiled down at William Lawford who lay curled against his chest and let his hands roam up and down his back. Lawford shivered a little at the touch and shook his head slightly, "No need to be shy about it," said Sharpe continuing "I can get myself ready if you'd rather not. It's only fair that yer get a turn." Lawford sighed, "That's not what I want Richard, it doesn't matter to me. I'm just happy to be here with you." It was Sharpe's turn to shake his head, "Sometimes I can't follow yer at all. Don't yer like it?" he said in a worried voice. "Oh Richard," said Lawford softly rising up to kiss Sharpe, letting his hands slide down to Sharpe's hips and resting them there. "I love you Richard." he said, looking into Sharpe's green eyes and Richard Sharpe responded by rolling the Lieutenant beneath him in an attempt to show Lawford how much he cared about him in the only way he knew how . "I'll go back first." said Sharpe afterwards as he pulled on his clothes. "Clouds are gathering again, looks like rain." Sharpe was right. It was the monsoon season and downpours were a frequent occurrence. Lawford sat down on a fallen log and watched as Sharpe rolled up the tiger skin. He knew Sharpe felt uneasy now when he heard Lawford's declarations of love, that they made him uncomfortable. He still held hope of hearing Sharpe return the sentiment, but as they parted each evening, Lawford felt that hope slip further and further away. Plans were already being made for the 33rd to be redeployed north in an attempt to bring peace to the Deccan region. Lawford knew it was but a matter of weeks before he would be sent north and would not see Sharpe again for months. "Yer'd better get dressed." said Sharpe as he walked over to Lawford and bent to give him a final kiss, "I'll see yer tomorrow." "Goodnight Richard." replied Lawford and watched Sharpe walk up the path and disappeared into the jungle. Lawford sat a little longer, watching the clouds as the broiled overhead, allowing faint glimpses of the moon from time to time. Perhaps I should get some rooms for a few weeks until we leave, thought Lawford. He still dreamed of loving Sharpe in cosy bed somewhere private, somewhere where they could hold each other all night long as they slept and wake together in the morning. Maybe if he found some rooms Sharpe would agree. He seemed very reluctant to have Lawford to his, in fact Lawford had only seen Sharpe's new rooms from the outside. The jungle around was silent, devoid of the usual insect noises, and Lawford shivered, suddenly cold despite the humidity. He reached for his boots to pull them on but was stopped by a voice that came from close by. "Well, well, that wasn't what I was expecting to find. I'll have to tell them they have it all wrong back in the Officers mess!" Charles Morris walked out from the shadows and into the clearing and stood looking at Lawford who still sat on the log. "I don't know what your talking about, and I don't intend to find out. I'm going back to the barracks Sir." said Lawford and picked up his boots and jacket. "Not this time Lieutenant." said Morris and he crossed the space between them quickly to block Lawford's way. "I saw everything, heard everything. I've got you now William, you and Sharpe. Sodomy is a flogging offense for enlisted men and you'll be stripped of your commission and sent home in disgrace. What will your Uncle think?" "You can't prove anything." said Lawford desperately and Morris laughed "Oh but I can William. My word as an Officer carries considerable weight. I could have you dragged to the surgeon tonight and examined if I so chose." "You can't prove it was Sharpe." said Lawford in a quiet voice if Morris was going to lay charges then he could at least face them on his own. He would never betray Richard Sharpe. "William, you are so naive, do you think I came here alone. I've brought another witness." Morris turned and called over his shoulder "Come out Sergeant Hakeswill and tell the Lieutenant what you saw." Hakeswill scuttled out, his face twitching and stood to attention. "I saw Lieutenant Lawford here and Sergeant Sharpe doing things that are against God and nature Sir, it ain't right Sir, it says so in the scriptures!" Lawford paled as Hakeswill's words struck home. He looked back to Morris who stood there in front of him smirking and suddenly realised that there was still a way out. "What do you want Charles?" he said in a small voice and saw Morris smile even more. "Ah, I knew your were bright William. It's quite simple really. I want you. I thought you would be harder to persuade, but you see I had it all wrong. If you let a private fuck you, then I guess you'll let anyone do it." Lawford felt his anger flare, he took a step back from Morris, but the Captain grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him closer. "Don't be coy now, you can just turn your back and pretend I'm bloody Sharpe if you like. You can even shout out 'I love you' like you did for him." "No! Let go of me." said Lawford and he struggled in Morris' grip, afraid now and desperate to get away. "Be careful William, you don't want to add assaulting an Officer to your other charges do you. We'll just go back now and I'll speak to Major Shee. He can wake the surgeon. You'll probably be on your way to Madras in two days but I'll make sure you get to stay and watch Sharpe's punishment first. No one will stop it this time. I'd say he will get the full 1000 lashes that he missed out on last time." Morris frowned slightly, "Wouldn't like to think what he'll be like after it though. Probably carry him away in a coffin. Come on then, put on your boots and we'll go to see Major Shee." Lawford stood there looking into hell. This was his fault, he had seduced Sharpe and was therefore responsible. He couldn't let Sharpe be flogged. He had failed once to save him from punishment and wouldn't let it happen again. With trembling fingers William Lawford reached up and began unbuttoning his shirt. "Don't worry with that, just drop your trousers, I haven't got all night." said Morris as he began to unbutton his own. "Sergeant Hakeswill, go back up the track about fifty yards and keep watch, the Lieutenant and I have some business to attend to." Lawford looked away as he saw Morris slide his hand into his trousers and begin fondling himself. He turned his back to Morris and let his trousers fall to the ground. "Sharpe must have thought he had struck gold when he found you!" said Morris as he ran his hands over Lawford's hips, "All this time I thought he was being your whore in return for reading lessons, but it's not like that at all. God, I bet he's laughing all the way back to town." Lawford tried to pull away then, his anger finally reaching it's limit, but Morris easily tripped his feet and sent the Lieutenant sprawling on the ground. Lawford tried to scramble away but Morris' hands gripped his hips tightly again and he used his weight to pin him beneath his body. It was useless to struggle, Lawford realised and he lay still beneath his Captain, who brought his face close to Lawford's , the smell of arrack evident on his breath. "Now lie still and I won't have to hurt you." said Morris in Lawford's ear and he felt cold hands moving on him and closed his eyes, afraid of what was to come. Lawford let out a whimper as he felt Morris enter him. He tried no to think about it, to think of anything else, but Morris was all around him, the weight of his body, the stink of his breath, the groans that sounded so close to Lawford's ear. Morris' hands held him tightly as he thrust in hard, "For once I've got something to thank Sharpe for," Morris gasped out "He's got you nicely primed, made this easy for me. Easier for you too than it would have been. Are you glad of that William, does it feel good?" Time seemed to drag for William Lawford. He shrank away from Morris' voice taunting him. He tried to forget the painful intrusion of his body. He tried to think of Richard Sharpe, safe now, but it was his own shame and humiliation that kept coming back. Finally Morris was done and he laid a sickening kiss on the side of Lawford's face before standing up and adjusting his clothes. "Thankyou William, I'll be looking forward to tomorrow night. I'll see you in the Officers mess and then you can come back to my rooms." Morris paused and then walked around to where he could look at Lawford who stay lay on the ground. "I'm interested to see what Sharpe has taught you. He must know quite a few tricks I dare say." Lawford stood, pulling up his trousers, trying to stop the shaking in his limbs. "I'll not be going anywhere with you. You touch me again and I'll report you to Colonel Wellesley." he said, unable to look at Morris. Morris laughed at him. "Christ William, who'd believe you. Everyone knows that you and Sharpe are fucking each other. No one would take you seriously. No, you're mine now and you'll do what I say. It's only a matter of time before I get Sharpe as well. I've got an even greater incentive for him now. " Morris looked at Lawford speculatively with a cruel smile on his face "Then again, it will be interesting to see if he would go this far to save you. Maybe he wouldn't. No matter, I've still got Tom Garrard under my thumb and if Sharpe won't do it for you then I'm sure he'll do it for Garrard." With that, Morris turned and walked away. Lawford sat down on the log again and wrapped his arms around himself. for a moment he couldn't think of anything, his mind a tumbling confusion. Slowly he became aware of his surroundings again. His shirt was wet and covered in mud where he had lain on the ground. He felt dirty and without thinking he stripped of his clothes and waded into the Cauvery River. The water was cold and Lawford stood there up to his waist scrubbing at himself as if he could erase where Morris' hands had touched him. The river was swollen from the monsoons, the current strong and Lawford realised that he need only take a few more steps into the swift flowing water and it would carry him away. Perhaps that was the answer, no more shame, never to have to face Morris again. They would find his body in a few days somewhere down stream and Morris would know that he had meant what he had said. But what about Richard Sharpe, what would he think when he heard of Lawford's death. Would he think that his lover had killed himself because of unrequited love? Who would protect Sharpe from Morris if he was dead? Lawford took a deep breath, turned around, and waded back to the bank. The most important thing to do now was warn Sharpe. Picking up his dirty shirt, he quickly washed it at the rivers edge and proceeded to get dressed. As he walked back to Seringapatam the rains came, a sudden downpour that stopped just as quickly as it started leaving Lawford drenched. But he hardly noticed the discomfit or inconvenience as he thought over what to do. He would tell Sharpe what he had let Morris do to him and why. Sharpe would surely understand. After all, Sharpe had done same himself. Together they would work out what to do and when everything was planned Sharpe would let him stay the night and wrap him in his strong arms and tell him he was safe. Yes, Richard Sharpe would make everything all right and with that thought in mind William Lawford hurried towards the haven of his arms. Lawford's Decision Part 16 The windows were in darkness when Lawford arrived at the building where Sharpe lived. It was late and Lawford taped quietly on the door not wanting to wake the neighbourhood. He waited with his arms wrapped tightly around himself, suddenly aware of his wet clothes and hair. A small light finally flickered to life inside, the door slowly opened a crack and Richard Sharpe peered out. "What do yer want, it's late" said Sharpe in a less than pleased voice. "I'm sorry Richard, can I come in? I need to talk with you." Lawford didn't want to stand in the street and explain what Morris had done, but for one moment he thought that Sharpe was going to refuse. Sharpe finally nodded and opened the door wider. Inside was dark, the only light coming from a small lamp by the rumpled bed. Sharpe must have been asleep, Lawford suddenly realised. "Richard I have to tell you..." Lawford hesitated then as Sharpe nodded his head towards the other side of the room and Lawford looked across to see Tom Garrard standing in the shadows, his shirt undone, hastily pulling his hair back into a cue. Looking back, Lawford took in Sharpe's appearance for the first time. The hastily donned clothes, hair in disarray, the faint flush to his skin. Lawford opened his mouth to speak but no words would come. Suddenly he felt as if someone had taken a bayonet and thrust it slowly into his heart. "What did yer want Sir?" Sharpe asked not looking at him. Lawford looked back to Garrard who also looked away but not before Lawford saw both guilt and pity in his eyes. Turning back to Sharpe he said in a voice that sounded far too steady to be his own "I have to warn you Richard," he hesitated then knowing he couldn't say what he wanted to, not now. "I think Morris saw us, I met him coming back and he..." he paused again swallowing, looking from Sharpe to Garrard and back again "he threatened to make trouble for us. I don't know what he might do." "Bloody hell!" said Sharpe finally looking back to Lawford. "What are yer going to do about it?" he asked. Lawford felt himself go cold. He wrapped his arms around himself again, trying not to think about everything that was suddenly slipping out of his grasp. "Don't worry Richard, I'll think something. I'll do of something." He said quickly, then looked back at Tom Garrard who stood with his back turned looking out of the window. "You had better warn Tom too, Morris isn't above using him to get to you." Sharpe nodded, "About Tom Sir," he began slowly "It's all right Richard, you don't need to explain, I understand." said Lawford in a quiet voice and turned away to leave. "Yer all wet Sir, are yer all right?" asked Sharpe suddenly concerned. "Oh yes Richard, I just got caught in the rain. I'm fine." he said lightly "I'm sorry I disturbed you. Goodnight." As William Lawford walked back to his room at the barracks he realised that all his hopes and dreams had suddenly ended. Whatever he had imagined he could have with Richard Sharpe was over now. There was no future for them, there never had been. He had been foolish to think that they could ever have a life together. There were too many differences between them to ever allow that. They had stolen a little bit of heaven together and now it was time to pay the price. But that was Lawford's task alone. He would find a way to save Sharpe from disgrace and punishment. The thought brought a faint smile to Lawford's lips. Yes one last thing to do for Richard Sharpe and then William Lawford would have to live on just the memories of what they had shared for the rest of his lonely life. His bed felt strangely cold that night and sleep didn't come easily. When he closed his eyes he could feel Morris again and hear his words. He picked up his bible from the bedstand and flicked through it but it held little comfort for him this night. Lawford finally went in search of the bottle of rum that he had kept. He drank it down and lay back on his narrow bed. The rum was a poor substitute for Richard Sharpe's arms but at least he didn't dream. When he awoke next morning, Lawford thought at first that the night before had been nothing but a bad dream, but the empty bottle of rum and the pain in his heart told him it was real. Rising, he knew with a cold certainty what he would have to do. Suddenly it all seemed so clear. He took his time dressing and doing his hair. His reflection looked pale in the mirror, but that was probably due to the rum. At exactly 9.00am Lawford was waiting outside Colonel McBride's office with both his head and his heart pounding. It was after noon before the adjutant finally showed him into McBride's office. "Lieutenant Lawford, what can I do for you? " asked the Colonel, looking up from his cluttered desk with a smile. "Sir I've come to take you up on your offer." Lawford stammered out. McBride leaned back in his chair and looked Lawford up and down. "And which offer would that be, Lieutenant? My offer of a Captaincy or my offer of dinner?" Lawford hesitated, suddenly very unsure of himself. "Both Sir." he said hoping he had made the right decision. He felt out of his depth here, having no experience with these sorts of games. Richard would know what to do, he suddenly thought to himself, but Sharpe would never know about this meeting or what was to come. "Very well Lieutenant, I'm pleased that you came to see me." said McBride "We can talk about the Captaincy tonight at 7.00. Meet me in my rooms and we can enjoy dinner together while we talk. I'll be looking forward to your company." Lawford didn't go to the Armoury that day but returned to his rooms after leaving McBride's Office. He didn't want to see Sharpe, afraid that he would loose his resolve. There would be time tomorrow to talk to Sharpe when everything was worked out. As he made his way to McBride's rooms that evening, Lawford was accosted by Captain Morris. "I've been waiting for you William, where are you going?" said Morris as he took a hold of Lawford's arm. "Colonel McBride is waiting for me Charles, if you'll excuse me." At the mention of McBride's name Morris let go of Lawford's arm and stood staring at the Lieutenant angrily. "You might think you can escape my grasp by running to McBride, but I'll still get Sharpe. I've got Hakeswill as my witness." Lawford turned back to Morris, "Hakeswill will side with whomever offers him the best deal Charles. He won't back you up if he thinks he can do better. Now get out of my way or I'll tell the Colonel why I'm late." and with that Lawford walked off leaving Morris behind. Colonel McBride's rooms were in the better part of town. Lawford was let in by a native servant and shown to a parlour on the second floor. A small table was set for two. "Come in William, please have a seat." said McBride casually and then turned to the servant and spoke to him in his own tongue. As the native left McBride turned back to Lawford and explained. "I've always had a flair for languages, the native speech is quite easy once you get a feel for it. Dinner will be served shortly. I've arranged for something traditional." Lawford was unsure what McBride meant and was surprised when a group of Indian woman appeared carrying various bowls containing a variety of exotic dishes which they placed on the table. The meal was sumptuous, unlike anything Lawford had tasted before. It was obvious that McBride took delight in his guest's appreciation of the food and was more than happy to explain the various dishes and their preparation. As the conversation flowed easily between the two men, Lawford felt himself relax. Colonel McBride was interesting company, full of stories of his time in India. Unlike many Englishmen, he had taken an interest in the India culture and was not afraid to try many of the more exotic foods and pastimes that it offered. Talk turned to Lawford himself and the Lieutenant found himself speaking of his home and family, his decision to join the army and finally his time inside the Tippoo's prison. The meal was finished and McBride ordered the tables cleared and dismissed the servants. He walked to the sideboard and poured two glasses of brandy. "Not exactly the best thing to drink with curry, but I do enjoy a good brandy after dinner." he said handing one glass to Lawford, his fingers lightly brushing the lieutenants when they touched. "I'm afraid I already have a Captain for the light company William. When I didn't hear from you I decided that you weren't interested." Lawford tried not to let his disappointment show, "I understand sir, I'm sorry to have taken your time." He wondered what he should do now, should he leave or was McBride expecting more? McBride smiled at him casually, "You misunderstand me William, I still have a position for you. One of the battalion companies, the 7th needs a Captain. It's not as prestigious as a flank company Captaincy, but it's yours if you want it." McBride paused to see the effect his word had on the young Lieutenant. "Thankyou Sir, I'd be honoured to take up the post. I have adequate funds to purchase it, that's not a problem." Lawford couldn't keep the relief from his voice. He smiled at McBride and waited for the Colonel to continue. "I was thinking of disbanding the 7th. All the officers were killed in the last battle and there are only 68 men left in the ranks including the remaining Sergeant. I was going to divide them up amongst the other companies, but you can hold them together until I get some replacements through. What do you say?" "No problem Sir, but it will be hard being the only Officer in the company. Could I bring along a Sergeant of my own, someone I know I can rely on?" Lawford hesitated, waiting for McBride's response. The Colonel looked at him with eyes that were unreadable. "You have someone in mind? Richard Sharpe perhaps.?" Lawford looked at McBride, unable to hide his surprise. Did the Colonel know about Sharpe? But McBride kept his eyes neutral, his thoughts clearly hidden behind his steady hazel gaze, allowing no glimpse of what had prompted the question. No, thought Lawford, not Sharpe. Richard was safe in the Armoury away from Morris or Hakeswill. He was safe as long as they had nothing to use against him. There was only one pawn left undefended in the game. "No another Private from the 33rd, Tom Garrard. He's a good soldier Sir, hardworking and trustworthy. He'd make a good Sergeant. Someone I could work with." McBride looked at him a long time, considering. "Very well 'Captain' Lawford," he finally said "I'll have the papers drawn up tomorrow and I'll have a word to your Colonel about releasing Garrard." McBride smiled again and added in softer voice "It shouldn't be a problem, Arthur owes me a favour." Both men had finished their brandy and Lawford looked around, wondering if the evening was over. McBride saw his uncertainty stepped closer. He let his eyes wonder to towards a closed door and then said "Perhaps you'd like to go somewhere a little more private William. I've enjoyed your company this evening and there is still a lot that we could talk about." he reached out and took the brandy balloon, this time letting his fingers rest on Lawford's in a way that was unmistakable. Lawford felt his mouth go dry, "Yes Sir." he said quietly. "My name is Alexander, but close friends call me Alec." said McBride as he picked up a lamp and taking Lawford gently by the elbow and led him through the door into an elegant bedroom. "Get undressed." McBride said quietly and Lawford walked towards the large four-poster bed and did as the Colonel ordered. He paused before taking off his trousers and looked around to find McBride still standing in the doorway watching him. "Don't stop William, you are beautiful to watch." said McBride, his voice sounding husky. Lawford blushed deeply but continued undressing and nervously climbed into the bed before looking back once more. McBride put the lamp onto the dresser and turned it down low so that the room was in shadows before approaching the bed and undressing. Lawford was grateful for the darkness. He clutched the sheets to try and stop the shaking in his hands. He felt McBride pull back the covers and get in beside him, moving close so that Lawford could feel the heat radiating off his skin. "Do you like it rough William." McBride asked casually letting his hand slid down over Lawford's hip and thigh and Lawford suddenly realised he had no idea what this man may expect of him. "No!" he said desperately and tried hard to still his shaking. "Your trembling like a frightened rabbit William, relax, we can both enjoy this." McBride moved his body closer until he his body was touching Lawford's from shoulder to toe. He began kissing Lawford's neck while his hands explored his body but there was no response from William Lawford. "What's wrong William" McBride finally asked. "Nothing's wrong." but Lawford's voice sounded far from convincing. McBride sat up suddenly and reached over and turned the lamp up a little. He threw back the bed covers, and in a serious voice he asked, "How did you get those bruises, did Sharpe do that?" Lawford was surprised. He hadn't realised that he was bruised, but guessed that it must have been from where Morris had held onto him. "No it wasn't Richard, he would never hurt me." he said quietly hoping McBride wouldn't inquire further. But the Colonel was persistent. "You've got bruises all over your thighs and hips William, if it's not from some game you've been playing, then I want to know who did it." "It was Captain Morris." said Lawford, suddenly glad to be able to tell someone what had happened. "He followed Richard and I last night and after Richard left he...he...told me that he would report us, that he'd have Richard flogged if..if I didn't..if I didn't...." Lawford trailed off, unable to speak aloud what Morris had done. McBride bent closer, "Did he hurt you." he asked, his voice full of concern and Lawford realised what he was hinting at. Shaking his head he replied "No, I'm all right. Just the bruises" "Is that why you are here William?" McBride asked and Lawford could hear an edge of anger in the Colonel's voice. "Did you think it was easier to prostitute yourself to me for a Captaincy than to put up with Morris' attentions?" That was exactly what Lawford had thought and he could only nod and confirm McBride's speculation. "The Captaincy I offered you was on account of your ability. I was impressed by what you did trying to rescue your Uncle. There were no strings attached to it. I thought you accepted my offer of dinner because you enjoyed my company and wanted to spend some time with me." Lawford could see the anger and disappointment in McBride's eyes, and he suddenly felt ashamed. "I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do." he tried to explain. "Did it ever occur to you to simply tell someone what had happened." asked McBride and Lawford didn't answer. "Well you have your Captaincy now so you can get dressed and go Lieutenant, if that's what you want. I don't stoop to Morris' level to get what I want." Lawford realised he had badly misjudged Colonel McBride. He felt ashamed that he had suspected the worst of him. McBride had treated him well this evening and Lawford admitted that he had enjoyed himself. He knew what it was like to care for someone and not have it returned. Lawford suddenly felt very much alone and didn't want to go back to his room at the barracks. He wanted to erase the memory of Morris' hands on him and if he could do that with McBride and make the Colonel happy at the same time then perhaps it was just compensation for doubting McBride's motives. Taking a deep breath Lawford reached out to touch McBride's hand where it lay on the covers and said "I'm want to stay. I'm sorry." McBride moved closer again and smiled softly. Taking Lawford's hand he raised it to his lips and kissed his fingers. "You don't have much experience with this do you William" he said softly, and Lawford blushed and replied "No but I'm learning." McBride laid him down on the bed and whispered "Well I'd be happy to teach you." Lawford's Decision Part 17 It was still dark when Lawford awoke the following morning. For one brief moment he closed his eyes and let himself imagine that he was in Richard Sharpe's room, in Sharpe's bed and that it was Sharpe's warm body pressed close to his back and Sharpe's arm draped possessively around him. Sighing, Lawford opened his eyes. This was not the way he had dreamed it would be, waking for the first time, not alone, but with a lover. But dreams rarely came true and the cold reality that came with morning told Lawford that it was dangerous now to think about Sharpe while he was in another man's bed. Colonel McBride had proved to be an ardent lover, a man of great strength and strong passion on which he kept a but a fragile hold, and Lawford was afraid of what would happen if that hold was ever released. He was patient with Lawford's inexperience at first but was soon giving orders about what to do and how to do it, in much the same way that he would on a battle field. He had given Lawford clear instructions and the Lieutenant had obeyed his Colonel. Lawford suddenly realised how patient Sharpe had been with him. Sharpe had never asked anything of him, or even hinted at his own needs. Perhaps Sharpe had not been able to say the words that Lawford wanted to hear, but he now understood that words were not the only way to show love. Sharpe's treatment of him spoke volumes about how much he cared and Lawford had never realised it. Faint tears gathered in Lawford's eyes and he brushed them away quickly. Behind him Lawford heard McBride stir and murmur a name. It sounded like Jane or maybe James and McBride's hold on him tightened as he gathered him in closer. Slowly the faint glow of morning began to filter through the curtains and Lawford heard McBride wake and whisper good morning. He felt the Colonel's warm hands begin to caress his body again before McBride suddenly rolled him onto his back and leaned over him, smiling. "I could get used to this William. It's a shame we have so little time." McBride dropped his head to nip at Lawford's neck which was already covered in bruises from last night. "What do you mean Alec, it's at least three weeks before we march north?" McBride paused and looked at Lawford again. "I must have forgotten to mention it last night, the 136th is going north in three days time. That trouble maker Dhoondiah Waugh who escaped from the cells during the battle has gathered together the remainder of the Tippoo's troops and begun raiding villages in the Deccan. Wellesley needs some troops up there now and so I volunteered the 136th." McBride bent and brushed a light kiss over Lawford's lips before continuing "Don't look so worried, I'll follow when the 33rd march and by then I will hopefully be able to bring you some new recruits." and he went back to his explorations of Lawford's body with his mouth and hands. Three days! thought Lawford, only three more days to spend near Sharpe, to tell him all the things he still wanted to and to find a way to say good-bye. He closed his eyes and sighed again. "That's it William, just enjoy it. We have so little time." murmured McBride. It was well into the afternoon when Lawford finally made his way to the Armoury. Sharpe was nowhere to be seen and Lawford spoke briefly with Major Stokes explaining about his transfer and asking if the Major would ensure that Sharpe continued practicing his reading and writing. Stokes was only too pleased. He confessed that he found Sharpe to be bright and full of promise and that he was hoping to give him more important duties once his writing improved. Stokes directed Lawford to the area at the back of the Armoury and it was here that he found Sharpe inspecting a dilapidated canon. "Hello Richard, I've just come to tell you some news." began Lawford nervously. "I've already heard the news" spat Sharpe "Yer a bloody jealous bastard aren't ya. Went and had Tom transferred to some pissin' bloody battalion company cause yer couldn't stand the thought of him and me together!" Lawford stared, this was the last reaction he had imagined from Sharpe. "Oh no Richard.." he began but Sharpe wasn't listening. "Yer thought that just because ya let me fuck yer that I wouldn't see Tom anymore, that I was all yours! Well yer wrong, Tom's been me mate for a damn lot longer than I been fuckin' you and he's done more for me than yer'll ever do." Lawford could only stare at Sharpe , glad that they were alone in the small yard. Finally Sharpe finished his ranting and turned away. "Have you spoken to Tom, Richard?" Lawford asked suddenly feeling sick to the stomach, "Did he tell you about Hakeswill." Surely Sharpe would not react this way if he knew the reasons behind Lawford's actions. "I heard it from Blake. Came to tell me that Tom wouldn't be round for lunch cause he was with his new regiment. That's the first I heard. I haven't seen Tom yet." Sharpe's voice had settled and Lawford saw that his words were having an effect. "What's bloody Hakeswill been doin' to Tom?" he finally asked in a reasonable tone. Lawford realised that he could have told Sharpe then and there why he had obtained Garrard's transfer, that he could vindicate his actions and Sharpe would be left feeling ashamed and guilty about what he had said. But Lawford had promised Garrard not to tell Sharpe what had taken place and he would not break his word. In a small voice he said, "You had best ask Tom about that Richard, but it's over now and Tom has a Sergeants position. I'm sorry that it's not with the 33rd, but it was the best that I could manage." Without waiting for Sharpe's reply, Lawford turned and walked away. The Officers mess seeded somehow different to Lawford that evening as he arrived with McBride. He was introduced to the other Officers of the 136th starting with Major George Seymour. Seymour was a little older than McBride and not as tall. He wore his greying hair in the unfashionably short style that Wellesley also favoured. He had a weathered look to him as though he had spent far too many years in the hot sun. He looked Lawford up and down in a rather frank way, appraising him as if he were a horse for sale. " I hear you missed most of the fighting in Seringapatam as you were in a brothel at the time" he asked before lowering his voice to add " Are there 'any' skills that you possess that may be used on the battlefield?" Lawford could only stare and blush, unsure of how to take the comment until Seymour burst out laughing and turning to McBride said, "My God, Alec, where ever did you find him." McBride's only reply was a small smile before leading Lawford over to meet the other Captains of the 136th. It was much later that evening when McBride and Seymour finally stood together again, both watching the slim figure of William Lawford across the room. "So is he your new pet Alec?" asked Seymour in a tone that spoke of long standing familiarity. "You were always one for tact weren't you George." replied McBride with a slight edge to his voice. "We've been friends for nearly twenty five years Alec, good friends. I know you." he paused and looked over at Lawford again "So when do I get an invitation to join in your little games?" McBride turned sharply to Seymour his voice slicing through the space between them like a knife "Not this time George. You keep your hands off him." The Major raised his eyebrows at that , quite unruffled by the statement. "Sweet on him are you Alec, hmm yes it's easy to see why. He's so much like.." "Don't say it!" McBride interrupted , his voice slightly too loud, causing the Officers around them to turn and look. The two men walked out onto the terrace to afford themselves more privacy. Seymour couldn't keep the smirk off his face as he continued their discussion. "So, he has the same looks, but does he have the same talents? I've heard he's been fucking around with a private in the 33rd who used to be a street whore. Bet he's learnt a few useful tricks from him!" It was McBride's turn to smile now " As a matter of fact, no. I was surprised myself, but he's the next best thing to a virgin. Really" he added as he saw the disbelief on Seymour's face. "My God Alec, you'll never cease to amaze me. Well I suppose I can let you have your little diversion for a while. I've got enough to keep me busy until you get bored with the ordinary. Let me know when he's ready for something different." Lawford deliberately avoided visiting Richard Sharpe until the afternoon of his final day in Seringapatam. He had told himself that he wouldn't seek out Sharpe after what had been said between them. If Sharpe wanted to see him before he left, then Sharpe could come looking for him. But he waited in vain. Of course Sharpe couldn't just leave the Armoury and walk off looking him, Lawford told himself. Sharpe would have no idea where to find him anyway even if he could get time to look. With his heart in his hand, Lawford returned once again to the Armoury, for one last word with Richard Sharpe. He was ready to accept what ever Richard Sharpe chose to throw for the chance to see him one last time. Sharpe was inside working with a group of privates but when he saw Lawford he walked towards the little room where they had practiced reading and writing and stood waiting by the door. Lawford smiled and joined him inside, closing the door after himself. "I've come to say good -bye Richard. " he began lamely, suddenly not knowing what to say. "I'm sorry about what I said the other day." Sharpe blurted out "I talked to Tom and he told me why yer did it. I didn't know...I didn't mean what I said yer know.... I was just angry." Lawford smiled at him suddenly feeling warm for the first time in days. "I know Richard. I realised that. It's all right." "So do yer want to meet later tonight." Sharpe asked looking into Lawford's blue eyes. Lawford's heart faltered. More than anything he would like to have one last night with Sharpe, but it was not to be. McBride had already made it perfectly clear where he was to be sleeping that night. "I'm sorry Richard, I can't . I have to see the Colonel about some final details." he said sadly. "Well what about afterwards, yer could come to my rooms" Sharpe said uneasily, not sure of how Lawford would take the suggestion. "Yer could stay if yer wanted, till morning. I washed the sheets too, yer know, after Tom and I...." Sharpe looked away painfully aware that he had said the wrong thing once again. "I'm sorry Richard, I'd love to but I can't...the meeting will go late and if someone saw me.....I am sorry." He reached out and touched Sharpe's face. A soft caress not unlike the first time. Sharpe responded immediately by pulling Lawford into his arms and kissing him hard on the mouth. Lawford responded desperately, holding Sharpe just as tightly and kissing him back until they had to break for air. "Well here then, now." said Sharpe clearing the table of some rifle parts that were scattered there. "We can lock the door, no one will come in." he reached for Lawford again, only to be stopped. "No Richard, we can't " Lawford said desperately. It was not that he didn't want Sharpe, Lawford would have happily laid down on the table or even the floor, but he was suddenly conscious of the bite marks on his throat from McBride and the faint yellowing bruises still showing on his hips from Morris. Sharpe would see them and ask questions that Lawford couldn't, wouldn't answer. Perhaps if it had been darker, Lawford would have taken the risk, but the setting sun was shinning in through the windows to the west, throwing its strong light directly onto the table where Sharpe waited. Lawford walked to the door. "I'm sorry Richard, I've got to go. I want to thank you for all that you've done for me, all you've given me. I've enjoyed all the times that we have spent together. I'll never forget you Richard. I love you and I always will. I will never love anyone else the way that I love you." Lawford took a deep breath and let it out. It was said now, all that he had wanted to tell Sharpe was there, out in the open between them. He waited , looking at Sharpe who rested against the table. Sharpe's greens eyes met his for one moment and then darted around the room as if looking for a way out. "I'll not forget yer either." Sharpe finally mumbled, looking down at his feet. William Lawford took one last look at Richard Sharpe. "Good-bye Richard." he whispered and left the room. Lawford's Decision Part 18 "So how do yer think he managed it?" asked Tom Garrard as he lay in Sharpe's bed that night. "No bloody idea." said Sharpe opening his eyes and wriggling a bit closer. This was to be their last night together for who knew how long and they had both determined to make it a night they would remember. Now, they lay in each others arms, exhausted but not wanting to sleep. "I know how I would have done it, but not Lawford, he'd never do that. It's too special to him." Garrard frowned at that. "What do yer mean 'Special' ?" he asked quietly while he ran his fingers over the scars on Sharpe's back. Sharpe hesitated, not quite knowing how to tell his friend what the Lieutenant meant to him. He had been unable to tell Lawford of his feelings that afternoon when they had said their good-byes. Sharpe had looked into Lawford's blue eyes and had seen love there and hope, and all he had been able to do was look away and run once again from his feelings as he always did. "He says things to me, Tom." Sharpe finally answered and he laid his head on Garrard's chest and listened to the steady beating of his heart. "What, while yer doin' him?" asked Garrard trying to make light of it. His own heart told him what Sharpe was hinting at. Garrard had wanted to tell his friend the same thing for a long time, but had never found the courage. He was surprised to discover that Lawford had braved to do what he feared. It gave Garrard an even greater respect for the man who was to be his Captain. It also awakened a feeling of unease. Sharpe's breath felt warm on Garrard's chest as he spoke again. "Sometimes, but usually afterwards. Soft things like women say." Sharpe's voice sounded small in the darkness as he continued "He'd never do what I used to do." Garrard felt a sudden sadness descend on him, knowing without a doubt the ends to which Lawford had gone in his love for Richard Sharpe. Lawford's words on that fateful night came back to him. 'Don't worry Richard, I'll think of something, I'll do something.' Christ! What had Lawford done to keep Dick and himself safe?, Tom imagined it was not easy to secure a Captaincy and how had Lawford managed to get him a Sergeants position in another Regiment. It wasn't a usual arrangement. "Will yer look after him for me Tom?" asked Sharpe and Garrard turned onto his side to look into his friends green eyes and saw mistiness there. "Look after him?" he repeated, raising his eyebrows and winking. "Aye, I'll look after him for yer Dick. I'll even think of ya while I'm doing it." he joked, grabbing Sharpe, and the two men wrestled playfully for a few minutes. "Yer a bugger Tom, I'm bloody serious." said Sharpe when they once again lay side by side. "I know yer are Dick, I'll watch out for him for yer." and Garrard leaned in to kiss Sharpe, long and slow then lay back down, too tired to do anything more. "I thought Lawford would have wanted to spend tonight with you." said Garrard, breaking the silence once again. "No" said Sharpe, his voice sounded on the edge of sleep "We said our good- byes this afternoon. Said he had an appointment with McBride tonight. Final orders or something." As Sharpe drifted off to sleep, Garrard lay awake pondering all that his friend had said. He had often found it useful to read between the lines with Sharpe, to think over what he had 'not' said rather than the words themselves. Garrard suddenly realised that Sharpe loved Lawford although he was probably unaware of it himself. It was Lawford and not himself with whom Sharpe had intended to spend this last night. But Lawford had been busy with Colonel McBride. McBride. Perhaps that answered Garrard's other question. After speaking with the men of the 136th , Garrard had ascertained that the Colonel had a reputation for having a certain fondness for young fair haired Officers under his command. Did Lawford know what he was getting himself into? Garrard thought over Sharpe's request to look after Lawford. If his guess was correct it would seem that Lawford would be in need of his care in much the same way that a young Dick Sharpe was when Garrard had befriended him years ago. It gave Garrard a strange comfort to know that Sharpe had entrusted Lawford to his care. It meant that Sharpe trusted Garrard, knew he could rely on him, a mate above all mates. Maybe Richard Sharpe couldn't use the word love, but Tom Garrard could. "I love you Dick." he whispered and kissed the top of Sharpe's golden head where it lay sleeping on his shoulder. The morning sun was hidden behind the clouds promising heavy rain and high humidity. Lawford led his horse to where the column was assembling, trying not to think about Richard Sharpe and how much he would miss him. McBride walked beside him, and Lawford felt a pang of guilt when he realised that he would miss the Colonel as well. McBride had been good to him these last three days and had taught him much. Lawford couldn't help smiling as he though about Major Seymour's words. No, none of it would be of any use on a battle field! "What are you looking so happy about?" asked McBride "You don't see me smiling. I'm going to miss you." Lawford looked up into McBride's hazel eyes and smiled. "I was thinking about last night." he said with a grin and was rewarded by McBride's laugh. McBride had never been a man to think of his own satisfaction above all else. Part of his gratification came from driving his partners to the edge of ecstasy and holding them there. Last night he had finally practiced this skill on his new Captain. The Colonel had played his body like a maestro, not content until Lawford was moaning loudly with pleasure and begging for release. McBride had taken him then, fast and hard and Lawford had discovered that the pain of the Colonel's rough possession of his body had only added to the thrill. Afterwards, Lawford had felt shocked and guilt laden by his body's response to such harshness, but McBride had smiled at him indulgently and said that if he enjoyed it , then what did it matter. Lawford had conceded that the Colonel was probably right but he secretly wondered what Richard Sharpe would have thought had he known. "You won't be smiling after you've been in the saddle for an hour." McBride whispered and winked at Lawford "I'll see you in about three weeks." he added and walked off. The 136th Foot Regiment and their accompanying entourage of women, children, animals and Indians stood waiting for their Colonel's Inspection. Lawford walked to his place beside the 7th Company. They were the smallest company in the Regiment and Lawford could sense a feeling uneasiness among the men as they stole furtive glances at their new Captain. "Sir ?" said a familiar voice and William Lawford turned quickly to find Richard Sharpe standing behind him. "Richard , what are you doing here? Why aren't you in the Armoury?" Lawford asked in a worried voice. "Don't worry Sir, Major Stokes gave me leave to come and see you off." Sharpe looked away to where Garrard was standing in his place beside the 7th. Garrard nodded his head slightly and then turned his attention back to his duties. Looking back at Lawford, Sharpe swallowed and said "Sir I just wanted to say..I ..William..I want to tell you....I.." he stammered and ran a hand nervously through his blonde hair. Lawford smiled "Oh Richard, you don't have to say it." he said softly "I know. Truly I do." he smiled at Richard Sharpe and Sharpe smiled back. "Thankyou Sir." said Sharpe, relieved. Lawford cast hurried glance down the column, a little afraid that Colonel McBride may be watching. Turning back to Sharpe he said, "We'll be back from time to time you know. I'll see you then Richard." Sharpe looked down the column also, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. "Yes Sir, look after yourself. Good-bye" he added quickly and moved away as Colonel McBride and Major Seymour came riding down the column. Lawford winced as he swung up into the saddle, hoping no one heard his sharp intake of breath. McBride was right, he was going to be very uncomfortable in an hours time. The order was given down the line and the column started moving. Lawford maneuvered his horse so that he was riding beside Tom Garrard. "Good morning Sergeant." he said with a smile. "Morning Sir, looks like a fine day for marching ." Garrard said, ignoring the clouds above. "Far too nice a day to be riding , yer might fancy marching yerself for a while later on Sir." he said. Lawford looked at Garrard afraid of what accusations and judgments he may find in the browns eyes, but he could detect no animosity there, only understanding and respect. "I think you may be right Sergeant." he replied. "Dick's gonna be bloody lonely with both of us gone. I just hope he can stay out of trouble!" said Garrard with a grim but it failed to mask his genuine concern. "Major Stokes will keep an eye out for him. I asked him to." said Lawford looking back over his shoulder. "What say I give him a wave good-bye," Lawford paused and looked into the worried brown eyes of Tom Garrard "from both of us, Sergeant?" he continued and Garrard nodded smiling again. Lawford wheeled his horse away from the column then a turned to look back towards Seringapatam. In the distant he could see a golden haired figure standing alone. William Lawford raised his hand and waved. "Good-bye Richard." he whispered. The End. June 1998.