Something To Offend Everyone

This is to replace the really old Stuff to Think About page. Enjoy!

--What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

--What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag.

--Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

--What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US leader.

--Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

--What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

--What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

--What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

45 lbs.

--What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes.

--What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

--A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

--What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

--What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

--Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

--Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo."

--Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

--What's the Cuban National Anthem?

"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

--Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.

--What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

--What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

They're hiring.

--What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo?

A Northern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage.

A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... a recipe.

--How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

--What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

--Why is there no Disneyland in China?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

--What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night?

"Drop it nigger."

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