Fun For All The Family

The quiet murmur of the Senate House died away as the hologram fizzed into existence. It showed a feverish alien, with pale blue skin marred by deep cuts and scratches. It had a tiny, tacky moustache above its knife-thin lips. It looked frightened. The damp patch on its trousers confirmed this.
The Jotun on the podium cleared his throat, a loud, rattling sound that called for silence. He was mostly machine, and so old as to be ancient.
"Esteemed members of the Senate, we received this recording yesterday from a recently terraformed planet near the Core. Play, please."
As he sat down the hologram sprung into life. The alien began to move, twitching and breathing heavily. He kept nervously looking over his shoulder as he spoke, stuttering profusely.
"Jotun command, this is Onree Eskallay of TPP Gamma Four, otherwise known as Mega-Shujo-Happy-Happy-Land. I must report that our entire staff is dead, and I may not live long enough to tell you. It started two weeks ago. Our engineers and... other staff started to go missing. We suspected a murderer. Now we know it is-"
The alien stopped mid-sentence as it was reduced to a fine red spray by claws and teeth. The Senate caught a glimpse of a blurred shadow before the recording was cut off. Terminally.
"Well then," boomed the old Jotun, far too cheerfully, "we have a mystery on our hands. Any volunteers?"
"Regent," said Commander Beowulf, standing up from his seat, "with all due respect, you must be insane." He paused briefly. "Again, I mean. We should destroy the planet from a high orbit. A very, very high orbit."
"Normally we would, but the owners of that Theme Park Planet have given us all free season tickets to all their attractions. I want you to personally see that menace is eradicated!"
As Beowulf saluted crisply and marched out, the older members of the Senate began to talk excitedly about going to Keebelworld, and candy floss.

"We're going to a Theme Park Planet?" Bjors exclaimed. "Yahoo! Free holiday!"
"Urm, Bjors," rumbled Pitrak worriedly. "Have you actually read the mission briefing?"
"Who cares? Three words: THEME PARK PLANET!"
"Three more: Blood, guts, giblets."
"What?" Bjors stared at the holoscreen in front of them. His expression fell, then turned into anger.
"Dammit! I hate alien predators. They always win in the movies!"
"This is real life. I doubt it has weaponry more high-tec than a big stick." Pitrak chuckled.
"I get to waste it myself then."
Thjorska shook his head and sighed.
"The trouble is, there's always a sequel..."

Stories

Chapter 2