Parenting Toddlers

"Snip its"
Wisdom and Laughs

Snipits on this page:
4 Toddlers Creed
4 Quotes & Chuckles
4 A Mom's Resolutions for the New Millenium
4 The Ten Best Things You Can Say to Your Child
4 Why did you think Parenting Would be Easy for YOU?
4 Toddler Poem

Toddler's Creed

~ If I want it, it's mine.
~  If I give it to you & I change my mind later, it's mine.
~  If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
~  If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
~  If it's mine, it will never belong to anyone else, no matter what.
~  If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.
~  If it looks like mine, it's mine.
~  Even if I don't like it, it's still mine!!

Quotes and Chuckles

~  "There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it." - Chinese Proverb.
~  A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
~  Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.
~  Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
~  Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
~  Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
~  Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash
~  Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
~  Children will soon forget your presents, they will always remember your presence. - Dobson
~  Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.
~  Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the drive before it has stopped snowing.
~  Ever notice that a human baby doesn't walk until it's tall enough to reach a parent's hand?
~  Familiarity breeds children.
~  Give your children these two things. One is roots, the other, wings.
~  Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.
~  I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
~  I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex. - Jack Handy
~  I love to give homemade gifts... which one of my kids do you want?
~  If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my cat.
~  If you really want to hurt your parents and don't have nerve enough to be homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
~  If your parents did not have any children, chances are you won't either.
~  Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
~  Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
~  Laughter is like changing a baby's nappy. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for awhile.
~  Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
~  Mom says too much candy will spoil my dinner. Well, dinner's spoiled - so where's dessert?
~  Mother's of teens know why animals eat their young.
~  My kids are the reason for everything. The reason everything is out of place, broken and dirty.
~  My niece was watching a game of tug-of-war on TV one day and began to look very disturbed, then turned to her mom and said, 'those people sure do need to learn how to share!'
~  The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.
~  The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
~  This is what my 5 year old son said to his father when he was told he could have his own computer, 'Can I get on the interstate with it?'
~  We child-proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!
~  We didn't know what true joy and happiness was until we had kids - then it was to late.
~  We don't inherite the Earth from our parents, we borrow it from our children.
~  When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
~  Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
~  You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.
~  They say kids brighten the home. That's because they never turn the damn lights off.

A Mom's Resolutions for the New Millennium

1.  When I forget to go to the grocery store, I will not boil the macaroni necklaces my children made for me in preschool.

2.  When I hear one of my children wake in the middle of the night, I will run upstairs to supervise before he pees in the sink, or the potted plant, and then creeps into the bathtub to return to sleep.

3.  I will pack the kids' lunch boxes the night before so I don't throw in a slab of frozen lasagna as they're running for the bus.  "It'll defrost by lunch.  If not, you can suck it like an ice pop."

4.  I will resist the urge to explain to strangers why my son is wearing winter boots, a bathing suit bottom, and an inside-out and backward pajama top.  I will be grateful to the child that dresses himself.

5.  I will not tell my children that the Play-Doh dried up just because I don't feel like cleaning up after they use it, even though I know it means I'll spend the evening harvesting colored stuff from the carpet fibers, 
chair cushions and my eyebrows.

6. I will always protect the rights of my children, especially their right to remain silent.

7.  I will learn to accept the outbursts and tantrums as a part of life.  After all, I promised to love my husband for better or worse.

8.  When my husband and I go to a restaurant without the kids, I will not roll up his sleeves or move the knifes from his reach.  I will not accompany him to the bathroom and remind him to wash his hands.  With soap.  And if my husband wants dessert at the end of the meal, I will not tell him it depends on his behavior.

9.  When I'm tired of hearing "mommieeeeee!" a thousand times each day, I will change my name to something they are less likely to repeat incessantly, like "Please pass the broccoli" or "Video games are boring, I'd rather read."

10.  I will develop an ability to have a conversation with an adult that doesn't revolve around labor pains or children's toilet habits.  I will feel comfortable in the silence that ensues when neither of us can think of any  other topic to discuss.

11. I will be more flexible about children's nutritional requirements by counting the green crayon as a vegetable.

12.  When my children beg for a pet, I will buy hutches and let them name the dust bunnies that have multiplied under their beds.

13.  I will repeat the phrase "You'd better listen because I will not repeat myself" as many times as necessary for my children to actually notice that I have spoken.

14.  When my kids are older, I will explain why they never have any chocolate candy left after Mommy and Daddy "check" their Halloween bags.

15.  I will be a good, fair and loving parent to our children.  I will provide them with enriching experiences and opportunities.  With my husband's help, I will give them a solid foundation on which to build a useful life.  After all, these are the people who will eventually choose our nursing homes.

The Ten Best Things You Can Say to Your Children

1-   "I love you"
2-   "You choose"
3-   "Check it out inside"
4-   "You can do anything you make up your mind to do"
5-   "You always have more chioces than you think you have"
6-   "Every probem has a solution"
7-   "What do you attribute that to?"
8-   "I know you can handle it"
9-   "I appreciate your efforts. Thanks
10-  "No"
                      from the book,  "Parent Talk"

And Why Did You Think Parenting Would be Easy?

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's
omnipotence did not extend to God's children.  After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was: "Don't".
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We've got forbidden fruit?  Hey, Eve...we've got forbidden fruit!"
"No way!"
"Yes way!"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" said God wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants).
A few minutes later God saw his children having a ruit break and was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" the First Parent asked.
"Uh huh, " Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno" Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own, Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

But there is reassurance in this story.  If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

Toddler Poem

I am a toddler.  I am a super snooper.  I search and check everything within my reach and often beyond. I am curious, too curious at times. I declare my independence, often quite loudly.  I know I can do it, all by myself.

But, Please stay close. I need you there, to help keep me from hurting myself when I am too curious. I need you to encourage me, and allow me to try to do it by myself, and to help when I can't, or when I get frustrated.

I need you to hug and cuddle with me.  If I do something you don't like, tell me. Show me a better way.  Please don't reject me.  Please be patient. I have really only been in this world a short while.

The world and it's ways are still so very,very new to me...