Parenting Toddlers

Parties from
Toddler to Teen

PARTY PLANNING FOR ALL AGES
by Rebecca Poynor Burns

What's the secret to planning the perfect birthday party? Stick to the numbers. That is, use your child's age as the basis for all other plans. If a party plan is age-appropriate, the guest of honor and her friends are pretty much assured of having a good time.

FIRST BIRTHDAY
GUEST LIST: Unless you have close family and friends with babies and children your own baby knows well, there is no reason that this can't be an adults-only affair. Stick to people your baby is familiar with.

TIMING: Schedule the event for a time when you know the baby will be amenable to being passed form lap to lap. If you plan an adult meal, schedule it during baby's nap or bedtime so you can enjoy yourself too.

GAMES AND ACTIVITIES: Don't expect the little guest of honor to perform. Eating a piece of birthday cake and playing with wrapping paper will be the extent of baby's party games. Spend your time talking with friends and family about this year's milestones.

FAVORS: Instant snapshots of baby and guests make great mementos.

REFRESHMENTS: Except for cake, plan an adult menu suited to the time of day. Although many parents worry about making healthy cakes for little ones, experienced parents say that allowing a baby to play in the cake�and frosting�makes for great pictures. Don't worry, not too much goes down anyway.

HELPFUL HINTS: Remember, this party is really for you, not the baby. Celebrate making it through a tough 12 months. Be sure to stock up on film. Photos will be your child's only way to remember this landmark event.

AGES TWO TO THREE
GUEST LIST: The usual rule of thumb for toddler parties is to limit the number of guests to the birthday child's age plus one, e.g. three for a 2-year-old's party. It's a good idea to ask at least one parent to stay with each child.

TIMING: For toddlers, the best time of day is usually mid-afternoon, when kids have napped and are in good moods. Avoid lunch-time parties at all costs; kids will be tired and hungry, but too excited to eat and rampant crankiness will be the result. A toddler party needs to be only one hour, and shouldn't go longer than an hour and a half.

GAMES AND ACTIVITIES: Don't even try to get toddlers to play organized games. Instead, plan a simple activity that they can do side-by-side, like a basic crafts project, playing in a sandbox or sprinkler, or even a trip to the park. A half hour of play followed by cake and gift opening is all kids want at this stage.

FAVORS: Getting a "goody bag" is a party highlight for toddlers. Make sure that all gifts are identical and that items are safe. Avoid candy, which can be a choking hazard.

REFRESHMENTS: A cake is essential�guests won't notice anything else. Stick to basic choices like a plain white cake and milk or apple juice. Don't try to plan a separate meal for parents; it will be too much work and everyone will be too busy watching their kids to appreciate it.

HELPFUL HINTS: Be prepared for toddler tantrums, especially when struggles break out over the birthday gifts. Parents recommend opening presents right away (and then hiding them) or at the very end of the party, handing out favors at the same time so everyone gets something at once.

AGES FOUR TO FIVE
GUEST LIST: Although it is still a good idea to limit the number of guests (and many parents still swear by the age-plus-one rule for four and five-year-olds), groups of eight kids are manageable at this stage. Children may have more fun without their parents along, but be sure to enlist at least one adult helper.

TIMING: If most of the children are in preschool or kindergarten, schedule the event for the weekend. They will be too excited and tired to handle an after-school event. Saturday morning is recommended by parents as it takes advantage of kids' high energy levels and gives the host's parents the rest of the weekend to recover.

GAMES AND ACTIVITIES: Four- and five-year olds love mastering the rules of games and you will find old favorites work well - try freeze tag, pin the tail on the donkey or even a sedate bingo game. Entertainers like clowns are popular choices.

FAVORS: Children this age are quite possessive, so make sure that favors can be kept close at hand. Personalized favors go over well.

REFRESHMENTS: Again, cake and ice cream are what count. Continue to stick to basic flavors. Kids may enjoy getting involved, decorating the cake (or individual cupcakes) or making homemade ice cream. If you offer a meal, keep it simple, such as peanut butter and jelly or pizza.

HELPFUL HINTS: Although four and five-year-olds love the games and structure of a party, they are still little children. Keep the party simple, the competitive games to a minimum, and be prepared to break up squabbles and console "losers."

AGES SIX TO EIGHT
GUEST LIST: Your child will want to invite her whole school class, so make sure you are firm about limiting the Guest List. Because children this age love games, make sure there are enough players. Professional party throwers say that groups of 10 work best.

TIMING: If you can fit an after-school party into your child's extracurricular activities, it should allow plenty of time for celebrating, but not eat into the evening hours, or the even busier weekend. Avoid early evening parties, especially on weeknights. Two to three hours is plenty of time for kids this age.

GAMES AND ACTIVITIES: Your child will consider planning activities a major part of the fun. School-age children love theme parties. Same-gender parties are more common. Away-from-home parties can be handled by children this age, but if you opt for this, try to pick a spot that is still new to your child's circle of friends.

FAVORS: A favor linked to a theme will be a big hit, although many kids will happily settle for bags of candy or school supplies.

REFRESHMENTS: School-age kids are less fussy about food, so if you plan a meal it can be a little more varied. Letting kids take part in the cooking�a hot dog roast, making individual pizzas or ice cream sundaes�can provide entertainment and refreshment at once.

HELPFUL HINTS: For school-age children, the planning is the thrill. Keep your child as involved as possible and follow up on as many of her ideas as you can.

AGES NINE TO ELEVEN
GUEST LIST: Be sensitive to the emergence of peer pressure and self-esteem issues as kids get closer to middle school age. A party with a few best friends may be more enjoyable for your child than a huge blowout that doubles as a popularity contest.

TIMING: The amount of time you allot depends on the number of guests and the planned activity. Saturday and Sunday afternoons work best for activities with larger groups, while Friday is the top sleepover night. If you or your guests are regular churchgoers, avoid Saturday slumber parties.

GAMES AND ACTIVITIES: At this age, kids like to assert their independence, planning events like a trip to the movies that involve a degree of separation from their parents. Kids also love doing something "very grown up" like taking a limo ride or having dessert at a downtown hotel. This is the prime age for sleepovers.

FAVORS: Although kids this age may consider favors a little "babyish," they'll secretly enjoy a gift. Tie the present to the activity, a small make-up bag for an overnight party, or sunglasses for a trip to a water park.

REFRESHMENTS: A most important caveat from parents: stock up on midnight snacks if a sleepover is planned. If you are going somewhere, like a ball park or movie, it's good to set a limit on what you'll pay for, e.g. a small drink and a popcorn. Otherwise, the tab can mount quickly.

HELPFUL HINTS: As your child's friendships become more important to her, planning a party that will go over well with peers is important. Be honest about your budget and stress the value of being with good friends, not competing for the biggest extravaganza.

AGES TWELVE AND UP
GUEST LIST: Most teens have the fantasy (secret or otherwise) of having at least one huge party, parents say. Negotiating a major celebration for say, a 16th birthday, and agreeing to smaller events for other years can be an effective strategy. The Guest List is up to your child, but be sure to discuss budgets up front.

TIMING: Your teen will most certainly want a weekend evening bash. If plans call for a late night, be sure to discuss curfews and rides home well in advance to avoid conflicts�or being pressed into service as a shuttle�the night of the party.

GAMES AND ACTIVITIES: Let your child plan the activities, and count on lots of music and dancing. Out-of-the-house parties are very popular with teens. From miniature golf to skating or amusement parks, teens like to be active. Some parents negotiate for an at-home party (for their own peace of mind) in exchange for promising to stay out of the way.

FAVORS: Teens will consider the event itself a gift, although you might have gag gifts as a nostalgic touch. Many teens get a kick out of kiddie videos or toy action figures, for instance.

REFRESHMENTS: Some teens enjoy planning and serving an elaborate dinner party for their friends. For most, however, an offer to pay for a couple of takeout pizzas will be the best. Don't forget a cake, even if it's just for a family dinner celebration.

HELPFUL HINTS: Teens demand a lot of independence at parties. But parents don't have to be invisible. Walk through occasionally (and unobtrusively), but don't stay too long.


Rebecca Poynor Burns writes for parenting papers across the country.