 |
| January 9th, 2002. 3:27 am. Shit, I woke up. Oh, well. Me and a good friend of mine were talking earlier... she was talking about how we need to fuck around. I couldn't tell if she was joking or not, because she sounded and acted really serious. And like... repeated it. So, yeah... I'd do it gladly, because I do like her and all (how could I not? :P ), but we're good friends, and I'm afraid it'd be... weird. Speaking of weird, I had the weirdest dream about her just now. I was chillin' in Town Meeting at Graham, and she walks in. And I stood up all tweaky and shit and yelled her name and ran at her and we like hugged and shit, and everyone was staring at us. But we hugged for like 3 seconds too long and suddenly began making out, and eventually we were lying down and I got her shirt off and we were making out and I was feeling her up when we suddenly looked around and saw everyone staring. So we just calmly got up, put her shirt back on, and we sat down together in a corner and just chilled. Then I woke up in real life. Odd, eh? Anyway, if she was joking, she should be more clear! Cuz now I'm thinking about it, and wondering if it'd be worth it. Of course I want to, on one hand. She's a lovely person, and cool as shit. But, yeah. It'd be odd, maybe? I dunno. I'll see what happens, I s'pose. G'night, hopefully. January 9th, 2002. 1:01 am. Shit... you ever gotten crystal meth in your eye? It HURTS. January 9th, 2002. 1 am. Fields of Dragon Smoke I saw the sun, through her hair. Dragon's smoke was in my lungs. The Dragon had breathed into her when we caught up the night before. Vision cloudy, I saw her raise her head, to look at me, with cyan portals in her head. That saw the soul inside me. And through it. And I saw the sun behind her head, through the copper strands of hair, and it was beautiful. And perfect. And she smiled, and I smiled, and we continued to lay in the field. ---==<Written by Spoon>==--- January 8th, 2002. (6 hours later) Fuck. Everyone who's read this commented on the Anna thing. I don't really care, I do still like her some I think, but yeah. It was just on my mind at the time, so chill. Fuckin a'. January 8th, 2002. Just got this up. Sorry that my first entry is a bunch of fucking high school shit. I really don't know why I'm depressed, though, just rambling about shit in my life. I'm sooo fucking depressed, though, really. I actually made this entire site just to write my own fuckin diary. I got freaked after reading about someone's love of Anna. He really, really likes her, and I totally had no idea, I thought it was just crush shit. I dunno about that, but I know I do like her, and I've even fucked up a pickup or three because I thought of her. Fuck that, though, y'know? I actually like a lot of people, I think. It's sad. And I'm aching, ACHING, for that fun shit. Most of you know what it is. I'm pretty much recovered, though. Fucking addictions never stop, they always come back to haunt you. I spent the night at Cass's house (luvya, Cass K, thank you), although she's fucking in Cincinatti now. Damn. And I just lied to Anna on AIM, and told her I'd try to eat/drink later. Fuck that. I'm depressed, and my head hurts, and I'm not tweaking. To make matters worse, I fucked around with a pal of mine, and it made things awkward for us, for awhile. I dunno, I hope it doesn't last. We talked it over, and decided to forget it. She's too cool for that. On a different note, Glitter went home yesterday. Hooray. But back to me, I'm fucked, I'm in pain, mentally, emotionally, physically... I dunno. Lotsa shit. Fritz's cat's dying. I'm generally depressed. I like Anna, I doubt if it's love or anything, I've never really been in love except for Amber, and she killed herself. Fuck. Anyway, yeah... Anna's cool and all, and I enjoy being around her. She does make me happy, normally. But so do other people, so I dunno if it's a crush or whatever, or what. I mean, Ashley makes me happy, and I know I had a crush-like thing on her. She's pretty, outgoing, and fun to hang around with. I dunno, maybe I still like her like that, which wouldn't help me feel any better... she kinda has some shit going on with my dude Luke, I think. Or she did. Whatever, life blows. Anyway, making me happy... So do Glitter and Bunny, usually, when they're not talking about... yeah. Funstuff. Julie can make me smile, so can Cass. Does that mean I like them all? Or do I just like some of them? I dunno. Fuck emotions, I hate the shit I have to go through. I mean, I know all of the above are pretty and fun, and at one time I liked them, but do I still? I dunno. Some of them, maybe? And my friend really likes her, Purple. I mean, I had my chance, we dated, and we even talked and apparently worked it out, that we would never really work if we ever went out, even though she says she still likes me. I figure she does, because it really seems to pain her when I talk about wanting to go out again, like she realizes something I don't about it not working. And so I try not to talk about going out with her again, because having her unhappy isn't something I want, y'know?. Anyway, I don't remember the talk about why it won't work, but it's probably true. I dunno. I've been having meaningless sex a lot more lately. It really is meaningless, though, because it doesn't even do anything like clear my mind out anymore. Fuck. I'm not even gonna go into the shit with my parents, because my dad will probably somehow monitor this and read it. But most of you know about it. That doesn't help. Life blows. And reading over this, I just realized I have like some of the same shit as one of my friend's in his fucking diary, which is creepy as fuck. Damn. I dunno. I'll write more tomorrow. About my school day. If I go to school, anyway, which I'd rather not, except to get away from my family. My poor sister would die if I left forever, though. Fuck. Peter Frampton sucks. But one song of his was redone in High Fidelity. I like that song now, at least as it was done by Marie de Salle, or the actress who portrayed her. "Ooooooo, cuz baby I love the waaaay... I wanna be with you night and daaaaay. Oooo, baby, don't hesitaaaAate... Cuz our lo-o-o-ove... won'(t) waaiiiit..." .... "I wanna run away, and never say goodbye. I wanna know the truth, and open up my mind." |
|
 |
| Next Page |