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A: Because they have big mouths and small dicks!
Q: Why do Driver's Ed. classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday the Sex Ed. class is using the car.
* Never take a beer to a job interview.
* It is considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
* While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job to be done in private using ones own truck keys.
* When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is considered impolite to ask her to bring back more than one six-pac of beer.
* One should not lay rubber while in a funeral procession.
* Always identify people in your front yard before choosing to shoot at them.
* Even if you're certain that you are included in a will, it is still considered rude to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
* A centerpiece for the dining room table should never be prepared by a taxidermist.
* When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires has the right of way.
A: So they can find their way back home when they're finished mowing.
Q: Why did the Redneck bride cancel her wedding plans?
A: She heard rumours that her friends were going to give her a shower
10/ The monitor is up on blocks.
9/ Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8/ The six front keys have rotted out.
7/ The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them.
6/ The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5/ The password is "Bubba".
4/ There is a gun rack mounted on the side of the CPU.
3/ There is a Skoal can lid stuck in the CD-ROM drive.
2/ The keyboard is camoflaged.
And the #1 sign that a Redneck has been working on a computer:
The mouse is referred to as a "critter!"
(These ones are new, and not from Jeff Foxworthy)
* Your yard has been proposed as a new landfill site.
* Your wife's haid-do attracts bees.
* Your kid's birth announcements include the phrase "rug rat".
* Your pocket knife has been referred to as "Exhibit A".
* Your sister has a "Soldier of Fortune" subscription.
* Your grandmother has been physically removed from a Bingo hall for foul language.
* You get Odor Eaters from Santa in your Christmas stocking.
* You've got "Ammo" on your Christmas list beside the word "Mom".
* You've ever used the liquor store or the gun shop as your mailing address.
* You take the numbers off the front of your house when you move so you won't have to change your address.
* You've ever had to stand in line for more than an hour to have your photo taken with a freak of nature.
* You've got a trash bag for a passenger window of your car.
* Your bank cheques feature pictures of dogs fighting.
* You've ever stabbed someones hand while reaching for the last pork chop.
* You've ever left Santa a beer and a Slim Jim on Christmas Eve.
* Santa won't let your kids sit on his lap.
* You think "5 to 10 pounds" on the box of diapers refers to how much they will hold.
* You've ever asked the widow for her phone number at the funeral home.
* You have a tattoo that says, "Mother" and it's spelled wrong.
___ ___ - The clitoris is a type of wild flower.
___ ___ - A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
___ ___ - Spread Eagle is an extinct species of bird.
___ ___ - Vagina is a medical term for Heart Attack.
___ ___ - A G-string is a part of a fiddle.
___ ___ - Semen is a term meaning: sailors.
___ ___ - Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
___ ___ - Eight testicles are found on an Octopus.
___ ___ - Asphault describes rectal problems.
___ ___ - KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
___ ___ - Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
___ ___ - Fetus is a character on "Gunsmoke".
___ ___ - An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.
___ ___ - A condom is a large apartment complex.
___ ___ - An orgasm is the person playing the organ at church services.
___ ___ - A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
___ ___ - A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.
___ ___ - An erection is when Japanese people vote.
___ ___ - Lesbians are from the Middle East.
___ ___ - Sodomy is a sacred land of green grass.
___ ___ - Genitals are of non-Jewish origin.
___ ___ - Pornography is the business of making records.