Kids Page

The Kid's Page!
From: "The Joketender"
Just because you're not old enough for me to serve you drinks, doesn't mean I can't serve you up some laughs!!!
Send me your jokes, I wanna hear 'em...
E-mail me: [email protected]

Q: How do you make a walnut laugh?
A: Crack it up!

Q: What do you get when you lock two bicycles together?
A: Siamese Schwinns!

Q: What did the envelope say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we'll go places!

Q: What time was it when the elephant sat on the clock?
A: Time to get a new clock!

Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team?
A: Because she ran away from the ball!

Q: Why did the bald guy paint rabbits on his head?
A: Because from a distance they looked like hares!

Q: How did the sick guy get to the doctor's office so fast?
A: He flu!

Q: Why did the police go to the baseball game?
A: Because someone was stealing the bases!

Q: What has a screen and wobbles?
A: A jellyvision!

I will be more than happy to put your jokes right over here! You can send them to me by signing my guestbook. Be sure to include your first name so I can thank you and give you credit where credit is due! If you wish I can E-mail you back some real neat stuff, I do find lots to have fun with.
Take it easy and try to keep your parents laughing...
"The Joketender"

This is a column I didn't think I'd be writing. It's a whole list of insults from young folks all over the world. Alot of these are better than most of the ones my adult friends can come up with.
"The Joketender" thinks you're cool. If you have some good ones, send 'em in to me, I'd really like to hear them!

Insults from Kids.
They're GRRRRREAT!!!

Brains:
* You were one of the first to get a brain. Before they were perfected.
* You did get a brain when they were handing them out. You just didn't ask for one to go.
* You got your brain first when they were handing them out in alphabetical order. A for "Aardvark!"
* They just ran out of brains when you got there, so they gave you a nice wood carving instead.
* You didn't get a brain when they were handing them out. They were only handing them out to those who will use them.
* When they handed out brains, you arrived late, so they gave you a rain check.
* When they handed out brains, you were the first in line. So you held the door for the rest of us.

Your Face:
* Your face looks like you've been using it as a door stop.
* Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a heard of charging buffalo.
* Your face has "Welcome" written all over it. It would make a good door mat.
* Your face doesn't look like a door stop, it looks like the door just kept on going.
* Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something else to chew on?
* Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before you slam the book shut.
* Your face is very becoming. It's becoming more and more ugly every time I see it.

Use your head:
* Use your head. It's the little things that count.
* Use your head. I think you'll find it in your back pocket.
* It looks like you've been using your head alot lately; as a bowling ball!
* Why don't you you use your head? Give it a new experience.
* You should use your head. There's a first time for everything.
* I'd rather use your head. I prefer something that has never been used.

When they gave out?:
* When they gave out heads, you thought they said beds, so you asked for a soft one.
* When they gave out brains, you thought they said grains, and you said, "Make mine oatmeal!"
* When they gave out heads, you thought they said sheds, and you said, "Make mine a big wooden one!"
* When they gave out looks, you thought they said books, so you asked for a real funny / scary one."
* When they gave out brains, you thought they said canes, and you said, "I don't need one I can walk just fine."
* When they were giving out heads, you thought they said breads, and you said, "I'd like mine soft and doughy."
* When they were giving out faces, you thought they said cases, so you asked for a leather one.

Weakling:
* You're such a weakling. If muscles were brains, you'd still be stupid.
* You're such a weakling. You can't even hold up a conversation.
* You're such a weakling. If it weren't for you brain, you'd have no muscles at all.
* You're such a weakling. The only thing you can break with your bare hands is a promise.
* You're such a weakling. If it weren;t for your Adam's apple, you'd have no physique at all.
* You're such a weakling. You can't even lift your own moral.

That reminds me:
* You look familiar, didn't I see you in the zoo parade?
* I think you'll remember me from the zoo. I was the one feeding you peanuts.
* You look familiar, but that's not suprising. I collect bugs for a hobby.
* Didn't I dissect you in biology class once?
* I know you were trying to insult me, but I know you like me. I can see your tail wagging.

Good riddance:
* If I said anything to offend you, it was purely intentional.
* You don't have to say anything. You offend me just by being here.
* You probably said that without thinking, the way you do most things.
* Don't worry about it, you didn't offend me. I've never listened to a thing you've said since the day I met you.
* Nothing you could say will offend me. I'm only offended by things that make sense.
* It's not what you say, it's the thought behind it that counts, and I know there is never any thought behind anything you say.
* I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're stringing sentences together now.
* I wouldn't get angry at you today, or tomorrow, or the next day for that matter. It's "Be kind to Animals" week.

My "BUDDY" counter:

Here are some dumb questions you can annoy your parents with:

* Why does sour cream have an expiry date?
* How much more water would the ocean have if sponges didn't grow in it?
* Why do we buy a product that takes 4,000 flushes to get rid of?
* Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
* Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suit case?
* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
* What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Believe it or not, but this little thing to think about was sent to me by a six year old in Texas.
Some people think the moon is made of green cheese. But when man went there, they found it to be hard as rock. This is what happens to cheese when you leave it out for too long. So my mom says...

Click here to visit Springfield and the Simpsons. vvvvv