of all shapes and sizes...
from:
"The Joketender"
* You grow on people... So does cancer.
* If shit was music, you'd be an orchestra.
* You should do some soul searching, you might just find one.
* You really are as pretty as a picture. I really like to hang you.
* Anyone who told you to be yourself, couldn't have given you any worse advice.
* There are only two things I don't like about you. Both of your faces.
* If we killed everyone that hates you, it wouldn't be murder. -- It would be an apocalypse!
* I know you always have your ear to the ground. How's life in the gutter?
* You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
* You're better at sex than anyone. Now all you need is a partner.
* You would never be able to live down your reputation, but I can see you're doing your best.
* You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.
* Your personality is split so many ways, you go to group therapy on your own.
* If truth is stranger than fiction, then you must be the truth.
* Whatever is eating you, must be suffering horribly!
* If sex were fast food, you'd have an "M"-shaped arch over your head.
* Your not yourself today, I noticed the improvement immediately.
* I'm impressed; I've never seen such a small mind in such a big head before.
Obnoxious:
* Grab your ears and pull; you just might be able to remove your head from your ass.
* I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
* Before you came along we were hungry. Now we're fed up.
* Don't feel bad -- Alot of people have no talent, and you're most of them!
* I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass!
* Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
* I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you.
* Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?
* Your such a smart-ass, I bet you could sit on a tub of ice cream and tell me what flavour it is.
* Please keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
* You must have a low opinion of people, you think that they are your equal.
Inbread & Parental:
* You know, your mother is really good in bed -- But I guess you found that out for yourself.
* Now I know why some animals eat their young.
* Excuse me, I'm trying to work here. How would you like it if I started yelling down the ally while your giving blow jobs to transexuals?
* After meeting you, I've decided I'm in favor of abortion in cases of incestuous rape.
* All that you are, you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them some used toilet paper rolls and square up the debt?
* You should learn from your parents. Get sterilized now!
* You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion -- Now she believes in infantcide!
* It's good to see you here with your sister-cousin-mother-wife. Billy-Joe!
* The terrifying power of the human sex drive is horrifically demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.
* You're the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer, and you came along.
* I know your nobody's fool, but I'm sure you'll get adopted some day.
* If what you don't know won't hurt you, you must be invulnerable.
* I'm glad to see you're not letting your education interfere with your ignorance.
* Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but it looks like you just gargled.
* You're cruelly depriving a villiage somewhere of an idiot!
* When I look into your eyes, I see straight through the back of your head.
Appearance:
* Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on a holiday.
* How can you love nature, when it did THAT to your face!
* Everyone has the right to be ugly, but I'm afraid you've abused that privilege.
* I feel sorry for you because you're ugly, but I feel more sorry for myself because I have to look at you!
* You have a face only a mother could love, and even she hates it.
* You're so ugly, when your house got robbed, the burgulars gave you a mask.
Obese:
* I can see you were so impressed with your first chin, that you added two more.
* You don't sweat much, for a fat guy.
* Your so fat, you have the only car in town with stretch marks.
I'll ignore you:
* I'm busy now. Can I ignore you later.
* I worship the ground that awaits your corpse.
* You're a habit I'd like to kick -- With both feet.
* I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but the hate I feel for you is the real thing.
* I'd like to give you a going away present... But first, do your part.
* Don't thank me for insulting you -- It was my pleasure.
* Well, I'll see you in my dreams -- If I eat too much cheese.
* I used to think you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
* I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take the credit for the one thing you've done for yourself?