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| You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When... You ski uphill. You speed walk in your sleep. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is in an earthquake. You lick your coffeepot clean. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. You can type sixty words a minute with your feet. You don't need a hammer to pound nails. You've worn out the handles on your favorite mug. You've built a miniature city out of plastic stirrers. People can test their batteries in your ears. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. Your Thermos is on wheels. You can outlast the Energizer Bunny. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. You don't get mad, you get steamed. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation." |
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