When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs on his pipe and said, "I have an informal piece of advice for you, Miss Bell. There's only one way you can get along in this school without submitting to the sexual advances of the principal." "Oh my God! Well, er, what was is that?" "I'll explain it, " he continued, "as soon as you've undressed."
"Why do you look so glum today?", the teacher asked young Myrddin. "I didn't have no breakfast," Myrddin mumbled. "You poor dear," said the teacher. "Now, to return to our geography lesson, Myrddin, where is the French border?" "In bed with my mom. That's why I didn't have no breakfast."
There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal,particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago". "Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?!" Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"