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Johnny's talk
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this." So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. - First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse... Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. -Ok, now take off my skirt... and he takes off her skirt. - Now take off my bra... which he does. -And now, Johnny, please take off my panties. and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"
Dearest Redneck Son
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newpaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send you; your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened. Love, Maw
