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Several years ago I returned home from a trip just as a storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I entered my bedroom at in the morning I found my two children in bed with Gail, scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was okay to sleep with mom when the storm was bad, but that when I was expected home, to please not sleep with mom that night. They agreed. After my next trip several weeks later, Gail and the children picked me up in the terminal. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for the plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?" "The good news is that nobody slept with mommy while you were away this time!", he shouted.
He laid her on the table So white, clean and bare. His forehead wet with beads of sweat, He rubbed her here and there. He touched her neck and then her breast, And then, drooling, felt her thigh. The slit was wet and all was set, He gave a joyous cry. The hole was wide...he looked inside," All was dark and murky. He rubbed his hands and stretched out his arms," And then he stuffed the turkey.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, "Hey Dad! What are you doin?" His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank." Johnny says,"Oh, yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning."
Two old ladies sitting on the porch at the old folks home. One turned to the other and asked "Martha, you were married a long time, did you and your husband have mutual orgasm?" The other little old lady sat and rocked for a minute and said, "No, I think we had State Farm"
A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. "Help, Help !!" The tower came back and asked what was wrong. The blind guy says " Help Me !! I'm blind, the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down !!" The tower comes back and says "How do you know you're upside down ?" The blind guy replies, "Because the SHIT is running down my back !!"
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