jokes 35
"Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" the suspicious wife sneered. "No, I can't." the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt off."
A liberal preacher was invited by a liberal school principal to talk to her older girls about Christianity and Sex. Not wishing to upset his less tolerant wife, the preacher entered the engagement in the diary as, "Talk to girls about my horseback riding experiences." A day or so after his talk, the principal met the preacher's wife. "So very good of your husband to talk to my girls the other evening. He was quite splendid and so helpful." "I can't imagine what he knows about it," replied the preacher's wife, "The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, the second time he fell off, and the third time it was wonderful! He was bareback the whole time! And the following week, I bought him a pair of spurs and a whip to celebrate!"
A man approached a female clerk in the department store: "Excuse me," he said, "but do you have notions?" "I do," she replied, "but I try to suppress them until 5:00." "Oh, no," stammered the embarrassed shopper. "You misunderstood. I need to know if you keep stationery." "Just until the very end," she replied, "Then I just go wild."
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving, when Bubba, a kid from the neighborhood comes in after mowing the lawn for him, and proceed to pee in the toilet. Bubba was rather well endowed and curiosity got the best of the husband and he just had to look. Sure enough, Bubba had the largest penis he has ever seen!!! The man asked Bubba, "I don't mean to be too personal, but how did your organ get that big? I couldn't help but notice..." Bubba laughed and said, "Every night before bed, I bang it on the bedpost three times. Heck, it impresses the girls at school!" The husband was excited at the simplicity of this technique and could hardly wait to try it himself. Before he climbed into bed that night, he whipped it out and banged it on the bedpost three times. He was just climbing into bed with newfound confidence when the wife sits up, half asleep and rubbing her eyes, and says, "Bubba, is that you??"
A young guy was complaining to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend. "She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her," the young man exclaimed. "Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife," replied the Boss. "Whenever she got out of hand, I'd take her pants down and spank her." Shaking his head the young guy replied, "That doesn't work. Once I get her pants down...I'm not mad anymore."
Futhman is very ashamed of his penis because of the size. He has an extremely
small penis and doesn't want Wubbie to dump him when she sees the size.
One night when he and Wubbie are making out in a dark corner he decides he
will show her. Futhman unzips his pants, whips out his small dick, and shoves
it into her hand. He sits there impatiently waiting to see her reaction.
Wubbie says, "Thanks for offering, but I don't smoke."
A slightly retarded farmer has a farm up the coast of California. Unfortunately, there are no women around. He gets rather desperate, and decides to try out an old mule. He puts a stepladder behind the mule, lowers his pants, but then the mule walks forward. The farmer gets down off the ladder, moves it forward, and tries again, with the same outcome. This process goes on for about 5 more iterations, until he finally gets the idea to lead the mule up to the ocean, so the mule can't walk away. When he gets on the ladder again, he hears a cry for help out to sea, and sees a drowning woman flailing her arms. He jumps off the ladder, swims out to rescue her, and drags her back in. The woman is totally nude,beautiful, and stacked as well. After he revives her and nurses her back to health, she gazes into his eyes with her limpid blue eyes, and says "Oh sir! I'm so thankful to you for saving my life! I'll do anything to repay you!Anything!!" So he says to her: "Could you hold that mule for me?"
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