Jokes 33
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two." "I agree. Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Anything father." "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might See yours?" "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. "Father, could I ask something of you?" "Yes sister?" "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?" "I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh father, may I touch it?" The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life." "Is that true father?" "Yes it is, sister." "Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and let's get the fuck out of here."
There was the husband who was in the habit of taking the family dog for a nice long walk each evening. It was good exercise for both of them, his wife felt, and the dog became so used to the routine that it positively drooled to be taken out on schedule every night. So when her husband was sick one evening, the wife took the dog out for his walk. The dog pulled her on the leash and led her around the block to a house around the corner and began to scratch at the door. A female voice called out, "I won't be a minute, darling." Soon, the door was opened by an attractive young woman in a negligee, and the dog dashed in straight to a dish of meat that was waiting for him--as usual.
Virginity Test Chadwick and Joe are discussing Chadwick's upcoming wedding. "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not." Joe replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says, 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"
The department store Santa has little Johnny on his lap and says to him, "I bet I know what you want for Christmas, little Johnny. You want some t-o-y-s," he says, touching Johnny's nose with his finger as he spells out the word toys. "No, I've got plenty of toys." replies Johnny. "Then I bet you want some g-a-m-e-s!" replied Santa, touching Johnny's nose with his finger as he spells out the word games. "No, I've got all the games I want." came Johnny's reply. "Well Johnny, you don't want any toys or games for Christmas, what do you want?" asked Santa. "I want some p-u-s-s-y," Johnny replied, touching Santa's nose with each letter, "And don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word "`fascinate.`" Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word `fascinate.`" Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him. Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
"Darling," murmured the girl to her boyfriend, "when did you first realize
that you were in love with me?"
"Well, I suppose..." whispered the man tenderly, "it was when I started
getting angry with all the other guys in the office who said you were a
lousy lay."
The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me - do you have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?" "As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot fetish - but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."
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