jokes 31
The businesswoman, in town for an important meeting, checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her bags. Noticing that her best suit had been badly wrinkled during her flight, she telephoned the desk and asked the hotel's valet service to pick it up for pressing. Almost immediately after she hung up the phone, a knock sounded at the door, and there stood an elderly Chinaman, waiting. Impressed by the fast service, the career woman exclaimed, "My, you come lickety-split!" "No, ma'am," replied the elderly Chinaman. "Come to get laundry."
At a medical convention, a male and female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go in and wash her hands. Once she comes back, they go for it. After the sexual interlude, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands. When she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a surgeon." She confirms and asks how he knew. "Easy, you're always washing your hands." She then says, "I'll bet your an anesthesiologist." Male Doctor, "Wow, how did you guess?" Female Doctor, "I didn't feel a thing."
Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car pass the play ground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly, "MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...." Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So Little Johnny tells her, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...." At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and "....then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy."
Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F. "One day we should get her for this," said the first boy. "I agree. We'll grab her..." said the second... "Yeah," said the third... "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"
There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from work. She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him in the closet and successfully covers up every part of his body except his balls. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with some spray paint. Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors to get out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging there. "What are these?" he asks. "Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale this afternoon" she answers. He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but all he hears is "uuuggghhh." He says "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try again. So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them together. Still the only noise made is "UUUGGGHHH." He is beginning to get a little annoyed and he says, "I am gonna try once more and if these things do not chime, I am gonna throw them in the fireplace and burn them. So he stretches them as far apart as he can and slams them together. At that moment the guys sticks his head out of the closet and screams, "DING-A-LING, MOTHER FUCKER, DING-A-LING!!!!"
As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students
she read,
"Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset."
She wrote at the bottom of the page,
"You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the
ground. A burro is an ass."
"At your age it's time to learn the difference."
An ten year old boy was walking home with a girl in his class when he said, "Renee, you're the first girl I have ever loved." Renee responded, "Great, that's *all* I need... Another male to teach how to prove his love by holding my bookbag, purse, doll, and putting his lips together and whispering those sweet words every woman loves to hear... *Yes, Honey*"
� 2000 Email