Jokes 28
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, the other four. The nine-year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your Mom, huh.?" The nine-year old shakes his head and replies, "Nope, not for my Mom." Cashier: "Well, they must be for your sister then?" Nine-year old: "Nope, not for my sister either." Cashier, curious now: "If they're not for your Mom and not for your sister, who are they for?" The nine-year old says, "They're for my four-year old brother." Surprised, the cashier asks, "Your little brother right here??" Nine year old explains: "Well, yeah! They say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either!"
Myrddin walks into a grocery store where he sees one of his closest friends, Bill. Bill approaches him with a sincere smile and greets Myrddin. After a good conversation between the two men, Bill looks at Myrddin with affection and says: "Listen Myrddin, you're my best friend. I respect you a lot and would never do anything to hurt you, but I've got to let this off my chest. I think you deserve much better than Amy. I'm telling you this as a friend. Your wife is not exactly a conservative woman!" Myrddin looks at Bill in bafflement and replies: "What do you mean?" Bill looks him straight in the eyes and whispers in his ear: "Look around! Why do you think there are almost no men in this grocery store? As a true friend, I feel obliged to tell you this. Every time you go grocery shopping, there is a very long line-up at your front door!" Myrddin, confused and puzzled asks : "What are you trying to say?" Bill looks at him in sorrow and replies: "I hate to break this to you my dear friend, but your wife is a money hungry whore! Divorce her!" Myrddin, startled by Bill's rude comment replies in a fury: "What kind of a friend are you? You must think I'm an Idiot? You want me to divorce her, so I'll have to wait in line too?"
Two nuns decide they're going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they've finally got to head back to the convent. To enter the convent's grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies. As they're crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, "I feel like a marine." The second replies, "Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?"
Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Tracy" "Yeah. What's it called Sharon?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What the does that mean?" At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying, "That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"
THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING, BUT AREN'T... "Whew, that's one terrific spread!" "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist." "Talk about a huge breast!" "It's Cool Whip time!" "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!" "Are you ready for seconds yet?" "It's a little dry. Do you still want to eat it?" "Just wait your turn. You'll get some!" "Don't play with your meat." "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in." "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?" "You still have a little bit on your chin." "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it." "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!" "How long will it take after you stick it in?" "You'll know it's ready when it pops up." "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!" "How many are coming?" "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!" "Just lay back & take it easy... I'll do the rest." "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"
There were these two ladies who loved to fish and went fishing every day.
Only the first lady always caught so many more fish then the second, but
at first the second lady figured it was just luck. Later on she figured
it was the side of the boat she sat on, but then she noticed that the
first lady was always changing the side she sat on. So one day the second
lady asked the first lady,
"How come you always catch so many fish?"
The first lady said,
"That's because this is my lucky side."
"Your lucky side?. How do you know which side is your lucky side, it
changes all the time" says the second lady.
"Well, when I get up in the morning I look in my husbands pajama pants,
if its on the right side then I fish on the right side. If its on the left
side then I fish on the left side" says the first lady.
"Well what if its straight up in the middle?" asks the second lady.
The first lady says,
"Then I stay home!"
Two blonde roommates went shopping one day. On the way, one blonde told the other that she had forgotten to switch off the iron. The second blonde turned to her friend and very cooly assured her that the house would not catch fire as she had left the tap running.
� 2000 Email