Here are some of the jokes
Heavy Snow...
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her Daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snowplow driver wanted to know if she was all right since she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her Daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to K-Mart next . . .
The cook out..
A couple had been married 15 years. One
afternoon they were working in the
garden together. As the wife was bending
over pulling weeds, the husband said, "Honey,
your butt is getting big. I bet it's as big as
the gas grill now."
The husband, feeling he needed to prove
his point, got a yardstick,measured
the grill & then measured his wife's butt.
"Yep, he said, "Just what I
thought, just about the same size!" The
wife got very incensed & decided to
let him do the gardening alone. She went
inside & didn't speak to her husband the rest of
the day.
That evening when they went to bed, the
husband cuddled up to his wife,and
said, "How about it honey?" How about a
little lovemaking?"
The wife rolled over & turned her back to him,
giving him
the cold shoulder. "What's the
matter?" he asked. To which she replied,
"Surely you don't think that I am
going to fire up this big-ass grill for
one little weenie, do you?"
Midget Nuns...
Two drunken salesmen knock loudly on the door of a convent until one of the rudely awakened nuns answers the door by saying, "May I help you?" The larger of the two salesmen slurs his words asking, "Do you haaave annny mid.., err, midg... midget nuns?" The nun, taken aback, answers, "Why no we don't." The large salesman says again, "Are you sure?" The nun answers again by saying "Yes." The large salesman demands to speak to the mother superior and creates such a ruckus that the mother superior shows up at the door as well. The large salesman asks her, "Do you have or do you know of any other convents hereabouts that have a midget nun?" The mother superior answers, "No we don't have, I don't know any and I am quite sure that there are none in the area as I know all the nuns from each of convents. So please tell us what this is all about." At this point the larger salesman turns to the smaller one and slaps him then yells at him: "You see!, I told you so!, You fucked a penguin you drunk bastard!"
If you have any good jokes E-mail me
Thanks