Jokes 24
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!' Miss Rogers: 'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?' Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.' Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".
A doctor on his rounds in a mental hospital sees a couple of patients behaving rather strangely. The first man is sitting on the edge of his bed clutching an imaginary steering wheel and making loud noises not unlike a Kenworth. "Vrroooom, vrrroooomm... Screeeech....." "What are you doing?" enquires the doctor. "I'm taking this road train down to Barcelona," replies the ex-trucker. Somewhat taken aback but not to be put off, the doctor moves on to the next bed where he can see some very energetic activity going on underneath the covers. On pulling them back he finds a man totally naked face down into the mattress. "And what are you doing?" asks the doctor, a little perplexed. "Well," pants the man, "While he's in Barcelona, I'm fucking his wife."
An American businessman is in Japan. The Japanese businessmen take him out, get him drunk, and send him upstairs with a hooker. As he's fucking her, she starts screaming, "Nashagai ana! Nashagai ana!" He's going, "Yeah, baby, take it all...". He keeps pumping, and she keeps screaming, "Nashagai ana! Nashagai ana!" The next day he's playing golf with one of the Japanese guys. He slices the ball, and it goes way off to the right. The Japanese businessman says, "Nashagai ana." The American says, "What does that mean?" He says, "Wrong hole."
A guy found himself unable to satisfy his wife. He tried hundreds of methods but just wasn't able to do the job. He finally went to his best friend and asked for advice. His friend told him not to worry because he knew a method that was a 100% successful. He says, "Hire a big strong man to stands near your bed and waving a huge towel over both of you while you are having sex. This way your wife will be stimulated and have an orgasm." The guy hired the strong man, but all efforts were in vain. He went back to his friend and told him what happened. So his friend suggested that they switch places. "Why don't you wave the towel while the strong man does the job in bed," says the friend. He agreed and said that he would do anything to satisfy his wife. He hires the same guy again and this time they trade positions. Naturally, the woman has a divine orgasm. The husband leans over to the guy and says, "You see!! That's how you wave the towel."
Good ole' boy Jon just doesn't quite have his axel spinning the right direction, if you know what I mean. He met a sexy blonde in a bar, and when she told him she wanted to feel his muscle, he rolled up his sleeve...
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef. "Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?" Gus replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left." The waiter says, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference." Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks, "Where'd you get those eggs?" She replies, "We have our own chicken farm." The drunk asks, "Do you have a rooster? "No," she says. The drunk replies, "Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens."
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from
a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in
the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She
bundled him in the closet stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of
the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?"
he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,"
the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."
At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too." A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too." Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."
� 2000Email