jokes 22
Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office. "What's wrong?" gasps her best friend Carol. "It's my boyfriend." gushes Judi. "He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!" "My god", shrieks Carol. "Did it amputate his WHOLE finger!?" "No thank goodness" sniffs Judi. "But it was the one just next to it!"
A blonde is standing by the first tee waiting for her golf lesson from the resident professional. A foursome is in process of teeing off. The first golfer addresses the ball and swings, hitting it 230 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. "That was a good shot," said the blonde. "Not bad considering my impediment," said the golfer. "What do you mean?" said the blonde. "I have a glass eye," said the golfer. "I don't believe you, show me," said the blonde. He popped his eye out and showed her. The next golfer addresses the ball and swings, hitting it 240 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. "That was a good shot," said the blonde. "Not bad considering my impediment," said the golfer. "What's wrong with you?" said the blonde. "I have a prosthetic arm," said the golfer. "I don't believe you, show me" said the blonde, so he screwed his arm off and showed her. The next golfer addresses the ball and swings, hitting it 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. "That was a good shot," said the blonde. "Not bad considering my impediment," said the golfer. "What's wrong with you?" said the blonde. "I have a prosthetic leg," said the golfer. "I don't believe you, show me" said the blonde, so he screwed his leg off and showed her. The fourth golfer addresses the ball and swings, hitting it 280 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. "That was a wonderful shot," said the blonde. "Not bad considering my impediment," said the golfer. "What's wrong with you?" said the blonde. "I have an artificial heart," said the golfer. "I don't believe you, show me" said the blonde. "I can't show you out here in the open," said the golfer. "Come around here behind the Pro-Shop." As they had not returned within five minutes, his golfing mates decided to go and see what was holding them up. As they turned the corner behind the Pro-Shop, sure enough, there he was, screwing his heart out.
The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!"
A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way." She replied, "What other way?"
I was at work one day recently, and had a dilemma:
Too much work and not enough time.
I said to Gail, "I could use your advice setting my priorities. I
have a TPS report that needs to get done, but I also have that other
report that really needs to get out the door. Something has to give.
What do you think?"
Gail simply smiled and said, "You don't really need my input. Just
follow your gut and use your time as you think it would be best spent."
So I fucking left.
An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little town where they first met. They sat in a small coffee shop in the town and were telling the waitress about their love for each other and how they met at this same spot. Sitting next to them was the local cop and he smiled as the old couple spoke. After the waitress left the table, the old man said to his wife, "remember the first time we made love, it was up in that field across the road, when I put you against the fence. Why don't we do it again for old times sake? The wife giggled like crazy and said, "sure, why not". So off they went out the door and across to the field. The cop smiled to himself, thinking how romantic this was and decided he better keep an eye on the couple so they didn't run into any harm. The old couple walked to the field and as they approached the fence they began to undress. The old man picked up his wife when they were naked and leaned her against the fence. The cop was watching from the bushes and was surprised at what he saw. The wife was bouncing around and the husband was jumping up and down until about 5 minutes later when they both fell to the ground. They lay there a minute, got up and shook themselves and got dressed. As they walked back towards the road, the cop jumped out and said, "that is the most wonderful love making I ever seen. You must have been a wild couple when you were young". "Not really", said the old man, "when we were young, that fence wasn't electric."
� 2000
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