A Mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers: 1. Open your fly. 2. Take out your equipment. 3. Pull back the skin. 4. Do your business. 5. Let the skin forward. 6. Stow your equipment. 7. Close your fly. She checked on him often to see if he had learned the lesson, and heard 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. She was very happy until one day she checked and heard 3-5, 3-5, 3-5.
So this guy is between the sheets with this woman when he hears the garage door open. " It's my husband," the woman says. " Here start ironing these." tossing him a pile of shirts. The husband walks in and asks why there is this strange man ironing shirts. She tells him that he is the new housekeeper. Her husband seems to accept this. The guy stays and finishes the shirts , leaves and walks down the street to catch the bus. He can't help but brag about what just happened, and tells a man waiting next to him. The man looks at him and says," Pal are you talking about a nice looking brunette who lives in that 2 story brick job on the corner of Main and Park?" " Yes, I am." " Hell son, who do you think washed them damn shirts anyway."
A sex therapist was doing research at the local college, and Pee Wee volunteered for the study. During the first session, Pee Wee told him, "When I get it in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get it all the way in, I can't see a thing." "Hmmm...that's an interesting optical illusion as an reaction to sex," said the researcher. "Would you mind if I had a look at it?" So Pee Wee stuck out his tongue.
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin dad?" His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"
A man, called to an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper." Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie." Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.' The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?" "No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."
The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when
he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with
her boobs almost hanging out.
He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the
service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the
church.
When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice.
"Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"
"Why reverend." the young thing replied. All of my boyfriends tell me
that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my
breasts."
"Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head
between her tits. After several minutes, he raised his head and said. "I
don't hear any angels singing!"
"Of course not reverend." she said. "You're not plugged in yet."
Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
If you don't enjoy masturbation, you only have yourself to blame.
� 2000Email