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Little Johnny asked his mom, "Mmmama, why I tttalk like ttthis?" She replied "I don't know, ask your father." Little Johnny asked his father, "Fffather, why I tttalk like ttthis?" His father said, "I don't know, ask your sister." So Little Johnny asked his sister and she said that she doesn't know. Little Johnny, depressed, is in the yard kicking rocks when the postman walks up. Little Johnny says, "Mmmr. why I tttalk like ttthis?" The man replies, "Bbboy ggget away fffrom me bbbefore I ggget in tttrouble!!!
A family was supposed to stay the night at a hotel, but there was a screw-up with the rooms, so Grandpa had to sleep in the same bed as the 15-year old Grandson. In the middle of the night Grandpa woke up and shouted: "Quick! Get me a woman, Fast!!" The grandson moaned: "Please, Grandpa, calm down. First, its three o'clock in the morning, and you'll never find a woman at this hour. Second, you're 82 years old, and third, that's *MY* dick you're holding...not yours."
The couple had split-up a few months ago, but still remained good friends, which worked out pretty good, since they lived in the same apartment building. The man slipped on the ice and broke his arm. He met his ex- girlfriend in the elevator and she asked if there was anything she could do to help. He said, "Well, if it's not too much trouble, could you help me take a bath?" She readily agreed and soon was washing him when she saw a gradual erection begin to appear. "Now isn't that sweet," she cooed. "Look Henry, it still recognizes me."
Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy , so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at S. Klein's downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the lambs do at night?"
An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to Marriott-Smalley, the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, Marriott-Smalley went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw Marriot-Smalley lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. "What happened, bwana? Where is the lion? asked the chief. "Forget the damn lion!" the hunter howled. "Which of you morons let the bull loose?"
A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips over and lands spread legged on the bathroom floor. She tries to stand up again but realizes that she landed so hard that her vagina has stuck to the floor creating such a vacuum that she can't move. She calls out to her husband for help. He tries with all his strength to lift her up but she won't budge. So he goes next door and gets the neighbor. Both of them are pulling like oxen but she just won't move. She is truly stuck to the floor. Suddenly the neighbor says, "Why don't we just get a hammer and break the tiles around her legs and lift her that way?" "Great idea," says the husband, "But let me rub her boobs a little to arouse her." "Why?" asks a confused neighbor. "She'll need the lubrication so I can slide her over into the kitchen. The tiles are cheaper in there."
A handsome American Army captain, assigned to the American Embassy's military attach� office in London, was shopping in Harrod's during his lunch hour and got the hungries. He went to the cafeteria, loaded a tray, and the only available space was at a table occupied by a gorgeous gal. He asked the gal if he could share the table with her, which is the accepted procedure in jolly old England. She nodded. He sat down and they began a conversation. They were smitten with each other and one thing led to another until he ended up in her flat for a little horizontal recreation. Both enjoyed it immensely. He had to go back to work and didn't see her again until a couple weeks later he met her on the street near his Embassy. "Hello, Pamela, " he said. She gave him a drop dead look. He was crestfallen. "Pamela," he said. "Don't you remember me? Remember lunch in Harrod's? Remember the wonderful time we had at your flat?" She remained unmoved and said haughtily: "Since when did intercourse constitute a formal introduction?"
"Say," said the smooth operator in a confidential tone to the host of the party, "there's a lot of hot babes at this party. If I find one that's ready to grab a quick one, would you mind if I used your extra bedroom?" "What about your wife?" "Oh, I won't be gone that long. She'll never miss me." "No, I'm sure she won't miss you," smirked the host, "but fifteen minutes ago. She borrowed the extra bedroom."
Little Johnny was visiting a friend of his in New York during the winter. He and his friend went outside to play in the snow. After about an hour, his friend's mother called them back inside and had them remove their boots and gloves. Little Johnny's friend's Mom was a tall voluptuous woman, who would warm her son's hands by putting them between her thighs. So as usual, when her son came in from playing in the snow, she asked if his hands were cold, to which he replied "yes." She then put them together and stuck them between her warm thighs. After a few minutes, she asked "are they warm yet?" and the little boy said "yes." Little Johnny watched his friend and waited his turn. His friend's Mom then asked him if his hands were cold, to which he replied, "Yes." So she took his hands, put them together and stuck them between her thighs. After a few minutes she asked if his hands were "warm yet" and he said "yes," so she took them out. Little Johnny continued to stand there with a sly shit eating grin on his face. When the Mom asked, "Well, what is it now, Little Johnny? What's wrong?" Johnny looked up at her and replied, "My ears are cold too!"
A young couple were married and they were having sex all the time during their honeymoon, but when the honeymoon was over they had to adjust their sex schedule to their work schedule. So every day the husband would get home at 5 o'clock, and every day they would go to bed at 5:15. In the door at 5, in the sack at 5:15. This went on for months, never missing a day until the wife came down with the flu and went to the doctor to get a flu shot. The shot killed all the germs inside her except for three, and these three germs were huddled together inside her body talking over their survival plans. One germ said, "I'm going to hide between two toes on her left foot, I don't think the antibiotics will find me there." A second exclaimed, "I am going to hide behind her right ear, I don't think they'll find me there." The last germ said, "I don't know about you guys, but when that 5:15 pulls out tonight, I'm gonna be on it!"
� 2000Email
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