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Pee Wee went into a department story and was greeted by a female salesperson who said, "Good afternoon sir, and what is it you desire, and can I be of any assistance?" Pee Wee replied, "What I desire is to whisk ya outta here, take you to my secret hide-away, mix up a big pitcher of drinks, put on some soft music, kiss you deeply, throw you over my shoulders, carry you to the bedroom, throw you down on the bed, remove your clothes piece by piece, and then make mad passionate love to ya all afternoon into the wee hours of the night until you fall asleep exhausted and happy in my arms." Pee Wee looked at her and smiled at the expression on her face. Then he said, "Naahhhh... What I *really* desire is some boxers and socks."

My family were all together recently, just hanging around at Mom and Dad's. My sister was browsing through an almanac and laughed at a little piece of trivia she had found in the book, which she then read aloud; "Did you know that a woman's breasts increase in size by 25% during sex?" My bother-in-law, a notorious joker, shot back, "So, how come yours don't?" My father, from behind his newspaper and without even a pause, replied, "You're not pumping hard enough."

The attractive young thang was about to go to bed with her blind date when she burst into tears. "I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me," she said between sobs. "I'm really not that kind of girl!" "I believe ya," her date said, as he tried to comfort her. "You're the first one," she gulped. "The first one to make love to you?" he asked. "No!" she replied. "The first one to believe me."

This young couple have been trying to have a baby. After 6 months they complain to the doctor that they'd been trying to have a baby for months. "What position are you in when you ejaculate?" the physician asks Frank, the husband. "What's ejaculation?" asks Frank. "Well, uh, that's when you climax," explained the doctor patiently. At this point he realizes this guy is a bit naive about sex. The young man looked puzzled a few moments then asks, "Do you mean the white stuff? Well, my little Honey says it's icky ... so I shoot it in the sink before we start."

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill up his ass

A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative. But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one. After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby. Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after." "Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uterus."

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy." The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..." "I know how to fuck, mother," the bride-to-be interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna.

Charlie marries a virgin, and it's their wedding night. He's on fire, so he gets naked, jumps into bed and immediately begins groping her. She says, "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table." So he sits up, folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better??" She replies, "Much!" To which he replies: "Okay. Now will you please pass the pussy??

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Gail, we can't hire you as a model," the editor from the men's magazine explained. "It's obvious that your blonde hair isn't natural, since the hair between your legs is black." Gail took the magazine editors hand and slammed it in the desk drawer. "What the hell did you do that for!" he exploded. She smiled sweetly and said, "Look at your fingers. They're turning black, right? And they've only been banged once..."

� 2000Email

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