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| Signs that you're getting older � The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion. � Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. � You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who � walks into the room. � Your back goes out more than you do. � You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials. � You're asleep but others worry that you're dead. � Your best friend is dating someone half his age and isn't breaking any laws. � You start singing along with the elevator music. � An old lady offers you her seat on the bus. � Your car must have 4 doors. � The phone rings and you hope it's not for you. � You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style... twice. � You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. � 8 am is your idea of sleeping in. � Your biggest concern when dancing is falling. � People call you at 9 pm and ask "Did I wake you?" � You no longer answer "Fine" when people ask how you are. � The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. � You don't like to drive after dark. � You read the obituaries daily. � You begin a sentence by saying, "When I was your age..." � You know all the warning signs of a heart attack. � Nobody ever tells you to slow down. � Your eyebrows look like shrubbery and your wife's have disappeared. � You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. � You have to get a permit to light the candles on your birthday cake. � Comfort takes the place of fashion. � Someone sees you naked and screams. � When you talk about "good grass" you're referring to someone's lawn. � Strangers ask you to please put on a bra. � You can't sit still without falling asleep. � Your idea of the perfect nightcap is Metamusil. � Nobody wants to see your cleavage. � You start believing that you really did walk five miles to school barefoot � in the snow. |
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