LAWER

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night