A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he can manage, he takes himself to the doctor.
"How bad is it, doc?" he says. "I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way." The doctor tells him, I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. But it should be okay by next week." Then he takes four tongue depressors, forms a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wires it all together.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl. They get married and go on their honeymoon. On their wedding night she shyly opens her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. She says, "You're the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."
Proudly, the guy drops his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the original CRATE!"