Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no ....

Momentum Investing-The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing-The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E ratio-The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing.

Broker-What my broker has made me.

"B'Buy" - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

Standard & Poor-Your life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets
equally between themselves.

Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.

Cash Flow-The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Yahoo-What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
share.

Windows 2000-What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.

Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.

Alan Greenspan - Thinks he is God.

Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.