Dear Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,
I am one of your biggest fans
You heroes on a half-shell just rock my world.
Spilling through sewers on skateboards galore
You flow smooth like butta�� over greased skillets.
Cowabunga dudes.
I have all your movies
Yes, the third one wasn��t your best, but guys
I��ve got to say, traveling back into time to Japan wasn��t too lame, really.
And when Splinter makes a funny
He splits my sides like Paul Bunyan chops logs.
Oh funny green dome shaped heads
You guys nunchucked your way into my world and
I couldn��t thank Saturday Morning cartoons enough
Because between concerned blue earthoholic Captain Planet
And those ancient Gargoyles, you guys crashed across the screen
Saving the city with a flash in the dark
And the smell of pizza in the air.
Man, I believed because of you,
Believed that good could conquer evil
That although shit happens, I could triumph if I only tried
That being funky wasn��t a bad thing
And that Asians were damn cool
But I have to wonder
What would happen if a dudette plopped into the scene
What if, just saying, there was a fifth amphibian who crawled into green gook
And this turtle was more Joan D��Arc than Raphael, Michalangelo, Donatello, or Leonardo?
What if she sauntered in and instead of making the sewer
a little less rank or a little more pretty, she kicked ass.
Not only that but she had the smarts too, solving rubic cubes in less than three minutes,
she��d get 7 words to every one of yours in Boggle.
Would she get the same number of pizza slices?
Would you welcome her as sister by right
or treat her like pretty porcelain doll teetering on window��s edge?
Would you follow Splinter��s teachings, would Splinter tread backwards on his words?
For isn��t everybody able to focus and concentrate
and slip in and out to sway the world back to good?
Because perhaps April, in all her understanding yet helplessness,
isn��t what the females of the world need
Because perhaps Shredder would have fallen sooner and instead of stomping back stronger and better in Movie #2
Joan would��ve made sure he actually died in that garbage truck.
Because perhaps she had the right to live when four brothers accidentally became heroes
with one rat from Japan to lead the way.
Because perhaps I, in all my dorkness, would��ve donned my superhero clothes
Would��ve stood up for myself and my ideas
instead of trying to conform to male thoughts and ideas
like only brawny, masculine strength could conquer evil
that although shit happens, a man would save the day
that being slutty wasn��t a bad thing
and high heels and mini skirts were damn cool.
Cowabunga Dudes�K