A sex-change? Do me a favour! Let's knock that on the head! Firstly, I am male and want to stay that way. My hormones are Steroid Androgens (male gender-marker), hence the instinctive tendency towards male interests, the need to shave and the lower voice register.
What about a penoplasty? Well the word itself tells you. It is grafted on to an existing penis. On its own it's worthless!
What of a prosthetic. Come on! I would rather go to Ann Summers; it's cheaper!
Penis Transplant? Now you're talking! Alas a transplant of a complete penis has never been done. The first near-successful full transplant was done in China just over a year ago but the patient rejected it by choice afterwards. The only successful female to male one done so far involved a combination of prosthetic internal structure and a genuine full visible penis graft (full penoplasty). There is no record if it worked, so I presume not!
But mine is male nullo to male! Let us look at it in stages.
Of course the penis starts at the prostate so the internal section would have to be prosthetic as I explained above. The medics are very confident they can kick-start my semen production. Prostate transplants have been done and are quite common but as I have a trace prostate they want to try to do something with that. They haven't made it clear. The prostate manufactures up to 35% of the average male's semen. If they can provide me with a working prostate and a functioning penis, there is a chance I should be able to masturbate and ejaculate at least. Not a whole lot of cum but it will be there. Wow!!!
The penectomy will be grafted on externally I understand. As erection is now known to be caused by blood pressure and not neural activity, technically the external penis graft should be capable of erection. However, they need to use my own skin to protect it. If it is cut from other parts of my body it will be dead (neurally) once cut. But, it has been decided that there is sufficient flesh in my redundant crotch to cover up to 5.5 inches without cutting. So there will be sensation. Yay! Only 5.5 inches yes but that's 6 inches more than I have now! The biggest concern is the survival of the spongiosa through the procedure. This is apparently the sunstance in the shaft that absorbs the blood and sustains the erection. Ok, waych this space!
Then what of the vas deferens and seminal vesicles, carrying the sperm to the prostate. Well that surgery has never been achieved either, so no kids for me I am afraid. No seminal vesicles means my major producer of semen is lost but, hey, the prostate!
Ok, what about the testicles. Without a vas deferens, there is little point. You know what breast implants are? Looks like the silicon balls for me!
I have an offer on the table in early 2008 due to a male to female sex change. Should I wait a few years when such an offer is backed up by the surgical techniques to transplant the lot, penis, prostate, vas deferens, testicles? Well, I am now 44, it's now or never; I'll take what I can get!
However, still it is not a straightforward decision, and not just because there is no guarantee it will be successful. You see, there are several reasons I should say "No!"
(a) I am unable to generate Dihydrotestosterone (male reproductive hormone) in line with the genital deformity. neither can I metabolise it artificially. If I were to undergo a penoplasty, it could be purely symbolic and cosmetic; no more than another expensive way to pee lol.
(b) I have lived in the knowledge that I am different, special, unique! How would I cope psychologically with being just another guy in the crowd with a penis? I would no longer be the same person. That is tough!
(c) Imagine waking up with an extra arm growing out of your chest. How comfortable would you feel? So how long would my new kit be uncomfortable? And, not being used to it, how much damage could I do to it? It could be surgical roadkill in a matter of days.
(d) How many of my newly found friends actually like me because I am as I am, my courage, my individuality, my ability to laugh at myself? What if I became LESS popular rather than moreso?
(e) Now get this one! What if my sex life suddenly took off? I would psychologically know that it is the penis that has made the difference. In other words, the success belonged to the penis donor. In reality I would still be the same old dickless failure! What then would have been the point?
But, how do I keep a boyfriend. At the moment I refuse to commit, because I will not saddle anyone I potentially love with half a boyfriend. Because that is what I am. If there is a telling reason I will go under the knife, it is so that I can reciprocate. Then maybe I can feel love from within a relationship without cheating it.
And..... I do often tire of being different. If all my escapades at the naked clubs have changed my life for the better, why is that? Simply because I have become one of the lads? I hope so! For the first time in my life I am nobody! The paradox of that is how beautiful it is!
Well, I'd better fill you in on what's gonna happen.
I'M OFF
Sunday, March 2, 2008 at 1:58am
So, there was only one more move........ Right now I'm in the US for constructive surgery so in a few months this member won't be dis-membered.
2:01am on March 2nd, 2008
Ok, I'm in the US. There's no turning back now. Why? It's not just the sex. I'm sub anyway and I have been tagged the Oral Sexologist. It will be good tho to give.
No, the main reason is sadly that 95% of the human race would burn me at the stake if they could. Before U all say I shouldn't be doing this 4 other people, remember, I have 2 live among these shits who make up all bar a handful wherever I go. Due to my terminal penis envy I am obsessed with naked environments. Maybe now I'll be able to enjoy them without abuse.
Of course I'm betraying myself. But please understand I have been in a stand-off for 10 months. Now's the time 2 stop fighting.
My next two notes will give my layman's guide to genitalising my perineum. They can't touch U 4 it!
at 2:01am on March 2nd, 2008
There has never been a transplant of an entire male reproductive system. Only 1 full penis Xplant went the distance, in China, and the beneficiary rejected it in the end.
So my surgery will be a mix of graft, prosthetic & dud.
First let's understand the host. In early embryosis, my Leydig cells were fucked which meant my gonads never changed 2 testes. Yet anti-mullerian hormones ensured that I could not possibly become female. The resultant 5aDHT deficiency meant my penile tubercln never grew away from the gonadal ridge, voiding the penis. At the same time, with no penis to move it, my urethra stayed along the anal wall, forcing the surgeons to cut it thru 2 my ass in an emergency.
In summary: no dick - no balls - pee via my ass - no 5-alpha dihydrotestosterone - no sexdrive or response - only a trace prostate (dormant) to work with.
Read on......
IN THE EDITING ROOM
Sunday, March 2, 2008 at 2:04am
Well there's little they can do in the ball park. My body adamantly refuses 2 metabolise 5aDht and testacle & vas deference Xplants are w.i.p. So it's miniature breast implants 4 me. No kids I'm afraid. Phew!
at 2:05am on March 2nd, 2008
So they reckon they can stimulate my dormant prostate eh? The proz accounts for 35% of male semen production.
Ok, how 2 jack it up? Well normally it's the penis that starts from the prostate that carries it. But the penis donor needs that bit to convert 2 female organs. Mine then will he a prosthetic corpora cavernosa right the way to my pubis.
at 2:06am on March 2nd, 2008
The penis is donated by the sexchange patient. It has to however be covered in the host's skin. Trouble is grafts from other body areas are dead, insensitive, because they are severed.
Result then! Surgeons have found enough flesh in my crotch to cover withov cutting, meaning my new dick will be sensitive, as long as I'm happy with 5.5 inches. Ecstatic! That's 6 inches more than I ever had. Lose feeling 4 a couple more inches? **** off!
at 2:07am on March 2nd, 2008
Oh! Erection is caused by blood pressure NOT nerves or hormones. So, a full working erect penis that jacks.
That's why I'm in the US right now. :-)
OFF WE GO!
Sunday, March 2, 2008 at 2:18pm
They're going in through my perimium and rectum. Averts damaging the skin envelope I need. I've seen the prosthetic, it looks like a daffodil. Not at all what I thought. Oh shit! Will
WOKE UP!
Saturday, March 8, 2008 at 2:00pm
8:45am Sat 8th March. Woke up yesterday, couldn't move, traction. Pain; ain't enough epidurals in the world when U R cut up from inside! It's only the major part of the internals & I'm still dickless. Didn't know it would B like this. I'm not this tough. Hurts! Better B fuqn worth it! Can't sit up 4 laptop, TG 4 mobile phones. Tired now. L8r!
GOTTA LOVE THEM CENTRAL EUROPEANS!
Sunday, March 9, 2008 at 1:11am
Did you see that? The Bruins overtook the Caps to win on a XPP. Never got to see it live but hey for NHLTV highlights. Facing Zdeno Chara from the point gotta be the only thing more painful than this surgery. Must be the biggest guy in hockey; I wonder what the Slovak looks like with his kit off? (.....he says, cleverly easing naturism into the convo). Bavarian, Marco Sturm bagged the winner; comes from the hometown of BMW, see! Who wants to go to DC now, McCain, Clinton, Obama???
Been a few days since the editing room affair. I'm at 45 degrees, with the laptop anchored & tilted. They brought a smoothie in for me to drink. Good grief, Americans! Wonder it didn't come with fries! Showed me some clips of the op; .......err, not again thanxxx! The entire Saw series was less gruesome. Anyway the daffodil's well planted at the top of the garden, but what with seeding (!!!!!) and digging out the front, there's a long way to go.
Still dickless, LMAO!
Feel a bit lonely. Oh no! Nurse! Quick; barricade the door!
IT'S A LONG JOURNEY
Thursday, March 13, 2008 at 7:32am
Hi Guys
I'm getting through it. There are going to be several visits to the cutting room. I've had two already and I tellya it's three too many! Still dickless! I seem to spend one day in surgery, four in traction, and one sitting up-pish. But over the next two months it will all be knocked into shape.
Hugs & tugs to the lot of ya! Will
AT THE CROSSROADS
Sunday, March 23, 2008 at 12:07pm
Ok so I always thought I was good at edging, but all of a sudden it seems the climax of my surgery is going to be edged for 2-3 months. Now that's some suck and, yes, it does suck!
It seems my donor, in show business, has been locked into a film contract till mid- to late-June. I've been through all this to date and now i can't see the end of the road. Surgeons have told me it will be over July latest.
The recent development was that my prostate was not up to stimulation so I have been committed to another agonising bout of surgery in the next few weeks, this time for a prostate transplant. Well this prozza is gonna be fucking frustrated waiting for a dick to team up with!
I've been cleared to return to society but I don't know. I'd like to see all my friends again but I also just feel like waiting on the final solution. Tell me guys, should I come back for a while or not?
I AM WILL GOLDEN, STILL
Thursday, September 18, 2008 at 4:55pm
Six months on and I'm still dickless. Why? Well, you remember I said my main reason for opting for surgery was to stop the majority of people ruining my life? Why should I pander to these social retards. It's they who should change, not me! Fuck them! I've called it off. At my last pre-op psychological counselling the specialists advised that I wasn't ready for the rest of the surgery. So we are all agreed then! I will go through to the end eventually, but I ain't finished as I am yet!
I'm good-looking, thanks to the permanent prepubescence left by my condition. And.... I have just had the most exciting time of my life, or anyone else's, this summer, WITHOUT A PENIS! People know and recognise me and I can be more effective as I am than as another anmymous penis carriage.
I am me! I have no penis and I'm proud of it. Anyone who disapproves can fuck off at his leisure!
I am Will Golden.