A sex-change? Do me a favour! Let's knock that on the head! Firstly, I am male and want to stay that way. My hormones are Steroid Androgens (male gender-marker), hence the instinctive tendency towards male interests, the need to shave and the lower voice register.
What about a penoplasty? Well the word itself tells you. It is grafted on to an existing penis. On its own it's worthless!
What of a prosthetic. Come on! I would rather go to Ann Summers; it's cheaper!
Penis Transplant? Now you're talking! Alas a transplant of a complete penis has never been done. The first near-successful full transplant was done in China just over a year ago but the patient rejected it by choice afterwards. The only successful female to male one done so far involved a combination of prosthetic internal structure and a genuine full visible penis graft (full penoplasty). There is no record if it worked, so I presume not!
But mine is male nullo to male! Let us look at it in stages.
Of course the penis starts at the prostate so the internal section would have to be prosthetic as I explained above. The medics are very confident they can kick-start my semen production. Prostate transplants have been done and are quite common but as I have a trace prostate they want to try to do something with that. They haven't made it clear. The prostate manufactures up to 35% of the average male's semen. If they can provide me with a working prostate and a functioning penis, there is a chance I should be able to masturbate and ejaculate at least. Not a whole lot of cum but it will be there. Wow!!!
The penectomy will be grafted on externally I understand. As erection is now known to be caused by blood pressure and not neural activity, technically the external penis graft should be capable of erection. However, they need to use my own skin to protect it. If it is cut from other parts of my body it will be dead (neurally) once cut. But, it has been decided that there is sufficient flesh in my redundant crotch to cover up to 5.5 inches without cutting. So there will be sensation. Yay! Only 5.5 inches yes but that's 6 inches more than I have now! The biggest concern is the survival of the spongiosa through the procedure. This is apparently the sunstance in the shaft that absorbs the blood and sustains the erection. Ok, waych this space!
Then what of the vas deferens and seminal vesicles, carrying the sperm to the prostate. Well that surgery has never been achieved either, so no kids for me I am afraid. No seminal vesicles means my major producer of semen is lost but, hey, the prostate!
Ok, what about the testicles. Without a vas deferens, there is little point. You know what breast implants are? Looks like the silicon balls for me!
I have an offer on the table in early 2008 due to a male to female sex change. Should I wait a few years when such an offer is backed up by the surgical techniques to transplant the lot, penis, prostate, vas deferens, testicles? Well, I am now 44, it's now or never; I'll take what I can get!
However, still it is not a straightforward decision, and not just because there is no guarantee it will be successful. You see, there are several reasons I should say "No!"
(a) I am unable to generate Dihydrotestosterone (male reproductive hormone) in line with the genital deformity. neither can I metabolise it artificially. If I were to undergo a penoplasty, it could be purely symbolic and cosmetic; no more than another expensive way to pee lol.
(b) I have lived in the knowledge that I am different, special, unique! How would I cope psychologically with being just another guy in the crowd with a penis? I would no longer be the same person. That is tough!
(c) Imagine waking up with an extra arm growing out of your chest. How comfortable would you feel? So how long would my new kit be uncomfortable? And, not being used to it, how much damage could I do to it? It could be surgical roadkill in a matter of days.
(d) How many of my newly found friends actually like me because I am as I am, my courage, my individuality, my ability to laugh at myself? What if I became LESS popular rather than moreso?
(e) Now get this one! What if my sex life suddenly took off? I would psychologically know that it is the penis that has made the difference. In other words, the success belonged to the penis donor. In reality I would still be the same old dickless failure! What then would have been the point?
But, how do I keep a boyfriend. At the moment I refuse to commit, because I will not saddle anyone I potentially love with half a boyfriend. Because that is what I am. If there is a telling reason I will go under the knife, it is so that I can reciprocate. Then maybe I can feel love from within a relationship without cheating it.
And..... I do often tire of being different. If all my escapades at the naked clubs have changed my life for the better, why is that? Simply because I have become one of the lads? I hope so! For the first time in my life I am nobody! The paradox of that is how beautiful it is!