Top Ten Misconceptions About Garfield
10. He was once banned from the comics for betting on a Peanuts baseball game.
9. He can cure scurvy with the touch of his paw.
8. He's really an Ewok in a cat suit.
7. If you read his strip backwards, it says, "Elvis, your pork rinds are here."
6. He graduated from Harvard Medical School.
5. He and Bill Clinton once came to blows over a cheeseburger.
4. He won a Tony for the musical "Cats."
3. He was Shirley MacLaine in a previous life.
2. He already knows the winners of the next eight Super Bowls.
1. He's stuck to the windows of every single car in America.
Top Ten Things Garfield Would Like For His Birthday
10. Nermal deported
9. His very own goldfish... with tartar sauce and fries
8. A combination back scratcher and spider whacker
7. A diving board for his food dish
6. A giant autographed poster of himself
5. A bird grater
4. A muzzle... for Jon
3. An electric doggy prod
2. A new cat bed with an Italian restaurant attached
1. A party with 10,000 of his closest, gift-bearing friends
Top Ten Most Likely Meanings for the Name Arbuckle
10. wiener-chested
9. rash giver
8. pudding-brained
7. man of socks
6. dances with cows
5. he who giggles in battle
4. uh-oh, here he comes
3. royal bore
2. village dweeb
1. cat-whipped
Top Ten Advantages to Being Odie
10. Never has to read Paradise Lost
9. Plenty of saliva for throwing spitballs
8. Isn't embarrassed if he forgets to give "Jeopardy" answer in the form of a question
7. Relief always as close as the nearest tree
6. Tongue can reach those "hard-to-lick" places
5. Teenage girls think stupidity is cute
4. Can buy and sell Marmaduke
3. Okay to scratch himself in public
2. Lack of brains means big-time bliss
1. All the toilet water he can drink
Top Ten Explantions for Lyman's Disappearance
10. Left strip to pursue dream of Olympic figure-slating gold.
9. Joined CIA, working undercover in Russian comics
8. Had lunch with Jimmy Hoffa, and then...
7. ...took role of Elaine on "Taxi"
6. Hit on Blondie and Cathy; editors complained; Davis fired him
5. Disfigured in drawing accident
4. Moved to San Francisco
3. Opted for career in hotel/motel management
2. Ballooned to 270 pounds; woudn't fit in cartoon panels
1. Don't look in Jon's basement!
Top Ten Nicknames For Jim Davis
10. Jim Dandy
9. Jim of the Jungle
8. GI Jim
7. The Great Catsby
6. The Candy Man (wrong Davis)
5. Jim Boy
4. Jumbo Jimbo
3. Jimius Caesar
2. Bwana
1. Snookums
Top Ten Questions Jim Davis Gets Asked
10. Why did you choose the name "Garfield"?
9. How far in advance do you work on the strip?
8. Are you a jockey or a boxer man?
7. Is your middle name really "Dandy"?
6. Do you own a cat?
5. Have you ever wished you had those really pointy Vulcan ears?
4. Didn't you star on "Dallas"?
3. Did anyone ever tell you that you have beautiful eyes?
2. Can you draw Snoopy?
1. Will you give me money?
Top Ten Strips Jim Davis Tried Before Garfield
10. Andy Amoeba
9. The Domestic Squabblers
8. Randy Rash
7. Crazy Crayfish
6. Sid the Sperm Whale
5. J.M. Keynes, Kid Economist
4. Billy the Bagman
3. Milt, the Incontinent Hamster
2. Gnorm Gnat
1. Garfield the Toaster
Garfield's Top Ten Things To Do On Christmas Eve
10. Heckle Carolers
9. Roast Pizza on an open fire.
8. Enlarge Stocking.
7. Test mistletoe. Often.
6. Get nog-faced.
5. Take a long winters nap.
4. Start Christmas shopping.
3. Fax last minute demands to North Pole.
2. Fake being good one more time.
1. Bait the Santa Trap.
Garfield's Top Ten Nightmares
10. Chosen as spokescat for new hemorrhoid cream, Preparation G.
9. Develops insomnia which can only be cured by vigorous exercise.
8. Shedding turns out to be male pattern baldness.
7. Suddenly becomes lasagna intolerant
6. TV can only get one channel: PBS
5. Abducted and probed by alien dogs from outer space.
4. Stricken by an irresistable craving for tofu.
3. Forced to listen nonstop to song "Who Let the Dogs Out"
2. Vet accidently preforms sex-change operation.
1. Jon sticks suction cups to his paws and sticks him to car window
Garfield's Top Ten Favorite Exercises
10. Punting Odie
9. Leg-of-lamb lifts
8. Dunking doughnuts
7. Taffy pulls
6. Channel surfing
5. Yawning
4. Alarm clock smashing
3. Chewing
2. Spider whacking
1. A brisk nap
Garfield's Top Ten Suggestions For New Olympic Events
10. The dog-aput
9. Synchronized snoring
8. Speed snacking
7. Long jump over pit of rabid wolverines
6. Demolition bobsleds
5. Mice hockey
4. 90-meter ski jump onto unsuspecting grandma
3. Fridge lift
2. Hairball hack
1. Eat till you explode!
Top Ten Jobs That Pooky Has Had in the Past and the Reasons That He Was Fired From Them
10. Politician/Couldn't lie with a straight face.
9. Chef/Complaints from customers of fur in their soup.
8. Pianist/Lack of fingers.
7. Brain surgeon/Unsteady hands
6. Bee-keeper/Honey mysteriously disappeared when Pooky was around.
5. Evil super-villain planning to take over the world/Lacked customary evil grin/laugh.
4. Bus driver/Couldn't reach pedals.
3. Karate instructor/Kept falling over when demonstrating kicks.
2. Disco superstar/Allergic to polyester.
1. Basketball player/Had great difficulty with jump shot.
Top Ten Things That Garfield Likes To Do With Spiders
10. Squish 'em!
9. Squish 'em!
8. Squish 'em!
7. Squish 'em!
6. Squish 'em!
5. Squish 'em!
4. Squish 'em!
3. Squish 'em!
2. Squish 'em!
1. Squish 'em!
Top Ten Things That Garfield Does on Mondays
10. Sleep in.
9. Wear protective clothing (i.e. suit of armor)
8. Pray
7. Look Monday straight in the face... and then run away.
6. Get squished by large, heavy objects.
5. Laugh at all the people that have to go to work.
4. Wish it was Tuesday.
3. Go on campaign to abolish Mondays, and, while he's at it, dogs as well.
2. Look to Pooky for support.
1. Deny that it's Monday
Garfield's Top Ten Excuses for Not Catching a Mouse
10. "I thought it was just a squeaky dustball."
9. "I tore a rotator cuff."
8. "The mouse had a restraining order."
7. "I left my instincts in another life."
6. "Gandhi made me not do it."
5. "I come from a lazy home."
4. "He maced me."
3. "You mean mice aren't an endangered species."
2. "I'm on a no-vermin diet."
1. "Would YOU carry a hairy, disease-carrying pest in YOUR mouth?"
Top Ten Reasons Garfield Hates Camping Out
10. No pizza delivery
9. Allergic to roughing it
8. You never know where Bigfoot might turn up
7. Prefers to tape sunrises and watch them later
6. Only moose he likes is chocolate
5. Jon's off-key campfire songs
4. Lousy receptions on those battery-operated TVs
3. Two words: wild animals
2. He's seen Deliverance
1. Fear of being trapped in a tent when Odie cuts the cheese
Garfield's Top Ten Romantic Nicknames For Himself
10. "Love Chunky"
9. "Sweet Jowls"
8. "The Round Mound of Romance"
7. "Garfield von Studly"
6. "Sizzle Whiskers"
5. "Orange Thunder"
4. "Passion Paws"
3. "Catsanova"
2. "The Thrillmeister"
1. "Available"
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